❝ i am making progress, ❞ he agrees. ❝ but clearly, it hasn’t been fast enough if this is where i ended up tonight. i know you’re telling me not to think about it, but there was a lot i could have and SHOULD have done differently. i’m not an animal. i can go against instinct. ❞ he’s owning up to the fact that he’s messed up. theo truly wants to make progress. ❝ i’m trying not to, baby, but you understand why it’s not easy to just NOT beat myself up right now, right? it hurts. it’s hard. ❞ when one thing after another keeps hitting him, it gets more difficult to deal with or ignore. he’s DWELLING. however, tracy being here makes it easier to move past than if he was alone. ❝ i still don’t know how it got out of hand. i don’t know who there would have called the cops. it was a ROUTINE fight, ❞ he scoffs. ❝ —– what if i found out who called them? should i deal with that? ❞ will that CREATE more problems for him or solve it? he won’t fight them. he just might have a few words to say. the lightness in her voice and the giggle that falls past her lips makes everything feel EASIER. his body visibly relaxes and his lips can finally curl into a gentle smile. ❝ the aliens are going to team up with us? ❞ he chuckles. ❝ damn. that’s the dream. let’s hope that happens soon. we can all take over the world together. ❞ it will feel a hell of a lot better than getting beaten by it constantly. he knows her words are genuine and that is something. he is struggling to believe in himself, so having her support means the WORLD. theo turns slightly in her grasp to look at her. ❝ YOU are what i need, ❞ he speaks certainly. ❝ i just need you, tracy. i need your love and your support and that is the best thing you can give me. that’s the only thing that will come close to fixing this, okay? just give me that. focus on THAT. ❞ she doesn’t need to go above and beyond. does he appreciate it? of course. but he wants her to focus on just loving him. beyond that, nothing can fix him but his own desire to be helped. his head nods and he turns to face forward again, backing up against her to get her to hold him tighter. this is all he can bring himself to do. ❝ all i need is to stay here with you ALONE, ❞ he insists, though his voice stays quiet. people are likely wondering what happened; he can’t deal with them. a smile returns to his lips once more, tugging just barely at the edges as he squeezes her hand again. ❝ you’re right about that. it goes both ways. we can make each other feel safe like this, ❞ he whispers. theo never realized how truly comfortable he is being held like this until she did it. lately, it’s what he’s wanted the most. eyes close and his skin tingles underneath her lips. it relaxes him, but it doesn’t fix things. theo still feels as though he needs to solve this; he needs to pay her back so he’s not RUINING her life. he has been dragging her down with him recently, hasn’t he? she may not see it like that, but he does. ( and he’s too selfish to let her go. ) his head shakes and a frown tugs at his mouth. ❝ that’s different. that money isn’t mine and i have it to spare. you’re paying for school, ❞ he notes. ❝ —– i can’t talk you into letting me do this, can i? ❞
❝ that’s your problem. you’re impatient. things like this take time, ❞ she reminds him, her fingers running softly across his skin. ❝ i know. and ---- ❞ she pauses, letting out a breath. ❝ i’m proud of you for admitting you did something wrong. ❞ it’s just difficult for her to agree with it when she feels like she should be playing the deflector, saving him from those negative thoughts rather than telling the truth, but she’s starting to understand what it is he really needs right now. ❝ i think you will. i think this is going to really help you. it doesn’t seem like it right now i’m sure, but ----- you‘ll get there. ❞ she believes he can change himself for the better, he just has to believe it too. ❝ routine, ❞ she mumbles, her head shaking. ❝ it shouldn’t be routine, ❞ she points out. that’s where things get MESSY. they all expect this to just be a normal thing, and she doesn’t understand why that’s okay. eyes widen and she quickly stops him. ❝ theo. what do you mean DEAL with it? i think the last thing you should be doing is poking the bear. i think you should leave it alone. ❞ it could likely make matters WORSE. she closes her eyes briefly, taking in the comfort of theo’s body relaxing. ❝ it’s my dream too. i’ll be your alien queen, you can be my alien king, ❞ she teases, pressing a long kiss against his arm. arms tighten around him slightly as he tells her that she is what he needs, her hold taking an even more protective role. ❝ you have me, ❞ she reminds him in a whisper. ❝ you always have me. and you always have my love and my support. that’s something i could never lose. ❞ fingers slide against his chest, chin sliding across his back. it’s one of those times she wishes there were words that accurately describe the capacity of her love for him, but there’s just no limit ------ she just has to rely on their silent communication. ❝ if anyone knocks on the door, let me handle it, okay? ❞ it’s not like her to ever address anyone herself. when people knock, she turns away, pretends she’s not there to avoid whatever conversation is bound to happen. this time, she will handle it herself and let him avoid it. ❝ i’ll tell them you’re sleeping. i’ll make sure they leave you alone until you are ready to talk, ❞ she assures him. ❝ it’s just us tonight. ❞ she will let him have that. she sighs, face moving into his back as her nose rubs against it. ❝ theo, ❞ she repeats again, wishing he would drop the conversation instead. ❝ i have basically been living in your room for a year and a half now. you cook for me, you clean for me, you give me a place to sleep. ❞ all the while, she’s paying for a dorm room of her own, but that’s hardly on her mind. ❝ you buy me clothes, books, things i don’t need, things i do need. soon we’re going to really be living together and our money is all going to go towards the same thing ---- us, ❞ she reminds him. ❝ if i wasn’t willing to spend that money tonight, then ---- i would have figured something else out, but i was. you take care of me all the time; you have to let ME do it too. i don’t want to talk about money right now, okay? ❞
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