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JBB: An Artblog!
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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@vampiresandmoney
Ray, bring on that lead guitar as My Chemical Romance performs during the Carling Weekend Reading Festival August 27, 2006 in Reading, England
[photo credit; Jo Hale]
Mikey Way Day 119
i’m not okay (i promise)
theyre gonna change the world or die trying! … oops
It’s been one year :’)
I FORGOT THERE WAS A G NOTE
Emo!!!!! Emo emo emo emo emo!!!
animal
I am affected.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in elementary school. I’m an avid reader, always have been and always will be. My favorite books are the ones with lots of action, and fantasy, and different worlds full of different lives and different people. Whenever the characters fall in love I roll my eyes and turn the page. I don’t understand how they have time to fall in love when there’s a war going on.
I only like the historical and realistic fiction books without any romantic based plot. I love the Little House on the Prairie books, even if Laura does get married later. I care more about the lifestyle than anything, about learning how the prairie children live.
I finally get permission to read teenager books. They seem so mature and amazing and developed compared to the children books, but they have so much romance in them. What happened to preserving family bonds and forging strong friendships? I roll my eyes through slow kisses and huff at the silent pining for someone they can’t have. It seems so ridiculous.
My favorite pairs are shipped, but I never see how they could be in love. I never really have an OTP, but I treasure my BROTP’s and collect their friendships and sibling bonds quietly. I try and explain how I feel about the shipping to my friends, but they don’t seem to understand, so I give up and quietly listen to their talk of how much the characters love one another, defeated by the overpowering majority who scream about romantic love.
I don’t hate the ships, I just like the friendships better. I seem to be the only one who feels this way. I am isolated.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in elementary school. I really want to be friends with this boy. He is smart, he is funny, he plays sports, and we seem like we would be good friends. Most of all, he reminds me of my last best friend, before I had to move. But I am awkward, and easily influenced. My friends tell me I must like him. I don’t know how to deny it, so I agree and follow their advice.
I think it’s stupid, but maybe I do like him. Maybe that’s how all this works.
Our friendship is ruined. He doesn’t like me anymore, friend or otherwise.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in middle school. Everyone around me talks about who they like, and why they like them. I think that I also like people - surely, liking someone means you really want to be friends, right? I ask. I’m laughed at. I choose a boy in my grade to like.
When I get older, I’ll like people, I decide. I’m just not old enough. For now, I’ll hide behind being unable to date until I’m older, and for now I’ll choose someone who checks all the boxes my friends seem to talk about. To me, it just sounds like what people want in a best friend, except they’re supposed to be cute.
I make a list of qualities, find a new boy every year in my classes. I choose someone I probably won’t see the next year, and am never very disappointed when I don’t have a class with them the next school year. I wonder if everyone does this.
The ‘crush’ of the year tells me he’s moving states after I tell him I like him. I’m relieved, instead of sad. All my friends comfort me, but I don’t really care. They find this odd, so I don’t talk too much about it. I hate feeling isolated.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. I’ve been a silent observer of the LGBTQ+ community since elementary school. For a long time, I wonder if I’m anything besides what society considers ‘normal’, if any of the identities apply to me. I wonder if how I feel is how everyone feels. No matter what I do, I feel different than everyone else about love, because I’m so indifferent to it.
I discover the asexual community first, and then I find the aromantic community. I’m surprised by how much I relate to it, but I’m also scared. This can’t be me, because then I wouldn’t be able to have the life I’ve always wanted.
Perfect family. Perfect husband. Perfect job. Perfect life.
I deny it. I tell myself I don’t actually relate, I just want to be different. I’m just caught up in a trend. I can’t aromantic, no matter how much I relate. I hate how I feel. I just want to be like everyone else. Why can’t I be like everyone else?
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. All my friends are in relationships. I don’t really understand, but I try my best to be supportive. At the beginning of my sophomore year, my best friend tells me he likes me, and has liked me for awhile. I ask my big sister what I should do. Do I like him back? For the first time, I ask what romance feels like.
She tells me it’s like being best friends, but there’s just a little more. I wonder what that little more feels like.
