I wake up every morning at 530am just so for an half an hour of my entire day I can try and have some me time But its always quickly snatched away. My name is mom I need, mom I want, mom I can't, mom can I. After my little people are dropped off I get about 5-10 min to drown myself in loud upbeat music to get myself in the mood to deal with people who want me to fix their life. Soon as I park my car and listen to the end of my last song I got into Ms. Murphy mood. I prepare my brain to deal with unmotivated individuals and all of their problems. By the end of the day I'm drained and I'm running on fumes. But my day doesn't end there. I have to now go back home and deal with little people that I'm raving to be adults that can function as world unlike those that I see on a daily basis. I become mommy again... Mommy I need. mommy she hit me! mommy I'm hungry! Mommy I want! Mommy why? mommy when? Once my little people fall to sleep I have to make sure my house is clean secure and safe. For a moment before falling asleep I have a chance to just be javada. But I'm reminded multiple times throughout the night that is not about me and it won't be for very long time or even have her again because I'm awaken multiple times throughout the night by my little people who need or want me. Single motherhood by itself is the equivalent of 2.5 full time jobs. Sometime throughout the week I still time from being a mother to try and have a life. Because I crave to be loved and wanted by another. I crave to feel good and be happy. But I'm face with the fact that that's even a challenge. I'm a people pleaser ...I'm a fixer ...I'm a lover... I cater...I'm a doer of all. And just for a small daily moment I desire peace and happiness. I desired to smile and laugh without worry, concern, fear...etc. I desire to just be to JaVada.