Vent

This is where i plan to dump all of my vents. No reblogs. Main: @ajleanon5

[venting-and-sh1t]

Its been years. So why do I suddenly feel like sinking down again?

[venting-and-sh1t]

I hate to be the one making this post. I really hate it.

I lost my job, had an accident with my car and had to pay that off, and the job Im currently trying to get hasnt paid me yet and I dont know when it will. I have no money for food or gas for my car.

I have a month left to get about $1,200 so that I can continue living where I am. My family is toxic and I cant ask them for help. I dont want to burden my girlfriend with it and she follows my other blogs so I cant post this there. Just, please, anyone who sees this please share. Its fall and cold out and I really dont like the idea of being homeless.

I can do art if you want compensation for it, you can find me on @ari-s-art-blog to look and I'll draw you something. Im down to begging at this point. And Im sorry.

Edit: venmo and paypal are both Aria Payan, [email protected]

[venting-and-sh1t]

I hate to be the one making this post. I really hate it.

I lost my job, had an accident with my car and had to pay that off, and the job Im currently trying to get hasnt paid me yet and I dont know when it will. I have no money for food or gas for my car.

I have a month left to get about $1,200 so that I can continue living where I am. My family is toxic and I cant ask them for help. I dont want to burden my girlfriend with it and she follows my other blogs so I cant post this there. Just, please, anyone who sees this please share. Its fall and cold out and I really dont like the idea of being homeless.

I can do art if you want compensation for it, you can find me on @ari-s-art-blog to look and I'll draw you something. Im down to begging at this point. And Im sorry.

Edit: venmo and paypal are both Aria Payan, [email protected]

[venting-and-sh1t]

I want to die

[venting-and-sh1t]

Ive been so stuck in this pain that im scared to be okay again

[venting-and-sh1t]

Is it bad to want more scars?

[venting-and-sh1t]

Winter

Its winter now. Its cold. Its dark. Its stressful.

Im wearing long sleeves. Sleep late. Get out of my house and call it christmas shopping when really im driving to the walmart parking lot and crying my eyes out without getting anything.

Its easier to hide now.

[venting-and-sh1t]

I want to cut. Today has been awful and I want tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow to be over. I want it to stop

[venting-and-sh1t]

I was so close to it today. Im not sure if I should be scared anymore.

[venting-and-sh1t]

I should be fine. Why am I not fine?

[venting-and-sh1t]

I dont want to keep going anymore

[venting-and-sh1t]

It doesnt hurt because you didnt care.

But because you did, and we still messed up

[venting-and-sh1t]

Anxiety Attack

Dizzy head spiraling down

Cant find your breath

Almost tearing your hair out

Trying to hold in the screams

Shaking and crying

The silence thats too loud

The darkness thats too bright

Wanting to scratch at your arms til they bleed.

Make

It

Stop.

[venting-and-sh1t]

I wish i could cut more, but its still too warm for jackets. Winter is almost here though.

I need to feel it, even when I hate it.

[venting-and-sh1t]

I dont like me today

[venting-and-sh1t]

Loud

Why is it that even when you do everything to make it stop, your mind is so loud?

You ignore it, do everything it asks, even try to force it to stop and be quiet.

But it never. Shuts. Up.

Its too loud in my mind

[venting-and-sh1t]

there are so many thoughts swirling through my head.  theres a happy future waiting for me on the other side of next year. but first I have to make it out of here. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to talk until the sun comes up and then talk some more. I dont care what we talk about just please dont let me fall asleep without saying I love you. not until I say it a million times and then a million times more. we’re going to go through some shit together before we make it out of this okay, but i promise you it will be worth it.  i want to get to the day that we are happy together with no one telling us how to feel or how to be. i wont have to be afraid anymore and you wont have any more lonely nights. 

i want to give you my everything, even if that is nothing. then i will give it to you again and again until you have it all.  my dear there are so many things i would give if i only had the time. 

if you can wait for me i promise i will get to you.

i love you