A 30ish self-explored Belgian gay man's vagaries

or a storm of random thoughts

[vagariesofhis]

Dating

Do you know what I miss about dating? The follow-up phonecall with the guy in which you're getting to know more about each other, remembering the first date, fixing up the next one, finding things in common. The social networks have spoiled that for me.

[vagariesofhis]

Random thoughts

When did it become acceptable to show straight porn ads on gay porn websites? That is virtually conversion therapy, and that should be illegal!

#Gayporn #conversiontherapy #beinggay #gayculture #gay

[vagariesofhis]

Wear a mask

- Do you drive with all doors opened when there are no other cars in the street? It would improve indoor air quality

- Do you ever leave your trousers zippers down open? It would prevent any fungi

- Do you suddenly get fully naked while walking down the street? Clothes are not meant to be worn constantly, it would be bad for your skin

That makes no sense, doesn't it? Then cover both your nose and mouth when you're in public.

#covid #wearamask

[vagariesofhis]

I believe that everyone out there should also be gay

- There has never been a LGBTQ+ dictator out there. In other words, massive killings have come from straight people 100% of the time.

- When we come out, we teach people to be acceptant, loving, and tolerant. We broaden horizons and make people better, in a nutshell.

- We rarely make babies by accident, which is great for the environment and the overpopulation globally. Babies are wanted and planned, which spreads love and welcoming feelings.

- My community has been persecuted for centuries and we have never, ever reciprocated on a global scale.

- No extremist movement, no activist killings, no anti-heterosexuality propaganda leading to civil wars... which means that we are not resenters, we are not destroyers.

Please be gay

[vagariesofhis]

"Time heals everything" cannot be more accurate. Except when you talk about a man's pride.

#ThankUNext #Gay #Toxic #Relationship #Ex

[vagariesofhis]

Worst things you could wish to someone:

1 - never be able to fully sneeze

2 - always receive a slightly undercooked meat whenever ordering in a restaurant

3 - people never remember your name upon meeting you for the second time

[vagariesofhis]

Random thought #7

Is there such a thing as "Gay Culture"? Because otherwise there should be

#gay #gayculture #culture #identity #history #pride

[vagariesofhis]

Random thoughts #6

Dear diary,

Note to myself:

Following sentence is to be posted on all dating apps whenever am ready to start new relationship,

- Player 1 looking for Player 2 to level-up together through hardest modes. No cheat codes, MODs negotiable, Bring your own controller -

xoxo

LO

#dating #gay #gayapps #relationship #single

[vagariesofhis]

Today is April 2 and I am still gay. #Sorrydad

[vagariesofhis]

The curse of beauty

You were very popular from the start. You enjoyed it for the first few years but ended up feeling unsatisfied. You eventually realised none of them were taking you seriously. You go from encounter to encounter, hoping that someone will notice how bright you can shine, but they never last long enough to see your light. You are sad, broadening your perspectives, getting more adventurous. Your eyes get accustomed to different colours. Buy you are still a trophy, an achievement. They still reach you, dominate you, suffocate you, and leave you breathless. You go back to the ones you misunderstood, overlooked, but your actions initially misled them. Beauty has a price as iron does not mix with diamonds.

#Beauty #Beautiful #Uggly #Curse #Cursed #Gay #GayApp #Popular #Aging

[vagariesofhis]

Random Thought #5 - The Confusion

The first quarter of my life has been about questions and the obsession for answers. I never thought other people could feel the way I had been feeling (being a White male brought up in a middle-class family, no surprises there). Little by little did those questions turned into sadness, which then left room for anxiety.

I eventually managed to change my visions of those negative feelings to finally understand what curiosity could be. I have asked a lot of questions up until that point. Not because I was afraid to not comprehend what was revolving around me, but because I wanted to understand as much as possible.

It took a lot of efforts to adopt this new perspective but it finally paid off. I am no longer mistaking curiosity for fear. The greediness for knowledge and understanding had been so considerably big, that I had to adapt my way of thinking altogether. I am still working on it, but the second part of my journey begins with more serenity that I have ever known up until now.

#Confusion #GayLife #Gay #GayThoughts #Lifestyle #Mindset

[vagariesofhis]

Random thought #4

Taking days off is a very human thing to do. Have you ever seen a cat that stopped miaowing on purpose for a day? Or could you imagine a calendar skipping a Monday like, "oh sorry guys, I am not feeling like being a Monday today."

[vagariesofhis]

Random thought #3 - Chaos and Order

I was shoe-shopping with my man. This is not something that I usually enjoy. I can actually be rather homey. I even stopped counting the number of weekends I have spent in bed playing video games.

But here we were, shopping for shoes in all the stores you could possibly think of. At some point, I finally found something that I did not hate, or maybe I just wanted to end the whole torture. but my boyfriend had only been starting on his shopping spree, telling me I could find better, cheaper, somewhere else. I decided to buy the shoes, but it wasn’t just enough. I had to overthink the whole situation.

