Max's RP sht

|| RPC things || || Accepting Submissions || || Accepting requests ||

[urlsaremeaningless]

URLSaremeaningless 

a shitty RPC resource blog ! i just post when i feel like it, but i do take requests & shit for things

[urlsaremeaningless]

Iconic One Liners from Horror Movies

[Adjust as Necessary]

This is not a test, this is your Emergency Broadcast System.

if you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of the winter tied to this fucking couch!

Death isn't the worst thing. There are worse things.

Well sometimes, dead is better. 

Okay, I'm gonna draw a line in the fucking sand here. Do not read the Latin

Save your tears, it's such a waste of good suffering

We have eternity to know your flesh

We just cut up our girlfriend with a chain saw, does that sound FINE?

And I don’t want to hear anything about ‘I don’t believe in vampires’ because I don’t believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw is fucking vampires

Oh man, my mom's going to be so mad at me

You gotta be f*ckin kidding

I have a message for you and you're not gonna like it.

I don’t know what’s in there, but it’s weird and pissed off whatever it is.

I don't have time to bleed.

We all go a little mad sometimes

Well, who died and made you Einstein?

I feel I was denied critical need to know information!

One question: is your head up your ass for the warmth?

They mostly come out at night. Mostly

Do you know how I can tell this is a bad idea? Because it is OBVIOUSLY a bad fucking idea

The next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' mark twain shit cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone!

I think we'd both enjoy this more if you were dead.

Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun

Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?

Do you like scary movies?

Thrill me.

Game over

Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore

Trust is a tough thing to come by these days

We’re not gonna die, we’re gonna get out of here

Who cares what it is, just run

Now get the hell out of my house.

I'm gonna stop talking because you're being an asshole, okay? Not because you told me to shut up.

I'm sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.

I'm an English teacher, not fucking Tomb Raider.

The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists. And for us, as people, our very destiny hinges upon which one we elect to follow.

Sometimes it's better to keep the genie in the bottle.

[urlsaremeaningless]

sleepaway camp (1983)

[adjust as necessary]

Wasn't that nice of me, hmm?

Well, excuse me. Bitch.

Should've brought my rabbit's foot.

Eat sh*t and die, [name]!

Eat sh*t and live, [name].

Yo, [name]. How come you're so fucked up?

The hell with you, then!

Why? You're not scared of a few snakes and turtles, are you?

She's a real carpenter's dream! Flat as a board and needs a screw!

I'm gonna fight you, chickenshits!

I'll kick your friggin asses all over this goddamn camp, you fucks!

I mean, we already have a boy. So another one simply would not do.

 If she were any quieter, she'd be dead!

you're more fucked up than I thought.

This'll keep your tits growing. Maybe you'll quit looking at mine

 I mean, the way I see it, I am just too dumb to drink and I'm too fat to fuck.

I've never chopped wood before. But I've chopped other things.

Thank God there'll be one less idiot in politics.

Have a nice life...what's left of it.

I like movies with really good acting, like Gone with the Wind or Care Bears.

This guy blows dead dogs

[urlsaremeaningless]

Smosh Quotes (part 2)

[adjust as necessary]

You got a prescription for rizz? My body produces that naturally

If you’re not dead who’s in the coffin?

I’m very confident in him messing this up.

I saw him in the corner of my eye and I was like ‘aw shit.’

He wasn’t a top and he wasn’t a bottom. He was annoying

What is hate if not lack of sugar?

Nothings weird to you, you’re weird to everything.

I cannot express how ill-prepared I am for this.

So like I dropped out of Juliard after the first year because I didn’t realize you had to pay for it

You made this look way easier than it was

I haven’t seen a layout this bad since Britain and France divided up the Middle East.

I thought it would be bad to be dead but this is way worse

We haven’t agreed on anything in decades and we all just immediately agreed that what you said was so out of line

You look like a failed pickup artist.

Shoot for the moon and you might hit a spirit airliner

I’ve been doing some major time for things I can’t pronounce

I do apologize, I do believe I fucked that for you.

God forbid a friend ask another friend about his penis.

I’m certified in scuba, acrobats, and cunnilingus

Lesbians are out there. Watch out, men.

Everything I said the other day, about you being enough, still true

Never trust little girls

You can’t read honey, you cannot read for shit. I was gonna do a whole bit, but you literally can’t read. So there’s not much that I can do

Respectfully, let me see that ass.

