vegetarian and back again

a tale by a hungry girl who loves cows

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Day 12: In Which I Think I’m Gaining Weight as Opposed To Losing Weight, Which Was the Original Intention

Days 11 and 12 went by pretty successfully. Worked out, ate lots o meat, life was good. Just one thing keeps bugging me (though this could be due to the fact that I am about to ride the crimson wave and am most likely bloated), but I feel like I might be gaining weight. Gaining weight in and of itself is not necessarily bad, but I really can’t afford to buy new clothes, as I barely fit into the ones I have now. Weight fluctuation is something I am not only familiar with, but really frustrated by. Ideally, I wanted to lose that extra stubborn last 10 lbs I have been hanging on to for the last 4 years, and that last bit of weight I gained from that birth control fiasco we shall not mention. This is really discouraging. I thought I could just not count calories, and I genuinely thought I was eating an ok amount. But the high fat part of this diet is getting to me. Maybe more mentally, perhaps, but I feel heavy and I don’t like it. 

Breakfast: (Eating out) Omelette with cheddar, sausage, olive, and green pepper, coffee, 1 plum, and a few sneaked bites of potatoes. Lunch: green bean salad with pesto, cherry tomatoes, cotija cheese, and olives. Cottage cheese. Watermelon. Oddly, I got full halfway through and didnt finish an amount of food that would normally have not been quite enough food.

Snack: 1 rib celery with almond butter and the remainder of watermelon from lunch, small handful paleo granola. Dinner: Chicken baked in pasta sauce with mozzarella over raw zucchini noodles. 

Exercise: today was yoga! Not very much of it, actually. I think it was supposed to be a rest day, which is nice, but also I worked on my feet most of the day so that will help.

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In Which I Break

Today, I broke. I broke from the diet, the strictness, and the rigidity that I have been holding myself to. I broke and I am trying to decide if I want to write: “and I don’t regret a second of it” or “and my stomach hurts.”

It happened slowly, the breaking. It came on sweetly, gently. Curls of smoke unfurling down the back of my throat to warm my stomach. Just a taste of the seasonal, was what I had said, and then I would stick with water, like I had intended. But she asked: do you want a pint? And my traitor mouth said: yes. It’s easier like that, to pretend I am just like everyone else, enjoying a Friday night out with friends, enjoying the company, and eagerly anticipating what the rest of the night had in store. Rather than thinking about the workout I had yet to accomplish. It continued, you see, when the food came. It’s easier to keep breaking, to keep sliding once you’ve already started. And besides, one wasn’t going to kill me, right? But it hit me with a bang. Cajun fireworks in my mouth like it was the 5th of July and we got em all 50% off from the stand at the mall. 2 became 4 became 6 became half of Bryce’s plate and the only reason I stopped was because I ran out of tots.

And that, friends, is the story of how I broke on the rooftop bar of a restaurant in a small town in Oregon.

Breakfast: 1/2 cup whole milk yogurt with homemade grain free granola and berries plus coffee with cinnamon. Snacks: 3/4 cup cottage cheese, watermelon, 2 slices deli ham, 3 ribs celery and almond butter, undetermined amount of nuts, 2 squares chocolate. Dinner: 1 pint cider, jerk chicken salad (spinach, avocado, red onion, mango dressing, tomatoes), 1/2 portion cajun tots with ranch, and a side of failure.

Exercise: none. Tomorrow, I will resume my journey and pretend like this never happened. It is better, I think, for me to say no entirely, than to tease myself as I did this evening. 

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Day 10: In Which I Swear I Posted This Last Night

So guys, I did it. I cheated and had chocolate. 3 squares of Ikea dark chocolate, to be specific. But it was soooo worth. In other news, I am still super tired, but I think the working out every day thing will start to equalize. Or something.  Breakfast: 2 egg scramble with green onions and cheese, bacon, watermelon, coffee with half and half and cinnamon. Lunch: chicken chopped salad with cherry tomatoes, cucumber, spinach, cottage cheese and watermelon. And ranch. I can’t help it. Snacks: 1 plum, 1 wheel baby bell, nuts. Dinner: Pork chop with roasted green beans and tricolor beets.

Dessert: watermelon and chocolate. Exercise: 60 mins circuit cardio powered by law and order SVU.

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Day 9: In Which I Post Late

So yesterday, if I can remember what I ate, which is highly unlikely as I am already thinking about what I'm going to have for breakfast, but here goes. Breakfast: 1/2 cup unsweetened whole milk Greek yogurt with handfuls of my grain free granola and berries. Plus coffee. Lunch: chicken Caesar salad with cherries. Snacks: nuts nuts nuts and cottage cheese. Dinner: chicken breast with cauliflower and homemade guacamole Dessert: watermelon and spoonful almond butter. Exercise: hoppy jumps!

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Dinner: pork chop with tri color beets and green beans. And a vow to get better at my food photography. :/

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"It has come to my attention that I am not actually eating paleo, because dairy, and I couldn't give a flying fuck, so I'll call my diet: HALLIE. But really I guess I'm just grain and refined sugar free. Does this mean I can eat honey?"

