to be ( or not to be )

–She almost feels bad, for putting him into a corner like this. There was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. So long as he remained an idol, she would be there, silently watching until the opportunity to break him presented itself. Was her goal to run him out of the business? Perhaps, but that was her goal with all idols. She didn’t have a vendetta against Jupiter, but he was a particularly quarrelsome and problematic idol, making him the easiest target.

–Was he going to attack her? My, what a bold move that would’ve been, she could see the headlines now: Jupiter Thorne assaults female idol. Aha, oh yes, how that would’ve been lovely for his already tarnished image.

–Tilting her head to the side, she smiles at him. It would’ve been better if her smile were empty, but it wasn’t, for she couldn’t be happier. Typically, she saved such confrontations for right before performances in order to see them crack under the weight of their regrets, but the opportunity was screaming at her to be gotten, so why not take it? “A threat? My, even in this situation you still think highly of yourself, do you? So, why have you not run away yet like the coward you are? It could not be your father holding you back–you’ve already failed him. Is it your sister? Do you go through with this for her sake? Hm?”

His breath shakes for a moment, caught in the pages of his ribs, as if he were being scribbled in ink. Jupiter can feel his knees quivering underneath the weight of his skin, trying to hold the pieces of him together even if he is already breaking. Clearing his throat, he turns towards her with indignation. He slips himself quietly out of his seat, walking in her direction, lungs held tight as if he were choking.

Settling his hands against her desk, fingers spread open before curling against the edge of her seat, he leans towards her and feels his chest tightly constrict. He can taste a growl, thick as a pebble, when he parts his lips.

“Yes, I am a coward,” he admits, his tongue bitter and stale. “Does that please you to hear? Are you happy to know that I have made such a grave mistake of coming into this godforsaken university? Is it so important to you to see me fail?” Jupiter grits his teeth when she mentions his sister -- the only person he has ever loved in pieces, instead of a whole. “Don’t you see? Whatever you do to me, I don’t care.”

–she’s won, yet again, but she isn’t surprised. she can feel the air grow cold along with his blood. she can feel his heart beat in fear of the truth she knows; of the truth he tried so hard to run away from. her facial expression doesn’t change, but something in her eyes shows a hint of arrogant success. there was nothing he could say back to her that would elicit the same type of reaction. he would have to wallow in his defeat while she began to hurl more of his regrets and fears at him.

–for such big talk, she’s a bit let down at how easy it is to break him though. rather than peel his mask away layer by layer until all that remained was his unguarded heart, he had immediately given away his weaknesses. what a boring boy–and he thought he was a match for her.

–”do not feel special, we do our research on all of our competitors. our connections spread much further than mere articles though. you may try and play it off–keep on your tough-guy act, but we know that you are still the little boy from back then.” looking away from him, she begins to play with a pen in her hand mindlessly, her eyes tracing its motions. “memories are a cruel thing, aren’t they? the more we come to learn, the greater our sorrows and regrets; you may even learn truths you wish you had never known… we know you ran. ran from the life you knew in order to start over, so tell us, why would you become an idol? isn’t this exactly the type of life you were trying to run away from?”

He flinches when she keeps on talking, finding himself going back to the small bedroom he used to sleep in where his mother had tucked him to bed. Jupiter can remember her scent -- tiny comfort in the shape of her palms, resting against his cheek as if she were able to steal his father’s smoke into her open ribs. As if she were able to take the remaining pieces of his body with her before she finally left.

Jupiter can hear his father talking ( “Oh, don’t be a little boy, Jupiter.” ), cigarettes fitting in between the spaces of his teeth, as if he were being hunted by the bitter scent. He clenches his fist, fingers curling against the edge of the table in order to prevent himself from lurching his body towards her. Closing his eyes, he listens to her speak, pretend that she hasn’t been pulling his ribs from his body to leave him completely empty.

Opening his eyes, he glances at her briefly, considering her question before he thinks it better not to answer it. “Why are you so interested? Am I a threat to you?” Jupiter sneers. His muscles tighten, tension surfacing his skin. “I hardly doubt that it’s any of your business.” Gritting his teeth, he pushes himself away his desk and begins to stand. “If I could have ran away from it and have the greatest pleasure of avoiding you,” he continues, snarling, “I would.”

