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A Once In A Lifetime Opportunity

Anyone can call themselves an actor, but if you never make it past the audition, is it really true? When you finally get your big break, but at the cost of doing something on camera you swore you'd never, what do you do?

In November 2014 I moved from London to Brisbane in Australia. The opposite side of the planet, thousands of kilometers from everyone I knew. While I was awake they were asleep, and vice versa. A new start, a fresh slate, the opportunity to press the reset button on everything about my life which felt as terrifying as it was liberating. With this new found attitude I decided to reinvent myself…

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The Fake Job Interview

It's been a long time since Flavaadit Gambatron tried to get a job. Rumour has it, he's still trying today.

I recommend reading below first, or the video won’t make much sense. There’d been talk around the company I used to work at about the bonus for referring someone who they eventually recruit being doubled. Many people were scouring their address books in order to obtain this lucrative prize that, in theory, seemed so easy to achieve. With the general time-wasting banter amongst the proles of the…

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Handforth Parish Council and What It's Like To Go Viral

Handforth Parish Council and What It’s Like To Go Viral

The video I uploaded of the infamous Handforth Parish Council meeting last week currently has over 3 million views. It’s been covered by media broadcasters worldwide including The Guardian, CNN, and more, spawning hundreds of memes, TV and radio appearances for those featured in it, and countless other late-ripple side effects like reaction videos and musical reimaginings of the events, even from…

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Public Cherry Popping

Growing up in a nondescript town in south Wales, I was not the sort of teenager who lived the social high-life. To some, I was still remembered for a seemingly endless string of embarrassing incidents, such as when I was 9 years old and put my hand up in class to loudly tell the teacher “Miss, I’ve wet myself” with no other explanation or context given as to why. In my reasoning, saying it loudly…

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The Tip Of My Tongue

Not everything in life is clear, not all questions go answered, but sometimes it all comes together perfectly at the moment when you stop trying.

A wonderful thing has happened.

I hadn’t realised it at first, but for the last few months there was a particular song that had been seeping into my subconscious. I’d heard it, but I’d not heard it. However, slowly, over time, it had made a deep impression on me despite me not even understanding a single lyric.

Last weekend I was in a part of the Netherlands I’d never been to. I was there for a…

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The Beard Experiment: Day #1

The Beard Experiment: Day #1

Do you ever think to yourself “Did I really look that bad with a beard?”?

Do you look at others with beard envy?

Do you ever think “Maybe things have changed since then? Fashions and whatnot. Maybe my follicles have reconfigured, and it would be better this time”?

If this sounds familiar to you, then these are experiences I can empathise with, and this guide may help.

There is a cycle I go…

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Toilet Debacle

Something happened. Something changed in a way I wasn’t expecting. There was no discussion, no warning, it was just one way one day, then completely different the next. Like nuclear war, I would imagine.

In retrospect, the signs were all there, I keep rerunning the events of the weeks beforehand in my mind, wondering if I could have done more. I find myself stuck in a loop of the five stages of…

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Not My Job

Because I’m usually within the first three people in the office, and always the first to go make myself a coffee, the dishwasher is always full when I get there. At first, I would empty the dishwasher with that eagerness that a new starter has to do what they can to help wherever while metaphorically patting myself on the back for being the sort of person who wasn’t above emptying the dishwasher.…

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Travel Tips All Of For Your Holiday Vacations

All your life you've been doing vacations wrong, how embarrassing. Read this guide to understand how to be a better person and be the best at holidays. Learn how to win.

Many people will tell you many things about what you should do when you go on holiday somewhere, and those people will be wrong.

I don’t even need to know what they said, but they clearly have no idea what they’re talking about and the only reason they’re even communicating with you is because theywant to sell you something. Probably Bitcoin. This is the modern world we live in, and the sooner…

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The Man At The Bus Stop

Two strangers, two different worlds and how they came to overlap

On my cycle to my old workplace, I would pass an old man each day at a bus stop who would be standing there waving to some people as they went past. He never seemed to be actually waiting for a bus, just out in the fresh air, greeting the world. The stop was outside an OAPs home, so I had assumed he was part of that place and had mentally created a backstory where the staff let him out every…

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The Tragedy Of Police Academy

They're supposed to be our protectors, but it's them that really need protecting.

Oh Mahoney, can no-one tame your rebellious streak? Will you ever find your calling in life? Are your pranks from boredom, or deep down do you wantto be punished? Will you forever continue to find comfort from one sexual conquest to the next? Where will you be when your looks are gone? Where will your friends be then? Are you that self-conscious of your image that you can never relax, never be…

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No Nationalism Please, We're Welsh

We don't want to be your enemy, but when we're on the field it's red white and green.

Hey spoiler alert, I’m not a big fan of nationalism. Not at all. The end. Ha, no. There are loads more words. Bad luck.

Not a fan one bit. Not even in that jaunty casual way. It’s harmful and puts arbitrary divides between people that breed misunderstanding, mistrust and resentment. It can go fuck itself.

I grew up in Bridgend, South Wales. I was raised to be as proud to be Welsh as I could…

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A Single English Language

Enough is enough. One English language to rule all of the English languages.

Look everyone, this is getting ridiculous. I appreciate that people speak different languages all over the world, and that these languages are integral to the cultures that they live in and what actually matters to them in their day to day life

BUT

do we really need multiple English languages? Do I need to decide if I’m speaking English (United States), English (International), English (Great…

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A Smile And A Wave From A Foreigner

Cor blimey this one's the dog's bollocks, you absolute wanker

It’s a weird one, moving to the opposite side of the planet. I’d always said I wanted to live abroad, to learn things about myself and the world that I felt weren’t possible in a short stay. To go beyond the tourism and to appreciate the lows that make you understand the highs. Australia felt like the least scary option, knowing so many Australians as I did and keeping the language barrier to a…

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Lyrics Are Bollocks

Back when I was doing an English A-level in school, one of my classmates insisted on doing one of his coursework pieces analysing the lyrics of Eddie Vedder.

Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam.

No matter how many times the teachers tried to encourage him to choose a different work to deconstruct, he was insistent. In his eyes, the words of Eddie Vedder weren’t just functional, they were poetic.

The thing…

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Cooking Tips

Most recipes are just there to make you feel like the terrible person you are. These don't!

Sometimes you look across the acres of condiments, beer and failure in your fridge and think “I’m better than this. Or at least my Instagram profile is better than this. I should be more like that guy”.

You decide to Google some recipes for things, not really knowing what you’re looking for, but knowing that it’s what real people do. You end up picking a few that make you salivate like the dog…

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Those Annoying Fans

We ruin everything for each other because deep down we all hate each other. Happy Tuesday.

Drink a cup of coffee in your pants from a semi-clean cup with a stonking hangover.

Drink a cup of coffee sat surrounded by beautiful people hanging on your every word as you sit on a throne overlooking a beautiful lagoon under a beautiful blue sky.

One will taste better than the other, I guarantee.

A coffee is always amazing on a hangover.

Everything we experience in life has a context, whether…

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