I think about it often.
The memories people hold onto.
The love I shared.
And I often think about what happens when me and another split apart.
Many express wanting their other to remember them.
To never forget them.
To treasure the memories.
To attempt to remember them for who they were, not what they became.
To recall the good they brought to them.
I.. cannot agree with such a sentiment.
Experiencing the agony of loss as many times as I have,
Id rather those I love forget me then harbor the pain of memory.
Id rather I be replaced, I'd rather they move on, I'd rather they forget.
Because how can you ask someone something so painful?
How could I request or demand another person to burn my imprint over their heart, to dig a hole they could never fill.
I don't ever want to do that to another person.
Im okay with carrying the memory, because now it doesn't hurt them.
I will hold onto the good and the bad and love it unconditionally even if I know they've long since moved past me.
I don't want them to be held back and hurting.
I don't want them to remember me and ache.
Id rather they never have to think back to me.
I don't want those I love to hurt.
Even if they hurt me, especially if I hurt them.
I want them to live outside of me, now that I'm not with them anymore.
I think about it more than how it hurts to remember them.
When I think of them I wonder if they're thinking of me.
I wonder if they're hurting.
I wonder if I'm hurting them.
I wish I wasn't.
And I'm sorry.
For hurting you.
I wish I could say I'm sorry for being in your life but that's presumptuous of me.
I don't want to assume what you want or what you feel.
But if I had it my way;
You wouldn't remember me,
I'd hold all memories of me and you.
So you could go free,
And never have to think of me.