NASA
Stranger Things
noise dept.
No title available
One Nice Bug Per Day
occasionally subtle
KIROKAZE
d e v o n
if i look back, i am lost
Sade Olutola
Jules of Nature
RMH
The Bowery Presents
izzy's playlists!
@theartofmadeline
h
blake kathryn
#extradirty
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from Colombia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Oman
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Chile
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Russia
@verenakauer
(tw depression/suicidality)
It's so funny (it's not) how a depression in your teens/early twenties fucks up your perception of what "I'm not doing well" is, because it's like. I'm stressed and exhausted and hypervigilant all the time! I can barely sleep and I have nightmares when I do! I'm hitting that caregiver burnout face-first at full speed! BUT!! I'm not actively wanting to off myself!!! Therefore I'm doing well and things are good, right? Right??
The bar is so low.
Fuck ao3 scam bots big time, btw, posting something you're excited about and getting a comment with an ai summary and the "hey this has great comic potential here's my discord" in the first few minutes is disheartening as fuck.
Grace is continuing to be very not-weird about the new human on board and, oh lord, is forced to have a difficult conversation. Good luck, Grace.
(I know that the fandom's general vibe is making Grace more in touch with his emotions, but with how Simon is ready to admit that he is scared and to ask for help when he's losing it, I'd argue it's him. As opposed to Dr. Ryland "there's no harm in pretending for a little while" Grace. Something something Simon admitting that he was scared when he is apologizing and thinking his words over and Grace admitting that he is scared when he is actively panicking and isn't really thinking at all. I love these two's parallels normal amount. ANYWAY—)
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 15) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “We watched you sleep,” Rocky chirps, way too happily for the situation. “You feel better, question?” “You watched me— Yes, I feel better, but— How come I get a mandatory alien-enforced bedtime and he doesn’t?” I point at Simon, still groggy and a little upset with the unfairness. “He needs sleep too, you know! Just as often as I do, eight hours every twenty-four!” “He is more responsible. Gets an exception.” “Excuse you, I’m very responsible!.. Simon,” I turn to him, “you really should rest, you’re still recovering. I appreciate the sentiment, but—” “Are we running out of food?” he asks. I shut up mid-sentence.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/235256336
This has been sitting in my drafts literally for a month now and refused to leave my head until I wrote it, so: a little (2k words) established-on-Erid oneshot with the lights going out inside the Dome and everyone being Very Calm about it. Don't mind that "panic attacks" tag.
In the Darkness Grace x Simon, G “Simon?” The answer comes a little bit to the side from where I expected. I was sure I was facing the little desk he's been using when sitting in on my lessons, but I guess I turned a little bit too far right. “Grace?..” Oh. Oh fudge, he sounds terrified. I forget my own nyctophobia in an instant. “Simon? Simon, can you— can you keep talking to me? I’ll come find you. Or you can follow my voice and come to me instead? Uh— where are you?” He is silent. Fudge.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/88599536
I'm still on my "Simon and Rocky deserve to be besties too" agenda, so. A little bit of bonding (with a big dosage of guilt).
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 14) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T There’s silence for a few moments; even the strange humming stops. Simon closes his eyes again, listening to the noises of the Hail Mary: the thin buzz of the electricity, the steady hum of the air conditioning, the distant roar of the engines. Grace’s quiet breathing. It seems even, normal — that’s good, right? Rocky says something again, even quieter than before. Simon glances at the screen. “Is Eridian self-soothing sound.” Simon blinks. “Oh?” “I thought humans can not hear. Grace can not hear. Apology.” “No— no, don’t apologize. Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Silence again. “Wanna, uh, talk ‘bout it?..”
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/234869301
We’re back to our favourite show about the two traumatized idiots (+ one traumatized rock). In today’s episode: the local man thinks he is a horrible person because he wants a hug after not interacting with humans for 3+ years.
(Also, it's his turn to experience some eldrich horrors, but that's fine. Don't worry about that.)
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 13) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T A part of me keeps thinking about the way his body felt against mine while I held him. A part of me keeps wishing that he’d actually hugged me back instead of just latching onto my shirt and crying into my shoulder. A part of me keeps going back to that moment, over and over and over again, and that’s — come on, Ryland, get it together. I feel a little pathetic. I haven’t really thought about this stuff for — well, for a long time now. Any human contact was out of reach, and if I had occasional dreams about someone just holding me while I cried, it was between me and God. Now, though… It’s not even sexual. That would have been understandable, probably. Human physiology, natural biological reactions to close proximity, all that. That would have been easier to rationalize. Nope. I just want a darn hug. Pathetic.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/234378466
Lore dump time! Grace finally gets some answers. (Although, maybe not exactly to the questions he was asking.)
