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Today's Document
taylor price
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@unsentloveee
it drives me crazy how humans are just meant to hold each other. how come when you hold someone's hand, your fingers just perfectly lock with theirs? how is it that when you hug someone, your face fits just right in the crook of their neck? how can your hands cup someone's face like that's their only primary function? it cannot be coincidence that our bodies are fully capable of holding another... we were designed to love
Intimacy is not who you let to touch you. Intimacy is who you text at 3 am about your dreams and fears. Intimacy is giving someone your attention when 10 other people are asking for it. Intimacy is the person always in the back of your mind no matter how distracted you are.
I didn’t have the right words to say to you and I was really nervous and I don’t know why. I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve last seen you and you haven’t changed one bit. Still the same smiling person. I wanted to give you both a big hug and tell you about how happy I was for the both of you. I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life, but the genuine joy and happiness that I feel for you will always be something that I’m proud of. I love happy stories, I love it when things go right. My hands were shaking and everything kinda just flowed back in and I almost broke down and cried. I wanted to tell you that I was so terribly sorry for always making you cry and treating you poorly. I wanted to say so many things to you, but I was too pussy to say anything. I wanted to tell you that I’m not really okay, but I’m learning on how to be okay. I have this very special person in my life and she makes my heart feel so light. I know that you’re in such a good place right now and that’s honestly all I’ve ever wanted for you. Truly. I wanted to tell you thanks for always having my back all of those years and trying to push me to be better. I wanted to tell you that smiling isn’t always easy, and you were right. I sell myself short and I don’t push myself hard enough and all of my potential is dwindling most days— the flames of youth stopped by the shoreline, sometimes the most beautiful and safe thing to say is something light, it was nice seeing you and I love you both so very much. I don’t know him, but I love him. I love that he puts a smile on your face, I love that he keeps you safe, I love that you’re both so cute together. I wanted to tell you so many things, and I think somewhere you knew that I wanted to. And that’s far more than I can ever ask for, to my best friend of so many years, you’ve made me smile, you’ve made me cry, but in the end— I know that the pieces that we placed in front of us will match themselves into something worth remembering. Thank you for always smiling first. I know that we’ll always keep in touch, even if it’s a text during holidays or even if it’s just a wave. I can live with that comfortable thought in my head. I know the world is going to make room for everything, even if the world is falling apart nowadays, everything will be as it should be.
—Nightingale
I didn’t have the right words to say to you and I was really nervous and I don’t know why. I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve last seen you and you haven’t changed one bit. Still the same smiling person. I wanted to give you both a big hug and tell you about how happy I was for the both of you. I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life, but the genuine joy and happiness that I feel for you will always be something that I’m proud of. I love happy stories, I love it when things go right. My hands were shaking and everything kinda just flowed back in and I almost broke down and cried. I wanted to tell you that I was so terribly sorry for always making you cry and treating you poorly. I wanted to say so many things to you, but I was too pussy to say anything. I wanted to tell you that I’m not really okay, but I’m learning on how to be okay. I have this very special person in my life and she makes my heart feel so light. I know that you’re in such a good place right now and that’s honestly all I’ve ever wanted for you. Truly. I wanted to tell you thanks for always having my back all of those years and trying to push me to be better. I wanted to tell you that smiling isn’t always easy, and you were right. I sell myself short and I don’t push myself hard enough and all of my potential is dwindling most days— the flames of youth stopped by the shoreline, sometimes the most beautiful and safe thing to say is something light, it was nice seeing you and I love you both so very much. I don’t know him, but I love him. I love that he puts a smile on your face, I love that he keeps you safe, I love that you’re both so cute together. I wanted to tell you so many things, and I think somewhere you knew that I wanted to. And that’s far more than I can ever ask for, to my best friend of so many years, you’ve made me smile, you’ve made me cry, but in the end— I know that the pieces that we placed in front of us will match themselves into something worth remembering. Thank you for always smiling first. I know that we’ll always keep in touch, even if it’s a text during holidays or even if it’s just a wave. I can live with that comfortable thought in my head. I know the world is going to make room for everything, even if the world is falling apart nowadays, everything will be as it should be.
—Nightingale
Something that has really helped me grow and focus on myself is reminding myself that we are not on linear paths. Not everyone is parallel to you, and not everyone is going in the same direction. I’ve learned in order to grow I have had to first take care of myself at the ground level. I was expecting to be on the same track as everyone else but everyone else has not been through what I have. They haven’t lived my experiences and I haven’t lived through theirs. We are random data, we aren’t correlated. We’re all on our own paths trying to do what’s best for us. It does not make sense to compare. It’s just amazing we are all here.
It goes like this: two pairs of eyes meet across the room, over a counter, through a hundred different lifetimes - and it’s enough to get everything to slow down. Idle chatter, hasty movements, racing hearts. Years of unsaid things, pent-up frustration and anger crash into one another, and yet we can do nothing but stare. We can’t move. We can only look, take it all in, the face that used to be as familiar as your own. The one whose laughter lines you could trace with the tip of your finger like a map you knew by heart. The one who put so much meaning into a single gaze, into a single word, into a single smile. And now it won’t even do that for you. Not speak to you. Not smile at you. Things that used to come easy don’t come at all now. And you wonder what it is that changed. What it was that took the familiarity away and made you feel like a stranger in your own home. Sometimes it’s betrayal, anger and disappointment. Other times it's miscommunication, wrong decisions or bad habits. But most of the time it’s just that - life. Life happens. People grow apart, they grow up, they grow to live their life away from you. They find new friends, a new job, new favourite places. They’re short on time and short on words, and sometimes they don’t even mean to, but they forget about calling. They forget about texting. Sometimes they’re so caught up in their own lives, in their own chaos, that friendship and love and trust are set aside, only to be rediscovered later, finding that they look totally different from what they were before. And that’s okay. It hurts and it makes you wonder what you did wrong when you think you’ve done everything you could. But there is a way to try harder. Only one. Don’t be the one who sets it all aside. Be the one who texts first, who calls first. Who says I miss you first. Who is not afraid to show that you care. And if it still doesn’t change a thing, if it still doesn’t work out - then maybe it wasn’t ever supposed to.
