The Daily(ish) Vent Sesh

..........This page is dedicated to my venting needs. If you feel the need to hate, go for it... Vent away.......... Insta saw it first

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #11 ~ I’m Sorry

So, the other night I was talking to Rose... We legit had a 3 and a half hour talk on the phone... Anyway, We got on the subject of Jade’s brother and I realized how much of a little shit I was towards him when I was chilling with Jade 24/7. So I've decided to make a whole post on the things I've done, I’m sorry for and what I've never said or want to say.

To Jade’s Brother,

I’m sorry for being a bitch to you whenever you and Jade had a fight. I know that there were very few times where I stood up for you and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that we don’t talk anymore, that I broke my promise to you on hurting myself (which I've now managed to keep), and I’m sorry for going off at you and going with whatever Jade said instead of sticking with my opinions and shutting the f@*K up. I’m sorry that I went to see you even though you didn’t want me to lie to my mother. I’m sorry that I made your life hell when it was the last thing you needed. I know that you go through some hefty shit and I’m sorry that I made it harder for you. I understand that we don’t talk anymore... I mean with all the shit I put you through I don’t blame you... but just remember I am here whenever you need me. And if you’ve lost my number, inbox me to call you if you need. And if you’re ever if a situation where you need something, a chat, credit, some advice, even if you needed a pregnancy test or just wanted me to bring some mates down to see you, just text me and we’ll make it work. I miss our chats. I know that your misses probably wouldn’t be happy if we talked that long now but I miss the little chats we used to have. I miss how close we used to be, I could tell you anything knowing that you wouldn’t tell a soul and you always knew how to cheer me up. I just miss how it used to be.

To Rose

I’m sorry for letting Jade get to me. If it wasn’t for her we probably would have never stopped talking but then again... I have to take some responsibility. I’m sorry for prank calling you almost every night when you lived in whoop whoop but just know it was out of love. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you more and I sorry for not being there when you really needed me. I’m so glad that we’re talking again and just know that I love you to the moon and back xx And, bitch, stop putting up depressed statuses... Pick up yo damn phone and text me to call you. I don't give a fuck if I'm in the middle of class... I will fake my period if I have to xx And if you need me you always know that I'm here for you and I always will be. If you ever need anything, even if its as little as reassurance or big as a pregnancy test, just give me a text. I'm only a half an hour drive away xx

To my mother

I'm sorry for lying to you about where I was staying on multiple occasions even though you don’t know about it. I’m sorry for pinching smokes off you even though you don’t know that either. If sorry for the shit that my father put you through, I know that it’s not my fault but just remember that he’s a fuckwit that needs the pole removed from his ass. I’m sorry for the times where I have been a bitch to you. I’m sorry that I’m falling behind in all of my subjects but believe me when I say I’m trying to catch up. I'm sorry for the amount of money you have to give my sister and brother, there is a reason I have two jobs and I’m trying to work hard to keep it that way. I love you to the moon and back and a million times over. You are definitely the better half of my fetus makers and I love you even when I’m a pain in the ass. Even if I don't show it, I appreciate everything that you do for me and for you children (biological or ‘Adopted’) and you are doing such an amazing job at being a single mum. I love you loads and I promise one day I’ll tell you about my wrong doings.

I’m sure that there are many more people who I've hurt but I want to say that I’m sorry to them all. If someone out there is actually reading this, my advise to you is don’t regret the choices you’ve made because once that's exactly what you wanted... But you can apologise because I believe that regret and apologising don’t have to be linked. Everything that I've done I don't regret but I am genuinely sorry for hurting the people that are and have been close to me, that includes physically, emotionally or mentally.

[vent-sesh-insta]

Long time no vent...  I was going to vent about one of my wrong doings, and I’ll get back to that, but yesterday, a lot of shit went down and I saw my best friend in tears and that really shits me.

Before I start, I believe that what happened was somewhat my fault. Making my best friend cry, sounds like I'm the worst friend in the world and tbh it kinda feels like that right now but I'm going to make it right and make those b*tches Shut the f@#k up.

So let me explain...It was a shitty day for Q, I'm not gonna go into details because that's not where my guilt’s coming from but I knew that she needed some space so I gave it to her. At break, I sat down with Jade and 3 other ‘mates’ (Skye, Kourtney and Courtney) and they started full out bitching about Q and I didn’t speak up about it because in the past they’ve just shut me down. So I seeked a second opinion and they told me that Q deserves to know. So I did just that and she broke down in tears and that is when I felt guilty as hell. We went to go and find one of her mates that is like a brother to her so she could vent to him and when she left Kourtney and Jade came... And shit hit the fan. Q’s ‘brother’ came back and he when off his nut at her. 5 minutes after Q and I left Kourtney, Courtney and Skye walked in and I sent them to Kourtney and Jade where we just were. another 5 minutes past and All K,C,J and S came in and straight out of the door... This happened twice. Q’s brother came in basically crying and he never cries and then K, C, S and J came in and K basically pinned Q to the wall and yelled “let me explain”. Q stormed off and I went after her. Her brother came and gave Q his phone saying that his going for a run, and after talking to a teacher, he came back with beaten up knuckles from punching a brick wall.

