Sometimes it's easy to look at other people my age and feel like they have accomplished so much and here I am without a degree, without a ring on my finger and certainly no children or career. But I have to constantly remind myself that judging my life's worth or success by comparing it to others will never be a healthy way to live.
Everyone's story looks a little different and it's like saying that Pride & Prejudice isn't as good of a story as The Hobbit just because it doesn't have orcs in it or tales of great adventure. Every tale is unique and serves its own purpose. If you take your page 57 and compare it to the page 57 of another book you can't make a value call based on the discrepancies. Follow your own story line and embrace your individual plot twists, character development and climaxes.
As promised, here is my final music mix for you guys. In case you missed my last post, I'm not really going to be around here anymore. One of my favourite things was sharing music, though, and since a bunch of people requested another mix I will leave you with this last one. Originally the theme was going to be all songs about leaving and going places, but I didn't find enough songs to satisfy that bill, so I just included some other mellow songs that fit the mood of the playlist. I know that it may be a bit depressing, however, and this is summer, so as a reward for you reading this far you can download a secret bonus mix by clicking this smiley face here :). Hope this selection of music helps you get by the next portion of your life!
Track list:
You'll Never Go | Wake! Owl
Brother, Sister | Beta Radio
Go Don't Stop | Mat. McHugh
I Didn't Know | The Colorful Quiet
Gone For Long | David Myles
If You Would Come Back Home | William Fitzsimmons
Dust On The Ground | Bombay Bicycle Club
Old Mythologies | The Barr Brothers
Home | Ry Cuming ft. Jesse Carmichael
Down | Jason Walker
In My Sleep | Austin Hartley-Leonard ft. Kendall Jane Meade
Heaven's My Home | Sam & Ruby
Can't Take My Eyes Off You | Cary Brothers
S&M (Rihanna cover) | Wynter Gordon
Element | Matthew Mayfield
Gone Away | Lucy Schwartz
Off I Go | Greg Laswell
If I Go, I'm Goin' | Gregory Alan Isakov
When You Find Me | Joshua Radin ft. Maria Taylor
Stick Around | David Ramirez
As always, click on the image for the download link and click here to access older mixes.
My blog is 4 years old. Well, if you want to get technical, it's 4 years and 3 weeks old.
That's roughly four years of writing down my big thoughts and little tiny ramblings of taking and posting photos, finding and sharing music. It has been cool, and I have greatly enjoyed it. I've gotten to know some really fantastic people on here and I'm very, VERY grateful for the people around the world who have encouraged me and sent me words of wisdom and basically just shared my experiences these past few years with me.
All that being said, I think four years is enough.
When I started this blog, I was 17 and confused and vulnerable and messy. My description "the conflicted musings of a lonely heart" has been that since the day I made this blog and I just realized the other day that I don't know if I can describe myself that way anymore. And that lead me to the conclusion that I don't think I have much in common with tumblr any more. I feel like I'm breaking up with my blog or something, which is weird, but the truth is I think I've just grown apart from it.
I spent 5 months away living and enjoying my life. I went on adventures with friends at school, I studied hard and it paid off really well in all of my classes, I got a boyfriend and had my first kiss, I went to Europe alone and explored cities I had never seen before and now I'm back and I look at this beloved blue site and the little white boxes containing other people's posts and it just doesn't seem right. I feel like there is a lot more to me than can fit here. I feel like the culture of angst and kitten-obsession and .gifs and cheesy quotes and helvetica on bokeh just isn't where I want to be. And it's not like I think I'm "better" than all this, it's just not me anymore, you know?
There was a time when I was really insecure and uncomfortable with myself and unsure what I was doing in life and unsure of who I wanted to be, but that's not really the case any more. I love myself, I have a clear idea of what I want to do and where I want to be, and I have an amazing group of people around me to support me and encourage me. In short, I guess I've just done a lot of growing up.
A lot of people have been asking that I make another music mix and so as a goodbye gift I'm working on one, but after I post that I don't plan on ever really posting on this blog again. I won't delete it, because it's a big part of me and I want to be able to look back on it, but it will be a stagnant blog that will collect dust and lose its colour like a poster left in the sun too long, so you needn't come back to check on it. And that's that.
I want to thank everyone who was so kind when I started posting again after my little break I took this year. Many of you are the people who have been supporting me for years and I don't think I would be able to begin to describe to you what your encouragement has meant to me. As such, I am sorry that I came back for just a few days and am now leaving again, it feels almost rude. But I really can't keep at this knowing that my heart isn't in it.
If you want to seek me out on other mediums, have at 'er:
8tracks: ventisette
twitter: @twntysvn
email: [email protected]
instagram: @jillian_alice
otherwise, that'll be all from me.
Not much else to say, but it has been a peach. It really has.
For the month of May I had the absolute joy of spending a month in Spain, and this was taken on my last night in Granada. (you can see a few more photos if you find me on instagram @jillian_alice)
It's so easy to play the victim all the time, to remember all the times people have hurt you, have left you, have let you down. But what courage to examine your life and recognize the times you have done the same to others. We all have blood on our hands yet so often we put on white gloves and play innocent, refusing to acknowledge all the times we were the guilty ones. Humans have this incredible capacity to affect others and this is so frequently eclipsed by our denial and our obliviousness to the way we can change those around us.
I'm not saying that there is any easy solution to this or that if we acknowledge this, it will somehow fix everything. But even though "sorry" is no magic band-aid that can heal all wounds, it's a hell of a lot better than pretending you've never hurt someone. Own up to the consequences of your actions. As humbling and uncomfortable as that can be. Dare to apologize, dare to admit fault. You owe it to the people around you, and ultimately, you owe it to yourself.
You might say that I'm broken and I'd say that you're right. Aren't we all little fragments of what we thought we could be? We're shattered and cracked and misshapen and lost. We stumble and we shake and we can never quite walk in the precise direction we intend. I have scars on my knees from repeatedly falling down and glue on my sleeves from trying to reassemble the pieces of my life. But maybe our biggest fault lies in expecting there to be an absence of fault in our lives. Failure is inevitable. Heart aches, breaks and mistakes should be expected. Such is the cost of existence. And in the end it is worth it. It is so worth it.
As you may or may not have noticed, I took a little break from tumblr this year. It was my weak new year's resolution to spend less time on the internet. Surprisingly, it actually worked. I had a wonderful 5 and a half months of the real world. But, I sort of maybe missed all this... just a little bit. So I guess I'm back.
My goal for the new year is to be fully satisfied in being single. I think I am, for the most part, but there is still that part of me that sits in a coffee shop alone and hopes to make eye contact with a cute stranger and to leave with a stomach full of tea and a new number in my phone. There's that portion of my heart that aches when I'm watching a movie and wish I could lean my head on someone's chest while they wrap their arms around me. There's the whisper in my ear that life is good alone but would be so much better with someone at my side. There is nothing wrong with those things, but if you resent being alone you miss out on so much in life. If you're longing for more you cannot appreciate that which you have as easily. So in 2012 I want to love being single. I don't to just be "okay" with it (which I am) - I want to embrace it and thrive in it. I want to be more passionately in love with the present instead of hopelessly infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship.
The problem is that I care. And I like to pretend that I don't. I think I want to seem like I'm better than that, but I'm really not. I care about you and I care about what you think and I care about if you care. I can't say that I am above other's opinions and all that. I can't say that I am better than that. Because I care. I really, really do.
germansingergirl
stormborns
andulkaphoto
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon
theartofmadeline
2087
prguitarman
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
