you can call me guts or really whatever you'd like! my pronouns are he/him or they/them.
please have your age in your bio, i will block minors and ageless blogs.
i made this blog to post about my silly little ocs and any bullshit aus i stick them in. formerly a DoL blog. you are more than welcome to draw them and i am here excited to draw them with other pcs!! please tag me if you draw them i am very distractible and would hate to miss it.
#my arts - my own art | #other peoples arts - reblogged art | #nsft - on the tin | #an ask tag - on the tin
#shiloh.tennat - my beloved wet rat slut thing | shiloh's intro | shiloh's backstory / prose (mind warnings)
#paloma the visited - my beloved incredibly mentally ill angel | paloma's intro
besides this ^ things will generally be untagged unless otherwise requested, so if there's anything you need, please shoot me a dm or an ask and i will be happy to accommodate!
anyway thanks for being here let's all have fun freaks and loved ones
buhhh..... i probably won't be on this blog much anymore just bc the hyperfixation left me and i'm about to enter a gauntlet of social plans and medical horrors for a surgery and sum shit. if anyone would like my main blog feel free to shoot me a dm and i will pass it along 🥺
so the truth comes out: our roommates at the con got me into an absolutely abhorrent trash book series about a fictional sport and the collection of truly irredeemable characters and questionable choices throughout has consumed all of my brain. i read 3 books in as many days. so that's where guts has been, again
like it's objectively NOT a romance series but i think all of you would appreciate the 3-book-long slowburn between the main character and the obvious love interest. who are terrible to each other.
so the truth comes out: our roommates at the con got me into an absolutely abhorrent trash book series about a fictional sport and the collection of truly irredeemable characters and questionable choices throughout has consumed all of my brain. i read 3 books in as many days. so that's where guts has been, again
REFERENCE SHEET IS FINALLY HERE, BABYYYYY!!!!! Rambling under the cut where I BRIEFLY outline and summarize (read: yap) her lore and stuff like that:
BACKSTORY:
Childhood:
Until the age of 8, Angel lived in with her mother and father in a block of flats, in a city that was several miles away from Rapechestershire. In that block of flats, Angel was raised by a mother who was incredibly devout (Roman Catholicism) and who was insidiously abusive to her, and a slightly less religious father (Protestantism) who was far more overtly abusive to Angel. Young Angel grows up lonely, scared of her father, overly reliant on her mother to maintain a healthy emotional state, and is taught to her mother's faith.
Complications arise when Angel is eight, when her mother (who had gradually been growing sicker) mysteriously dissappears. Angel and her father are left shaken by the disappearance, and the household becomes so stifling and horrifying for Angel that she resolves to run away. It doesn't work. Abner finds out and practically attempts murder on Angel, who manages to escape from her father and runs out of the flat screaming and begging for help. Passerbys, witnesses, and eventually the authorities get involved. Angel's father loses custody of her after closer investigation, but with Angel's mother gone, and with no other relatives willing to take Angel in, the eight-year-old girl ends up being sent to Bailey's orphanage, in a town several miles over.
Up until the age of 18, Angel grows up in the youth ward. When she first came, she was an incredibly difficult child- easily upset, prone to tantrums, insane screaming fits, aggressive towards the other orphans, sometimes even starting fights with over little reasons, like bumping into her by accident, or asking where she came from. Eventually she mellowed out this aggressive streak, but the reputation followed her, and in general the orphans, Bailey's employees and Bailey found that Angel was much easier to deal with when she was simply left alone.
The orphanage was where Angel's name went from her given name, 'Ange' (French for Angel), to 'Angel'. Angel was fed up of the people who constantly mispronounced her name (something she found ridiculous because it was literally ONE SYLLABLE AND THEY SOMEHOW STILL MESSED IT UP) and was reminded of the mother she painfully missed, who always managed to say Angel's name in the most wonderful voice ever. In the end, Angel accepts her English nickname and reasons that her mother is the only one who has the right to actually say it.
In a similar vein, Angel being left alone growing up means that she tended to get into her head a lot, and stay there. By the time she reaches 18, she has finished going through an intense religious crisis on whether God really existed or not, and if she should worship Him- she ends up fully accepting Catholicism again, and vowing to remain steadfast in her faith. Another interesting thing to note is that at this age, Angel also comes to the conclusion that sex is a dirty, wretched thing, a simple case of someone stronger overpowering someone weaker for the selfish sake of their own pleasure. This is her verdict on the matter after being exposed to porn at a young age (11 years old- it practically traumatized her) and turning to faith as means of comforting her.
Angel turns 18:
Of course, when she turns 18, she has to start paying Bailey! Angel's furious that she wasn't told about her debt earlier, but since she wants to get out of the orphanage, she dives into work at the docks, chalets and the cafe to pay off Bailey's debt. She even joins the Temple for the allowance money, AND ALSO BECAUSE SHE MISTAKES IT FOR A CATHOLIC CHURCH. She walked in, saw the confessional box, saw the crosses, saw Mass, and was so relieved to find a 'holy place' so close to her that she didn't give it a second thought. The promise of £4000 every month if she behaved was almost too good to be true!!!
