USIPP 2016: Please Read!!
I want to say that this has been the most remarkable, wonderful, happiest summer of my life. But to paint this summer with just warm colors would be a lie. This has also been the most challenging time of my life so far. Last semester I fell apart. I was broken into a pile of tiny pieces. Fragmented on the inside, but no one could tell on the outside. I was doing great. Dean's list both fall and spring semester for my first year at Lehigh, e-board member of 2 student organizations, UN NGO Youth Representative, Tour guide, Gryphon "RA", TRAC Fellow, Global Citizenship Cohort, Volunteering in Antigua, Participating in the United States Indonesia Partnership Program, Going on vacation with my family in Canada. I seemed to have everything, but inside I was just desperately trying not to fall apart. I couldn't do enough. I felt worthless. I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Where was I going to go to grad school? What was I going to study? Where do I want to work? What do I want to do? I am 19 years old. I don't know and I shouldn't have to. I put too much pressure on myself. I took myself too seriously. I lost my youth, my joy, my childhood. So no, this was not the most terrific summer in the books. It was a time of me desperately clinging to my life and trying to reshape who I am. To the friends I made in USIPP, I know that the past is past. Regrets are pointless, but I know that one will stay. I regret that I was not able to be fully present during my amazing experience with USIPP. I learned so much and value my friendships with each of you, I just wish that I could have made them stronger. I regret not singing at the top of my lungs to every song on the bus, or dancing with all of the craziness I could muster. The truth is, I hadn't danced in a while. You probably don't need me to admit that I don't let loose often. The time we spent in Indonesia was hard for me because it forced me to confront the depression I had been feeling for the past few months. Finally seeing this black hole in my life brought me down, and I apologize if I ever had a sad expression on my face... I was just lost in thought. I want you guys to know that you are the ones who brought me back. Abu- you were the first friend I made on the trip. You made me think about life and all of it's wonders. I never left a conversation with you without learning something. I had forgetten how much I loved learning and you reminded me. Teal (like the color)- you made me laugh. You are SO COOL. Like seriously you are the definition of cool and I am so taken aback by your travels and incredibly open mind. You reminded me of my longing to travel and explore. Lodang- you make me smile. You are so sweet, intelligent, funny, and thoughtful. I remember struggling at UI to come up with one word to describe you because too many entered my mind. You reminded me of God's beauty and helped me recognize that even if people aren't perfect, God is. Gya- you are my swing buddy. I'll have you know that I've gone swinging a few times since coming home, and it's all because of you. I owe you my youthful smiles and all of the warmth that they bring to my heart. You reminded me of how to have fun, relax, and be my childlike self. Amalia- you are often called "innocent" by the group. But to me, you are so much more. You are also brave, determined, and sweet. You reminded me that sometimes if we really want something, then we need to try more than once to get it. We never give up on making our dreams come true. You reminded me to believe in myself. Lintang- you are such a gifted writer, even if you only "kind of study journalism on the side". The quotes you have saved on your tablet contain the inexplicable beauty which accompanies good writing. You reminded me that writing can, and often should be, an art. Theresa- you surprised me. You blew me away actually. I hadn't expected you to be so amazing. To be honest, I stereotyped you. I pinned you down as some sort of cliché sorority girl who just wants to travel to shop and get a new profile pic or something. Gosh, I was totally wrong. You are the most incredibly bright, motivated, multidimensional, goofy, loving, strong people I have met. When I think of you, I think of what you said about what would happen to Syifa and her host parents if Trump was ever elected president. You opened my mind and helped me learn so much. I respect and admire you greatly. You reminded me that each of us has a story, and we can't just stop after seeing the cover. Sarah- you also surprised me. You are the underdog who knocked everyone's socks off. When you dance, when you overcame your stay at the hospital, when you make everyone laugh, when you will (soon) begin teaching people ESL and go to Spain. I am so impressed by you. You reminded me that nothing is impossible if I set my mind to it. Syifa- I've said it before, I'll say it again... You are going to change the world. You inspire me so much and I respect you greatly. You are a breathtakingly beautiful person inside and out. Your salsa dancing is the best that I've ever seen and you have the most beautiful faith and worldview. You remind me to be myself, even if that self may seem complicated and diverse. Rachel- you boggle mind. I already had a feeling that you were really cool but I didn't know how much so until this journey. Your story is unbelieveable, and I don't even know the half of it. Finding a nonprofit as a teenager, writing daily letters, and getting through a horrible relationship all by yourself in high school- How?? You are so strong. You remind me of my mom and you also helped me rediscover my love of reading. Nera- you listened to me. You listened to me when I didn't even want to listen to myself. You let me cry the tears that I have been holding back for months. You let me fall without shattering. I released the pain and, although I wasn't able to recover in Indonesia, I have faith that I will soon. You reminded me that I should take pride in being "fun fact girl" and that there is nothing wrong with having to pick yourself back up off of the floor once in a while. It's because of you guys that I have been able to dance again. Like really dance.... Dancing in the car, on my bike, across the kitchen floor. Dancing at the worst times and in the goofiest ways possible. I wish you all could have been there to join me. Thank you. Thank you all so much. I love each and everyone one of you an incredible amount. Terima Kasih..... Please accept my love. Angie