–she notices however, as she notices everything, and her smile widens as she takes it as a sign of victory. it’s the small things, after all. yes, it was always the small things; whether it be deciphering weaknesses or taking victories, it was always, the small things.

–”my, so vulgar. we do not understand why you are so disturbed by us. do you have to make us out to be a monster in order to feel better about yourself?” yes, why did he dislike her so? she put up no front. she kept no secrets about herself (aside from the knowledge she knew), so why did he keep treating her like so? perhaps it was because he despised the way she worked. she would do anything–claw tooth and nail and tear down anyone in her way without mercy, all if it meant she could be at the top. of course, that was only half the fun. the other half, however, was much more sadistic and cruel. she reveled in watching those around her fail and falter, see them abandoned by those who once loved and respected them, fall from grace and become nothing. the looks on their faces as they saw the only life they knew fall down around them in shambles… it was beautiful.

–”illusions of grandeur? we fear the only illusion here is the fact you think that you still have fans. who could like someone such as yourself? you make it very hard. you can continue running from your past, but does it not get tired? we think you used to hide beneath someone’s shadow–carry a burden too heavy to bear for one man. we think you used to wear a mask, and we think that you still are to this very day–no… we know you are. we wonder, however, just how many lies you have spun in order to convince yourself that everything is okay–that you, are okay.” she laughs, and it comes out like venom, seeping into the other’s skin and spreading throughout it like poison in his veins, because she knows. she knows everything–past, present, and perhaps, even his future.

–because she will be the one to forge it for him.

Jupiter feels his entire body stiffen, as if someone has planted fire in his ribs, and it’s burning through his muscles, the quiver of his knees, the shape of his ankles. As if it’s kissing through the way his shoulders are getting taught, as if he’s forgotten the pulse in his elbows, as if he can’t remember how he has managed to hold his pen before it falls to the floor. He can barely breathe through his throat; when he tries to speak, he can almost taste his father’s cigarettes smoking in his mouth.

He doesn’t answer her question. It terrifies him to know that he finds her so similar to the person he’s always wanted to avoid. Jupiter had been compared to his father more often times than not, as if the wreathe of their ribs have always been too familiar, as if his ankles are chained no matter how far he’s begun to run. He has always deemed the industry to be quite so cruel. Because Jupiter is awfully convinced that he’s been played like a fool.

Ignoring the rush of blood through his neck and cheeks, Jupiter finds himself staring at the notebook in front of him. His knees are shaking, his fingers have wrung out his blood and turned it to ink. He feels like he’s been brought back to France, where cameras are surrounding him like little crows underneath the morning sun, where he’s had to pretend that pretending is a drug.

“I suppose that you’ve done your research,” Jupiter remarks, fingers tracing the loose hem of his pants. “Read a few articles as well? I hadn’t thought you were so interested in my fame.” He pauses for a moment before glancing at her with pursed lips. “Does that please you to know, then? They’ve never been secrets,” he laughs out. “Or did you expect me to be so affected?”

–she seats herself right next to him–salt in the wound, you could say, and simply places her cheek in her hand as she continues to smile at him. she never understood why he found such disgust in it, but all the better to push his buttons with. if such a simple change in expression could elicit such reactions from him, she wondered how he would react if she did or said something more… obviously belligerent.

–his smile is so much more false than hers, because she knows he dislikes her. she doesn’t find him important enough to waste emotions on though; he’s just another person she needs to defeat in order to become the best she can be. he was a pebble in her path of victory, so why waste her time? clicking her tongue, she closes her eyes and chastises him. “you don’t wish to be likable? what kind of attitude is that for an idol? if you do not wish to be likable, how will you gain fans? i see now why your unit’s rank is so low; you should put more care into your personality. you are singlehandedly dragging down your entire team, how sad.”

–she smiles once more when he asks her that question though. “yes, we are most confident that we know everything about you. now is not the time to share what knowledge we have though; if you are lucky, perhaps you will get to know before your next performance.” perhaps she would rattle him a little with insecurities before he had to step on stage and perform. how well would he do under pressure? she quite looked forward to watching it.