We begin to date, and I’m uncomfortable. He’s my best friend. Nothing is different, except we hold hands, yet the concept of dating someone… it feels wrong.
I finally accept it. I’m aromantic, and that’s okay. We break up. We’re still best friends, and he still likes me. I am okay.
“being aromantic doesn’t affect you”
I’m in high school. I tell my friends that I’m aromantic. Each time I come out, it’s a new vocabulary lesson. It’s exhausting to find metaphors and explanations and definitions that they understand.
One of my friends told me she thinks it’s sad that I don’t feel romantic love. I’m too shocked to respond. She doesn’t even try to understand, and I’m hurt by her words. I am perfectly fine without romance - why can’t she see that?
I can’t tell one of my friends. I think he likes me and I don’t think he would understand, because he says things that feel wrong. I find out he’s a Trump supporter and quietly break off our friendship. I can never be too careful.
One of my friends says that I’ll find someone who makes me love. He thinks it’s just a joke, but I am hurt. None of my friends understand why I am mad. He means well, but it’s like he’s forgotten who I am.
I can’t tell my family, except for my big sister, but she’s far away right now. They wouldn’t understand, they would tell me I don’t know what I’m feeling. My little sister would try and remind me of every fake crush I had. My parents would tell me I haven’t found the right person yet.
“BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”
I’m in high school. I finally get to tell my big sister that I’m aromantic. I wanted to do it in person, and I’m not worried that she won’t accept me. After all, she’s LGBTQ+ too and the only ally I can have in my house, because I can’t trust anyone else not to shame me.
I tell her everything. She’s pokerfaced. Later that night, I hear her laughing through my bedroom walls. When I pass her door I hear what she is saying to her friend on call. She is making fun of me.
She doesn’t think I can be aromantic, since I’m so young.
She thinks it’s an excuse, since I don’t want to date my best friend.
She says she felt the same way, and that I’ll find someone like her.
She’s laughing at my identity.
I’m heartbroken, betrayed, anguished. In my bedroom that night, I sob for an hour, spiraling, hating myself more and more. She was supposed to be my ally in the house, she was supposed to support me, but instead she laughed behind my back.
The next day, I can’t look her in the eye.
“BEING AROMANTIC DOESN’T AFFECT YOU”
I’m in high school. My best friend still likes me, and we’re still only best friends, because he knows that we can never be together. Sometimes it can be awkward, but mostly we avoid the topic. A month after we break up, he tells me we can’t be best friends anymore, because he needs to get over his feelings for me.
I go to my queer friend group and cry for ten minutes before my two hardest finals, because they’re the only ones who might understand. This is worse than when we broke up, because then it was mutual and now it is another rug swept from under my feet, another friend lost because of my identity.
He doesn’t understand why I am hurt, and I am too exhausted to put it into words. My friendships matter so much to me, but my friends don’t seem to always understand.
I tell him to leave me alone. I need to process this by myself. He tells me that we can still be friends. I tell him to leave me alone. He finally understands how much I’m hurt, after I try to explain. I tell him to leave me alone. He tries to comfort me, and I ignore him. After all, he isn’t my best friend anymore, because he likes me and I can’t like him back, and this is just another friendship ruined.
I am affected.
I was in elementary school. I was a kid. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and different because because nobody understood I didn’t have a crush.
I was in middle school. I was a tween. I didn’t understand. I felt isolated and lost and confused because nobody seemed to feel the same way as I did.
I’m in high school. I’m a teenager. I don’t understand. I feel isolated and different and lost and confused and angry and hurt because nobody gives me representation and I’ve lost so many friendships because I finally have an identity I’m at peace with.
I’m going to be in college. I’m going to be an adult. I don’t think I will understand. I don’t know how I will feel because the future is uncertain and maybe one day nobody will need a vocabulary lesson every time I say I’m aromantic.
I hate the world for erasing who I am, for enforcing a narrative where I don’t exist. I hate that people tell me that since I can pass for straight, being aromantic doesn’t matter. I hate that people tell me they pity me because I can’t feel romantic love. I hate that I’m never represented. I hate that my potential representation only becomes discourse.
