UNDEAD

"When theres no more room in hell,then the dead will walk the earth."

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

name: Bart nickname(s): none time/date: 14;28 24/8/15 average hours of sleep: 7/8 birthday: March 5th star sign: Pisces gender: Male sexual orientation: Pansexual height: 5′3 fav color: ??? lucky numbers: 7 word/s that comes to mind: none tbh one place that makes you happy: My room how many blankets you sleep with: One favorite movies: The Maze Runner last book you read: The Kill Order [tmr series] what you last said to a family member: i dont even remember fav fictional characters: ugh so many fav famous people: Again, so many you dont even know fav book: Tmr series fav beverage: ??? fav food: ???????? fav band: none last movie you watched: The Maze Runner dream vacation: no thanks dream wedding: nope dream job: Probably working with animals or something with art??

Tagged by: kinghartlot

[lazarusarchived-deactivated2017]

“the last of us” inspired sentence starters

change pronouns/ect if necessary

“i sell hardcore drugs.”

“we need help.”

“you’re gonna be okay.”

“believe in the fireflies.”

“got enough ration cards to last us a few months.”

“be careful.”

“i am the romantic type.”

“don’t leave me to turn.”

“it’s gettin’ close to curfew.”

“going outside the wall is suicide.”

“you mumble in your sleep.”

“i hate bad dreams.”

“it’s called luck—and it’s gonna run out.”

“are you still breathing?”

“we’re shitty people.”

“our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“don’t touch me.”

“she’s infected.”

“just fucking go.”

“i can’t swim.”

“does it sound like i know how to whistle?”

“i’m a pretty good shot with that thing.”

“let’s get the hell outta here.”

“goddammit—i’m clean!”

“i owe you nothin’.”

“there’s one inside.”

“it’s the normal people that scare me.”

“you of all people should understand that.”

“i can handle myself.”

“once upon a time, i had somebody i had to look after.”

“you don’t need to worry about me.”

“fuckin’ hunters.”

“i’ve been on both sides.”

“so–you kill a lot of innocent people?”

“you sacrifice the few to save the many.”

“i don’t think they saw us.”

“trust me, it ain’t easy.”

“damn it—spores.”

“somethin’ on your mind?”

“you make every shot count.”

“just so we’re clear… it was either him or me.”

“how’d i do?”

“yeah, well, i was tryin’ to kill you.”

“you’re bleeding.”

“we can help each other.”

“i saved you!”

“you wanna hear a joke about pizza? …never mind, it was too cheesy.”

“how is it you’re never scared?”

“what are you scared of?”

“i’m scared of ending up alone.”

“it’s all your fault!”

“thanks for not blowin’ my head off.”

“you survived because of me.”

“you lay your hands on me again, it won’t end well for you.”

“you still remember how to kill, right?”

“hey, hey—are you hurt?”

“i guess we’re both disappointed with each other, then.”

“what do you want from me?”

“i can’t get infected!”

“you are treading on some mighty thin ice here.”

“i’ve lost people, too.”

“you have no idea what loss is.”

“everyone i’ve ever cared for has either died or left me.”

“sounds like runners.”

“can you walk?”

“stay the fuck back!”

“i think we’re safe.”

“you’re a better shot with that thing than i am.”

“don’t sound so disappointed.”

“you handled yourself pretty nice back there.”

“i believe that everything happens for a reason.”

“you’re just a kid.”

“i can protect you.”

“i’ll come back for you.”

“you’re a fucking animal.”

“you have no idea what i’m capable of.”

“i’m gonna teach you how to play guitar.”

“another city, another abandoned quarantine zone.”

“is this everything you were hoping for?”

“we don’t have to do this.”

“i ain’t leavin’ without you.”

“i guess you can’t escape your past.”

“hands in the fucking air!”

“i pretty much lost everything.”

“no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.”

[rpmememaker]

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

originally from frommemetoyou

[rpmememaker]

[text] Are you lost?