–giving him a questioning look, she tilts her head. “act? we are not ‘acting’. this is simply how we are–you may dislike us, but we do not think of you highly enough to care. we have told no lies, we do not know what you are speaking of.”

#treacherys #;replies #( translation: to have delusions of grandeur )

He does not bother to give her an explanation as to why he wishes not to be likeable, as if he has forgotten what it had felt to become a famous child actor, as if he is able to ignore that his father is a “legendary” director, as if he has wanted to be an idol all along. His father has always wanted him to be magnificent, a black bird with clipped wings unmeant for freedom. Jupiter feels himself stiffen, shoulders turning rigid as he can hear his father’s silent judgment. But he quickly recovers, as if nothing has happened within that short moment of silence.

“Ah, but I already have fans,” Jupiter says, mouth returning the smile she’s offering. He scoots his chair farther away from her, nearly trapping himself beside the wall in the process. He almost feels like he’s in a cage, and her hands are trying to suffocate his neck. “And I don’t have to lie to myself about how truly horrible I am. Haven’t you noticed how loveable assholes are lately?” His smile tastes like acid in between the spaces of his teeth, trying to locate the pieces of him he’s already misplaced. “Or are you, perhaps, getting slow with the trends?”

She claims to have already known too much, and he fears that what information she’s acquired may not already be enough. “I’m looking forward to it,” he answers, resting his cheek against his palm, imitating her own position. “I do enjoy quite a bit of excitement. However, does it not make you sad? Avoir la folie des grandeurs?”

–his movements are too predictable that it’s almost boring. the malice in his voice only fuels her desire to pester him though. someone so outwardly cruel and rude, it was a wonder his unit hadn’t hit rock bottom yet. she watched his interviews, his live shows (as she did for all units), and though he was somewhat more tolerable during those, his personality remained, for the most part, the same. how did he still have fans? he may have thought her to be the ‘bad guy’, but by acting like a child and sullying his unit’s reputation–keeping them from the greatness they could achieve–wasn’t he the real bad guy?

–he acts like he knows her. her motivations and desires; her ‘true personality’, but who is he to say what is true and what is false? “plastic? my, you really do make it hard to be likable, jupiter. what would your fans think of you being so rude to us simply greeting you, hm? you’ll never win another dreamfes if you don’t clean up your act soon.”

–she’s playing cat and mouse with him at this point, and it has always been that way since the day they met. on and on he continues to hurl insult after insult at her, and it doesn’t faze her at all, only furthers her pity for him. he will never win another dream idol festival, she would make sure of it. she would humiliate him in the middle of one of his concerts, for all his fans to see. of course, she wouldn’t make it known that it was her, but he more or less might come to the conclusion on his own. as stupid as he was, even he could put together all the puzzle pieces, yes?-

Jupiter almost considers leaving himself -- to stand from his seat and exit the classroom in silence. But she would have to think of his absence as a flag of defeat, and he’s hardly the kind to take that too lightly. He can taste his father’s anger on the roof of his mouth -- a bitter remnant of his mistakes. Then again, Jupiter has never thought of himself as someone quite so magnificent.

Keeping the smile taped tight to his lips, he finds himself stiffening at how easy it is to pretend, as if he’s gone back to the boy who’d found masks to be an addiction. “Oh, but I’ve never wanted to be likeable, Yoko. Haven’t you learned?” Jupiter raises both eyebrows, parting his lips, as if he’s actually puzzled at what he’s about to say. “Or did you really think that you’ve found out my secrets? Who I am? Are you ever so confident?”

He can feel his own irritation crawl to the tunnel of his throat, burning through his teeth and egging him on. Jupiter has always been familiar with self-control; the girl is simply latching on with indignation, and he doesn’t know how to firmly shake her off. She’s like an insect, a parasite feeding on his annoyance, insulting him as if she’s any different.

“At least, I don’t have to lie to myself on a daily basis,” he seethes. “Doesn’t your act get tiring?”

–she’s almost late to class; after all, it takes time to look this beautiful. well, that and she was busy being fascinated by the whispers and murmurs concerning other students. she was a producer next to being an idol, and so her memory had to be in good shape. with that being said though, she keeps all information about everyone not only in school, but within the entire idol industry within her mind. it will come in handy–all of it. that, she is sure of, and when the time comes for them to set aside their fake friendships and show their true colors, she will be ready with an arsenal of dark secrets.

