young man. what is that you have found.
I said young man. you picked it up off the ground.
I said young man. you should put that thing down.
I don't think! that! you! should! eat that!
Show & Tell
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@verikarma
young man. what is that you have found.
I said young man. you picked it up off the ground.
I said young man. you should put that thing down.
I don't think! that! you! should! eat that!
My space sushi illustrations đđŁâ¨
Smaugust 2024 by Katy Lipscomb
perhaps one of my hotter takes as a queer person but iâm never coming out again. you can figure it out or live in pure ignorance but either way itâs not my problem. the worst thing society ever tried to teach us was that coming out is an obligation. itâs not. itâs a privilege for you to know the depths of who i am, my sexuality included.
RED TENTACLESÂ
by Tithi Luadthong
Rapture, Suvi Savikko, 2022
honestly frodoâs journey is so wild
like, imagine your uncle goes missing after his birthday party, and his old stoner friend from out of town tells you the souvenir he brought back from a vegas trip 80 years ago is actually satanâs mood ring and now zombie assassins are coming to burn down your town unless you and your lawn guy meet up with medieval hozier in a dark gastropubâŚ
This is the funniest synopsis of lotr Iâve ever seen
âX bodily fluid is just filtered blood!â buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).
âOkay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicatedâ well buddy, thatâs because your blood is imitation seawater. See? Itâs very simple.
Blood is what now?
Itâs imitation seawater what part is confusing
#are you telling me#humans are just sentient aquariums?Â
Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital.
Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces.
Thank you thatâsâŚvery disturbing
Itâs not my fault youâre human.
Ok but âItâs not my fault youâre human.â Is the best comeback ever.
You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.
#/blood is imitation seawater/ is the part thatâs confusingÂ
Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. âWow,â you think, metaphorically, âit sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs I can have. Good thing I have all this water around me thatâs the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so I donât explode or shrivel up) so I can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.â
âWait a minute,â you say a couple of generations later, because youâre not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, âinstead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about I put it in tubes? I can keep MY water separate from the rest of the worldâs water! Anything I want to keep goes in my water! Anything I donât, I dump back into the outside water! Iâm a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process thatâs a GENIUS!â
âWow,â you think a great many generations later, âbeing able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is so great. Look how big Iâm getting. I even have a special pump to move my seawater around, and these cool filter systems to keep the chemicals in it right, and that control and chemical concentration has let me grow so many energy-intensive, highly specialised organs! Being big is so hard. I need special cells just to carry my oxygen around now, to make sure my enormous, constantly-operating body has enough of it.â
At this point you are embodying a fish, and eventually, fish start straying into water with different pressures and salinity levels. (I mean, they do that since befor ehtyâer fish, but⌠look, Iâm trying to keep things simple here.) âWhat the FUCK,â you think. âMy inside water is at a different salinity and pressure to the outside water?? How am I supposed to deal with that? I canât have freshwater inside my seawater tubes! My cells have a set salinity and they would explode! I need to start beefing up my regulatory and filter systems so that my inside seawater STAYS SEAWATER OF THE CORRECT SALINITY even if the outside water is different! Fortunately, adding salt to my seawater is a lot easier than removing it, and I want to be saltier than this weird outside water.â At this point you beef up your liver and urinary systems to compensate for different salinities. (Note: the majority of fish, freshwater and saltwater, have a fairly narrow band of salinities they can live in. Every fish doesnât get to deal with every level of salinity; they are evolved to regulate within specific bands.)
You also, at some point, go out on land. This is new and weird because you have to carry all of your water inside. âItâs a good thing I turned myself into a giant bag of seawater,â you think. âIf I wasnât carrying my seawater inside, how would I transport all these important chemicals between my organs and the environment?â As you specialise to live entirely outside of the water, you realise (once again) that itâs a lot easier to add salt to water than to remove it in great quantities. Drinking seawater in large amounts becomes toxic; your body isnât specialised for removing that amount of salt. Instead, you drink freshwater, and add salts to that. The majority of your organs are, at this point, specialised for moving your seawater around, protecting it, adding stuff to it, or taking stuff out. You have turned yourself into an intelligent bag for carrying and regulating a small amount of imitation seawater, and its salinity (and your commitment to maintaining that salinity) is based entirely on the seawater that some early animals started to build tubes around a long time ago.