I hope for a future where romantic love is not the only narrative. I hope for a future where my affection with my friends is not seen as inherently romantic. I hope for a future where society acknowledges I exist and doesn’t ridicule my feelings and identity. I hope for a future where I can find canon representation and not have to guess. I hope for a future where I am accepted by those not exactly like me.
I hope I don’t hope for too much.
bringing this back in honor of pride month
happy pride month 2020!!! reminder that all a-spec identities belong in the LGBTQ+ community, and that invalidating our experiences and being exclusionary towards us does more harm than perceived good.
the notes of this post are heartwarming and touching, and I encourage all to look through the different stories. although not all experiences are universal, many are shared within the a-spec community. remember - you are not alone in your identity.
finally, thank you so much to the community for the wonderful support provided after I wrote this. the messages I received after writing this were incredibly supportive and wonderful, and I still look through them occasionally.
happy pride 2020!!!
When I told my mother and my coach that I was asexual they looked at me awkwardly and told me I was still young, I’d probably change my mind later.
I didn’t know what to say then, because sure, maybe I would feel sexual attraction later, I can’t see the future. But it wasn’t about that. It was about acknowledging me as I am, not just resigning yourself to waiting until I’ve “grown up”. To me, you implied being asexual was an immaturity thing, as something that could and should change.
It’s been years. I’m still asexual. Those words you told me are still burned into my mind. I never told another family member, I never brought it up around them again.
What matters is, with those words, you might not have condemned my identity then, but you condemned my identity for every year that it continued to be my identity. The older I get, the more it burns.
I never told anyone in my personal life that I’m aromantic. Those words are still in my head.
Jet Star 💙
Tag 10 people you want to know better!
Tagged by: @latisteele
Name: Sunny
Gender: cis female
Star Sign: Cancer, i used to remember my ascendant and moon sign back when I was big on astrology, but that seems to be fading now.
Height: 5′3
Sexuality: Bisexual
Favorite Book: I don’t have one rn, I don’t read as much as I used to when I was younger.
Current Time: 5:36 PM
Average Amount of Sleep: rn it’s usually from 12-1 am to 8 pm
Dogs or Cats: Both, I frickin love both. We have a dog but the family doesn’t really let them out to walk since we’re right next to a highway :(. I hope I can train either someday!
Number of Blankets I Sleep With: 2 since the 1st one’s pretty thin
Blog Established: 2 years ago in 2018!, I made it after a missionary in our school got pretty biphobic and nasty so I made this tumblr to feel better after i got home from school.
Favorite Animal: dogs and cats, i LOVE petting them and just watch them vibe, although i used to be fond of giraffes when I was younger because I found their brown spots and long necks pretty.
Number of Followers: 59, woop woop!
Reason for URL: I didn’t have any good ideas for a url so I went with what best describes me irl and here.
Something I’m Grateful For: being able to talk to more people and managing to get over a chunk of that bashfulness I had when I first got here. And a handful of people I admire that helped me become a better person. Also my friends, I’m always grateful for my friends.
I guess I’ll tag @yougottazenyatta @heysoup @blakelafae @ofdemigodsandwizards @awkward-blunt-miserableatbest @nasty-swamp-gremlin @netches-and-nirnroots @boneeating–baastard and anyone who wants to do this (I know that’s 8 but shhhhh)
EEEP!!! Thank you for the tag! We are now friends (if you want to be). Feel free to shoot me a message (or ask me to message first) because I’m WAY to shy to just message first outs the blue (goes for anyone)!
Name: Sam or Sprout (I respond to both equally at this point)
Gender: Enboy
Star Sign: Taurus
Height: Basically 5’7
Sexuality: Panromantic Greysexual
Favorite book: The Phantom of the Opera
Average amount of sleep: 9-14 hours 😅
Cats or dogs?: I’m a dog person, but not anti-cat. I have a chonk that’s…. spooky to say the least, but I love him and he’s my fanged baby.
