WRITW YOUR āTHEY LOVED EACH OTHER BEFORE VB WAS TAKENā THING I WANT MY EMOTIONS TO BE TORN TO SHREDS
this ended up longer than iād originally intended but still not that longā¦. hope itās alright lol
Vang0 knows Burger Chainz had someone at some point. His person or whatever. Theyāve never talked about it. Vang0 pretends he doesnāt know. But itās hard to ignore sometimes, when Burger will look at him for just a second like heās someone else, before recognition flashes across his face and it morphs back to his normal jovial self.
He knows nothing about who they were and what they meant to him. Where they were now. It wasnāt his place to ask and feelings were miles outside his normal wheelhouse. Itās just something they donāt talk about. They donāt talk about Vang0 either. They talk about his career and his followers and what games heās playing but never really about him. Theyāve never talked about the warehouse. Not since that first night. Never talked about what it meant. Itās just not something they do. Easier to move forward than dwell on the past.
But there are times, lots of them recently, when Burger is driving them across the city, his metal jaw set tight. His eyes look glazed over and almost porcelain. Artificial and cold. As if theyād been replaced like so many of things. And thereās a sense of resolute sadness that radiates off him. Cocoons him in his own little imperceptible world. Those moments make Vang0 wish he could be the kind of person to ask the hard questions. To be the kind of person who could help. He canāt though. He wouldnāt even know where to start.
Vang0 thought he could just ignore it forever. If they kept busy enough, they could outrun their pasts. Get caught up in the ridiculous high jinks, the thrill of their dangerous work. One adrenaline rush to another. Never pausing long enough to reflect.
Heād done a pretty good job of it for a while, intentionally missed plenty of chances. Spaces where it wouldāve been easy to just say something.
Itās better this way, he told himself, for both of us.
Vang0 shouldāve known better than to think the past could actually stay buried. It was never dead.
Though heād lived here for months now, the city was still a mystery to him. The dull buildings and sun-cracked sidewalk all looked the same to him. The neon lights of different bars and businesses indistinguishable even in his own neighborhood. Everything felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, monotony with no order or reason. So he didnāt know where they were, that was pretty normal. What was unusual was Burger. Heād been jittery and quiet all day. If Vang0 didnāt know him so well heād say the big guy was anxious. For the life of him Vang0 couldnāt understand why. This was just a surveillance mission and an easy one at that. Not a gang den or a mob party, just a building they suspected might house a hacker whose expertise might prove useful.
Even with Burgerās weird energy things had been going smoothly so far, theyād managed to tail the woman they were after from a coffee shop and were confidently on their way to her building. Vang0 was caught up in pondering what sort of things he should keep track of. How many people go into the building? What do they look like? Are they in groups? Are there other entrances we need to know about?
He doesnāt even realize Burger isnāt next to him anymore until he goes to nudge him only to be met with open air. Vang0 turns around frantically but his eyes quickly find the unique metal line of Burgerās jaw. Heās standing stock still a dozen yards behind him, white as the steam coming off of the sewer grates.
Pushing his way through the thin flow of people, he approaches his friend with caution.
āHey, bud. You good? Weāre almost to her building.ā
To his horror, when Burger looks down at him thereās an unmistakable shine of tears in his eyes. This is the moment he realizes. Heās supposed to take the leap. Comfort his friend even if he doesnāt understand. He opens his mouth not even knowing what he wants to say when the air is knocked out of him. It takes him a moment to realize Burgerās arms are wrapped tight around him and his breathing is uneven and labored and heās actually crying, right into Vang0ās jacket. Not sobbing. Just silent weeps that shake Burgerās whole body. Vang0ās arms wrap around Burgerās broad shoulders awkwardly, he realizes in that moment he hasnāt hugged anyone inā¦ Could it really be- Not since the night Burger Chainz had found him, helped him. It was the first time heād seen someone in so long, he hadnāt even thought about it, heād just done it.Ā
Despite the awkward positioning and the press of a crowd around them Vang0 found himself settling into it. Comfortable in a way he hadnāt been expecting. Like breaching the water and taking a breath of fresh air, not even realizing how long heād been holding his breath.
When Burger pulls away, still breathing deep and unevenly, Vang0 pulls him to the curb and sits them down. Thereās a million things he wants, needs, to say and ask but he canāt find the words for any of them.
āI used to live here,ā Burger said. He pointed across the street from them, a nondescript building, as unreadable as every other building to Vang0, āThere.ā
Vang0 doesnāt know what to say to that but he looks at Burger, urging him to go on.
