Sup
Long time no talk Tumblr. Allow me to expose all my feelings for a sec. So, I’ve met a guy and I like him...a lot. Typical, yes, but this one’s a little different, for me at least. This one seems to like me back.
After I got my heart ripped out and destroyed last July I really didn’t see myself making it out of the black pit of despair. Around January, actually new years eve to be exact, I was introduced to a fine young man who got me out of my funk. Unfortunately, after almost 5 months of flirting and whatnot, he didn’t seem to be returning my feelings. So one night after playing some pool I came to realize I was falling into the same trap that I had over a year before, which lead to my worst heartbreak yet. So I cut the cord, figured he had his chance, why should I wait around for someone to fall for me, taking all my affection and giving me nothing in return. I have to thank him though, I honestly didn’t believe my heart would heal and that I would be able to have feelings for another person again, at least for a while. So while things didn’t go anywhere with him, it lead to me meeting Matt. Matt came out of nowhere, when I wasn’t looking for him or expecting him, he fell into my life. From the moment we met it’s been easy, which terrifies me. Unlike every other guy I have ever met I’m not the only one trying. He wants to see me, he wants to talk to me. It’s a very strange situation for me because I’m so used to having to fight for the attention of a guy or forcing things to happen, but with him I don’t have to. He is pretty great. But because he is so great I’m trying to hard not to fuck things up, I’m scared that I’m going to do or say something stupid and scare him off. I’m sabotaging myself to no end. My insecurities are pushing through and I’m trying so hard to keep them at bay. He’s the nice guy that you always want, the guy that’s your friends but more, he’s pretty fantastic and I have a chance to be with him. I don’t think I’ve ever been more afraid. We’ve barely even started and I’m afraid of the end. Talk about being your own worst enemy.
On another note, I’m running the Spartan race Sunday, so wish me luck.