“When you get into a relationship, do you suddenly stop and go see if someone fits you better? Or cheaper? Do you usually want to go see if there is another guy who could be less exhausting?”

The boyfriend is not even remotely interested in abstract conversations. He simply said, “You cannot compare life, or love, with shoes”.

The conversation stopped there but I wanted to go further. I would like to think that there are some laws in this world, that it is not just chaos and randomness. That rules could be applied in a wide range of situations. It would make me feel safer in a way. But then I realised, I wasn’t looking for a conversation, I just wanted to feel safe.

L.O.

[vagariesofhis]

Random thought #2

We cannot keep anything to ourselves anymore

That's why we feel incomplete

That's why we feel so empty

L.O.

[vagariesofhis]

Random thought #1 - I wish I were more feminist

“I grew up being constantly surrounded by women: my mother, my grandmother, my sister, my older cousins, my aunts, my godmother, my teachers, and many more whom I might not have noticed. I have always loved films, too. From a very young age, films were always so fascinating to me as I could learn a lot about myself from the characters’ virtual background and experience. But it quickly occurred to me that those women I could see all around me, at all times, were never represented, and pictured, in films, television series, cartoons, nor even in TV commercials. I cannot remember a single film in which a grandmother was raising eleven children by herself after moving to another country while her husband was working abroad. Instead, I saw many roles of fathers and husbands being praised for working hard while their on-screen wives and children were barely mentioned(a). Instead of seeing single mothers trying hard to make ends meet with two jobs and as many children, I saw single male barristers and doctors trying to raise their only child with unlimited financial resources and still finding it “too hard”(b). I have barely ever seen a film picturing sisters in their twenties getting through life together, sometimes on their own, struggling to be fully independent. But I remember seeing a few films in which brothers, or even just male friends, were enjoying their youth without much evidence of any sense of responsibility, or struggling(c). I never understood why the women we saw on screen often appeared to be holding the same roles, one after another…”

(a) La Vitta e Bella, The Little Mermaid

(b) Kramer vs Kramer, To Kill a Mockingbird, Liar Liar, Jingle All The Way

(c ) Grease, Dumb and Dumber, Superbad

This was the introduction to my master’s thesis titled “ Could women ever obtain equal representation on screen?”, but I wish I had dug deeper.

L.O.

[vagariesofhis]

Short story #1 - A History of Us

You started with a classic “Hi, how are you?” I answered enthusiastically. Five minutes into the conversation and you were already smiling as I cracked my best lines. We met the next week at the park/bar/cinema, we talked all evening and fucked all night at your place. You woke up the next morning finding your dinner table full of pancakes and fruits. You met my best friends the next week and our chemistry made them envious. Your parents were next that hot summer day and they adored me. A year later you moved in in my well-located, new apartment and gave me some advice about the decoration. 5 years later we got a crazy gay wedding in Shanghai and we made a promise in front of our loved ones. But 7 years later I got fired and you started working extra hours to pay our new house in L.A. 8 years later you started riding other cocks as I was secretly taking Xanax four times a day. 10 years later you complained about my heavy hair loss/daily bad mood/lack of sexual appetite, and I, your gaining weight/old habits/bad hygiene. You told me you had faked orgasms for the past 2 years, and I said I had fucked your best friend for 3. You told me you wished you hadn’t sent me that message on this dating app, and we got divorced soon after. 15 years later, you are fat, lonely and miserable, and I am bald, ruined, and depressed.

Shall we give it a try anyway?

L.O.

[vagariesofhis]

Bad Date #1 - Who are you?

So I am on a date with this smart, gorgeous, independent Canadian guy. Despite a 15-minute wait everything goes well … at first. See, we both agree on a huge burger place for our first date: very nice, very casual, very easy. We are impressed with the food and I am impressed with his personality. You see, despite being younger than me, the guy has so many stories to tell, and very interesting ones, actually. But then it happens, the guy starts talking about his ex, and does he go on for the most part of it. At some point, he actually calls him “my boyfriend”. Sure, okay, it is always hard to move on, right? I would be the last person to blame him. But what should I do? Should I tell him that I want to enjoy this fatty, juicy beef bacon burger without any drama talk or should I just listen to him, maybe give him some advice about how to move the hell on? I go for the second option. And here I am, shooting some “you’re too cute to be sad”, “this guy doesn’t deserve you”, “he will probably come back, don’t worry”. As a matter of fact, everything I say is just useless. The guy keeps on mourning his (not-that-)past relationship. So I just shut up and I listen to every piece of it: the first date, the sex part, the sad part, the breaking-up, and last but not least, the reunion that would occur the next day. Eventually I run out of burger and he might as well notice that I do not have the energy to keep listening to him any longer. I go home. I do not hear from the guy for a couple of days so I just send him a very casual message, see if he is still alive. “Hi, how are you?” And here it is:

Who are you?

Bastard... The smart, gorgeous, independent guy has deleted my number. Gosh was that heavy.

L.O.