I love a sub who doesn’t know what they’re doing

Wait I would be so cute tied up to tracks

I helped (name) not necessarily because of having a soft spot for him but because when he does finally snap one day I want him to remember me fondly.

No, I think you go to the virgin conventions cause I go to the comic conventions.

[urlsaremeaningless]

Smosh Quotes (part 1)

[adjust as necessary]

Your body is extremely stiff, as though you no longer own the rights to your own bones

a little gentleness goes a long way

That is how indeed you pleasure a precious stone

911? She's not breathing

Then what the hell does GPS stand for?

if someone ate these beans I think you legally are allowed to kill them

I fear I need caffeine.

I’m not the father. I’ve never had sex in my life.

I guess I’ll be gay now

This might be a controversial take but I think the guy should be hit by a bus.

croissant in hand, I was alone

*neutral tone* Woo gays. Gay it up.

I need to calm down. Everything's fine. I'm an adult.

Beep Beep! Gay. Coming through

Your internalized misogyny is about to be externalized PAIN!

Grab that thing, flip it and reverse it

Be violent. Own it. Submit to chaos.

I’m a pacifist

Ima pass this fist across your face!

I hate how much happiness I gave you when I said that

You know what would make you not afraid of fish? A gun

I’ve never done this well and I haven’t done anything to earn it.

I’m out of breath because I wasn’t breathing.

I wanted you to get laid. I didn’t want to watch it.

You’re coming off distinctly paranoid.

[urlsaremeaningless]

Quotes from my GC

[adjust as necessary]

I…I don't want to answer that. i…I plead the fifth?

old people are just human raisins

I have a question…I forgot my question

I think the knowledge of death would be a burden you couldn’t handle

You can request to steal children

Passive aggressively calls u a gamer (derogatory)

"It's fine, dying isn't that bad

Like religious text wise, it’s not. But i am fine with it

we're just trying to get characters to fuck, stop looking too deep into things

Horny outweighs ethics

what is a casket but tupperware for a body

she doesnt have a thing for murder, she has a thing for time management

What's the opposite of OwO-ifying?

dinos care not for ur turn based combat

We drove through the entirety of Colorado and didn’t see one moose. And frankly, I’m offended

Less daddy, more dead-y

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I’m murdurable. I’m filled with murder potential

i just want to be tolerated

my only ideas are crime

...why do you say these things to me?

Oh shut the fuck up, no you're fucking not

That would be unforgettable, doesn't mean it's GOOD

I don't use 'b' for 'bitch,', I use 'bitch' for 'bitch

OSHA violations are like warcrimes for working people

i expected you to have more knowledge about cannibalism but that's on me

thats just how my voice is. I sound like a liar.

You are the glass half full to my glass is fucking empty

I fucking hate you, you're one of my best friends, but i also fucking hate you

I wish i spoke another language. I don't wanna talk about this in english anymore

you're a sleep deprived four year old with tits.

you just know he has some wild ‘Hear Me Out’s

[urlsaremeaningless]

sentence starters based on real shit my college roommates & I said (X)

[adjust as necessary]

Is Alexander Hamilton a real person?

YOU’RE SO INTELLIGENT HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING SO STUPID?

You are a bundle of misfortune.

I just live here

I was thinking in the shower not in a fun way but in a gross way.

I don’t know what day it is, I’m gay

If I was one inch shorter, I’d be 4 feet 20

I’m just an idiot that trips on my shoelaces. *Dramatically flips hair*

Is Tartar Sauce Jewish?

I don't know. We'll have to ask the tartar sauce.

I’m just making sure you didn’t say the right thing by accident.

What's a Ram?

I fell in love with a Fucking Lesbian

I’m so confused it’s actually impressive

I’m not a cutie pie. I am a stupid pie.

U need to go up to the cookie people. and when they ask you questions….be like….I’m Jewish.

Does that mean you have the brain cell now since you came up with the iguana?

I love myself and I’m hot

It’s against my religion to touch anything Playstation

I didn’t read any of that. I’m a child who can’t read.

[Name] is the edgy middle schooler in the therapists office waiting room of my life

Hey y'all turns out turning 20 doesn’t counteract my insomnia and honestly I’m Offended.

Guys. I’m ready to kill a racist and learn about space.

The bisexual hasn’t heard of it, so like true Gay culture.