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 12) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T He looks at the telescope screen again. “Those stars. They are real, alive… existing stars. Right? Not— not ghostlight?” “Of course not. They’re real. We’re heading to save one of them right now — Rocky and I told you that, right?” He takes a deep, shaky breath. Slides from the pilot’s chair on the floor, facing me and mimicking my posture with the crossed legs and hunched shoulders. And then he tells me. About the stars disappearing, the planets being gone overnight; the space stations scattered in the nothingness and fighting for their life. The ghostlight slowly fading away, leaving the sky dark and empty. The moons filled with blood — the last chance of the dying humanity. It is horrifying.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/233616096
The obligatory hair-washing scene! It goes very well, and no one reacts badly to anything at all. Don't worry about it.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 11) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T Grace turns on the water. Simon expects to freak out. When he attempted to do this on his own last time, he did freak out; the hot water getting on his face almost sent him into blind panic. Now — the fear is still there, but… A part of him feels relief. Just… something instinctive. Close to what he felt when he got out of that submarine and was able to breathe in fresh air for the first time in — days, weeks, months? The water splashes a little, getting on the gills on his neck — and then he understands. …He hates this. A human would have been scared, right? He (almost?) drowned; he should hate water now, this is how it works. And he hates it, he really does, but… “You’ll never get away from us, Butcher.”
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/233451926
Grace can't take a compliment, statement. Oh, the horror of being percieved.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 10) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “‘Grace’ also means ‘kindness’,” Simon offers. “Or mercy.” Rocky turns to me, leaning forward inside his ball. He does it when he pays full attention to something and wants to make sure that I’m aware of it. Well, he is paying full attention to me now. Can’t say I’m happy about that. “Why you not tell me, question?” “We barely had any shared words back then! I wasn’t going to explain any complex concepts.” “Kindness not complex!” “Yeah?” I scoff. “How do you explain it with a pantomime?” “Watching someone sleep when you do not know them!” “Giving your blanket to a guy who threatened you with a wrench,” Simon adds, so quietly that I almost miss it.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/233250896
The dynamic of the trio is shaping out to be a "each one of them thinks that he is the stable one of the group and needs to take care of the other two". Which wasn't my conscious intention, but is hilarious. Yeah, Ryland, you are definitely just catering to the needs of your traumatized roommates by allowing them to constantly invade your personal space. Your own trauma of waking up alone in space and feeling disposable and being sure that you will never interact with another one of your species ever again has nothing to do with anything. You're doing great, buddy.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 9) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T His eye slips shut. His head falls back on the pillow. His hand stays on my wrist. His grip is loose now, I can probably wiggle out of it no problem. I have so many things to do; I can’t afford to just sit here with him. I stare at the fingers clutching my arm. Webbed or not, it’s— the touch feels human. I’ve touched him plenty, of course, while helping him with his wounds. I know that logically. But — that was clinical and through the gloves. I thought I made peace with the fact that I’m not going to have any skin-to-skin contact with anyone for the rest of my life. I thought I was okay with it. I have Rocky, after all, and I can trick myself into believing that there’s no xenonite separating me from my only friend. If the tears blurring my vision now are any indication, I wasn’t able to trick myself well enough.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/233063736
Thinking about aroace Grace who has made peace with the concept of dying alone.
He is not lonely. He has friends. (The friends have families of their own and will never truly see him as a priority.)
He is not lonely. He has his kids. (The kids will grow up and leave his class and probably forget him in a few years.)
He is not lonely. He has relatives: some aunts and uncles and cousins scattered across the world. (The relatives live a long way away and/or have people closer to them than he; he is not listed as anyone's emergency contact.)
He is not lonely. He has people in his life: good people, people whose company he enjoys, people he loves. The comfort of living alone and not performing the social dances that are romance and marriage — this comfort outweighs the depressing mental image of his body rotting in a locked apartment.
At least he doesn't have any pets that will starve to death if he isn't found fast enough.
He has made peace with it. He is ready. He thinks he is ready.
...it's only when he wakes up on the Hail Mary and realizes that this is a suicide mission, the possibility of it hits him full force for the first time.
And, god, he is not ready.
He is not ready at all.
...yeah, we got to (the first half of) the obligatory Grace-is-helping-Simon-with-his-wounds scene. I am but a weak woman, the hurt/comfort was inevitable.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 8) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “Can you look up? I need to, uh. Clean it up a little. Is that okay?” He hums again. I think it was affirmative. I’m not 100% sure he has heard me, though. He is not moving. He tilts his head up before I can ask him again. Somehow now, when he is staring at me at a bit of an upward angle, he looks even more tired; the exhausted expression of his one good eye is haunting. Something about is just— It screams that he is past even the point of distrust right now. Just… accepting. It is uncomfortable to see. I know exhaustion and lack of sleep, I know the feeling of looking in the mirror and seeing absolutely dead eyes in the reflection, but this — this looks like something no one should be pushed to. What happened to him? …This is probably not the best moment to ask.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/232894711
It took them 15k+ words, but they finally got to have an actual conversation. Yay!..
