Nothing represents experiencing narcissistic parentification better than Buffy Summers' entire existence. (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
For context: narcissistic parentification is something children of people with narcissistic personality disorder overly experience. Parentification is when children are forced to take on adult roles in their households and have too many responsibilities at a young age. This can be emotional (like being a therapist for your parent) or/and logistical (having an overwhelming amount of chores or being forced to do things parents should be responsible). For narcissistic parentification, it will be both of these + the childs identity being molded towards what their parents like.
With that out of the way, my explanation:
1. When we first meet Buffy, she doesn't want to be a slayer. There is an adult man following her around and telling her how special she is. But she knows what follows - the responsibility. She never wanted to kill monsters or miss out on her teenage years, so she stays out of it. But they still make it her problem.
This is something I know I experienced and many other people, too. Your nparent will find a talent in you, something they will endlessly praise you for. Think Jennette Mccurdy, hearing from her mother about how talented of an actress she is.
This is something I know I experienced and many other people, too. Your nparent will find a talent in you, something they will endlessly praise you for. Think Jennette Mccurdy, hearing from her mother about how talented of an actress she is.
For me, I started working at my fathers company very young because of the threat that it would go bankrupt and we'll be homeless.
2. Once she starts doing the slayer work, we can quickly see though how unsatisfied Giles is with her. He has problems with almost everything she does. How she dresses, the fact that she has friends.
He and the whole watcher organisation aren't just happy that she's going along. They don't want her to just slay. They want her to be a slave. A machine even. Someone they can completely control and make her do whatever they want.
At the same time, they offer her no support. Although over the course of the show Giles becomes more active (and then less) in helping/protecting Buffy, something that is made very clear to us is that she is and always will be alone. It's also pretty rare for anyone in her vicinity to challenge that idea.
So, we have a bunch of adults who sit around doing very little, relying on a literal child to save them. And when she dares to express any kind of wants or needs of her own, she gets shunned.
Because slayers are special.
Slayers are supposed to act a certain way.
3. Her being a good slayer is not enough. She has to die for the cause.
And I think it's very ironic how later on, Dawn (effectively an extension of Buffy) is expected to die. And everyone, with the exception of Buffy (and Spike), was ready to sacrifice her.
4. By the end of her time in high school, people around her managed to completely destroy her sense of identity. She has completely given up on her future. She had no time or emotional strength between her having to save the whole world and being given challanges by the council that are supposed to kill her while constantly being questioned and not believed by the people closest to her (her mum but also Willow, Xander and Giles. It's a continuous thing in the show that she tells them about a monster, and they don't believe her. After a while, she gives up on telling them about her hunches). She never thought about her future, what she wanted to study. What kind of work does she want to do.
And let me be clear again, this is not willingly. At the start of the show, she wanted to have nothing to do with being a slayer because she knew it'll robb her of her future.
5. So when she goes to college and people around her completely abandon her while she's struggling.... the amount of rage I feel. After she went to college, Giles whole approach to her changed. He stopped being her watcher, even after she literally forced the council to start paying him again. (The fact that Buffy doesn't get payed and Giles didn't stick up for her is yet another thing I need to add. Because it makes her quite literally a slave.)
His whole demeanor can be summed up by "Figure it out, you're an adult now. I can't always hold your hand"
Which under other circumstances would be normal. Except this adult spend some of the most important years of her life sacrificing her life, love, future and everything important to her to make him happy. He owes her at least a bit of guidance after all this. Yk, especially since she continues to be the slayer and he still gets payed to help her.
She would also ask him for help in the most reasonable ways. Like helping her parent Dawn. Considering she's not her mother, has other responsibilities, is literally going through the worst time in her entire life while having the weight of the entire world on her shoulders, I think that's not an unreasonable request. For a grown man, who gets PAYED to take care of her, to step in as a role model for her sister, so she doesn't lose that bond (once you start parenting your siblings, you're no longer siblings. Parentification is a form of abuse that has long lasting effects).
The financial aspect is another thing. Whenever Buffy is struggling with something, everyone almost acts offended and like something is wrong with her, because she should be alright on her own and taking care of everyone around them. Everyone wants Buffy to help them but how dare she ask for some support?!
She should be getting paid by the council. She should be getting rent for these 2 useless witches living at her house. She should be getting compensation everytime Xander dares to open his hateful mouth in her presence to spew some judgmental bullshit after he tried to grape her in s1 and pretended like it didn't happen, manipulated and lied to her for years.
6. She is expected to die, but they can't even let her be at peace. Brough her back against her will, didn't dig her out, didn't care to pay attention to her to figure out that something was wrong. They just expected her to be happy and get back to saving their asses. What the fuck.
7. In season 7 (which I adore btw) Buffy finally figures something out. She owns her identity as a slayer. For the first time, she stops taking shit from people who would never take on her responsibilities.
She realizes something about evil. Which is: "Evil cannot create anything new, they can only corrupt and ruin what good forces have invented or made.” (J.R.R.Tolkien)
It's why the first evil never showed its true form. Not because it's too terrifying for anyone to handle. It's because it's true form doesn't exist.
It's why she calls the girl who hanged herself an idiot. And it's why she's right.
The meaning behind this quote is that the only way evil can win/prevail is when you let it. It has no creative powers. Every single terrifying monster was once a human. It's why Buffy doesn't listen to whining anymore.
It's why she expects people around her to step up. Because, let's be real. If so many of them are capable of evil things, they are also capable of good. And they can fight alongside her.
But once it gets only a little bit hard, they corner her and throw her out of her own house. None of this mfs actually beared any costs for it. HER HOUSE.
Why do they throw her out? Because they experienced a small % of fear, pain, and hardship she had to handle for years. Almost always on her own. And suddenly, they cannot trust her anymore.
I like when Anya tells her that they don't truly know of she's "better than them" or "special". Because it shows the insane duality of this dynamic of being a slayer.
She's so special and good she has to take care of all these things for everyone around her.
At the same time, they can always tell her she didn't earn any of it. Despite the fact that there is literally a second slayer in the room, who quite literally became a murderer and a villain while Buffy saved the world countless of times.
Also, although I enjoy Anyas character, the audacity of her to say this when she became a literal demon twice.
After all of this, after they treated her this way and trusted an inexperienced (in being good) Slayer who tried to steal her life and graped her boyfriend... she was right all along. She saved their asses.
And she didn't even receive as much as a thank you.
8. I could go on an on about this topic, but just a few points to add for now:
1. Willow and Xander (and everyone on earth actually) aren't entitled to Buffy protecting them and killing herself for the cause.
2. Although I'm not saying that every single side character was bad (I actually love many of them, just not in regards to how they treat her), they were all abusing Buffy in one way or another because they were benefiting from her exploitation and keeping her locked in her situation.
3. Buffy wasn't chosen to be a slayer by some divine intervention but by a group of old men, to terrified to fight their own demons. Relying on teenage girls to save them.
4. There's something to say about the fact that the whole supernatural world is kept a secret, although I'm pretty sure the council could easily make the world aware of the truth. I think this can be interpreted as a toxic family. There is one abusive family member, and everyone protects them and hides it because one person takes it on themselves. There wouldn't be such a need for a slayer, were people aware of what was happening. They would create ways to protect themselves.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist or a medical professional in any way. My credentials are: I experienced this kind of abuse and learned a lot about it. Also, pls, you don't need to tell me if you have npd and you're the kindest person in the world. I have no hate for you. This is about my own experience.