And thatâs what a human is!
Well, thereâs another few steps, of course.
Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal.
A mammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is a tremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyoneâs a bag of chemicals; but mammals slosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system,
and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: âmy internal ocean is so good-â
âBullshit,â said the shark, keeping it salty (ha)
âMy internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS,â you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, âthat for my next trick, I shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. I shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-â
âOh, ANYONE can lay an egg,â yodel the fish, and the ray adds: âontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!!â
And youâre like, âyeah no, itâs an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically Iâm going to take some cells and brew them up-â
âLike an egg.â
âLike an egg. An egg but internally.â
âYeah,â said the viviparous reptile, âyeah, like, that can work really well. Iâve always said itâs the highest test of oneâs chemical know-how. Itâs a lot of work. And forget about support from your family - forget about support from your PHYLUM - all you get is criticism.â
âIâm gonna do it on purpose forever,â you said. âThe highest chemical, thermoregulatory, immunological, everything-logical challenge. Itâs gonna be my thing.â
âIâm with you,â said a viviparous fish, stoutly. âRepresentation.â
You kindly donât point out, once again, that youâre planning to do this outside the ocean, in a range of temperatures; carrying the dividing cells in a perfect 37.5⢠solution of saline broth in all terrains, breathing oxygen in a complicated matter, you know, bit more difficult; but you need your allies.
âItâs solid,â says the coelacanth.
âBut is it metal?â says the deep-vent organism.
âOh, itâs metal. I will feed the young,â you say, magnificently, âon an echo of the mother ocean. The first rich feast of cellular matter, the first hunt for sustenance, the first bite they sip of our liquid planet-â
Everyone waits.
âWill be a blood byproduct. My own blood byproduct.â
Everyone looks uncomfortable.
âBut,â a hagfish says carefully, âdonât you outdoorsy guys still need your blood?â
You cough and explain that if you stay wet enough internally and hydrate frequently, you should be able to produce enough blood byproduct to sustain your hellish new invention until they can eat your peers.
The outrage that follows includes questions like âis this some furry shit?â And: âmilk has WATER in it?â
And you won the bet. âMy inner ocean is such a perfect homage to the primordial soup that I can personally cook up an entire live hairy mammal in it. And then generate excess blood byproduct from my body and give it to the small mammal until it gets big.â
That is an absolutely bonkers pitch, by the way, and everyone thought you were a showoff, even before the opposable thumbs. When the winter came, and the winter of winters, and the rain was acid and the air was poison on the tender shells of their eggs and choked the children in the shells; when the plants turned to poison, and the ocean turned against you all; when the climate changed, and the worldâs children fell to shadow; your internal ocean was it that held true. A bet laid against the changing fates, a bet laid by a small beast against climate and geography and the forces of outer space, that you won. The dinosaurs fell and the pterosaurs fell and the marine reptiles dwindled, and you, furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship, held hope internally at 37.5 degrees. Which is another thing that humans do, sometimes.
It has been MONTHS, @elodieunderglass, and I am still mumbling âfurthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceshipâ under my breath as a comfort phrase, and the FUCKING INDIGNITY that it came from this godforsaken post about THE HORRIBLE WETNESS OF MAMMALS!
âThe horrible wetness of mammalsâ would make a great band name.
âhold hope, internally, at 37.5 degreesâ and âMammals internalize everything (eggs, grudges)â Now live permanently in my vocabulary
Hay que ahorrar espacio
Item: various furniture designed using Cybertronian technology
contraptions for getting your hand meats pinched
âWeâre Not So Different You And Iâ
What do these three have in common?