[text] NO! That was a typo

[text] Did you buy it?

[text] I think I’m a mermaid

[text] I know it’s 3am, but come over and cook for me. 

[text] Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead

[text] Need to bury a body, it’s urgent.

[text] Are you sure there’s no monsters?

[text] It was an accident.

[text] lol fuk da police

[text] send me a picture and i’ll be home quicker ;)

[text] DO NOT READ THE LAST MESSAGE IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU

[text] Well maybe I broke my tongue!

[text] Please tell me you’re free today! I’ve got some big news today.

[text] Got a spare ticket, do you want to come?

[text] Do you have a spare mankini I can borrow?

[text] Is fancy dress allowed at the wedding?

[text] I was using my old baby blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants

[text] We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead… I just rolled off and tapped out. 

[text] Like alphabetically, I’d say a t?

[text] I’m sorry if throwing up in the back of your dad’s car ruined our friendship :(

[text] there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night singing karaoke and drink out of juice cartons. don’t judge me.

[text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today.

[text] Do you know where I am?

[text] My wedding is in 5 hours and I have no idea where I am. Help!

[text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would get a piggy back ride home. I’ve never been so broken.

[text] Is “head down ass up” an appropriate way to say good morning?

[text] That is definitely not healthy, in fact I’m not sure it’s legal to send that sort of picture?

[text] There isn’t enough cookie dough ice cream at home, so I’ll be heartbroken tomorrow instead.

[text] Not sure if I took a nap or went to another dimension

[text] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! HE IS A TRIPLET, WE DONT NEED TO FIGHT OVER HIM WE CAN HAVE AN ORGY INSTEAD

[text] No no don’t leave me, who’s going to walk me home

[text] She wheeled me home in a trolley and sad she loved me, I think I win.

[text] My dick just got serenaded.

[text] I ate the whole wheel of cheese. Help.

[text] I’ve been hiding under the bed for the past 20 minutes, and now they’re getting into it and it’s a little too late for me to jump out and surprise them. So expect a live sex updates

[text] The fridge is fully stocked. I’m either hallucinating or this is a miracle

[text] I need you to help me clean the house because I have visitors in less than an hour???

[text] Your brother is at the front door- WHAT DO I SAY?!

[text] It’s all fun and games till someone says you’re so pretty they could punch you and they, you know, punch you

[text] I’m in A&E but I don’t really know why

[text] Went to bed with a 10, just about woke up with a 2 and a half

[text] I think I’m officially a homewrecker because his wife just walked in screaming and he said it’s not what it looks like. I mean what else could it look like? I wasn’t trimming his hairs with my mouth?!

[text] My night ended with me crying in a gutter, I hate you.

[text] He’s decorated the toilet with his urine. I never want to see him ever again, tell him he has 2 minutes to get out of our house.

[text] Don’t talk to me! You tried to trade me for a glass of wine and a cigarette!

[text] I promise I’ll get everyone to jelly wrestle with us xox

[text] I am armed with a crown, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Don’t test me.

[text] I think I got married last night?

[text] I think I got married on impulse last night… and after looking a second time, I don’t think i’ve made any mistakes.

[text] My mouth tastes like poor choices

[text] I didn’t let go of the mechanical bull, but they had to pull me off because… it was rough just the way I like it and I think that showed?

[text] If I say it was accidental you’ll just say I’m lying

[text] There is an alarming amount of glitter in my… everywhere

[text] You’re my hero

[text] You’re the worst thing to ever happen to me, thank you

[text] Have you ever had a good idea in your life?

[text] Are we going to end up in the hospital again?

[text] It’s not a good night if I don’t end up crying into your mother’s lap.

[text] Mark my words, your dad will be my sugar daddy, he’ll marry me and you’ll have to call me momma bear and I will interrupt your sex life with condoms and condiments.

[text] I’m may be allergic to nuts, but not his.