āWhen we first came to the city. Didnāt know anyone or anything about what was what here. Everything was so different and loud. Like being on an alien planet. We didnāt know this was a shittier part of town, didnāt even know enough to realize there werenāt any good parts.ā
The āweā threw Vang0 off. Heād known there was someone. An amalgamous empty shape in Burgerās life where something used to be but hearing it was something entirely different. It set Vang0 on edge in a way he didnāt understand.
āPeople go missing here all the time. They donāt tell you that. No one really cares or thinks anything about it. Just is. But we didnāt know. We thought everything was finally starting, a whole new life. We had plans. I had plansā¦ā
Burger closed up. His face going steely and cold, eyes still glued to the building across from them.
āWhat happened?ā Vang0 asked quietly.
The city seemed quieter around them somehow, muffled, Vang0 could almost hear Burgerās shallow breathing.
āNothing special. I was gone- two days on a job, no more than usual- and when I came back I could just feel it. Nothing looked wrong, no mess or signs of a fight or nothing. But it felt off, ya know? I could tell. I asked around about him but no one said theyād seen anything. I checked around. Waited a few days. Nothing. Heād just vanished.ā
Vang0 started to ask but Burger spoke up before he could.
āHe wouldnāt just leave. People tried to tell me that. Itās bullshit. I knew Puck. He wouldnāt do that. Not the type to bail on anyoneā¦ Like I said I waited a bit, maybe something came up. I thought about going to the cops but we were broke and by then I knew what this place was, how it worked. Even if he was there to find they never wouldāve done it.ā
After that he was quiet for so long Vang0 thought that might be the end of it. Everything seemed clouded and dull and Burger was fixated on the building, eyes unfocused.
āāS how I met Dasha, actually. Heard she knew people. So I went to her for help, explained the whole thing, and then she explained it back to me. Like no one else would. She told me, sometimes people just go missing. No rhyme or reason they just do. Sometimes they turn up. As a body, as a name in the news, a new prisoner on the list, in a gang, arm candy to some bureaucrat. But she told me, not turning up was the same as good as a body. Two months, there was still a chance. Theyād be in deep shit but they might still be breathing for the time being. If he showed up after six months, he was alive but heād never be coming back but after thatā¦ No chance. People gone longer than that donāt get found. They just donāt.ā
Burger Chainz sighed and rubbed his metal jaw with his hand.
āShe helped me look for a while. I think she knew from the beginning thereād be nothing to find but she stuck around for me. But eventually I had to try to let goā¦ Being stuck here wasnāt helping me and it wasnāt going to help him either. So I just left. Iāve been living in my van ever since. Havenāt been back till today, if you couldnāt tell.ā
Vang0ās felt like his nerves were fried. Stiff and tingly in a way he couldnāt understand. His breathing was labored. He didnāt understand what was going on but he realized through whatever was happening to him that he needed to say something.
āI- Iām sorry,ā he tried.
āMe too,ā Burger said with a tight, rueful smile.
āNo really, if Iād had any ideaā¦ I wouldāve just done this on my own.ā
Burger shook his head, āNo, I wouldāve ended up back here eventually. Iām, ah, well, I guess Iām glad it was with you. Not glad. Just- Itās good that you know, ya know?ā
Again Vang0 was left unsure of what to say. So he did what he usually did, said the first thing that came into his mind.
āHe wasā¦ a bit quiet. Smart as hell though, no idea how his mind worked. Liked to keep to his own a bit, no idea why he liked the city so much when he never wanted to leave the apartment. Didnāt fit in here at all, kept wearing his worn-out country clothes even after we bought new things. Said they felt more like him. He was kind of everything to me. Cheesy as it sounds. We never had much but I had him and he had me and that seemed like enough.ā
They sat in silence for a while. Mission long since forgotten, the day ticking by inconsequentially. Vang0 sets a hand lightly on Burgerās shoulder at one point. An anchor. He remembers the day theyād met, Burger had found him in the warehouse, engrossed in his work and heedless of the outside world. Heād placed his hand on Vang0ās shoulder to get his attention, the first person heād seen outside of a screen in all of his short memory. It had made him feel real, permanent. He hoped it offered some semblance of comfort to Burger now the way it had to him then.
Burger looked at Vang0, really looked at him, for the first time since heād broken down. He still didnāt seem himself, his posture stiff and any trace of a smile distant. But he looked at Vang0 his eyes clear and bright and simply said, āI think Puck wouldāve liked you.ā
There was something with those words and the panicked feeling that still gripped Vang0. Something else he should be doing or saying, he knows. But the thought is locked off. A scab he wants to pick at but canāt. Wonāt. Instead he takes a steadying breath and looks back at his friend with a small smile, āI think I wouldāve liked him too.ā
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