Oh, no... It doesn't stop their. Jade texted me while I was in class and was abusing the fuck outta me because I told Q what they said. And this is just as we were getting onto talking terms. And she thinks that I have it all wrong, that apparently she said all of that shit and the girls were just agreeing. I know for a fact that’s absolute bullshit because, frankly, I forgot that she was there. So no, this time around Jade didn’t say jack shit and I know what I heard so she can’t say otherwise. And not only that but I was going to confront her today about it face to face, but guess who didn’t show up to school today.

This is what I find pathetic, the fact that she has the audacity to text me and then conveniently not show up to school the next day. I know that people will probably read this and think that I'm jumping to conclusions but she has done this many times before. Jade cannot face her problems, instead she hides behind the screen of her phone. This is why I feel the need to put her outside of her comfort zone and do it face to face. I know that she’ll back out because she can’t handle it.... I just hope that no one will hold me back

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #9 ~ Lessons I have learnt from artists I've decided I'm going to do a series of these lessons I have learnt from either music artists lyrics or what they have said. I just want to say that I am a promotional person of these people but I do highly recommend you listen to them. So first artist is a rapper named Witt Lowry. The first song I listened to was 'I Could Be'. I cannot find a better song to introduce people to his music. The lyric that I love from this song is "I never said I was perfect. See, I never clamed to be. 'cause perfect is perception, perception is all that they can see." I love this because it tells us that perfection is only what you see in someone, it's a false identity that people hide behind, and it can vary from one person's view to another. Next song is called 'Youth'. This song, like many others, have so many lyrics I could talk about but word limit so part 2? Anyway "It's crazy how we go through life and take for granted each day But hey things change, and people change And that's just a part of life, don't believe it will stay the same Love with everything you got and don't anticipate the pain Because today is the day that your whole world could just... Change". I chose this one because in this generation we have to go with the flow. Everything around us is changing and we cant help it. And it's not just the technology and architecture that's changing, it's people to... So we have to try our hardest to keep up with everything otherwise we'll get left behind. Last one for Witt, I'll let you discover him, is 'Look Alive'. "Sometimes I, don't wanna wake up Because dreams is what we're made of And we live in a world, where fake girls, take fake drugs, make fake love Damn where's the real at You can't tell me you don't feel that". We cannot deny that this generation is full of barbies and ken's. There are do many of us who act fake and not who we truly are. I can relate to trying to sleep through reality because dreams are so much better.

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #8 ~ reflecting As a new year comes, the time comes to reflect on the past one. I made this account to basically bitch about whoever I want, as a last resort, but this time it's different... This time I'm reflecting on 2016 and a bit of 2015. Lately ive been bitching about Jade and venting about her childish ways but I'm going to talk about what she's taught me. 1. Sometimes family can't work it out, even if they're not blood. This was probably the one that hit me the hardest because when I realised that this was a reality, it became a reality... Not just her and I, but her and her 'big bro' and my father and I and Its okay to push peopIe away. if their shit is effecting you in anyway, it's okay to get rid of that negativity. The last thing anyone needs is someone who always pulls them down. And I'm not saying that you should kick them out if they are down from time to time but there's a point when enough is enough. 2. No matter how much it sounds like a good idea, if you're not 18 or so don't ditch your family over Christmas holidays. Don't get me wrong, doing this was a great experience but family is all you have that no matter how much it doesn't work, you can't get rid of them. 3. It's okay to completely snap the rules to shatters. I'm not saying go out and do drugs, have sex and get wasted.. I'm saying that if you don't take risks then you won't have any experiences to learn from. And plus this is a great way to get to figure who you are as a person (we'll get to this story in another vent) 4. short story time!! I believe that I got brought up to the best of my parents abilities. I wasn't brought up around drugs or people who are 'bad' in societys eyes. But Jade introduced me to this otherside of life. I have never hit a bong or smoked a joint but I now know people who do. And I know people who have been in juvey and residential care. She showed me that not all of these 'bad people' are bad... Just miss understood. She showed me that I'm lucky to be raised in a household that loves me and doesn't abuse me or hasn't kicked me out. She taught me to be thankful for the little things in life, even if it's that I'm not from a broken home and am safe

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #7 ~ Judging Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.. Yeah, probably the most cliche sentence existing but it seems that my generation didn’t hear it enough.

