TW: mentioning of the concept of death.
Death is depressed. Death is sad beneath it all. Death is calm and not composed. Death is happy at times, euphoric even. Death has dark circles around her eyes for crying and dying and Death gets excited for Life things. Death is all in one in all again. Death isn't the stop of a life, it's not the beginning either. It's the midpoint, the obstacle. Death is the most comforting thing I've ever heard of.
This is my concept of death. It isn't perfect, but I cherish her like an old friend. My concept of me. I cherish me like my own soul. Because I'm it all and I'm the nothingness. I'm the midpoint but people run half a mile. I'm Death, and death, it and her. And it is me too.
When I see a coffin, it's me who planted in it. When I see a life, it's me who's going to meet it. When I see a death, it's the result of my existence. It's my existence itself. Do I feel guilty? Should I feel guilty? Because I'm a checkpoint, but everyone's grieving at the end-it-all of me.
Maybe that's why I don't like funerals. Why is everyone crying, dressed in black? Why is it all my fault? Is it all my fault? That they died without wanting to die. Without needing to die. I touched them with my lips because the clock ticked, isn't that what everyone said? But I understand, I also don't like to be kissed.
Death isn't the end of the day and of all the days, the clock can't tick because there is no time to a lifetime. It is merely an alarm, the annoying sound before your day continues, because it goes on after your soul leaves. It isn't good nor bad. It just exists. I'm just here.
I chose coffins and cemetery flowers when I was 10. The smell of them kept me relaxed when nothing else could. I wanted to lay on them, feel them against my bones and forever be with them. When I needed to wake up to Life, I started grieving too. Is that what people feel like when they meet me?
My death flashes in front of my eyes when the clock ticks and it's noon. You're not the only one desiring to not be here. Anywhere but here. I wanted to be in your place, and I know you would trade death for mine. Someone, somewhere, is going to miss you, but your clock goes on ticking. And it says it's time for us to share a kiss.
