10 signs you may have an anxious attachment style -
1 - constantly trying to feel "good enough" for love. have internalized the idea that how we look, act, or what we can do for others, is how we "earn" love
2 - are an "intimacy junkie". wanting to go past small talk quickly (to understand motivations of others), wanting to get to know someone deeply very fast (to know what to expect of them), feeling like you want to get closer to people or your partners than they want to get to you
3 - feeling like you're more committed than others, that you give more or "love harder". finding it difficult or impossible to relax and let things play out
4 - suppressing your wants & needs early in a relationship to avoid being abandoned. thinking that you can be honest or open up more "later" when there's already part of a relationship built, because it feels so important to get their approval
5 - conversations tend to revolve around relationships and emotions. convos with others, in your own head, in your diary, etc. spending much of the day preoccupied with personal relationships and strong emotions associated with them
6 - when in a relationship, tend to overthink or obsess a bit over how your partner feels about you. overthinking about getting texted back, what they liked, stuff like that. constantly on guard and looking for proof of abandonment
7 - when single, tend to sustain yourself on fantasies. fantasizes at every stage of the relationship. (fantasy is how you coped with your attachment needs being unmet in childhood)
8 - struggle to set or keep boundaries. afraid that having a boundary means people will choose to walk away. painful because you rely so much on other people to help you stay emotionally regulated. don't know how to keep or hold boundaries because what you want (closeness and co-regulation) are on the other side of those boundaries
9 - constantly putting others on pedestals and then getting frustrated when they can't measure up. this is another form of fantasizing
10 - spending more time thinking about other's opinions of you than thinking about your own sense of self. hyperfocused on what others want you to be or expect of you.
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