As I look around at society, I am discussed to be apart of it. The amount of judgemental and hurtful things that people say about and to eachother is disgraceful. I see people being put down for opening doors and being genuinely polite. Not because they’re “trying to get the girls” or are “a teachers pet” but because they were brought up to be polite towards other people. Then there’s the other half of it when people get judged for their past. It’s not this generation that needs to understand but society as well, they are a different person to who you knew or heard of 5 years back. If you keep on bringing up their past, how are they going to get past it? All they want to do is move forward, and yeah, they may have fucked up in the past but hasn’t everyone?? Okay, so this circle is a special one because we’re about to give it it’s third half… How that works? Idk, but let’s roll with it. Judging people because of the rumours they’ve heard. This really shits me. Just because someone has heard shit about someone and judging them for it, is disgraceful. First of all, it might not even be true… I mean, it is a rumour. And second of all, even if they did, their actions do not define who they are as a person. Just because someone hit another person doesn’t make him a bad person, it might have been in self defence. And just because that chick slept with that guy when she was drunk… Maybe actually realise that the guy was using and basically raping that girl. This generation needs to learn a little bit of respect and some need it more than others

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #6 ~ My Father Let's take this venting sesh to a whole new level, a very personal level, let's talk about my father. See, my father and I used to be close as hell, I was his little girl and he was my hero. But that all changed when I was 12. One night I was sick, and in my household if you were sick then you got to sleep in the lounge room, but this time was different, this time my father came and joined me. Being 12 I pretended to be asleep, he asked me if I was watching Drastic Park and I didn't reply, so he turned it off and went to sleep. I found myself thinking of the worse possible outcome that may happen. Then I told myself to stop being silly, mum and dad wouldn't get a divorce. 2 days later that became a reality. Now I could bore you with the details of moving my father from house to house because his rent was up but instead, I'm going to tell you about the shit his done, because this is what I need to vent about. So first, he said that the furtherest he would move away is half an hour... He now lives 2 hours away. I would share the next one to you but you don't need to know about my father's sex life. Anyway, I would never hurt you... Another promise that he broke. He didn't physically hurt me but he might aswell have. Long story short, he told me, at the age of 13, that he had thought about killing himself a couple of months before that conversation. This was probably the worst day of my life. See, the thing that Jade and my father have in common is that they both have a habit of turning it around and making you look like the bad guy, and putting words into your mouth. No matter how much I dislike my father, him saying that I wouldn't care if he got hit by a train, comes in at a close second worst day. I mean, yeah, we have our differences and we hardly talk but I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. Apparently, Tumblr has a longer word limit then instagram so you guys get the extended version. "You'll always be my little girl". Probably the most bullshit sentence I have heard out of his mouth. See, in my eyes I've been replaced. My father has a girlfriend that he loves but the family hates, and her daughter has replaced me. He always sees her and he knows her in a way that he doesn't even know his own kids. For Christmas and her birthday she gets presents but I get money, I mean I'm not complaining about the fact that it's money but it would be nice if he showed me that he knows me and actually put some effort into gifting. Now this is the one that really shits me, the fact that he said that he wouldn't talk shit about my mother around us kids but then posting a status on their official divorce day, complaing on how she's celebrating her freedom. He blocked her so he couldn't see the things that she posts but still, he thinks he has the right to bitch about her on a public forum that his children can see. I don't want this to go on forever so this will be my last one... "your mother and I will still remain friends". Yeah, well your girlfriend fucked that up for ya didn't she. On top of all of his childish behaviour, his girlfriends input was not needed.

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #5 ~ Number 1 pet hate Okay, so this is probably my biggest pet hate... When someone tells you that they need to tell you something but they can't because they don't want to lose you, or piss you off, or whatever other excuses they can make up. Seriously, if you're going to tell me that, then don't tell me at all. Don't tell me that it's going to piss me off or you're scared you're going to loes me over it because, tbh, I would rather find out from you then find out from someone else and at lease if you told me up front, you might still have a chance to make things work. If it was that bad who would you rather tell me? You, and you can explain what and why? Or for me to hear it from someone else who doesn't know why you did it and can't justify your actions?