ALL DINOSAURS ARE ALIEN DINOSAURS

We are simply becoming elderly

You can't say that at nineteen

You start getting them at 12. It's just an aging thing.

You young whippershnappers just wouldn't understand

I'm the oldest one here

Elton John is GAY!??! Since when?!

Have you SEEN him?

I say I don’t word good… I got a doctor’s note that confirms this.

Put THAT on the tumblr lol

I lost a job cause pregnancy. NOT MINE.

Sometimes you find something neat and you just gotta share it even if no one appreciates it’s neatness like you!

We all laugh at each other because we are all idiots.

I don’t totally know what you mean but yes

please nobody help him

Would you like…table?

I was left on read by a special investigator

I’m safe! I’m a safety major!

THE MOST HOMOEROTIC SONG In ALL OF THE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL FRANCHISE AND YOU WATCH IT WITHOUT ME?!?

I enjoy raw potatoes

You've told me this and I still don't like it

they're crunchy Munch munch munch munch

we can’t be friends with the ones across the hall, one of them is in my Spanish class and KNOWS I’m an idiot

You can still play Toontown *starts downloading it*

Don't you have two essays due tomorrow?

Welcome to Toontown!

THE GUITAR VERSION OF A PIANO

If you say 'Keytar' I'm killing you

It's fine, we have this new guy and I'm pretty sure he eats crayons.

It's okay im illiterate

A LAPTOP IS A BOOK OF ELECTRICITY

KINDLES ARE LITTLE BOOKS OF ELECTRICITY

You can if you’re not a coward

Stop my perfectly good titties

are y’all being freaks?

[receiptsofwhiskey]

USEFUL SITES FOR ROLEPLAYERS

Thought I'd make a list of some useful websites for those of us who enjoy roleplaying and what have you here on Tumblr and whatnot.

roleplay formatter: Made by the awesome @rpclefairy. I honestly can't recommend this one enough. Great for adding color, changing the font size, and the whole shebang with bold + italics + underline + strikethrough. 10/10 always use

fsymbols + emojipedia: These are both great for making your tags fancy and whatnot.

alt codes: This is genuinely great for teaching you how to make the symbols with your keyboard for everyday use so there's that. It's especially useful if you and/or your muses speak a second language so that's a bonus.

text color fader: *marge vc* I just think gradient effects on text is neat. *end marge vc*

list of colors (wikipedia): Has a list of an infinite number of colors and their hex codes. Very useful if I do say so, myself. But that's just me.

screencapped.net: Great for getting all sorts of screenshots for making icons, GFXs, promos, and whatnot.

fancaps.net: Also great for getting all sort of screencaps for making icons, GFXs, promos, and whatnot. My only complaint is that it's a little annoying to navigate so here's the proper links to movies, tv shows, and anime.

photopea: Great if you can't afford Photoshop and/or don't like using GIMP.

hakuneko: It's not so much a website as much as it is a program. You can download manga, comics, webtoons, doujinshi, etc. for making your icons, GFXs, promos, and whatnot. It's also just a great way to read stuff and catch up on everything.

Feel free to reblog and add more. <333

[urlsaremeaningless]

...and they were roommates

my roommates and i had a running "quote wall". These things were actually said by my roommates & me.

[adjust as necessary]

I need two 'c's on that thick.

I'm fucking love apple butter

Was it...supposed to be that color?

You are a bundle of misfortune.

It's Bi culture to fuck waffles.

I want to be able to take off my sweatshirt without being accused of being a stripper

Bitch, take some knee-agrea. contact your doctor today

Six and Four quarters

Kick my ass cuz' I'm a furry.

I was respecting people, [name]. PUT A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH.

What is success? ...Getting weed for free and not having to blow anyone.

I'm going to forget everything I just.....read.

I ate a twix and it tasted like cheese

I just live here.

Was Alexander Hamilton a real person?

I just didn't think about how birds fly.

I love you, [name], but are you fucking stupid?

Oh my GOD, you PENIS

No pepperoni, just want dead

Abnorbal

plants cannot scream

This one? [points to arm pit] is the problem child.

why are blades so sharp?

I wouldn't punch a woman...probably.

my thighs will not be contained by your mortal jeans

you're a sleep deprived four year old with tits.

