Why do i exist? Wish I died

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Why do i exist? Wish I died
my mental illness getting worse every day
I wanna run. I wanna scream. I wanna just escape from my own fucking head. But there isn't an escape. It doesn't leave. I am fucking trapped. So I freeze. I dissociate. With my head screaming, locked behind layers of ice, sight fuzzy. I dream of dying.
I just want someone to understand me and save me
A quiet night, my final fight,
the world moves on, I fade from sight.
No footprints left, no echoes stay,
I let it go, I walk away.
No storms to rage, no voices call,
the emptiness wraps around it all.
But in this moment, still and small,
I hope that somewhere, I mattered at all.
Sometimes I can imagine and just see my dead body. Arm laying off the bed, pale, lifeless. Sometimes blood is dripping stale, sometimes not
Every time looks peaceful though. Almost like I'm sleeping
I finally had sex with you and now you’re drifting away again