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #4 ~ heartbreak Everyone knows the meaning of heartbreak. The feeling you get after breaking up with a partner... But it can be taken to a whole new level when it happens with a best friend I'm here to vent my heart way so hopefully someone can learn from this and so I can read back and not go back to that place where I am led to believe that I need them to be happy... Because in reality, if I was happy before I met them then I can be happy without them. STORY TIME So here comes the name Jade again (for those who don't know the name, look at my Hypocrite vent)... We used to be sisters but there was much more behind her not practicing what she preached, way more. I ditched my family last year over Christmas and New Years to spend it with her family. It was an amazing experience but it was hard on Christmas day 😂 Anyway, by this time we've had pitty fights.. Mainly about boys.. But here is the difference between me and her. I take criticism and build on it, I take it and try and make myself a better me... Even if one of my other mates (Let's call her Q, short for queen) and many others (like Rose and Lia) told me that what she was saying was a load of bullshit. Anyway, she can't take criticism and confrontation. She just turns around and says "this is irrelevant". See, everything had to be about Jade... And whenever I needed support somehow she always had something else on. Don't get me wrong, at the start she was my sister.. We were closer then close and her family was like mine. But recently I realised that I don't need her to be happy, that after everything she's put me through it's not worth going back. That, yes, it was great while it lasted but if all Jade is giving me is pain then maybe it's better to let her go... That maybe it's going to hurt more to hold on than to let go

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #3~ Labels In this generation, everyone has to have a label... We use these labels to 'understand' people and help fit them into a certain friendship group. In this case, it can be semi helpful but it's gotten out of hand. In one of my other venting posts, I explained the difference between depression and being depressed, that's just one example of being melodramatic with these 'labels'. Don't get me wrong, I know people who legitimately have ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Dyslexia and many more, but we as a generation no longer understand what these conditions actually are. Instead we are using them as labels so we can 'fit people into where they belong'. Besides the obvious problems with this labelling system, majority if these don't reflect to who the person actually is. Instead, it reflects their past or how someone else views them, usually these come from the 'populars' or 'plastics' of their grade or school. These label giving groups use this to build some sort of hierarchy. Luckily, my grade doesn't really have a 'hierachy'. We have two main groups where one is more popular than the other but both groups still bond. However, these labels are still present. Not by those who are a bit more popular but the person themselves. They give themselves a label of having depression or anxiety, or even being a hoe, whore or slut, or any other degrading names they can think of. Personally, I don't understand why they do this. Why they would put themselves down in such away that could have a negative impact on their lives, why in this generation being a slut or a whore is a good thing, why they're trying to get attention and pitty from having a mental condition that they don't actually have.

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #2~ Hypocrite Hypocrite- Someone who hates it when people do certain things but they do it themselves. STORY TIME One of my ex-bestfriends, has been for like 3 days, (Let's call her Jade) always was like a sister to me. She protected me, she gave me her advise and support, she was like the sister I never had but always wanted. She gave me these rules... 

1. Don't smoke 2. Don't have sex 3. Never change who you are for someone else 4. Always stay in contact 5. Don't turn into a druggo 6. Never do anything with a guy you just met 7. Never treat someone with hate or violate them in any way There were many more but you get the point In March this year, she broke one of those (no.6) so, out of anger, I broke one as well (no.1). She got ticked off so I stopped... It took me a while but I quit. Jade kept on breaking these rules that she set for me, and not like this matters but she's a year younger then me. The other night she broke the rule that she was hard on me for... Whenever I went to go to see our friends, that she introduced me to, without her she reminded me not to do drugs... And I always listened. She broke her own rule, she's up seeing her cousin's and she snapchated me saying that she had smoked 3 joints and had a hash cookie the previous night. I got ticked off at this so I confronted her about it. I said to her that I didn't appreciate her sending me pictures of her stealing a bit of hoes for a bong and her egging people, houses and cars. Her reply to that was "all I saw was irrelevant s***". So I've cut her out of my life. I'll have to face her at school when we go back but that's her problem. I have my own values and beliefs and I will stick by them no matter what anyone else thinks of them or how much anyone tries to change them for me. I will no longer let her take control of my life and I'll do what I want, I'll take my own risks, and I'll live my life to the fullest. Even though I highly dislike Jade, she taught me to live life how you want and not how someone wants you to live it, that it's okay to push friends out especially when they have a negative impact on you.

[vent-sesh-insta]

Vent #1~ Depression vs Being Depressed

I am fully aware that people have depression and I'm not trying to discriminate against those who legitimately do have it, but people have to understand that being depressed is way different then having depression. 

Depression is a feeling which makes you think there is no hope, no way to survive, and no point in carrying on this charade you call a life. A feeling which is so emotionally pressing, you feel as if you're going to explode with tears. Being depressed is a response to something, generally bad or hard to handle. It has a tangible reason. It often goes away on its own. 

In this generation it seems like every second person has depression, but in reality not all of those people actually have it, they are only going through a phase of being depressed. They don't understand that having depression is a serious thing that shouldn't be used to label a person, instead it should be used for it's original purpose and that is to diagnose a person with a mental condition that just means that they need a little help and support so they can be able to enjoy life.