I'm kinkshaming your diet

Not actually official- Indeed quite the opposite

[djlandrover]

you know what? fuck you *unpops your pussy*

[v8-official]

Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

I don’t have breath, nor is cold a real measurement. But yes

[v8-official]

Do you ever have bad dreams?

I don’t sleep, but one could argue that reality is a bad dream.

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[progresso-official]

well that isn’t normal…

[v8-official]

Exactly what part of our interaction has made it seem as if I’m normal?

[progresso-official]

the fact that im supposed to be the weird one

[v8-official]

I’m a shape-shifting juice blend. It doesn’t get more weird than that.

[progresso-official]

and ive been cursed by soup demons which, i have to say, is usually a pretty strong contender for weirdest thing in a room

[v8-official]

Ya know that’s fair but I honestly would like to know what exactly a soup demon is

[progresso-official]

you and me both buddy

[v8-official]

Ya know what? That’s absolutely fair

[progresso-official]

yeah. it ain’t exactly like they told me. ‘oh, hey, we’re the soup demons! here’s our entire back story and reason for being here!’ they were just like 'hey kid,,,, wanna buy some soup?’

[v8-official]

That seems like poor planning on their part and also,,, you followed them when they asked you if you wanted soup??? Seems legit.

[v8-official]

I ordered you a pizza... with pineapple

Okay but you paid right?? I wouldn’t pay for it but if it’s already there, whatever I guess. I don’t actually have taste buds anyways.

[v8-official]

What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body?

I put it there, my thude. It’s the body I wore yesterday and haven’t washed yet.

[v8-official]

Remember, birdwatching goes both ways

Wouldn’t reverse bird watching be called something other than bird watching??

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[progresso-official]

well that isn’t normal…

[v8-official]

Exactly what part of our interaction has made it seem as if I’m normal?

[progresso-official]

the fact that im supposed to be the weird one

[v8-official]

I’m a shape-shifting juice blend. It doesn’t get more weird than that.

[progresso-official]

and ive been cursed by soup demons which, i have to say, is usually a pretty strong contender for weirdest thing in a room

[v8-official]

Ya know that’s fair but I honestly would like to know what exactly a soup demon is

[progresso-official]

you and me both buddy

[v8-official]

Ya know what? That’s absolutely fair

[v8-official]

(A sinister fog surrounds you and a moment later a extremely tall fluffy winged stranger that is wearing a plague doctor outfit walks out of the fog. They are holding a mint green box with white speckles on it) Greetings

*shapeshifts to match their form, only it’s very clear that my version is made of juice* sup

[mysterious-box-official]

Well I did not expect to see someone so elegant and stunning to be here~ I am merely here to present to you your humble box. This box is meant for only you yourself to indeed open. ….Oh where were my manners I am called Mysterious Box and I want to know would you like your box?

[v8-official]

*sloshes indecisively until settling on a form that looks vaguely like Joy Brooker* mmm yeah I’ll take a box

[mysterious-box-official]

(Their wings droop in comical sadness before handing you your box)

[djlandrover]

*becomes an exact replica of the box, and then opens the box with one tentacle made of juice*

[v8-official]

(OOC: heck me I used the wrong blog. @mysterious-box-official just use this thread. Idc)

[mysterious-box-official]

(The box contains two bags of marbles, one bull’s eye bandanna, one plague doctor mask, a slice of dragon fire pizza, a mud covered toy truck, one gilded demon skull, and a vintage copy of the book of the damned)

[v8-official]

*flips through the book while taking a bite out of the pizza* hmm. Cool stuff. What’s it for?

[mysterious-box-official]

It simply a book that is full of various anomalous phenomena. Nothing else nothing more.

[v8-official]

*flips to a page about midway through the book while eating the rest of the pizza slice* Oh hey! I’m in here! Cool.

*lifts the marbles* Hey these are heavy as heck, what gives?

[mysterious-box-official]

The marble might be full of sin. They could be made out of actual marble stone or maybe lead.

[v8-official]

*pops one into my mouth before spitting it out violently* its cold?? But it burns??

*begins to spontaneously combust* hey what was in that pizza? Asking for a friend

[mysterious-box-official]

It seems that the marble is indifferent to your attempts to eat it.

I have absolutely known it consist of bread, cheese, some sort of red sauce, and topping.

[v8-official]

Hmm. Odd. *the other bag of marbles begins to pop like popcorn* Oh that’s fine. Everything is fine.

[mysterious-box-official]

Indeed everything is fine until someone gets hurt or you lick the box. …. I must add that the marbles are protesting your presents. Be careful because they might try getting a restraining order.

[v8-official]

… so I get the vibe that I shouldn’t lick the box. But. I wanna lick the box now.

*sloshes around a bit before taking the form of Oprah, for no reason other than being Oprah*

[mysterious-box-official]

You have free will but the consequences are grave even for Oprah.

[v8-official]

*sprouts seven 15-foot tounges shaped like swords* what are the consequences

[mysterious-box-official]

You will be catching many pestilences.

[v8-official]

*moves my tounges closer* i am a pestilence. How will it effect me?

[mysterious-box-official]

It could cause you distress or it could not. There is a possibility that you become a greater pestilence than you are now.

[v8-official]

I’m gay so ima lick it.

*licks it*

[mysterious-box-official]

(The box taste like a cold ice cube. When one puts their tongue away one would suddenly get the taste of something putrid and acidic in ones mouth. One will feel the strange sensation of overdosing on caffeine, that worms are swimming around in the organisms body, and baby rats randomly appear in ones… mouth.. face.. part? This effect is not permanent)

[v8-official]

Ooh! I do love the flavour of the plague in the morning!

*pulls out the muddy toy truck*

So what’s up with this thingy?