Hallie

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Dried unsweetened coconut, shaved almonds, pumpkin seeds, chia seeds, almond butter, olive oil, cinnamon, almond & coconut extracts. Toasted in 315 oven for 10 mins. Heaven.

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Day 8: In Which I Make Paleo Granola

Today was ok as far as grain free goes. I had real bacon for the first time in 6 years and I kind of like it. I don’t quite get the obsession, but it wasn’t all that icky.

I made paleo/grain free granola today, picture to follow, and I found some whole milk greek yogurt that I am going to have in the morning. I am getting a wee bit tired of eggs eggs eggs. 

Breakfast: eggs, bacon, mango, coffee with half and half. Lunch: chicken caesar salad with power greens and a ½ cup cottage cheese. Plus 1 cup cherries. Snacks: More cottage cheese with salsa. 2 celery ribs with almond butter.

Dinner: 1 spinach fontina sausage, 1 roma tomato, more power greens, and mozzarella cheese. 

Dessert: 4 strawberries, 1 tbsp whipped cream, and my paleo granola omfg so good.

Exercise: ab day, yo.

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Day 7: In Which I Get Back on Track

I apologize for the brief hiatus, my 2 dear readers, and offer up an apology: I had to work? But in all seriousness, my Uncle John passed away, and I needed some time to support my family. I would like to just briefly mention that Uncle John was a very kind hearted soul, selfless, and funny. We will miss you. During my hiatus I did continue with my workouts and did not stray from the new diet despite many opportunities and desires. I have officially made the decision to stop tracking anything, and just listen to my body, because counting calories made me slightly crazy in college, and no amount of weight loss is worth the feelings of self loathing that occur when you go over your daily allowance of calories for the day and you are quietly doing yoga in your dorm room after quiet hours to try and get yourself back under. 

And besides, I made these bomb-diggity pancakes this morning and do not want to know how many calories I went over :P Next time I will take a picture because it was a work of art. Breakfast: Sweet potato pancakes (2 eggs, ½ cup sweet potato, all of the cinnamon, and flax meal), with 2 fried eggs, raspberries, and unsweetened, freshly whipped cream. I about died. Plus coffee with half and half.

Lunch: 4 slices deli turkey, 1 wheel baby bell, an undetermined amount but close to 2oz rosemary garlic almonds, ½ cup cherries, 1 slice leftover sweet potato.

Snack: Cucumber slices with cream cheese and cherry tomatoes, handful Costco trail mix, giving chocolate and (most) of the raisins to Bryce.

Dinner: 1 drumstick Costco rotisserie chicken and power green salad with caesar dressing and some cotija cheese.

Dessert: raspberries and 4 strawberries with whipped cream (not even sorry)

Exercise: lots of high knees + 4hr shift at work on feet + mini golf

All in all, I had a pretty good day. I wasn’t really hungry until about 4pm. Breakfast kept me full for a while, and I snacked on my lunch during my 4hr shift today. It’s really interesting, this being full thing. It’s not really something I am familiar with unless I GORGE myself (usually on carbs) and its a physically full feeling. This is different, its more of a satisfied feeling, and I need to work on paying more attention to it.

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Day 4: In Which I Forget to Log My Food and Workout

I forgot to log my food and workout today. In my defense, I worked an 8 hour shift today (all standing thankyouverymuch) and I honestly just forgot until now and I am already in bed. I am not too concerned, however, because today’s workout was stretching, and I will do it in the morning, and then do tomorrows after work. 

Breakfast: 2 fried eggs, 2 slices turkey bacon, 5 small strawberries, ¼ cup blueberries, coffee w/half and half.

Lunch: 4 turkey slices, 1 baby bell cheese, 2 stalks celery, 1 med carrot, 1 tbsb cream cheese, 2 broccoli florets and 2 cauliflower florets, 8 cherry tomatoes, 1 med apple, and all of the nuts.

Dinner: Eggplant pizzas (1 small eggplant, tomato sauce, spinach, mozzarella cheese, 1 trader joes spinach and garlic sausage thing, mushrooms, and some green peppers) Dessert: 2/3 cup frozen berries

Exercise: FAIL.

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Day 3 Update: In Which I Need Some Nuts Up In This Piece

So switching to paleo was probably the best idea I have ever had in the past few days. I feel so much better mentally. I am still hungry. No popcorn, boo. 

Honestly I think the best part about switching to paleo is that I am going to buy some fucking almond butter.