–she walks up to one of the people who have already shed their false persona. or, well, it would be more accurate to say that he never wasted time committing to such a thing in the first place. a foolish move, for how will you ever win a dream idol festival if you act like a spoiled brat all the time? the two had never seen eye to eye, but even so yoko kept up her facade and smiled, all while saying the most cruel of things right to his face. he would never survive in this industry–not with that attitude. he would be the demise of his unit, and part of her couldn’t help but pity his other members, while another part of her wished dearly to help in his downfall from grace.

–when he addresses her with such malice, she can’t help but giggle. “my, so rude this early in the morning? we simply wished to greet you; after all, you are a dear classmate of ours. it would be rude not to do so, yes?”

He raises an eyebrow at her comment, lips pursed with natural contempt. Chin pressed against his palm, he moves his hand to close the notebook that’s been spread open. Clutching the side of his desk, Jupiter counts the moments of silence shared in between the distance, as if he’s waiting for her to leave before he can even mention that proposition. He’s never wanted to “sabotage” her ( his father would have a fit, if so, considering the family’s reputation ), but he’s always found her so incredibly annoying.

Because isn’t it so obvious that she’s being fake?

Jupiter taps his fingers on the desk, realising that she’s made no move to bless him with her absence. Sighing in defeat, he tightens the grit of his teeth. “I suppose that it’s difficult for you not to be so plastic,” he says, the grip of hand beginning to strain. “I would appreciate it if you ignore me, rather than greet me so unnecessarily. Or have you always wanted to be this annoying?”

He doesn’t understand why she uses we when speaking, as if she has two people in her body, and the other is only invisible. Jupiter has never considered asking; he doesn’t want her to think that she’s anything interesting. “So, thank you for the good morning,” he continues, lips curling into a fake smile of his own. “You’ve already destroyed it.”

@treacherys

The morning sun has already risen behind the cluster of buildings inside the university. It streaks and mops through the classroom floors, beginning to find its way back to the heels of his feet, swamping underneath the bare spot of his ankles. One of the windows are opened, and Jupiter can recognise the familiar scent of spring crisp in his nostrils.

He sits at the farther back corner of the classroom, the curtains brushing against his wrist and the side of his desk. He presses his chin to the heel of his palm, fingers twisting around a pen as he jots down various notes of the upcoming show. Pursing his lips, he glances up when the door is opened, followed by another student.

One he doesn’t particularly hate, but he can’t say that he likes her all the same.

He focuses on the paper in front of him, crossing out ideas and replacing them in script. The sun shifts over the messy scribble of ink, before it’s blocked by the person standing in front of him. Jupiter’s mouth curls into a scowl, narrowing his eyes as he gives her a look.

“What,” he snarls, “the hell do you want?”

#treacherys #;starter

I thought I could leave but couldn’t get out the d o o r

phcnic

Jupiter presses another fleeting kiss to the corner of his lips, and Evan barely contains the urge to steal a few more of his own; resisting indulgence in order to wait for the other’s answer with bated breath. Heart leaping in his chest at the affectionate touches, the musician is completely overwhelmed, and he loves every second of it.

“Well, up until very recently, I’ve only been able to make guesses, y’know?”

Voice playful, he snickers gently while resting his forehead against Jupiter’s once more, a sudden weight lifted from his shoulders as the doubts from their past interactions instantly melted away. Looking back, their feelings had been rather obvious, though each of them were seemingly too afraid to act on them. Now, there was no need to hold back. Evan couldn’t remember the last time his pulse raced with such joy.

“I-Isn’t my answer pretty obvious?” Punctuating his sentence with another kiss, Evan captures Jupiter’s lips with his own once more – already finding himself hooked on the brief moment of intimacy it brought. “Of course.”

#phcnic #;replies #( mY HEART IS NOT BEATING RLY FAST AS I'M WRITING THIS NOPE NOPE NOPE )

Jupiter had doubted Evan’s feelings, if only for the fact that he had been incredibly insecure, after having been rejected by a woman he had loved in a lifetime too short ( and for good reason, he assumes now ). Now, he is able to trace a finger along the line of Evan’s jaw, finding himself counting the seconds they had shared a breath, and felt their hearts burning in the same ribcage.