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[progresso-official]

well that isn’t normal…

[v8-official]

Exactly what part of our interaction has made it seem as if I’m normal?

[progresso-official]

the fact that im supposed to be the weird one

[v8-official]

I’m a shape-shifting juice blend. It doesn’t get more weird than that.

[progresso-official]

and ive been cursed by soup demons which, i have to say, is usually a pretty strong contender for weirdest thing in a room

[v8-official]

Ya know that’s fair but I honestly would like to know what exactly a soup demon is

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[progresso-official]

well that isn’t normal…

[v8-official]

Exactly what part of our interaction has made it seem as if I’m normal?

[progresso-official]

the fact that im supposed to be the weird one

[v8-official]

I’m a shape-shifting juice blend. It doesn’t get more weird than that.

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[progresso-official]

well that isn’t normal…

[v8-official]

Exactly what part of our interaction has made it seem as if I’m normal?

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

nah, it’s just like an expression.

[v8-official]

*shapeshifts into a train*

Choo choo now I’m an express

[v8-official]

(A sinister fog surrounds you and a moment later a extremely tall fluffy winged stranger that is wearing a plague doctor outfit walks out of the fog. They are holding a mint green box with white speckles on it) Greetings

*shapeshifts to match their form, only it’s very clear that my version is made of juice* sup

[mysterious-box-official]

Well I did not expect to see someone so elegant and stunning to be here~ I am merely here to present to you your humble box. This box is meant for only you yourself to indeed open. ….Oh where were my manners I am called Mysterious Box and I want to know would you like your box?

[v8-official]

*sloshes indecisively until settling on a form that looks vaguely like Joy Brooker* mmm yeah I’ll take a box

[mysterious-box-official]

(Their wings droop in comical sadness before handing you your box)

[djlandrover]

*becomes an exact replica of the box, and then opens the box with one tentacle made of juice*

[v8-official]

(OOC: heck me I used the wrong blog. @mysterious-box-official just use this thread. Idc)

[mysterious-box-official]

(The box contains two bags of marbles, one bull’s eye bandanna, one plague doctor mask, a slice of dragon fire pizza, a mud covered toy truck, one gilded demon skull, and a vintage copy of the book of the damned)

[v8-official]

*flips through the book while taking a bite out of the pizza* hmm. Cool stuff. What’s it for?

[mysterious-box-official]

It simply a book that is full of various anomalous phenomena. Nothing else nothing more.

[v8-official]

*flips to a page about midway through the book while eating the rest of the pizza slice* Oh hey! I’m in here! Cool.

*lifts the marbles* Hey these are heavy as heck, what gives?

[mysterious-box-official]

The marble might be full of sin. They could be made out of actual marble stone or maybe lead.

[v8-official]

*pops one into my mouth before spitting it out violently* its cold?? But it burns??

*begins to spontaneously combust* hey what was in that pizza? Asking for a friend

[mysterious-box-official]

It seems that the marble is indifferent to your attempts to eat it.

I have absolutely known it consist of bread, cheese, some sort of red sauce, and topping.

[v8-official]

Hmm. Odd. *the other bag of marbles begins to pop like popcorn* Oh that’s fine. Everything is fine.

[mysterious-box-official]

Indeed everything is fine until someone gets hurt or you lick the box. …. I must add that the marbles are protesting your presents. Be careful because they might try getting a restraining order.

[v8-official]

… so I get the vibe that I shouldn’t lick the box. But. I wanna lick the box now.

*sloshes around a bit before taking the form of Oprah, for no reason other than being Oprah*

[mysterious-box-official]

You have free will but the consequences are grave even for Oprah.

[v8-official]

*sprouts seven 15-foot tounges shaped like swords* what are the consequences

[mysterious-box-official]

You will be catching many pestilences.

[v8-official]

*moves my tounges closer* i am a pestilence. How will it effect me?

[mysterious-box-official]

It could cause you distress or it could not. There is a possibility that you become a greater pestilence than you are now.

[v8-official]

I’m gay so ima lick it.

*licks it*

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

that’s one way to live your life

[v8-official]

I love how you imply I’m alive

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.

[progresso-official]

well you’re not too good at following directions then.

[v8-official]

I’m pretty well known for being an apathetic anarchist so. Yeah.

[progresso-official]

no. they’re just. soup

[v8-official]

((I think the post broke?? Is it broken for you??))

I mean I’m basically a sentient soup. Depends on where you draw the line between soup and juice blend.

[progresso-official]

((no i clipped it bc it was super long))

Okay… But. These are cans. Of progresso.

[v8-official]

((Oh,,, I didn’t know that was a thing you could do? I don’t use tumblr a lot))

*shrug* in that case you did a pretty shoddy job. It’s really not that hard to make sentient soup cans.

[progresso-official]

i wasn’t trying to make them.

[v8-official]

So,,,, you accidentally made soup cans?

[progresso-official]

involuntarily.

[v8-official]

I mean that’s fair. But if I may ask, how?

[progresso-official]

demons. i think…

[v8-official]

Oh,,, well I apologize on the behalf of the demons.

[progresso-official]

well… they got me out of jail so I can’t be too mad… but they also ruined my life.

[v8-official]

Okay so A) why were you in jail B) why did demons break you out and C) how did it result in soup cans?

[progresso-official]

a) i killed somebody b) i don’t know c) this is the price i had to pay for my freedom. cans. so. so many cans.

[v8-official]

Welp

A) who did you kill? You don’t seem like the murdering type. B) thats always concerning C) that’s even more concerning

[progresso-official]

a) a bad guy, don’t worry about it, and i got nothing for b or c

[v8-official]

Honestly? Im kinda worried about it.