[text] She high fived me out of pity

[text] You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask

[text] You just walked in, rated their performance, dragged in three other people to clap for them, then walked back out.

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text] I am a responsible adult. I tied up my hair before I puked

[text] I am a responsible adult, I brought home a lost kitten and let it shit in your room

[text] I accidentally talked myself into a threesome, when did I become so smooth?

[text] It may or may not have been your sister…

[text] It may or may not have been your brother…

[text] If you’re not coming over with food, don’t come over at all

[text] Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My co-worker is talking to me about her birds having sex again…

[text] IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS

[text] Buy me a helicopter, I will give you the last slice of pizza. pls. this is important. okay maybe the crust?

[text] Let’s never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.

[text] I tried to put lipstick on my eyeballs, help.

[text] I told her my cum counts as protein shake and she sent a text to my gran saying I ate her cat.

[text] If you don’t fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we’re alone in your room, I’m returning you to the boyfriend store

[text] I accidentally sexted your mum, I’m sorry xox

[text] There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro

[text] I feel like you’re pretending I didn’t bail you out of jail last night for trying to staple a cushion to the top of their car so you had a “comfy place to sit”

[text] You climbed the fence and then started crying because you were scared of hamsters, I really don’t know what you took, but you need a babysitter.

[text]  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

[angstmemes]

worried starters

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

angstmemes:

trigger warnings apply! ( mental illness, drugs and alcohol use, self-destructive behaviours, and vomiting )

“You haven’t slept for days, have you?” “Are you eating properly? You don’t look it.” “Why do you keep stumbling over your words? Just how tired are you?” “You need to think about yourself every once in a while.” “I know your work is important, but you’re going to end up in hospital if you go on like this!” “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” “You look so… empty. I’m worried for you, please talk to me.” “Are you alright in there? You’re so quiet.” “How did you get these bruises? Please don’t lie to me.” “There’s something bothering you that you’re not telling me and I can see it slowly destroying you. What happened?” “You’re sleep deprived and you haven’t been eating. Why do you think you’re feeling dizzy?” “I can give you some pills to help you sleep. They aren’t healthy, but this is even less healthy.” “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” “Have you drank all of these bottles in one weekend?!” “I know you don’t want this, but it’s for your own good. Sign the papers so they can pick you up tomorrow and you can get clean.” “What the hell are you doing?! Did you do that to yourself?!” “When was the last time you left the house? Or opened the curtains for that matter.” “Here, just keep breathing. It’ll be okay. Better out than in…” “This can’t go on like this! You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you barely talk!” “I’m sorry. I went through your room and found this. Explain what the hell this is doing in your room!” “I thought you’d quit! How long have you been lying to me?” “I’m only trying to help and right now I think I have a much better idea of what you need than you do.” “Did you take anything? Why are you passing out? Hey! Stay with me!”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

I’ll be gone for a week starting today, so no worries, i will reply as soon as i get back!

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

His lips had thinned at that before his head shook and he sat up, pulling his phone from the table and looked behind him only briefly. “Maybe not. But that’s fine, then. Don’t wear them. Don’t tell me where you’re going or anything – do what you want.” And he only pushed the blanket off of himself and went out the door to the living room couch, laying there instead now.

“I’m not your pet, i can go wherever i want to and i don’t have to tell you anything if i don’t want to. Don’t act like i have to tell you everything, like you’re my dad or something.” He follows the vampire with his eyes, getting up after him to follow him. “Not telling me where you’re going, eh?”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

“You don’t seem to care anywhere else that we go. And what kind of ‘way’ are we even talking about? The fact that were somewhat in some thing or that you wear collars because you wanted – or let me, and ended up liking them, and they really have nothing in meaning beyond the fact you’re – mine.”

“I can take the dang thing off whenever i want to, so what’s the problem with me taking it off when I’m off with some friends? They don’t need to know that im your ‘lil kitty’.”

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

zoeyrph:

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

“You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?”

“I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel.”

“Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes.”

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

“Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

“If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you.”

“Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“I don’t know you, but thanks.”

“You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?”

“We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again.”

“Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?”

“It’s none of your business. We just met.”

“Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

“I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich.”

“Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry.”

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

“Did you get that email I sent you last night?”

“No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

“I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!”

“I know what you’ve got in that top drawer.”

“I can’t believe you’re drunk at work.”

“You know, most people watch porn at home.”

“Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband.”

“Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!”

“If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too.”

“You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?”

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

“Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

“We lost the playoffs.”

“The girls team beat the boys!”

“I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office.”

“Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours.”

“I heard they were fucking in the bathroom.”

“She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!”

“She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth.”

“I can’t believe we’re graduating this year.”

“Being a freshman sucks.”

“I slept with a sophomore last weekend.”

“She/he told me they were a junior!”

“Why are those freshmen staring at you?”

“Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?”

“How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?”

“Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

“I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”

“I definitely failed that test.”

“I got an A on my essay!”

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

“Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out.”

“I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number.”

“Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

“I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give.”

“What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains.”

“Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“At this point you might as well ask for my autograph.”

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

“You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

“Shut up. Just shut up!”

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

“You’re lying.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you.”

“I can’t look at you.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“If you say one more word, I swear…”

“Pipe down, you’re making a scene.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Now I know why people think you’re neurotic.”

“You must be crazy.”

“I’m not backing down.”

“You can’t hide the truth forever, you know.”

“What’s your issue?”

“You make me so angry.”

“This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

“And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”

“I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

“I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

“You’re the one that I want.”

“I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

“Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind.”

“I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life.”

“I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

“I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now.”

“Please, don’t leave me.”

“I need you more than you will ever know.”

“I love you more than I could ever express in words.”

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

“I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!”

“I brought vodka and ice cream.”

“You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads.”

“I can’t believe you went without me!”

“I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?”

“I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!”

“I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up.”

QUOTES - NSFW EDITION

“What do you think about this outfit?”

“Bend over.”

“It’s not going to get up by itself, you know.”

“I thought you’d be bigger.”

“Where did we leave those damned handcuffs?”

“I can’t find my vibrator.”

“Just set your phone on vibrate!”

“I want to fuck you until you’re raw and shaking.”

“That’s it… do a little striptease for me.”

“You can watch… but you can’t touch.”

“Be quiet! They’re going to hear us.”

“And get this… the new toy? It glows in the dark.”

“I’ve got two flavours. Cherry or fruit punch?”

“I want to be on top.”

“That is one fine ass.”

“You look like a screamer.”

“Let me tie you up.”

“What’ll our safeword be?”

“I love making you squirm.”

“Not my neck! It’s summer, I can’t wear a turtleneck in the sun.”

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - NSFW EDITION

[TEXT] You can’t have me if you can’t even get the three C’s. Chocolates, champagne, and candles.

[TEXT] I’m in the bath… come join me?

[TEXT] Don’t tease. You know I like it rough.

[TEXT] Bed, counter, or floor?

[TEXT] If you can get here in five minutes I’ll suck you off first.

[TEXT] What do you think about threesomes? And, what about foursomes?

[TEXT] You’ve been naughty, I’m going to punish you.

[TEXT] I can’t believe you just sent me that. I’m at work/school!

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

“I don’t know what you are, really. So whatever is up to you, really.” And maybe he’s a little irritated because he’s been up waiting for some sign that Todd was okay or that he’d at least message him – but there had been none until he showed up climbing through the window in the dark. “Or where you belong, honestly. Didn’t know not wearing your collar out was a thing all of a sudden.”

“Fuck, i don’t even know myself.” The undead murmured, head resting on the pillow. “My friends don’t know about me ‘n you, in that kind of way. If i show up with my collar they’ll start asking stuff.” He’s not sure why the vampire was acting this way, seemed rather annoyed with the undead for some reason.