not everything becomes something long-lasting / n.j. (via ninasdrafts)
I went through people like I went through books. Compulsively. Consistently. One after the other. Falling in love. Shedding tears. Obsessing. Hating. Cursing. I was amused. Curious. Excited. Interested. Happy. Heartbroken. In pain. Some people like books were triology, a series, in terms of the phases of my life and our interactions. Some just stand alone books. Some got stained with my coffee. The others got away like the books you lend to friends and never get back. Most are sitting right here, on my bookshelf, most dusty yet precious. I don't read them again, but often think fondly of them. Like 442 pages, some stay in my life for 442 days. But the point is. I go through people the way I go through books. But people aren't books. I can't devour them. I can't annotate them. I can't derive my own meaning out of them. They are living, breathing souls. Deriving their own meaning out of my existence and our interactions. But that's not even the troubling part. The troubling part comes here: like books, I can't finish reading people. I can't be done with them. But I still need the next one, the new one. The one from another genre. The one I chance upon in a foreign country's independent bookstore cafe. I guess I've realized this. I've admitted it. This is my dark side. I go through people like I go through books. I used to think it's people who always leave. And I guess I was right. People do always leave. But I'm the people. I'm the one who leaves. Not literally. Not explicitly. Not painfully. But gradually, silently, in care and love. And that's more horrible, isn't it? Isn't it.
They think break ups destroy you. Like you cut your hair shorter. Or dyed in a brighter color. You start changing the way you look. Maybe shorter dresses or heavier make up. Or no make up or jeans. Or maybe you could always look like you got out of bed. You have scratches on your arms and your thighs your eyes are swollen and your biting your lips again. They think break ups destroy you. But I only ever try to destroy myself. I cut my hair shorter cause you loved my long hair. Maybe I’ll dye it in a color you don’t like. You’d never want me in shorter dresses. but never liked me underdressed either. And my hands you always held My arms you loved so much around you. My thighs you slept on and told me how much starlit skies reminded you so much of how you only fell in love with the summer because of me. The parts of me, I destroyed myself, were the parts you liked. Because maybe if I destroyed them if I erased them I could erase you And forget and keep forgetting Because it isn’t just about the places or the songs or the movies. I could avoid all those things. But I can’t avoid looking at myself in the mirror and only seeing you and how you loved every inch of me. All the inches I’m trying to erase. And now, I look hollow. Like the only thing that lit up my home was you.
I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed
SHIT WHAT
Also let yourself cry. It really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.
I honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we don’t let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesn’t have a release valve. Men, please cry. You’ll feel better. It’s ok. You are not lesser for taking care of your health.
This is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. They’re literally made up of different things.
Happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc.
oh well first day of class wasn`t as fearful as i imagined it to be hahahahahaha most of our profs didn`t come to class kaya i had time to make friends hehehehe pauwi na ako kanina when i saw haron sa tambayan nya, sabay nanaman kaming naglunch to revies idk but im instantly so comfortable with him, siguro i miss my guy friends lang talaga, light pa mga classes ngayon and i had fuuuunn sa bridging time namin, napakachill pero at the same time may natututunan kami huhu sana kasi real class ko na yun hmp annnddd may keypad phone ako na pinahiram ni haron HHAHAAHAHA wala lang nakakatuwa
good evening!
wazzup life`s been a lil busy these past weeks, ive decided not to leave home to study, i also chose practicality over passion but i am starting to love my course!! i am currently on bridging, lima lang kami at ako ang nag-iisang babae and mah bros are blessings in disguise parang napapadali yung pangangapa namin hahahahahahahaha they are also thoughtful lagi ko silang kasama since my friends are also busy wala lang i love how comfortable i am with them na sad lang kasi di ko sila magiging classmates pag regular na :--(
i feel like im independent now hahahahhhaha my friends will be thrilled to know that shannelle kate is finally doing things on her own hahahahha charot ive always been independent, sadyang spoiled lang ako sa kanila, my classes will start on monday na aaahhhhhhh im excited?? HAHAHA WEH
good evening
don’t lower your expectations so people can fit in your life. i don’t care if you’re lonely on that mountain, it’s your mountain. honor that
You think I’ve got it together? Believe me I don’t. Don’t let my decisive and self-assured façade fool you, I haven’t got anything sorted out. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time or where I’m going in life and to be completely honest with you I’m afraid so much time has already passed that the only legacy I will leave in this world is a series of moments not realised and a collection of years not lived.
Ranata Suzuki | To the onlooker (via theprocast)
It is love`s birthday and i hope years from now, I`d look back to this post and tell myself that I did my best. Hey future shan, I hope you are loved and not haunted by thoughts of why you once felt like you won`t ever be enough.
kailangan talaga nating masanay no? na hindi lahat kayang tumbasan yung intensidad ng kaya nating ibigay, it is damn frustrating to feel miserable and miss someone`s presence so much yet sila parang wala lang pakialam sayo theyre doing perfectly fine without you aaaaaaaaaahhh painful thoughts layuan nyo ako
Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.
