Little Piece of me @vadergirl1 - Tumblr Blog

Y'all I can't believe what has been happening on this journey!

I've had a tik tok go viral! I've created a discord! I've gained 53 new followers on tik tok and 25 on twitch!

My heart and confidence is soaring and my hope is rising.

I am eager and willing now more than ever.

I havent felt this way in so long and its almost addicting. I almost feel alive like the depression I've felt in the last 10 years is just a pimple.

I am wary though, as always, that the thoughts of failure will consume me.

However I'm keeping my chin up and pushing those things away and I'm proud of myself.

I am proud, I am worthy and I am ready....

Are you??

So I was Raided this past stream. By an awesome streamer! 20 people came with him . It was an absolutely validating thing! He saw my worth!

And frankly I've been struggling as a small streamer with my worth and knowing if it was worth it. As a console streamer it's even more difficult cause I have access to a quarter of the stuff a pc streamer has. So this was extremely important to me. I nearly cried.. but it took me 3 minutes too see that he raided.. and within that three minutes I lost half of them..

No new follows. No hype. Nothing. And it hurt more than anything. While your not obligated to follow me when raiding in.. it still hurt and left me wondering if he did it out of obligation to his community, which I'm part of, actively. Thus putting me into a spiral of self-worth.

I love this journey but it's causing more hurt than I ever expected.

So I think I have a problem.

I often find myself wondering if I said the wrong thing. Especially while I'm streaming..

Last night I was fairly tipsy and streaming fortnite, cause yea adult choices, and I was dicking around and was up against a female character and kept saying she without knowing the Gamertag. So I kept correcting myself. She/he, they/them cause it matters to people.

After while I got a bit more intoxicated and irritated with the corrections and said " man it was easier when there wasn't so many pronouns to worry about. It's too many and it's alot to have to think about when I'm just trying to have fun" Immediately after I noticed several people stopped commenting and participating in chat..

I understand that they matter and why, but truly... why does being irritated and tired of confusion get so many people offended.

I want to include people and have them feel welcome regardless of all the things that make us different.

Its such a drag and it makes me feel awful when people leave cause I'm wrapped up In a moment.

Its Stream Time yall! Come join me!? https://www.twitch.tv/Vadergirl1?sr=a

I'm looking to promote my Twitch Journey further.

I don't just want to spam photos and videos.

Would y'all wanna hear thoughts on my journey. How I'm setting up what I'm researching, especially since I'm a console streamer with no pc or laptop!?

Would you want to hear stories from my avatars perspective like I posted so long ago?

Would anyone be interested in listening to my inner demons and fear!?

I want to be more and do more but im so concerned on what not to do.

Hey. Its been a long time. I have been on a journey to figure who I am. I've learned how to navigate my trauma, I've learned how to be a better mother and I've learned where my passions lie.

I looked through my page and it's so nice to see that even when I was most unsure I was still who I am.

I'm back Tumblr.

Its good to see you.

Heyo, looking for some help getting some extra food in the house.Mainly dinner tonight, we are tight.… Kailla Robbins needs your support for

myed89

Day 15: Led Zeppelin

Can't really think about any other songs to help their baby to sleep <3

we-love-gaming

The job struggle

retrogamingblog

Pokemon Pens released by Sarasa

dietcoke-and-razorblades

some days im like “i havent eaten in 19 hours and im feelin fine”

and then some days im like “im on my ninth muffin and only the power of god can stop me”

Wtf Moment of A Stay At Home Gamer Mom

1.... My 1year old just bit my boob for playing on my phone.

einnas-art

Lily Evans and Sirius Black had friendship brackets. Pass it on.

tkkatherineblog

kaleighbytheway

The very excited blonde lady owns the resort where this is taken. She’s super excited because this is the closest they’ve ever come in before. Everyone else is less excited because this was taken crack of dawn; when blonde lady realized how close the whales were coming, she ran around waking everybody up to see it.

blairvoyant

this is magical reblog for good karma

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Pure joy

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That would be me

Its been awhile.

What can I say. Life is a bitch.

Its handed me New Life, Love, Death, Sorrow, Depression, Joy, Pain. But most of all its brought Adventure.

I have birthed a beautiful daughter who is growing like a weed. Married a man who most would see unworthy but underneath he is my Black Knight. Made friends and forsaken a bad egg or two. Battled demons formed inside my own mind. Broken myself down to the cracked foundation and I am slowly rebuilding/ reevaluating/figuring out who I am or who I am supposed to be.

I wanted to join the military, become a policewoman. I was, instead, given Crippling Depression, Panic disorder, and was told I was an IED ( Intermittent Explosive Disorder) a walking, talking emotional bomb. I am that person who looks perfectly normal parked in the handicap spot because there were just to many people and I couldn't think or breathe so I ran and Hid.

My husband doesn't always understand but he tries. Especially when I am so pissed I could punch a wall just because I burnt my toast.

We barely make it by we have friends who help. One in particular is a divorced father who barely sees his daughter because he's to busy working to pay child support and the mother never bothers to think of him, lets us use 300$ of off his 600$ food stamp budget because my husband make 100$ too much. Otherwise we'd starve. Our 1 yr old daughter doesn't qualify for WIC because we make 100$ more than the average 3 member household.

Yet we still have funds to wage war. Children's manners are disappearing. I babysat an 11yr old today took him to Wal-Mart and had to lecture him about personal space and shopping carts. Yet we still have funds to send Aid across the world.

I could rant about all the wrongs in this life but I would be wrong if i failed to mention the beauty of humanity. A stranger had the heart to inform me my beloved pet was killed and offered to help with arrangements for him. Our property manager got us moved into a new place a week early even when we couldn't pay our deposit till the 1st of the month.

Its been awhile but Its been crazy.

What can I say Its Life