idk bro @ventey-mc-ventface - Tumblr Blog

Ventey, i guess

mostly vent-ish idk. just for myself.

secret sideblog

i love being in my 20s and still having to resort to hiding in the bathroom and barricading the door

#bc of course she had to start screaming at me calling me an 'immature bitch' that she fucking hates #all because i. want flooring in my bedroom.#because im sick of unsealed unfinished concrete that turns my feet black.#peel and stick temporary floors and i have to grovel and beg just for her to pick the color #even tho itll be ripped out and replaced in like 3 years and literally doesnt matter and its MY ROOM.#and its literally the only chance i will ever have to have a room that looks the way i want in my life #cause when i move out i will never be able to own a home #i just want to kill myself #what the fuck is the point of even being alive when you cant do even one single thing for yourself #she screams at me or mocks me for the way i dress #or how i eat #calls me an entitled cunt for needing to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy #i just want to die.#i cant even fucking sleep without her interjecting herself and making me have to get her approval #i feel like a slave #not to mention she does literally nothing around the house anyway.#i do EVERYTHING.#i do HER FUCKING LAUNDRY #i vaccum i take care of the animals i clean i do the dishes i do the garbage and recycling i put away groceries i monitor the heat and ac #i do the mail i make the grocery lists i clean EVERYTHING i give the cats medicine #she does absolutely NOTHING.#but then she tells everyone that IM THE ONE WHO DOES NOTHING #she doesnt fucking care about me at all im just a tool to her im a thing to use and a punching bag to attack and thats it #she only BARELY started to fucking FEED herself again #she spent almost ten years refusing to even make herself food and made me make her food starting when i was still in highschool #no matter what i do no matter how mundane or normal it is she berates and mocks me for it #i should just fuckimg die at this point i will never be a human being

i genuinely fucking hate my mother. she is the most condescending, cruel, argumentative, delusional, hateful person i've ever known. everything is an argument to her, and YOU are always the bad guy. you can say something as mundane and just.. nothing, as 'a lot of people really dislike eggs' and she will start calling YOU a retard. she does it to everyone, but she does it most to me. i cannot wait until i can finally move away and never fucking see her. if i ever have children, she will never be allowed alone with them. god i hate her. she wonders why no one fucking likes her.

i just want to be human

if im still stuck in this house by the time i turn 25 im going to kill myself

she's such a fucking hypocrite

im really sick of listening to my abuser vent about all the abuse she's been victim to like she didnt turn around and do the same things to me

ventey-mc-ventface

for real if trumps elected again i might end my life

ventey-mc-ventface

yeah i got like nothing to live for

#im gonna try out of spite #but its so fucking hard #and i dont have a community #i dont have people in my life to turn to. im just fucking alone in this

for real if trumps elected again i might end my life

#like genuinely #us elections

when all you want to do is never eat again

#but ur too much of a fat ass to stop eating anyway #i wish i was skinny again #people thought i was pretty then #that was the only time people liked me

i wish someone loved me

ugh god my best friend just admitted they'll never be interested in sharing space w me and even tho ik its because of their living situation it still makes me a lil nauseous. idk. maybe im a little in love maybe we're kinda codependent. well, we def used to be pretty codependent. like 'if you off yourself, ill off myself too' convo multiple times level codependent. feels weird to have a sudden shift away from that. also sucks cause they were my only possible way out of my abusive household. which, they arent. but i already figured, i mean im not so delusional to actually think theyd want anything more to do with me than they currently do, but i still hoped yknow. fuck. im never getting out of this fucking house

#vent #ventey talkes

its really become obvious to me that there is no actual help for mental health. psych wards are basically prisons, therapists are untrustworthy liars who do not care, better help is a scam, antidepressants might make you want to kill yourself more, and nobody wants you to actually tell them how you're doing. like there's no help. or hope. its just be sick until you kill yourself, or willingly put yourself through horrible shit on the off chance you'll actually receive help. so if im suicidal, i cant talk about it. if i start having delusions and dissociating again, i cant go to a ward unless i want to be physically and emotionally abused and drugged against my will. there's nothing and noone that will help. why even try to seek out help when everyone i see talks about how horrible it all is? there is no help for the mentally ill in america.

#mental health #mental illness #ventey talkes

i get and enjoy some of the memes makin fun of the whole 2010's 'promise youll stop for me </3 *kisses ur s/h scars*' shit but at the same time, a lot of the shit ive seen really just comes across as coming from a place of finding s/h disgusting/pathetic. like it feels mocking towards people who do/have self harmed. as someone who has scars that i am infinitely insecure of and repulsed by, kinda makes me feel like shit yknow. feels mocking to the whole ordeal, rather than just the 'promise you'll stop for me' cringe of 2014

#ventey talkes #self harm

i hate what a stupid fuck up i am. theres nothing i cant ruin. i wish everyone would just give up on me. leave altogether

god i pissed off my best friend and i might have a panic attack why am i like this why cant i be a fucking normal fucking person

#ventey talkes

im growing increasingly afraid that im not gonna be one of the lucky trans people to grow old. i dont think im making it out of my youth. i dont think im gonna make it.

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idk bro