Breakfast: 3 egg scramble with spinach, 4 cherry tomatoes, cotija, zucchini, green onion, and mushrooms. 4 strawberries coffee with heavy cream Lunch:  1 cup watermelon Post-workout second lunch: 1 baby bell cheese 2 slices deli turkey 1 cup cucumber with tuna leftover from yesterday moar watahmelon Dinner: 1 chicken breast (Bryce ate about 1/3 of it because I couldn’t finish) 1 cup broccoli, 1 cup cauliflower, 1 small carrot, green onion, mushrooms weird shirtake noodles (made with tofu, low cal, low carb) Totals: Cals: 1,000 Protein: 65g Carbs: 69g Net Carbs: 49g (not baaaaad) Sugar: 34g Fat: 47g

Exercise:  3 mile run + weighted squats

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Day 3: In Which I Feel Like Vomiting and Switch to Grain Free

I feel sooooo shitty. I feel greasy and heavy and nasty and I can not put another piece of meat in my mouth unless I get to eat it with some goddamn fucking fruit. I get that meat is an essential part of grain free as well, but I feel healthier when I am eating fruits and vegetables, rather than focusing on meats. I want to eat the rainbow, guys.  An aside: I am doing this for medical reasons. Without going in to too much detail, I have been instructed to eat a low-carb, low sugar diet. I Firmly believe, however, that she was not imagining >20g a day. I will happily see what grain free eating yields for me today, and if its under 60, I will consider it a done deal. I also believe that restricting myself to fruit sugars and cutting out my biggest weaknesses: corn chips and cereal, will yield enough results.  I realized that I needed to change something this morning when the thought and the smell of meat made me gag (but my stomach was so empty thank goodness). I had just cooked some chorizo to put in my breakfast scramble, and I scraped it out of the pan and started over-without the chorizo.  More updates to come, just wanted to share with you that I am going to go fucking eat a slice of watermelon and not cry on the inside. 

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Day 2: In Which I am Hungry

I am so fucking hungry it’s not even funny. I don’t know what the deal is but seriously all I fucking want is fruit. I JUST WANT SOME GOD DAMN WATERMELON.

I think maybe this is my desire for Berry Berry Kix speaking...

Daily Intake:

Breakfast: 2 eggs, ooey gooey in butter 2 slices turkey bacon (yuck) 1 strawberry 6 blueberries coffee with whole cream 

Elevensies: 5 slices deli turkey baby bell swiss

4 O’ Clock Munchies: 1 cucumber, peeled 1 can tuna, in water MAYO MOFO’S mustard 1 dill pickle

Dinner: 3 homemade pork meatballs (made with Bragg’s liquid aminos and an egg) 3 small slices mozzarella (approx. 1oz) 1 cup raw spinach 2 small strawberries 2 blueberries

I’m fuckin hungry: 1/2 cup edamame

Totals: Cals: 1,226 Carbs: 18.8 (YASSSS!!) Fat: 80g (should I be concerned?) Protein: 101g (holy shit) Sugar: 6 Exercise: whatever man, I did it. Tomorrow is running. Ugh. TL;DR: I AM FUCKING HUNGRY

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Day One: In Which I Find Out that Tomatoes Have Carbs

Today started out with the bitter taste of unsweetened yogurt and optimism. Here I was, eating my 2% Fage, feeling like a badass mofo for not eating heaps of granola and honey (why, world, why?) and then I realized that I had just consumed nearly half of my daily carb allowance. Oops. Easy is as easy does, I suppose? 

There’s a bit of a learning curve to this thing, I guess.  

Breakfast: 7oz 2% Fage with walnuts, chia seeds, 4 strawberries, and flaxmeal.

Lunch 1: 2 boullion cubes, 1 egg, 1/2 cup edamame, 2 slices medium cheddah

Lunch 2: cabbage salad with Ceasar dressing, 4 cherry tomatoes, parm, and deli turkey, and 6 blueberries

Dinner: (pictured above) zucchini noodles, 1 roma tomato, 1 Trader Joe’s Spinach and Fontina and Garlic sausage thing, 1/2 cup white mushrooms, 2 green onions, and 2 Tbsp pesto.

Totals per My Fitness Pal:

Cals: 1,263 Carbs: 68 :’( Net carbs: approx. 30 (calculated by subtracting dietary fiber from total carb count for each food) Protein: 90g (AWOOGA) Fat: 72g (rubs belly) Sugar: 38g (!!!)

All in all, a somewhat disappointing day. I thought for sure that I would be under the benchmark, but apparently tomatoes have quite a few carbs. Who knew? And I just bought a large container of heirloom tomatoes. Wahhh.

Exercise: Day one of the Darebee.com fitness challenge complete! It wasn’t too difficult and I contemplated doing level II, but then my hunger won out and here we are. I won’t be posting the specifics, because copyright? IDK MAN, I DON’T WANT TO GET IN TROUBLE. If you are curious, here is the link. Conveniently, the days of the challenge line up with the days of my posts so, voila! 

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Dinner, yo.

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In Which I Start  a New Challenge

Since starting challenges is a specialty of mine, and finishing them seems to go SOOO well for me, I’ve decided to start a new one. I will be eating Keto and completing a HIIT workout challenge simultaneously for 60 days. Go big or go home, yeh?  Let’s start today, shall we?