I sit very gay

There's just a lot of gay siblings in this town....I mean, what's in the water?

i'm constantly upset by penis

isn't she a murder lesbian?

my body IS my ass

why did you smoke weed in one eye?

his hand felt like a dead fish in the hot summer sun

Hey gay, I'm {name].

we're done talking about DEAD BABIES NOW.

Why is it sticky on the floor?!

Uh, my bad....have to go.

Get your gender out of my face.

[Name]...do you need a pair of headphones?

I did get in between your legs though, so that's something.

she's gonna eat you like jesus!

Back to [name] & the FUCKING GEESE.

I was thinking in the shower, not in a fun way, but a gross way.

[urlsaremeaningless]

collection of funny things people I know have said (part 3)

[adjust as necessary]

im like a 6th month old puppy, im fully grown, buuut-

I love screaming

BEACUSE ITS CHEEEESE!

did we send a dog to Mars?

....we sent a dog AT Mars

Oh, the humanoid keeping cage

We are rehydrating the world leaders with Gatorade

They took away the rabbits titties

Would you peepee in your own bed?....why are you not answering?

I was thinking about how stupid koalas are.

you wouldn't watch censored hentai in public would you?

[name] that man is not wearing pants

the plot thiccccquens

Pittsburg is the germany of Pennsylvania

no no this is not the first time we've had this EXACT conversation....hey [name] whats wrong with our friendship

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I have taken up the MANTLE to read these

So you see, the hamburglar made his debut in 1971, and he looked like a preteen, which means he was probably born in the 1960s, which means he's probably around 60 years old.

you hear that, [name]? No one gives a shit if my ass is toasted!

I would say they are beefing, but the beef started with a can of soup, so I suppose they are actually souping

sometimes, i like to rub myself in vasaline and then i like to crawl on the ground, and pretend im a slug

Less daddy, more dead-y.

We drove through the entirety of Colorado and didn’t see one moose. And frankly, I’m offended.

1000% out of context, it makes sense as a joke i swear

I promise i will never send anyone a dick pick

I can't believe I got jumpscared by a penis

Second printing? Bitch I'm worth a first run

He SHOULD be FLUFFY!! >:|

an octopus has 8 tentacles, so logically if it has only 1, I'm calling it a unipus

[name] is wingdings 1 and im wingdings 2

im not gonna cry over a god damn drone in a fucking porn game

im gonna buy like a billion candy apples....so like two

I know they call them monsters but this is just slavery

we're just trying to get characters to fuck, [name]. stop looking too deep into things!

year nog egg round

Like religious text wise?.... it’s not. But i am fine with it.

Ooooo it burns a little bit when you get more than a tongue full

panic at Nabisco, where you just drop a pack of oreos on the dance floor

[urlsaremeaningless]

collection of funny things people I know have said (part 2)

[adjust as necessary]

whats art without a little bit of OSHA violations

Ten-nessee implies the existence of nine-ssee

Mary-land must have been Mary-sea

While we're still here, whoop his ass too

their new companion Space Turtle, Hero from Space that they picked up after a drunken college party

That’s more of an ask than you think

We will let you fuck the monsters but I’m drawing the line at buildings

If you ignore all the ugly parts, it looks kinda nice

there was definitely gay love in there...somewhere

That’s like asking a beaver the size of his wood

I want to be in a hospital in Canada or France! Oui, oui, ow

Sir, do you know how fast your wheels were gyrating?

your honor, my client is in goblin mode

No mine isn’t a fun fact. It’s about animal abuse.

If an eel isnt just a snake fish then idk what is lol

..................where is the CORN STORE?!

thats like calling the tamborine the shakey wakey or the tuba the blowey blowey

I thought that said turn [name] into a mommy for a sec and I got real concerned for what was happening in this chiles tonight. Doesn’t mummy in retrospect sound less alarming now?

what THE FUCK is HALLOWS OF WEENS?!

He’s not giving the boobs their due diligence

I haven't seen any beer cans in a while and i'm getting concerned

It makes my nostrils feel lemony fresh

Wow, these people don’t know how milkshakes work…. Idk how we’re gonna get the boys to the yard

You’re like high fiving god right now

OSHA violations are like warcrimes for working people

I'm sorry, did you just say the dead baby has charisma?

cannibalism confirmed 13/10

Well, I could throw babies into an incinerator. That would be unforgettable, doesn't mean it's GOOD

[Person A] is the main character but okay [Person B] sure

shit!...i just killed someone

Oh shut the fuck up, no you're fucking not

...so like....is pluto a slave?

