19 Days Chapter 143 Review/Rant/Analysis
So the drama continues between Jian Yi and Zhan…. Jian Yi is still falling apart in front of Zhan’s eyes and Zhan feels helpless. I suppose at first we were all angry that Zhan said “You like men?” Because we all know Jian Yi is only in love with Zhan, so it hurt. Yet, Jian Yi was not angry at all, he was not pissed like many of us who couldn’t believe Zhan could be so clueless about Jian Yi’s feelings. Jian Yi was understanding and even comforting towards Zhan,
Instead Jian Yi has empathy, he wants to let Zhan know that he is not to blame for his tears, for his pain. Even though the question made Jian Yi start crying even harder he is still able to make relate to Zhan’s question. In other words, he is making telling Zhan his question is valid because Jian has probably asked himself that same question since he has been aware of his feelings.
(More Under Keep Reading)
If you also pay attention his facial expression, he is looking away from Zhan unlike at the end of the last chapter, Chapter 142, when he was looking straight at Zhan with the heartbroken look on his face. The fact the he looks away at the ground is most likely a way to remain calm and try to get himself together. Sometimes it’s also easier to say deep thoughts and difficult things when you don’t look at the person you are with directly. As a matter of fact, Jian Yi doesn’t make eye contact in the whole chapter. This can also mean he is scared of facing Zhan and even if he is no longer running away there is still that fear inside of him that makes him want to avoid the whole situation, which is what he has been repeating with words such as “later” “tomorrow” etc. when Zhan confronts him. It’s new to see this side of Jian Yi since he is always looking at Zhan, he is never scared of making eye contact, specially when he makes a comment that he knows will make Zhan punch him.
The reason for this is, Jian Yi knows Zhan never hurts him because he hates him or anything like this. They have been friends for so long, Jian already understands Zhan and his way of dealing with emotions, affection, etc. He is not afraid of Zhan or his actions, he is only afraid of reject and losing him. Jian Yi is not asking at any point to be loved back by Zhan, he only wants to remain his friend
For example, in previous chapters Jian Yi was concern that Zhan was slipping away and wanted to do activities together to save their friendship. He goes as far as to let Zhan know that there is nothing in the world that could make Jian Yi not want to be friends with him anymore. This even applies to his feelings, no matter if Zhan does not feel anything romantic towards Jian Yi, he will still be his best friend, even if he broke his heart. His love will always be unconditional and he’ll, no matter what, be there for Zhan. In the first panel it also easy to see how serious he takes those words to be, he means them. That’s why now, Jian Yi doesn’t want to let his feelings get in the way of their friendship.
His priority is to be part of Zhan’s life, regardless of what he is to him. It’s heartbreaking because this tells us how selfless Jian Yi really is, he always attempts to make romantic or sexual comments to Zhan but in reality he never asks to be reciprocated. In the end, all that matters is that they get to talk and hang out. Those little things are what makes Jian Yi the happiest, they always have. Remember how happy and excited Jian Yi was when he was invited to play video games or when Zhan asked him if he had time after school or when Zhan told him that he had not forgotten about his birthday.
In this part Jian Yi repeats what he said in chapter 141, I believe, after Zhan punches him for the kiss. “It was a joke”, he wants to cover his actions and feelings because he is embarrassed that he confessed his feelings like that, so explicitly without exactly knowing how Zhan felt. This also hurts him, even if he insists to make is joke and forget about, we know that kiss meant everything to Jian Yi: pain, love, happiness, anxiety, terror… So to ask to forget about it and take it as joke would also implicate to take his love and affection towards Zhan, and the action to demonstrate how much he loves Zhan, as a joke. Although, now he doesn’t need to act like he didn’t mean it he request Zhan to play along. The ellipsis here also symbolize how hard it is for him to speak those words because it is likely that he regrets kissing him but deep inside there is still something inside that doesn’t. He is confused like he said at the beginning.
The angle in which Jian Yi is drawn like in the panel above show in the background always the ground, the rain or the darkness of the bridge, we can all agree that the rain is reflecting Jian Yi’s feeling, his tears, his pain. But in contrast to this, Zhan’s background shows light.
That is a major contrast between the two. The white background is also used to reflect a sudden confession which shocks the listener, Zhan. Yet the change in the background could also have to do with their feelings. Jian Yi is shown with his head down and backgrounds with negative connotations, but Zhan is shown with the light of the street and then entering the bridge to comfort Jian Yi. This could either be the realization of his feelings and leaving that happiness and ignorance he lives and enters the darkness of the bridge, to rescue Jian Yi or to be with him for support. Or, this could mean Jian Yi feels hopeless at the moments but Zhan doesn’t, Zhan hasn’t officially rejected Jian Yi’s feelings all we know is his reaction to the kiss.
Like I said in my previous post, I believed Zhan was going to cry or had tears in his eyes but now it’s more than obvious that he is suffering just as much as Jian Yi.
His eyes are glassy, his skin has pink colouring, deep in the eyes, light in the nose and mouth where we know are the parts of the face that get red easier when someone cries and if you want you can compare to Jian Yi’s face which is coloured pink in the same areas. In this chapter we can see Zhan is torn between feeling helpless, confused and his desire to make everything okay for Jian Yi. He doesn’t argue with him any longer because he knows talking about it any further would cause Jian Yi more pain, so he pushed his own feelings and desires to find out how to overcome this situation aside for Jian Yi’s sake. If you want more evidence just look at his body language, look closer to his hands
He is clenching one hand into a fist, meaning he is angry for not solving this situation better or the way he would want to but his other hand is wide open and reaching for Jian Yi. Right now, his priority is Jian Yi and to assist him as best as he can. He finally gives in and hugs Jian Ji with both of his hands and rests his face in his shoulder.
This is another big change in character development, although they have hugged before we were never shown Zhan holding onto Jian Yi, we only got to see his relieved face. Zhan, before, refused to even try to get hugged by Jian Yi.
He freaked out by the idea of Jian Yi getting too close to him. But now, he holds onto him like his life depended on it. But Jian Yi doesn’t hug him back the same, one reason could be because of how vulnerable and shatter he is at the moment, another reason could be because he is scared to get too close to Jian Yi. This lead me to have a “conspiracy theory” a “fan theory”.
I believe the roles turned around, from how Zhan wouldn’t hug Jian Yi because he has always been scared or “annoyed” by letting Jian Yi too close to Jian Yi feeling scared of Zhan getting too close and ending up hurting their relationship. Also caught my eye how in the really beginning chapter Zhan wasn’t really aggressive as he is now. I believe he became aggressive when he started to have any thoughts of feelings for Jian Yi, he wouldn’t mind his “affection” whether comments or actions if he wasn’t concern about something. I believe the reason he acts like this is to cover up his own feelings for Jian Yi, to keep himself for falling in love. Another reason I say this is that he throughout the last chapters have been shocked about Jian Yi’s true feelings, this could be because Zhan has been hiding his own feelings for Jian Yi for so long that he hasn’t notice that Jian Yi has been in love with him this whole time.
And as I said before, behind all those aggressive things Zhan does he genuinely cares fondly about Jian Yi, possibly even have consider having feelings more than platonic for him,
But we have to wait and see. Thank you for reading!
(I wanted to link my other review/rant/analysis posts but my blog doesn’t want to work)
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST! MY BLOG IS NOT WORKING I PROMISE I’ll FIX IT And Add Read MORE WHEN I CAN
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