Number of blankets I sleep with: uHhHh I sleep in a basement so it depends. Almost always a comforter, but when @guiltyidealist is over I turn into a space heater that burns to the touch so then it’s just light blankets.
Blog established: 2017 ish?? Maybe? I met someone in a parking lot (hilarious story if anyone wants to hear) and they introduced me to tumblr. 😂
Favorite animal: SLOTHS! But also ducks. And fish.
Number of followers: 90? SINCE WHEN
Reason for URL: I googled what makes a good URL and one point was that it should reflect you. Well… awkward, blunt, and miserable at best. 😅 plus Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade was my favorite song at the time.
Something I’m grateful for: This ask, @guiltyidealist, all the nights I’ve ever gotten a decent sleep, and my Gramma.
Tagging: Whoever wants to! Nothing goes wrong if you don’t do it. I don’t know if I know 10, but I’ll try. Got a few new followers recently I’d love to get to know, and my usual tag buddies c: @waterdragonmp @newt–x @burgermudkip @hecking-homo @wish-ful-thinking513 @cringegoblin @guiltyidealist (just cuz 😘) @lynmunn
Yeay, thank u for tagging me! :3 uwu
Name: I actually have a lot of them, but my main one is Newt. The other most used ones are Cass, Mazarin, Lysander, Azarath and Katherine!
Gender: Agender with a light connexion to masculinity ig? Demiboy seems like too much more “boy” than “agender” so I’m going to stick to agender.
Star Sign: Aries!
Height: 5'0. I’m un-tall. But a little bit more and I’ll reach 5'1"! C'mon growth spurt, I’m waiting!
Sexuality: Frayromantic bi/pansexual & bi/panplatonic. However, I usually just say I’m aro bi/pan.
Favorite Book: The Color Purple by Alice Walker! It’s the only book I’ve ever re-read so I recommand. Warnings for rape, domestic violence, incest, abuse & racism. Seriously, those are important topics in the book.
Average amount of sleep: From 0 to 15 hours; since quarantine, it’s more around 12 than 3 tho.
Cats or dogs: Bro idc I just love pets. Used to be a cat stan but damn,,, doggie,,,
Number of blankets I sleep with: One! But it’s usally a very big one bc,,, i’m always so cold,,,
Blog etablished: 12th February 2019!
Favorite animal: Yes.
Number of followers: 134??? For some reason?? Why?
Reason for URL: Idk bro I just used my name & wanted to add an “x” bc someone already had @newt (and won’t use it,,,), but it was also used, so I added some – like I usually do.
Something I’m grateful for: My dumbass friends, my lovely partners and my stupid brothers being idiots.
Tagging: Well, since it’s about knowing someone better I won’t tag my (close) friends (bc it would be useless), so some followers I’m interested in knowing better! @gobloidgirls @aesthetic-cryptid @raymcclainholt @actslikeacat @drarrystic @feliosfarkus @passem @enby-ralsei @avocadodreamboat (love the emo butterflies thing) & @dspongeby!
Hey thanks for the tag babe!
name: Sophie or Soph but Gophers is what most people Ik irl use
gender: ima girl
star sign: Leo
height: 5”3 i think?? i haven’t measured myself in a long time
sexuality: asexual demi romantic as far as i call tell…
favourite book: for me this is Really hard cuz i have read a lot of good ones but i guess i’ll go with The Braided Path by Chris Wooding it’s a huge fantasy novel 10/10
amount of sleep: roughly 0-5 hours
cats or dogs: D O G S but i relate to cats
number of blankets i sleep with: 5 year round
blog established: bro idek it was like ¾ months ago???
favourite animal: I like bears and raccoons
number of followers: i think 210?? idk why but i love y’all ❤️❤️
reason for url: It’s something i can remember i have a horrible memory
something i’m grateful for: my youngest sister she’s the thing that’s keeping me here 🖤
lemme see i’m horrible at remembering yalls urls but @one-threesevenths @evapootato25264 @government-propaganda @neon-lazerr idk y’all that well so :)
dkooooo thank u for tagging !!!!
