Conviction
I feel pressure to have God figured out.
That doesn't even take into consideration the gray areas of life and the things the Bible addresses, but just enough to make us draw lines in the sand.
After the Connecticut shootings I simultaneously wanted radical gun control reforms and to buy a gun. What is that about?
I see T.V. personas speaking with conviction on whatever it is they are speaking about and I can honestly say I find myself meandering over to the active green jealousy side of the contentedness spectrum opposite my cool blue norm. The way people talk with conviction about their revolutionary non-stick cookware is alluring. Lebron James sparks all kinds of convictions. Not to mention the smiling, cavernous room filling conviction someone like Joel Osteen has for how good enough I am. There are those who speak with the same level of conviction in similarly cavernous rooms quoting the same verses but instead of seeing their teeth through a perfectly practiced smile, they bare them at you like an animal before prey. Speaking with convicting conviction on every gray area life has to offer seems simultaneously freeing and binding. How come the loudest people seem to see the gray areas as black and white? Do they yell because they have answers, or do they have to have answers because everyone they know is used to them yelling and yelling questions seems desperate.
If there were no mystery in our world and nothing but absolutes how would faith not become a competition? If we knew every detail of right and wrong would we not all the more reduce faith to a competitive check list of who got the most right, top tens lists of spiritual haves, and comparing ourselves to the bottom half of the godly totem pole. Mystery keeps us humble. Because God is beyond and there are issues that splinter our world's best and brightest into different camps we are forced to give God what he wants anyway. We give him our heart and faith.
I don't really want my kids to know all I do for them. Sometimes I just want to be Oz behind a curtain making things work out well for them. They shouldn't have to thank me for feeding and loving them every day. (although every now and then wouldn't be terrible) I want them to love and be loved and I want them to have faith that I will protect and provide for them. Beyond that, I want them to enjoy their youthful ignorance. Maybe God looks at us the same way.