Unfortunately, Angel is exposed to the town and their general attitude towards mostly helpless orphans. Angel's got energy, but at that point in time she barely had the muscle or the experiences to deal with harassers very well. Angel ends up getting molested and assaulted, culminating into her anal virginity loss in the Lake Ruins, by the Ivory Wraith. Angel barely remembers the event very well, but what she does remember is that 1) it hurt very badly, 2) she was terrified out of her mind, and 3) it was the beginning of the end for her.
(this is also where Angel figured out that the Temple had its own religion going on. At that point Angel became disillusioned by the Temple's 'teachings' since she had been harassed by monks and nuns left and right, and Jordan never really did much to HELP. After getting raped by the Ivory Wraith (and checking herself in the hospital to deal with her pain. She ends up punching Dr. Harper), she goes to the Temple and tearfully breaks down to Jordan, crying that she's broken her vow. Jordan double-checks to make sure, and goes "Oh, don't worry, you're still a virgin and pure according to the holy texts" and Angel goes from weeping and blubbing to 😐🧍🏽♀️"huh?" (<- girl who assumed that sodomy was a pretty huge sin in Catholicism))
Amd bbeginning of the end it is! The assaults get more and more traumatizing for Angel, who gradually gets stronger from the work at the docks, and from experience in fighting, but then she's given obstacles that she can't hit her way through (either she was in too much pain, there were too many people, or she had been restrained), and she eventually loses all her virginities (none of them consensual, except for Charlie holding Angel's hand during dance practice) EXCEPT her vaginal one.
The most horrific event for Angel took place on 'The Worst Week of her Life', when she had chosen to take the bus home after being exhausted from school and work (it had been 09:24pm) and she was held down by the people in the bus and gang-raped. The chastity belt survived, but Angel's last remaining shreds of sanity almost didn't. She has no idea how she did it, but somehow, despite the burning pain, despite all the filth on her, despite being dragged down with such intensity that her clothes ripped and her hair was torn, she managed to scramble to the front of the bus, hit the driver, and jumped out, rolling into Danube Street. The rest was a blur, but by the time she was mostly back in her body again, she was in the orphanage bathroom, scrubbing herself, ignoring the clamor of sleepy orphans on the other side of the door, muttering to themselves on whether Angel was okay, if she had gone crazy, if she needed help, etc etc.
She goes to school the next day, but ends up hitting Sydney, going through a particularly bad detention where Leighton hits her (although she could barely feel it), and in general having very little motivation, strength or determination to continue working. Everything had been sapped out of her. If you caught her walking around at this point in her life, you would've seen a blank-eyed, practucally-mute young woman with incredibly messy brown hair, walking around like a dead man.
Angel goes to her room and locks herself in there for five days straight. She walks in there and lies on the floor, completely resolved to die, just to stick it up to God, who was meant to protect her. She stays there and does her absolute hardest not to think.
Five days later, she emerges from the room, practically a new person; for one, her hair has gone from a dark brown to shining blonde, her muddy green-brown eyes are now a startlingly bright shade of blue, but even in her demeanour, there's something very different. She's not smiling, sure, she never was in the habit of absent-mindedly smiling, especially now, with her expression drawn into a perpetual glare, but something about her is more lively, more deliberate, she walks with purpose and doesn't seem to be walking through life as if she were stumbling under the weight of it all. In a fit of despair, stress and hopelessness, Angel had passed out and received what only can be described as a vision from God (at least to her), where she had gone through everything and everyone, where she had lived and died, where she had been sent up to heaven and, just before she reached the pearly gates, she had had her head blown of clean by the finger of God- and when she woke up sweating and terrified, in the darkness of the night, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and finally noticed the halo shining down on her head, and the wings that gently caressed her trembling body. Angel sees the transformation as a sign from God that He has not abandoned her, that she is doing SOMETHING right, at least, and for Angel (who felt like she had nobody and no-one on earth who truly cared for her) that was motivation enough to drag herself out of the room and continue her mission to pay back Bailey's debt AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE TOWN!!!