Corner cobbler corn cob, that’s where corner cobbler is on the corn cob-corn corner corn cobbler

If Charlie can be short for Charles, then Carly can be short for Carles

If shorten Charles to Chuck, then what can you shorten Carles to?

How do we Othello you?

look man, I'm just saying... who the fuck says 'yeah I want a bar of milky way,' like they're not gonna pick literally any other chocolate

The vibe I get is like you're a fancy butler by day but you have a rave later tonight

[urlsaremeaningless]

collection of funny things people I know have said

[adjust as necessary]

Take a chill pill, Shakespeare.

A thigh between your gaps

Let's get...creative?

Stereotypical emos

Bitch, your face is mean

Once upon a time, [name] killed me.

Starved by lack of microwave.

I need new kangaroo.

At least, I didn't break it in your room!

[Name], you precious baby--AH SHIT.

Unfortunately, [name] was feeling horny

I would start ship wars

I tried the force. Shit didn't work.

It's worse than shade. It's truth shade.

I fell in love with a fucking lesbian!

Hi, my name’s [name]. Back on my Bullshit like every day

Yeah, no, don’t worry I know the extension of that lawyer.

Then, I guess, he shoots himself in the head?

The EMT...No, not EMS.

I like Fiji better than smart water.... wait, is it cheaper?

I have a question…I forgot my question

Yes, but only because I think the knowledge of death would be a burden you couldn’t handle

That's why murder is the best solution

Passive aggressively calls u a gamer (derogatory)

it's part of the process before the eyes are eyes and the eyes are just skin

Horny outweighs ethics

[name] has been ratatouille'd into doing crime

what is a casket but tupperware for a body

she doesn't have a thing for murder, she has a thing for time management

What's the opposite of OwO-ifying?

dinos care not for ur turn-based combat

This is indeed a choice we have made.

I’m murdurable. I’m filled with murder potential

Not my circus, not my monkey

absolutely your monkey

my only ideas are crime

...why do you say these things to me?

everyone knows in our group I'm the muscle… the looks…and the brains….really you guys are extras and I'm the main act

I...I don't want to answer that. I...I plead the fifth?

All words are made up

I don't use 'b' for 'bitch,', I use 'bitch' for 'bitch

They let you out of the closet but you cannot rent a car

[Name] you're really killing me here, my life is being shortened by a minute every time you do that

Wow, these people don’t know how milkshakes work…. Idk how we’re gonna get the boys to the yard.

I expected you to have more knowledge about cannibalism but that's on me

that's just how my voice is. I sound like a liar

You are the glass half full to my glass is fucking empty

I like cults but in the ‘I absolutely hate them’ sorta way

I fucking hate you, you're one of my best friends, but I also fucking hate you

You have to give him some credit for not pulling out a ukulele

I wish I spoke another language. I don't wanna talk about this in English anymore, bro, what the fuck.

[urlsaremeaningless]

Fall Little Wendy-Bird Fall By Lydia the Bard

[adjust as necessary]

Now, that you're feeling tall

Better grow some wings real fast

Let's see you try

This mеssed-up little family that I had to make

You need three things to fly.

You don't seem to quite understand what is at stake

Fall, little Wendy-bird, fall

I will protect what is mine

If ending errant embers is what I must do

Little girl, you've no idea what you've got yourself into

A nasty little spark that must be smothered, snuffed out

Fly for a night and think the world's made for you

Well, I won't let you tempt them

I can say for once I'm thinking clearly tonight

No use reminding them of the past

[name], darling, you have picked the wrong girl to fight

Fall, little bird, fall

Some would say I'm quick to rage, and maybe they're right

Setting fires inside my house is just not allowed

Or did it slip your mind?

Babe, you won't feel a thing

I'm gonna clip your wings, cut your strings

But it'd do more harm than good

Let's see you try when I remove mine

Swear it's nothing personal, It's a necessary evil

Well, I've tried too hard to see all of my work come undone

Darling, I'll be coming for you

Soon, they'll start to dream of different lives

If I could let them all go home, please know that I would

I see the way they look at you with tears in their eyes

They are mine to protect

Why don't you fall?

