vents n. stuff

KIKI/KIRA | SHE/THEY/IT | 15!!! / MST (AZ) / autism ocd anxiety aroace | my SUPER COOL blog for when things ARENT super cool!!! :/// ICON BY NINTEN DRAW!!! | ❗️DNI IF UNDER 14 / QWEL N ROX SUPPORTERS❗️ALSO THE ICON ISNT SU1C1D3 IMAGERY ITS A REFERENCE TO THE DYLE KILLING SHRIMPO THING SIGHSSSSS

[ventznwhatever]

Unless youre my friends I trust yall youre cool…

if you play animal hospital im going to automatically assume youre a bitchy hypocrite who wants people to hang themselves for playing dandys even if they do the 3 games thing.

[ventznwhatever]

why am i so jealous of my friend lately? like im too fucking autistic to understand they experience perfect thoughts and perfect distress. they have people idolizing them. I don’t hate them, god no!! Most of the time I don’t think abt this. But ive been thinking abt it more. I hate feeling like this, sighs

[ventznwhatever]

every human being but me and criminals is perfect. they see and they’d are and they feel so much they experience perfect thoughts which anger me to NO END IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. FUCKING HELL

[ventznwhatever]

the feminine urge to go insane and start shitting on anything and everything related to the people that you KNOW i despise if you read my previous posts

like post so much you think smths wrong w/ me

[ventznwhatever]

seeing all my friends be everyone elses idols while im all alone just nothing no one remembers me😂😂😂 im in everyones shadow

[ventznwhatever]

would anyone else rather hang out with people with lower emotional empathy than people w/ too much emotional empathy? like i have low (not none but below avg) emotional empathy i often feel pulls inside to do good without it being an emotional fiasco. And i know other ppl like that and its rlly nice we connect they know how to respond and are at my comfort level. We all kinda help out and do good in our own way. i am friends (and stopped being friends with) w/ some people with high emotional empathy. at best theyre cool when youre in distress but only flip out when it doesnt involve you, at worst they just fucking flip out and humblebrag ALLLL THE TIME. and theyre like "ohh were losing empathy were losing society!!" ACTUALLY☝️ the world would do better with LESS people ignoring boundaries and basic social rules and stressing you out further (esp w/ moral self comparison) when youre already stressed out. i would probably lose my DAMN mind!!! SOME emotionally empathetic people in my experience are total pieces of shit full of themselves and just make everyone else miserable and flex how awesome they are ALLL the time. And then they sometimes show you these NASTY ASS videos of suffering (no one im friends w/ did this something very minor happened and it was resolved quick). This isnt everyone w/ high emotional empathy ofc!!! but this is SOME people. enough for me to be like okay ill be a LITTLE careful around you if i find out yours is rlly high (again wouldnt rlly do anything until i see watery or not youre a pos)

This isnt to say i wouldnt want empathetic friends i just want them to have social knowledge and just like kinda be decent people yk?

we dont need emotions to do good deeds, and you can certainly do good deeds regardless of how youre feeling in the moment and avoid shitty impulses.

ALSO X2 i STILL love my friends w/ high emotional empathy but sometimes i get overwhelmed like they keep talking abt how they feel "so bad" for a character or they keep going "IM CROSSING MY FINGERS HOPING THEYRE OK" wow thanks for being better than me and saying that when im having A SPIRAL AND YOURE SCARING ME AND MAKING ME WORRY WHAT IF I SECRETLY WANTED THEM DEAD. and then they freakout and YOU gotta deal with it which just leads to you having a meltdown.

[ventznwhatever]

the person with empathy is the good one. the person who doesnt is bad. the person with empathy will always be better.

the person who cant handle another getting a paper cut to the point they forcefully intervene regardless of what the other person says. the person who yells and says things the person in pain repeatedly asked them to stop saying, and having repeatedly asked to stop yelling. the person who cant even so much as go near a homeless person due to how poor suffering they are. the person who waters down others to their trauma. the person whos easily swayed by snything and willing to turn against others or do what others have said they dont want, just because of an obviously bullshit sob story. the person who gets mad at others for being sad. the person whos always so toxic positive. the person who has never been jealous in their entire lives and judges incredibly harshly those who do. theyre the good ones. matter of fact, theyre the BEST ones. theyre the ones we truly need more of. theyre the ones crowded around and applauded by society. they may whine and complain, saying oh its so intense im so sensitive im so weird im too much and act like theyre the only ones who suffer, but theyre surprise spoiled by society. theyre spoiled all the time. because theyre the good ones.

meanwhile, the person who is able to stay calm in dire situations. the person who is focused on helping. the person who is focused on realism. the person who knows exactly what to say. the person who is calm and quietly thinks of solutions, good ones not skewed by emotional bias. they are the bad ones. no, they are the evil ones. they may do great things and be our doctors and paramedics, but we shun them. we curse them out, we hurt them, we push them far, far away. because deep down we know theyre nothing but demons who roam the earth.

praise the ones who listen to no one because of their emotions! push away those who can care without needing to feel anything!!!

empathy is fucking bullshit. lets just do good actions, no matter how we feel.

[ventznwhatever]

maybe vagueposting??? so im putting this on an alt where they cant find me. also cw sh mention

bro WHAT do you do when your friend is ⏩️⏩️⏩️SPAM POSTING⏪️⏪️⏪️ abt how they feel so bad for some character. like what r u even supposed to say? "wow congratulations on being sooo empathetic and such a good person"?? UNLIKE ME???????? i shouldnt be on the verge of an actual OUTBURST over this its pathetic but i actually feel sick n like im about to be exposed. or ppl will say things that bother me. i felt like SHing like 2 minutes ago but i dont rlly anymore now that im feeling a little better????? im still sad theyre kinda ignoring me for their bitch ass horror sad game theyre playing tho.

it feels like when someone is crying over smth you didnt cry over and its intense and awkward and you feel guilty. and youre abt to be exposed. i hate this i hate everything i have dnd on for the rest of the DAY and i just KNOW ill forget to turn it back off again. and theyll talk abt their shitty game (i mean i like it kinda but im just calling it shitty out of spite) ALL DAY AND FOREVER AND THEYLL BE ALL OVER YOU AND ITLL BE OVERLY PERSONAL AND AWKWARD!!!!!!!!! AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SORRY I FAILED YOU AND IM A DISGUSTING AWFUL PERSON. SOON EVERYONE WILL KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw theyre not ACTUALLY ignoring me i just feel like that sometimes, prob cuz i sent them asks?? i mmean i get theyre busy but js like say dont send asks rn or answer while playing???,, i dont know. theyre still liking my posts, they dont have to answer asks!! i just idk why i feel like this im sorry

btw i wasnt always like this towards these kinds of posts,,, smth happened inside my head last yr idk

[insidestory1]

Autistic social anxiety is not "social anxiety" in the typical sense. An anxiety disorder is defined as an "irrational fear". So for example, imagine someone who is afraid to speak in case everyone looks at them and goes "what the heck are you saying you wierdo." If that person is neurotypical, then the chances are that they're very unlikely to get that response. Therefore their fears are irrational, and that is true "social anxiety". If you put an autistic person in that scenario, on the other hand, then probably the reason they're afraid of that response is because they've received it many times before. They're fear is based on repeated past experiences, therefore it is not irrational and not the simply an anxiety disorder. That's why people giving the classic social anxiety responses to autistic people is so unhelpful. "Just go out there and talk to people, it'll be fine," or "keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and you'll get more confident," don't work if the problem is real and not just in your head.