ANGEL, AS OF NOW:
Her personality hasn't really changed much from when she walked out of her room, a new woman. Or man. Angel's now much more used to going around and presenting herself as a guy- except sometimes she's not even trying! She won't correct people, though, and she's happier to let strangers and acquaintances think she's a guy. Angel's barely gives it two seconds of thought (and I've gone into much more detail on Angel's deal with gender here: https://www.tumblr.com/ladyofalabyrinth/781824147841040384/we-mostly-see-angel-with-other-girls-but-would), but in general she finds it convenient to be mistaken for a guy. Except for swimming class 🧍🏽♀️ she's always late for it since she avoids changing with the other girls (THEY WOULD NOT STOP COMMENTING ON HER FLAT CHEST 🙏🙏🙏AND ANYWAY SHE WOULD'VE BEEN KICKED OUT)
She's well-known for getting into fights literally EVERYDAY. Boy, girl, man, woman, dog, cat, car, machines, she's grappled with them all 😭 her body is easily her strongest weapon, firm and muscular from all the exercises she's done over the course of several months (NEVER taking the bus 😐 so she walks everywhere, gardening, working at Alex's farm whenever she can, working at the docks, running at the park, always carrying around her bag EVERWHERE so she's used to it's incredible weight... Seriously, don't offer to carry it for her. It's ridiculously heavy since she packs in almost everything in there)
BUT it also helps that she's had lots of experience in fighting too. Brains AND brawn, baby!!! It might look like she rushes into fights indiscriminately, but she gives things a lot more thought than she lets on!! (actually in general Angel gives things A LOT OF THOUGHT... she just doesn't come across as particularly thoughtful since she's used to coming up with insanely complex debates in her head and settling them in 2 seconds flat 🧍🏽♀️ when I said she was inside her head a lot as a kid, this is what I mean). She fights dirty, too, uses whatever she can (sand in eye, or taking a dustbin to throw it on someone's head, or throwing a chair to surprise her opponents. HER BAG, TOO, TERRIBLE THROWING WEAPON!! Knocked someone out cold once 😭 she might struggle academically (maths comes naturally for her, Science is alright but she has to work hard for her grades, HISTORY IS DIFFICULT AND ENGLISH.... DON'T GET HER STARTED ON ENGLISH) but when it comes to beating people up she's a TOTAL SCHOLAR!! PCs who are interested in being protected, or learning how to fight better, would probably find hanging around Angel to be useful.
Angel's a pretty serious-looking person, and to be fair SHE IS SERIOUS... Always on the grindddd 🤑🤑🤑 (Angel refuses to do any kind of sex work, so she's always a little broke after paying Bailey the weekly £2000... She saves like crazy, too, rarely ever splurge on things. Very bare-bones room, only has like, 4 or 5 outfits that she takes to the tailor ALL THE TIME) and in general she's always a little stressed, which comes across in her face. Always a little wrinkled from frowning or glaring, even if she's not THAT upset lmaooo she's just used to it!!
She talks in short, simple sentences whenever she can help it. Except for when she's angry. Then she launches into the most scathingly insulting tirades you have ever heard in all your life 🧍🏽♀️girl who struggles in English class somehow manages to become Shakespeare himself when it comes to cussing out someone who's pissed her off 😭 though I will say her day to day vocabulary is also pretty crass. She swears a LOT... Will probably try to tone it down with more innocent PCs or younger children, but if she's with someone who's fine with it (or even matches her intensity when it comes to vulgarity) then her sailor's mouth is going to be REALLY OBVIOUS... Eating lunch with her is crazy bc she goes from calling an entire family "Godless pig-blooded fucking intestinal shitheads" to bowing her head in prayer, in total serenity, to bless the Lord for her lunch 💀
I ccould probably go on for a lot more, but I'll stop here for now.... If you've read this far, THANK YOU VERY MUCHHHH 💞💞💞💞 I HOPE YOU LIKE ANGEL AS MUCH AS I DO!!!
" When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard something like a voice in the center of the four living creatures saying, “A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but do not damage the oil and the wine. "
(Revelation 6:5-6.)
my self indulgence knows no bounds...
smt (v!) style battle screen with older eris & some familiar friends! if youre a fan of endless cycles and struggling, then boy is this the crossover for you lol!! full busts below
@pervertreckoning @uselessdolblog @femboyhunting ^3^ borrowed your kids to fill in eris' party!!
background image f2u from freepik, demon art from SMT, battle screen assets painfully cut out by me lmao. temple law route, cult chaos route amirite??? too bad for those losers, eris would end up siding with neither.
the first mock up is against lower level demons (daemon & legion). the second is against the fiend black rider (the fiends are optional, usually relevant to chaos route, Bosses).
why my fixation on dol x smt?? if ur not familiar with the smt franchise; law vs chaos, God vs lucifer, cycles repeating in endless battles to tip the scales one way or another — demons breaking through the veil into the human world, lots of cult activity, Mara just all of mara; the mara bits a sorta joke (iykyk). also i really like the idea of doltown NOT getting better even if we tries our best. i want the seals to break. havoc in the street! not just fuckin n suckin i want MURDER! MONSTER MURDER!!! DEMON PACTS!! I WANT THE FAIRYS TO SQUAT IN THE PARK. I WANT POWERFUL NNPCS TO HA E POWERFUL DEMON COUNTERPARTS. I WANA MEGIDOLAN BAILEY AT LEAST ONCE—
ouuughhh. i could draw older shiloh..... daydreaming what that would look like. his ideal is to leave town entirely but in that way that small towns can be a black hole vortex to the people who want out, i think he'd come upon enough opportunity to have reason to stay. i can imagine him becoming, like, business partners with darryl and managing the dancers while darryl manages the bar side. in the fantasy 'good' end he has with sydney, i could see him taking ownership of the adult shop for sirris bc syd wouldn't want to...... sigh.......
