Valerie Crest

Personal Art Space for Kelsey Doolittle

[valeriecrest]

Bookmark

When I've turned to a fresh page

The bookmark beckons

I was ready

He is so kind

My heart is open

The bookmark beckons

Remember when it felt good

the way he held me

Remember when we tried that

for the first time

I try it now anew yet

the bookmark beckons

the chapters we could've read

the characters we could've grown to

endless possibility in unknown as

the bookmark beckons

Am I untrue, disloyal, not interested enough

Or is it that the only way to speak

is to unearth the words unspoken

No action required though I am compelled

the bookmark beckons

[valeriecrest]

Learning to hold my sadness and my ambition at the same time 🙏

[valeriecrest]

Are you going to…

Will you hold on…

Can we be…

someday?

Should I hope…

tomorrow?

Perhaps if I…

Like this?

Don’t you feel it…

just so?

Won’t I see it…

Can I follow?

The dark…

It grows...

[valeriecrest]

Nocturnal animal instinct

You run and hide

I let myself close my eyes

Feel ourselves intertwine

Misanthropic misfire

leading with heart

I would follow

clear into the light

Loving myself

a greater love

Than you and I

My flaws under my pride

Your hands manage to find

Big talk

small man

no time

[valeriecrest]

My burden of choice

Blood pooling

Under the forbidden bruise

I rub, yet it refuses

To forgive my loneliness 

This burden needs

A witness to the silence

My hands held, shackles of excuse

Choking with neglect

Their hands 

Threatened by responsibility 

Which begs to surface

They could touch truth 

I could dismiss permission 

My lost shame unwinds choices

Unfurled accountability 

Attaches willing victims

To remembered memories

Now recorded scabs

[valeriecrest]

The powerful riot

Denying vicrimhood

“Dangerous alien”

Says fear-mongering fed

Pushing captives towards

Harmful detention centers

Deceptive heroes while the real ones

Lead the unaccepting revolution

No discriminating agent

Will see me

Audaciously, we are all aliens

Revolt.

[valeriecrest]

my yearning is the most interesting thing about you

your sister lives in my building

one of the elevators is down, as usual

will she do her laundry, my regular routine

is this a feeling or a pattern

are her windows opaque like yours

is it manipulative to seek her depth

as a proxy for the secrets you keep

if I predict the outcome, will it be peace

[valeriecrest]

if you kiss it

will it feel better

if you can't help it

will i stay mad forever

I didn't fight, yet bruises i get

it won't leave me, until I digest

on the other side a new perspect -ive

should I apologize for my valid upset -if

i couldn't help it

i can ask forgiveness once i forget

being stretched thin to the point of soul death

my borders protected so i wasn't bereft

should I be grateful - when I left?

you're not the game, just a player too

you're just a pawn among bigger opoonents

yet all i see are your personal choices

can i grin and bear it while you take your stance

i won't sacrifice dignity, won't blurr with romance

won't blacate or barter, just leave it to chance

knowing you can't touch me at the end of the day

"i don't care" is all I will say

the best way to win the game, is to choose not to play.

[valeriecrest]

...

i was too young to understand

so i learned destiny deals her hand

Could I alter the spin?

the world turns on and on

and the dread kicks in

[valeriecrest]

What I learned- a goodbye

What I wanted from this conversation was clarity. Once again, the closure is in knowing I tried. Do you understand that your language and behavior didn’t feel like love? Our experiences are so contradictory, a mismatched yin and yang.

I don’t owe you a nice consolation prize of chatting through nice moments and telling you I’m alright now. When everytime I showed up willing and able to love you- you gave me silence. When your denial of my view of things is so profound-I wonder why you deny the truth from yourself.

[valeriecrest]

I got so used to falling

I fell out of love with you

into his waiting arms

only a lonely evening greeted me

walking through a soft plush

of leafless clover

[valeriecrest]

Ready for growth

Happy to wander

Needn’t look far

You showed me love

When I was at my lowest

I don’t have to leave

The lights on

I know I’ll find what I’m looking for

[valeriecrest]

Holding myself back from phantoms of possibility

Return me to the grime of my city

In loud engine roars I heard the mocking of my mistakes

Discipline is my reward

The faucet of feelings keeps flowing and I run my fingers through it

waiting for someone to pour salt in my openness

[valeriecrest]

"I shouldn't have to set myself on fire to keep someone else warm"

[valeriecrest]

Sending you love beams

When I’m mad enough

I could cry

You loved my shadow

So I let her go

I still love you

I’m glad I’m not with you

I just might try

To hold both at one time

[valeriecrest]

Shock of lighting

Match striking

Splattered on building facades

Winding through towering

Obelisks of habitation

Camera flashing

No silence in this town

Everywhere roars

“Come and try it”

Spider webs weaving

Rigid with momentum

Never ending possibility

[valeriecrest]

I told you about my winter

As the leaves started to fall

You turn to tend to your flowers

Covering your brick wall

I did my best to fight it

Dust crumbled in my hands

As your door shut behind me

I found myself in foreign land

The clock ticked midnight

The day grew so old

Here you are planting seeds

In a vast and bitter cold