It is going so well. Trust me.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 7) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “…Please don't freak out,” the voice says. I promptly freak out. I yelp, and I flail, and I almost fall off the bed. Armando’s arms catch me right before I can collide with the floor and scramble as far away from the voice as I possibly can in the tiny space that is my dormitory. I scream again; the sensation of being held down is not helping, I’m properly panicking now. I’m about to be murdered, aren’t I?! The person sighs. I can feel how exhausted he is. I can… feel how exhausted he is. It is similar to what I experienced with my alien friend from the submarine, but much more subtle. That one — the desperate plea for me to stay — felt like someone hit my brain with a hammer while loudly yelling in my ear; now it feels more like… a presence on the edge of my mind. Not invasive, but noticeably not-mine. Okay, now I’m curious.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/232711691
I like the "Rocky has a beef with Simon" trope, but how about "Rocky sees someone who was stranded in space and is scared of being alone, and adopts him immediately, seeing himself in the new human". How about that.
...the adopting might involve yelling at him for some reckless driving, but that's beyond the matter.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 6) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T The monster’s face is getting bigger on the screen. It opens its maw; the endless rows of teeth are getting closer and closer and closer. The panicked chirping returns. He ignores it. The thin, bloodied canines, growing at all the wrong angles, fill the telescope view entirely. Simon glances at the radar; at the screen again. The new alarm turns on: the proximity alert is yelling at him to disengage. He ignores it too. “Join us. Become us. See the light.” A few teeth in the center of the monster’s mouth are chipped off — a couple of them broken, the jagged shards sticking out like shattered blades. He laughs; he can’t help it. “Bet you didn’t like the fire extinguisher, huh?” “Butcher!”
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/232537996
Gotta love writing Rocky, who is Very Normal About Grace and Is Not Overreacting At All.
He might be a little bit traumatized. Don't judge him.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 5) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “Help Grace, help Grace, help Grace!” Simon blinks. “I— what?” “Help Grace, bring Grace down to medical robot, then come back! Ladder down, then another ladder! Room with beds and robot arms! Go go go go now now now now!” “How the fuck am I supposed to haul him around with one arm? Down the ladders?!” “Think something! Help Grace, Grace hurt, help Grace! Then come back help control ship!” “You're not controlling it?!” Simon can almost feel his hair going white. They are in space, on board of a damaged ship, with the monster actively chasing them and the main pilot knocked out — and now this clusterfuck appears to be out of control, too? Oh, he's fucked. He is so fucked.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/87436321/chapters/232346041
One of the most fun things while writing bloodymary is Grace mentally making a list of all the cool experiments he wants to do while Simon is actively going through The Horrors beyond human comprehension. Gotta love the contrast.
On an unrelated note, I think I'll need to add some sort of a trigger warning for Simon using pain as a grounding technique. He is so very okay, you guys.
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 4) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T “Wouldn’t be the first time for you, Butcher. Taking innocent lives.” “I’m Simon,” he snaps. “My name is Simon.” “So you said,” the voice agrees. “But are you still human enough to warrant a human name?” “I’m Simon,” he repeats stubbornly, pushing through the pain and the exhaustion and the numbness threatening to overtake him. “I’m still me.” “Are you?” Is he?.. There’s webbing between his fingers and sharp teeth poking out of his cheek. He has gills and tree patches growing on his body. He can see through blood and hear things far beyond human range. His heart is pounding in his ears, and his left arm feels like pure pain. He raises his hand and clutches the remains of his left bicep, ignoring the pieces of wood digging into his palm. He squeezes.
Simon chapter!! I am admittedly more of a PHM girlie, but gosh I love Simon. I love his willingness to cooperate and communicate with everyone and everything including the blood monster, I love his ability to cling to hope even at the literal bottom of the ocean, I love how this man just refuses to give up.
...I also see him as someone who cycles through all the other fear responses first before getting to the "fight" one. My guy is not violent unless he is really, really, really pushed to it — sooo the "ugly" part of the meet-ugly is not his fault in this one. He's trying his best, okay?
On Humanity, Cosmic Horrors and Staying Alive (Together) (ch. 3) Grace x Simon x Rocky, T Simon slowly backs away, eyes trained on the gun in the person’s hand. It is unfamiliar too: he knows what the C.O.I.’s weapons look like. Something new, maybe? Designed to be used underwater? What a waste of resources. He raises his hand, wincing in pain. “Please,” chokes out. “I’ll cooperate — just, please…” The person raises the gun, pointing it in Simon’s direction, and pulls the trigger.