Dead wives
Correct! Furthermore, they all killed their own wives (in a sense)
Rickâs wife Diane from Rick and Morty was killed by a parallel universe Rick
Booneâs wife Carla from Fallout: New Vegas was shot by her husband as a mercy killing to prevent her from being sold as a slave
Gregâs partner (technically not married) Rose Quartz from Steven Universe died in order to give birth/become their son
Next:
What do these three have in common?
Evil twins
Close enough. Itâs actually secret twins.
Professor Xâs twin from X-Men is Cassandra Nova
Dataâs âtwinâ/android brother from Star Trek is Lore
Stanley Pineâs twin from Gravity Falls is Stanford
Next:
What do these three have in common?
Eye related injury scars
Nope. Only two of them have eye scars.
Became the thing they were fighting against
Correct!
Anakin from Star Wars fought Sith Lords and then became a Sith Lord
Zoro from One Piece was a âpirate hunterâ and then became a pirate
Saul of Tarsus (AKA Saint Paul) persecuted Christians and then converted to Christianity
Next:
What do these three have in common?
Time travel?
Yes, but thereâs more.
fell in love with someone outside their time?
Correct!
Claire from Outlander fell in love with an 18th century Scottish rebel
Kagome from Inuyasha fell in love with a Sengoku era swordsman
Vicky from Doctor Who fell in love with a Trojan prince
Last one:
Has been president in some continuity.
Correct!
Lisa from The Simpsons has been president in the episode Bart to the Future
Lex Luthor from DC has been president in several comic and movie continuities
Betty Boop was elected president in the 1932 short Betty Boop for President
Thatâs all, folks!
i'm made of meat and i'm fine
The Cult of the Crowned Raven
ALT
ALT
ALT
Oh no
Itâs true
It is like something out of Douglas Adams. And yet it is actually happening.
The Queue.
there is now
a queue to join The Queue, which is closed
a queue for the journalists wishing to interview The Queue
my colleague coined the terms platinum queuebilee and queueanon
People kept posting âoh look, the grieving is all fake, no one is leaving flowers, itâs all an illusion of emotional investment perpetuated by the ruling classâ and these motherfuckers clearly had not seen THE QUEUE.
Iâm 100% convinced some people in The Queue are there to say they were there rather than because they actually want to see the queenâs coffin
Someone has died in it, hundreds of others have been hospitalised because none of them are taking food, drink or medicine with them, people are taking the ashes of their loved ones to wave at the coffin like theyâre arranging a playdate for guinea pigs, and today a guy has possibly been arrested for⌠well, no one is saying. We only know that he left the Queue to approach the coffin.
Meanwhile some people are being allowed to Queue-jump and royalists are furious because âIt should be fair and equal!â
This is performance art
*gets addicted to literally anything that distracts me from the fact i exist*
being horny is so fucking stupid. if you horny youâre immediately a dumbass. that person could literally just be wearing a t shirt and the sight of their collarbone feels like you just snorted a line of coke. god fucking forbid they wear pants rolled over their ankles. youâre foaming at the mouth and crounched on the floor like a fucking animal. you catch the sight of (1) toned muscle? flatlined. dead.
OP are you okay
does it sound like im okay? does it fucking sound like-
#i just had to text this to a friend like#is this real????? is this what its actually like????? its not a fanfic thing played up for the Yearning Fantasy??????#they confirmed it real#?????????#allo people im so sorry i feel like i should say sorry bc this sounds so inconvenient?????????#i feel like that day i did in college before i knew what ace was#when my friends were like 'no lindsey getting frustrated when youre not getting laid is real'#wh a t Â
every time i hear about sexual desire i have this Deep Conviction that its all an elaborate prank being played on younger generations, like santa and the easter bunny, but no i can actually trick people into buying stuff by putting a pretty face on the cover