For the past year and a half I completely lost my will and desire to draw. It tortured and consumed my every waking moment to the point where my only escape was sleeping. The one thing I’ve loved and felt completely as ease with only brought me frustration and dissatisfaction. It felt like there was a disconnection between my head and my hand that I couldn’t fix. If there’s one thing that frustrates me into an obsessive state, it’s something I can’t fix. I tried forcing the love back into me, I tried drawing until my hand cooperated, nothing was working.
It wasn’t until a couple days ago when my best friend suggested I watch Kiki’s delivery service, as it had something in there I really needed to see. I’ve watched Kiki’s delivery service plenty of times, but I could never relate to or understand Kiki and Ursula’s plight. This time however, the movie’s themes hit me so hard I burst into feel city as mach speed.
I love drawing. I could never hate it.
I just needed to stop being so cruel to myself. I needed to stop pushing myself back down this ugly pit of self loathing. I spent yesterday doing my best to relax and not even think about drawing. I had no idea how long it would take to rekindle my passion but I was determined to wait until I felt ready.
It’s not much but on a whim I decided to sketch out the thing above and, despite it not being something I’d like to post, it’s something I did without forcing myself. I feel really relieved.
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