[urlsaremeaningless]

So High School by Taylor Swift

[adjust as necessary]

I feel so high school every time I look at you

I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you

In a blink of a crinklin' eye

I'm sinkin', our fingers entwined

Cheeks pink in the twinkling lights

Tell me 'bout the first time you saw me

I'll drink what you think

I'm high from smokin' your jokes all damn night

The brink of a wrinkle in time

Bittersweet sixteen suddenly

I'm watchin' American Pie with you on a Saturday night

Your friends are around, so be quiet

I'm trying to stifle my sighs

I feel so high school every time I look at you

Are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

It's just a game, but really?

I'm bettin' on all three for us two

Get my car door, isn't that sweet?

Pull me to thе backseat

No one's ever had me, not like you

Truth, dare, spin bottles

You know how to ball, I know Aristotle

Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto

It's true, swear, scouts honor

You knew what you wanted and, boy, you got her

Brand-new, full throttle

You already know, babe

I feel like laughin' in the middle of practice

Do that impression you did of your dad again

I'm hearing voices like a madman

[urlsaremeaningless]

The Alchemy by Taylor Swift

[adjust as necessary]

He just comes runnin' over to me

The hospital was a drag

I circled you on a map

I'm making a comeback to where I belong

Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

Where's the trophy?

They said: "There was no chance trying to be the greatest in the league"

Touch down

Hey, you, what if I told you we'rе cool?

There was no chance trying to be the greatest in the league

These chemicals hit me like white wine

We've been on a winning streak

That child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule

I haven't come around in so long

Worst sleep that I ever had

Shirts off and your friends lift you up over their heads

These blokes warm the benches

This happens once every few lifetimes

'Cause the sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me

Beer stickin' to the floor, cheers chanted

What if I told you I'm back?

He jokes that "It's heroin, but this time with an E"

I'm coming back so strong

Ditch the clowns, get the crown

Baby, I'm the one to beat

Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

[urlsaremeaningless]

I can do it with a Broken Heart by Taylor Swift

[adjust as necessary]

I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it's an art

They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did

I'm sure I can pass this test

I was grinnin' like I'm winnin'

I was hittin' my marks

You know you're good, and I'm good

Lights, camera, bitch, smile

I can read your mind

Try and come for my job

In her glittering prime

All the piеces of me shatterеd as the crowd was chanting, "More"

I can handle my shit

The lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night

crucial evidence I didn't imagine the whole thing

'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

I keep finding his things in drawers

I can hold my breath I've been doin' it since he left

'Cause I'm a real tough kid

Smile even when you wanna die

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart

I'm good 'cause I'm miserable

I can show you lies

He said he'd love me all his life but that life was too short

I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day

Breaking down, I hit the floor

She's having the time of her life

I can hold my breath

I'm miserable and nobody even knows

I'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague

[urlsaremeaningless]

starters from stuff i wrote in my rp threads (part 4)

[adjust as necessary]

Have you never considered the price you pay for the things you do?

How am I supposed to be okay knowing that if I die, I’ll hurt more people than ever before?

If you think you are something that I ought to be fawning over, you are sorely mistaken

I won’t die out there. I can’t afford to.

I was told I have to stop threatening mortal children

everything else you say is just so outlandish, I can’t help but point out the least ridiculous thing

I’m not exactly getting the down-low vibes right now, way more blackmail before sacrificing your soul to the evil triangle vibes

What am I gonna do? Go 'round saying 'Hey this weird kid in the woods told me all their secrets'?

I literally cannot be normal about this, so apologies ahead of time

wearing a Santa outfit makes it real easy to hide an affair.

You have no reason to apologize to me, I’m simply worried about you

I’ve learned the devil is real, it's more of a human descriptor than a title though

Scars are just part of the job, right?

Both of you are just murderers waiting to happen, aren’t you?

Do you think before you speak? Because the longer you go on, the more I am beginning to question your brain’s capacity.

this was not love that he felt. Not the way poets described it anyway.

If I found myself to be his wife, I would never dream of poisoning him. On the contrary, I think I’d drink it before he could take a sip.

this is beyond normal insanity

You mortals always think you’re entitled to something simply because you exist

If you’re gonna lie can you, at least, try to be creative?

My affection is free

I’m used to handling a dysfunctional family.

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

I could lose everything. Not just my blood, but my friends, my family, my life. Knowing how much is on the line, the ability to trust you–do you think I could give that freely?

It’s really difficult to underestimate you

I want to make sure you can crush a man’s skull by the end of the day