VIOLENT DREAMS @vemxx - Tumblr Blog

R3lapsed

#i was doing so good #i dont keep track of dates but i was at least over a year #lmao but i was able to stop before i got really bad with it

yum

I’ve got a sixth sense it’s called paranoia

With the roles ever so slightly reversed, I know that the energy is not the same. I'm a burden when I cannot constantly providebtime and money. I'm supposed to be a machine, yet unfortunately I'm not

#im not supposed to have my own successes #because the further i get the morre im torn down #accomplishing my goals is the ladt thing yhr people i love want me to do #because you every step i takenin that direction leads me to more pain as the ones i love discourage me and make me feel ashamed

I know that ultimately I will lose everything if it goes down that route. Maybe I want someone who would always be by my side and the effort I put in would be matched. But I'm only needed when there's nobody else

I want to have value as a human being

But I'm utterly useless

#i wish i could relapse but ot would only cause more trouble for me #a chain reaction #and at the end it would only be my fault #i just want to wtop existing already #but tomorrow i will be q shell of a person again as i repress all the emotions #living each day checking off the list without passion or value #until i die a natural death #to be forgotten

I just have to accept that I'll be second always

#this is why i repress everything because 9/10 times itll just be an inconvenience #i am just something for others to use #im not valued as a human being whose emotions matter #i thought that i would be ysed to that by now