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

“Oh, none of them want you staying with them? Or you don’t want to sleep in the streets or something, mm? Dunno if you remember what that’s like or whatever since you’ve been here for months now.” His eyes rolled even if the other couldn’t see it. “There’s another blanket in the closet.”

“Ofcourse i don’t want to sleep on the streets if i don’t have to. Who’d rather sleep on the streets if they could just sleep in a bed.” Todd said as he rolled onto his side. “‘s not like im some fucking street rat--”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

“Never said you couldn’t. Also doesn’t mean you should disappear without a word and then come back home sneaking through the window, either.” His blankets had been pulled up to his shoulder now and his eyes shut. “So go play with your dead people, I’m going to sleep.”

Todd rolls his eyes at the vampire, arms crossed over his chest. “I actually got home to sleep, so no thanks, i’d rather stay here.” He murmured before he got besides the other.

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends–”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

kinghartlot:

Nathan’s brows lifted just a little when the others eyes shot to him, and the tone in his voice only made his lips thin out some as if selectively thinking what to say. “Last time you got defensive you didn’t have friends – they were ‘shitty zombies’ or something to you..” However his hands put his phone in the night stand as he rolled, shaking his head a bit. “Whatever you say, Todd.”

“They are shitty zombies, doesn’t mean i don’t want to hang with them.” Todd said, closing the window behind himself. “Can’t i go out with some friends?”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

I’m playing Smash Bros with my brother and we both suck ass its fucking hilarious

[wingshead-a-blog]

PARKS && RECS MEME (P1.)

“Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #unbreakable”

“Can I help you move? I’m really good at it! Afterwards I can take the cardboard boxes and use it for breakdancing.”

“I can’t use my GPS, but I figured it out. I just drove around in circles until I saw something familiar.”

“Anything that can be penis shaped, will be penis shaped!”

“You look like Encyclopedia Brown.”

“As your self-appointed emotional guardian, it is my duty to love and support you.”

“The original title of this was: A Lively Fisting.”

“I really like you, and I was wondering if you wanted to get a cup of coffee sometime.”

“IF you had gone to Hogwarts Academy, which house do you think you’d be in?”

“I really need this party to go well, which is why I’m stress eating gummy penises.”

“Well, four years of work down the drain and I have a penis on my head.”

“I hate doing work, but I love being flattered. So maybe I’ll give it another try.”

“Please put your pants back on.”

“ Love? Love fades away. But things … Things are forever.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“We’re just friends. He’s like the gayest person I’ve ever met, but I make out with him when I’m drunk sometimes.”

“Earlier, I was licking icing off of my finger and boom, I swallowed my wedding ring.”

“One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine.”

“Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy’s motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs.”

“ I AM NOT CRYING, OK? I’M ALLERGIC TO JERKS!”

“That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.”

“ I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.”

“I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.”

“I’d like to say something. You are a wonderful person. Your friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.”

“But think how much better our friendship would be if we added…doin’ it.”

“I just opened a can of whoop ass on myself!”

“Your/My nickname around the office is Softypants Mchuggable.”

“Let’s cut the bull, alright? You want this. I definitely want this. T.H. wants this. Let’s seal this devil’s threeway right here, right now.”

“We should sue their parents for spawning a human turd burger.”

“I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.”

“Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.”

“Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.”

“I typed in your symptoms here and it says you might have… network connectivity problems.”

“One time I was dating this guy for a while, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me never to call him again.”

“ I call noodles long-ass rice. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks…food rakes.”

“I feel great. I ran 5K this morning. No, no I didn’t. I threw up in the shower.”

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.”

“Catching the number 12 bus to Satan’s butthole?”

“Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.”

“One time my refrigerator stopped working and I had no idea what do to! I just moved.”

[unxdeadwalker-blog]

"Where are you?"

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

White eyes shoot from the window to the vampire, not expecting him to be still awake. “I was out with some friends--”

[amongthewreckk]

Send “Where were you?” for my muse’s reaction to being caught sneaking back in the house by your’s.

[funkincronuts]