Jessi and Nick sat cross-legged on Jessiâs bed, side-eyeing each other as Connie, Jessiâs Hormone Monstress, paced in front of them like an overexcited camp counselor.
âAlright, my little hormonal disasters,â Connie purred, clapping her hands together. âToday, Auntie Connie is introducing you to the world of bondage!â
Nickâs face instantly went beet red. âOhâuhâI donâtâwhatââ
Jessi crossed her arms, smirking. âPlease tell me this doesnât involve Coach Steve in any way.â
âSweetheart, nothing I do ever involves Coach Steve,â Connie assured. âThat man once tried to handcuff himself to a Subway sandwich for safety reasons.â
Nick swallowed hard, still stuck on the whole bondage thing. âAre we sure weâre ready for this?â
âOh, relax, birch bark,â Connie grinned. âWeâre keepinâ it PG-13âwell, maybe PG-15, but itâs all in good fun!â She dramatically gestured toward a sleek, black leather chair that had definitely not been in Jessiâs room five minutes ago. âNow, feast your teenage eyes on my teaching tool!â
Jessi raised an eyebrow. âWhere the hell did that come from?â
âDonât worry about it!â Connie sang, plopping into the chair with a satisfied sigh. âNow, this bad boy has strapsâgood for keeping things in place, if ya know what I meanââ
âWe do!â Nick and Jessi both shouted in unison.
ââbut the fun part is all about trust,â Connie continued, casually buckling herself in. âSee? Secure, but not too tight. Communication is key, blah blah blah.â
Jessi tilted her head, watching as Connie locked herself in completely. âSooo, youâre stuck now?â
Connie frowned slightly, tugging at the restraints. âTechnically, yes, but thatâs kinda theâoh, you little turds are planning something, arenât ya?â
Nick and Jessi exchanged an evil grin.
âOhhh, this is gonna be delicious,â Jessi murmured.
Nick cracked his knuckles. âI believe in teamwork.â
Connieâs eyes widened. âOkay, now hold onââ
Without hesitation, Jessi lunged forward and skittered her fingers along Connieâs exposed sides. The Hormone Monstress immediately let out an undignified snort and kicked wildly, but the straps held her firm.
âOh, you bastards!â Connie shrieked. âI swear to BeyoncĂ©, if you donâtâAHAHAHAâNO!â
Nick, emboldened by her reaction, dove in next, targeting the underside of her fluffy arms. âOh wow, sheâs really ticklish,â he noted with awe.
âNO SHIT, SHERLOCK!â Connie howled, thrashing as much as she could.
Jessi grinned wickedly. âWould you say youâre⊠at our mercy?â
âI WILL KILL YOU BOTH!â
Nick gasped theatrically. âOh my god, Jessi, sheâs trying to talk tough! I donât think sheâs learned her lesson!â
Jessi leaned in, wiggling her fingers ominously. âGuess weâll just have to keep going.â
âIâLL DO YOUR MATH HOMEWORK! IâLLâHAHAHAHâOH MY GOD, NOT THE FEET!â
Nick and Jessi were practically crying with laughter now, doubling down as Connie shrieked, snorted, and kicked uselessly against her restraints.
âYâALL ARE ACTUAL DEMONS!â she wailed between fits of giggles.
Eventually, after what felt like hours (but was probably only a few minutes),Jessi and Nick collapsed onto the floor, clutching their sides as they tried to catch their breath from laughing so hard. Across from them, Connie sat strapped to the leather chair, her wild mane of hair even frizzier than usual, her body still twitching from the relentless tickle attack.
âOhhh⊠you little motherââ Connie panted, her voice hoarse. âYou are so freaking dead.â
Nick wiped away a tear. âYouâre still talking pretty tough for someone who just snorted like a farm animal.â
Jessi smirked, brushing some hair behind her ear. âYeah, Connie, I dunno. You donât seem very scary when youâre all strapped down and helpless.â
Connie narrowed her eyes at them, a dangerous glint flashing behind them. âOhhh, you think this is funny?â she growled. âJust wait till I get outta these straps. I am gonna find the both of you in your sleep, andââ
Nick and Jessi exchanged a look.
Then, in perfect sync, they lunged at her again.
âOH, YOU LITTLE SHIIIIâHAHAHAHAHAAAA NOOOOO!â
Connie immediately exploded into uncontrollable laughter, thrashing uselessly against the chair as Nick and Jessi launched another tickle assault.
Jessi dug into Connieâs ribs, grinning ear to ear. âWhat was that, Connie? Something about getting revenge?â
âIâLLâIâLLâI CANâT BREATHE, YOU DEMONS!â
Nick, emboldened by the sheer power he now held, skittered his fingers up her underarms again. âI feel like sheâs not learning her lesson, Jessi.â
âI WILL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, BIRCH BOYâAHAHAHAAAA!â
âOh wow,â Jessi teased, tickling along Connieâs waist. âSheâs still threatening us, huh? What do you think, Nick?â
Nick nodded sagely. âI think that means she wants more.â
âNOOOOOOOO!â Connie shrieked, throwing her head back in hysterics. âI TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BAAAACK!â
Jessi smirked. âOh? Are you saying⊠you submit?â
âYES! YES! I SUBMIT, YOU LITTLE PSYCHOPATHS!â
Nick and Jessi finally relented, collapsing once more into fits of giggles. Connie sagged in the chair, her breath coming in rapid, wheezing gasps, her face red and her tail twitching in pure, unfiltered betrayal.
âYou two⊠are actual monsters,â she huffed, her voice hoarse. âI hope your future hormone monsters are just as evil as you are.â
Nick grinned. âAwww, thatâs sweet. Sheâs thinking about our future.â
Jessi stretched her arms. âWelp, time to very slowly let her out.â
She strolled over to grab the scissors with absolutely zero urgency, while Connie groaned dramatically.
Just then, a puff of smoke appeared, and Maury materialized, hands on his hips. âARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I missed a bondage tickle attack?! THIS is why I need cameras in more places!â
Nick turned to Jessi. âIs it weird that this was the least traumatizing thing thatâs happened to us today?â
Jessi sighed. âIt really, really is.â
And with that, another wildly inappropriate but weirdly wholesome night came to a chaotic end.