name: grayson, but call me gray:)
gender: no
star sign: the bull pokemon
height: not tall enough (5′4)
sexuality: queer
fav book: the girl with all the gifts but the movie sucked
amount of sleep: last night? 3 hours
cats or dogs: no preference i also like birds
blog estab: like a month ago lol
fav animal: possums, raccoons, garbage children
# followers:17
reason for url: the government sux
something im greatful for: funky lookin bugs
tagging:
@irradiatedsnakes
@mattzerella-sticks
@disenchanted-killjoy
@maxx-da-rat
@graffiti-on-our-graves
@avocadodreamboat
@theradicalace
@thefinaltaterthot
thats 8 not ten because no
oooh fun things
name: just call me cori
gender: female, she/her
star sign: pisces
height: uhh like 5'2" or something?
sexuality: ace/aro
favourite book: hmm i’m going to go with one of us is lying because the plot twist is the best
amount of sleep: usually like 7-8 hours but last night i probably got about 4 hours and it sucked
cats or dogs: both but cats more :)))
blog established: about 2 months ago maybe? so probably april?
favourite animal: dolphins.
followers: wait what i just went to check and… 299??? how??? why???
reason for url: ummm american rock band my chemical romance
something i’m grateful for: my headphones & music :)
tagging: @always-and-forever-a-killjoy @iamactuallya-cat @that-odd-emo @neon-lazerr @stressed-and-sleep-deprived @neo-neo-neo @go-flow-bro @cxmeterydrxve (also anyone else who sees this you do it! if you want)
Name: I go by Maimee
Gender: is whatever a gender?? I use she/her mainly but they/them is fine too
Starsign: Capricorn
Height: 5’8 I am tol
Sexuality: Aromantic (and also ace)
Favourite book: The knife of never letting go (or like any Percy Jackson book-)
Amount of sleep: 7 hours last night but on average I get about 6:15hrs
Cats or dogs: I have both so yes
Blog establishment: this time last year
Favourite animal: cats or dogs probably
Followers: 58!
Reason for url: used to be that odd hufflepuff but jk is ew and mcr is yes
Something I’m grateful for: all the aro ace ppl on tumblr because I wouldn’t of been able to figure out my sexuality without you all 💖
Thanks for the tag! :D
Party "my brother can beat up your brother" Poison
Apparently Dollskill got set on fire today and honestly it’s what it deserves.
Here’s some resources where you can buy goth/alternative clothing and DIY stuff because I am not paying money for someone to make cheap ass boots and racists t shirts. I KNOW DOLLSKILL IS POPULAR WITH THE “GOTHS” ON YOUTUBE AND SOCIAL MEDIA BUT LETS NOT SUPPORT A COMPANY THAT SUPPORTS RACISM AND BIGOTED BEHAVIOR
Twitter thread on why dollskill sucks
Dollskill Fire twitter thread
Now onto better resources:
Stores:
Angryyoungandpoor
Mercari ( thrifting )
Attitude clothing
Meow Meowz ( 80s goth thrift store )
Koi footwear ( vegan shoes )
DIY:
Goth on a budget: DIY fishnet top
DIY punked out denim vest
DIY Denim distressed jeans
How to make foam platform shoes
DIY pants with chains
Gothic fairy dress DIY
DIY: how to make a studded choker
Goth DIY shredded top
T shirt deconstruction
Deathrock goth unisex DIY shredded top
DIY cut the perfect off the shoulder top
How to turn band tees into fashion tops and halters
Easy goth DIY: Band t shirt dress
Goth DIY : shoe belt
Goth on a budget: easy DIY jeans and other stuff
Goth on a budget: Easy DIY clothing
DIY: gothic chokers, studs, spikes, chains and PVC
Dyeing bright colors black
If any poc have shops or other resources that support small businesses or encourage DIY PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DROP THEM HERE!
FUCK FAST FASHION CREATE YOUR OWN
These pigs are after me, after you
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Killjoys say black lives matter!
I'm so happy Dan was at the protest today!
i'm mostly just really vibing with whoever stepped on his hand like fat mood