With the soft warmth of her arm brushing against his, Cole notices belatedly how close she is now, realizing she hasn’t been in such a long time. It used to be second nature to the both of them, to hold a touch or simply find themselves near one another without even thinking, a comfort he’d taken for granted. He’s unsure for a moment if he’s supposed to step away, if this is a test of his endurance. But every part of him longs for her, and he can’t will himself to move. When he looks back to her, Cole can see the pattern of her dark lashes against porcelain skin, the individual glimmering shards of sea-glass in her eyes, and pick up the sweet scent of lavender that floats from her. He knows he’d never forget her face, but he was worried the smaller details would start to fade from his memory the longer they kept their distance. Fearing that might still be in his future, a part of him begins to commit the image of her before him now to his memory, taken like a snapshot, like the one still in his hand.
As she speaks it into existence, he knows she’s right. The boy he sees staring back him in the photo is himself, many years younger, many traumas yet to be lived, untouched of all that pain and suffering. The truth of it holds him in place, his other hand holding hard onto the cane supporting him, scared that the world would begin to fall away from him again. It doesn’t make sense to him, like he’s staring at a fabricated scene, and he’s too scared to speak until she asks him to. So lost in the way this photograph makes him feel, he misses the softness in her tone, the way she offers a faint smile, though if he’d seen it, he would have been able to ease his heart. “…I didn’t know. Val, I barely… I barely remember this now,” he starts quietly, breathless and fragile, begging her to believe him as he jumps to the fearful thought that she might think he’s been saving this ace up his sleeve the whole time, waiting for the right moment to use it. “I’ve spent so long closing off my old life, holding on to just the ravens or the beach or my parent’s faces. Everything else is… another lifetime, another person,” Cole explains, and she’s the only person he can tell, she’s the only one who’s ever heard pieces of those memories, the only person he’s ever entrusted them to. He’d only ever pulled at select memories when he’d needed them, anything more had always made him afraid he would fall apart at the seams, like he would break down if he remembered the life he’d been living since then was not meant to be his own, was a nightmare compared to the childhood of an innocent boy. “Your mother knew,” he says, weighing that information in his head. “I don’t… I don’t know what this makes me. I know it can’t change who I am, who I became… all the things I’ve done since then,” Cole says sadly. “But I knew you… in another world, another lifetime. I knew you.” He looks to the picture again, to Harry Dahl, his words taking on a fervor, needing to believe them himself.
‘ hey , hey , hey - ’ she can see the panic going through those ocean eyes and thinks that maybe , maybe actions can show more than words right now . and she takes in his reaction , has the sudden urge to hold him yet AGAIN before sighing . girl will tuck a lock of hair behind her ear , eyes flickering to his cane and seeing his hands pearl white with how hard he’s holding onto that cane of his . valeria sutton realizes while she’s been traumatized these past few years ( and then some ) , these past two years must’ve taken a toll on her too . god , if kass was dead she’d be rolling in her grave right now . ‘ cole , cole - just focus on me for a second . ’ she can’t imagine what that would be like for him , crystalline gaze searching his , as if either of them have the answer to their situation ( they don’t ) . and they’re both so young , forced to grow up so fast , finding solace in each other - that val’s forgotten how much she doesn’t know . but there’s one thing for sure : she knows how she felt . feels . will feel . even if he’s not her last love , he’s certainly still her FIRST love . not to mention - they also technically never broke up . so where does that leave them now ?
her hands have a mind of their own , will reach up to cup his jaw , goes slow to give him a chance to pull away . and when they land , thumb rubs on the edge of his jaw . ‘ i know , i believe you cole , okay ? ’ she knows nothing but wanting to be OKAY again , and him to be okay just the same . strawberry blonde thinks of all the times he’s told her about his parents and the ravens , the beach included . those were him . it was harry . it was this NEW version of cole that’s so brave , so hurt , and so kind . and she got that part of him when no one else could , from day one . ‘ you didn’t close them off completely . i still know them , i still know the stories you told , and i know you . ’ she knows him so well it hurts , and perhaps THAT’S what made her react like she did during the initial reveal . ‘ even if it’s not up here - ’ and she removes one hand from his face to tap his temple , before moving it to where his heart is and laying it flat against his chest . ‘ maybe you knew it here . otherwise ... i don’t think you’d be reacting like this . ’ a sad smile upon her lips as she nods , pats his chest twice before slowly moving to pull her hand away . ‘ i can’t think of any other reason why she would willingly let all of you in - and i’m not trying to make this about us , i swear ! ’ it’s just the truth and the truth , as professor lizzo says , hurts . or doesn’t hurt right now , in their case . ‘ you know me , cole . present tense . i’m right here . i’m in that picture with you , and i’m here now . this is the same lifetime . right now . ’ and maybe they should focus on that for ONCE in their lives . it’s just this : it’s one version where they weren’t ruined by this world , and another where they’re on the brink of being ruined ; but the common factor is each other , then and now .