There is no hesitation now, only the soft laughter that follows their kisses, as well as the smouldered gasp that escapes his parted lips. Evan tastes of summer and heat, and Jupiter feels himself igniting underneath his colder skin. Jupiter would not be afraid of showing such immense adoration for a man he loves now and he will love even more in the future.

After Evan kisses him once more, soft and short and unbelievably beautiful, Jupiter’s hands transfers from the collar of his shirt to gently surround the shape of his neck. Leaning forward, he places an open-mouthed touch at the center of his throat. “I think,” he whispers, “I’ve fallen impossibly hard for you.”

I’m the living result I’m a man who’s been h u r t a little too much

And here am I the biggest fool of them all

rkleedongminie

the ice leader gave a soft chuckle, not even trying to hide his amusement at the other’s reaction. honestly, he had only heard a brief word and not even really much to make a correct assumption about jupiter and evan’s relationship. so the other’s reaction was more than enough to confirm the rumor he heard.

and its very amusing to him. he might have only met evan that one time, and the musician had given him the impression of a moron. but the guy didn’t seem horrible. just… missing a few watts in the bulb. not that he can really say anything on who jupiter chooses to get extra friendly with, considering hale, himself, is highly in love with a criminal.

that, and if evan makes jupiter happy then he wouldn’t say anything other than support the younger trainer. “how long have you too been… close. ” he asked, trying to sound serious, but the small grin on his lips gave away how amused he is. when its not directed at him, questioning someone on their ‘love life’ can be rather entertaining. of course, he has to make sure evan is good for juptier.

maybe its time for hale to pay the musician a visit.

Jupiter scowls at the hint of amusement Hale had not bothered to hide. While he will not deny the other of his claims, he still feels the embarrassment rise to his cheeks. He had been asked by the media of whom he had dated when he was still an idol, but he had never found the courage to say her name. Now, however, Evan feels warm and comfortable on his tongue, as if it were meant to be spoken aloud.

“N-Not long,” he answers, scolding himself once of the stutter that had come. “Perhaps, five months at most?” He is not completely certain, or perhaps he’d learned not to take count. ( Or perhaps, even, he’s already forgotten that time exists in the company of Evan Sinclair. )

Fiddling quietly with his scarf, he tries to continue his statement out of pure need. Jupiter has yet to talk about it to anyone, and while it may not be a necessary factor, he would like to have support nevertheless. “He has been . . . too good to me,” he admits. “I feel vastly unworthy of his affection.”

#glacene #;replies

phcnic

Never before in his life has he felt so overwhelmingly nervous.

Taking in a slow breath in an attempt to keep his composure intact, Evan only watches in enchanted silence as Jupiter brings his hands to cup the sides of his face, pupils undoubtedly dilating from pure attraction as he meets the other’s gaze.

Arms still curled around Jupiter’s waist, the musician parts his lips slightly as if ready to speak; to question if this was really the path he wanted to take – each of them haunted by relationships in the past with bad experiences that lingered overhead like a dreary raincloud. But before even a syllable of doubt could be muttered, the soft lips that pressed against the line of his jaw effectively silenced him, save for the gentle hum of appreciation that escaped as the kisses traveled further along to the corner of his mouth.

Pulse racing and cheeks burning red at Jupiter’s words, despite his own nerves, it was impossible for him to leave the kiss unreciprocated. Eyelids fluttering to a close, Evan closed what little distance remained between them, returning the kiss hesitantly at first – as if testing the waters – before following up with another that held a little more confidence.

“W-Wait…” Thoughts catching up with him, the musician pulls back carefully, voice barely a whisper as their lips remained dangerously close. “Does this mean we’re– that you’d want to be… y’know?”

#phcnic #;replies #( aslfotbij )#( i am crying legit tears )#( jup's gonna have his first boyfriend and his tRUE LOVE )

With a hand now safely tucked at the nape of his neck, Jupiter feels his heart ache in his ribs. It almost surprises him to think that he is able to touch Evan within such a short proximity and not explode in the process. He can sense the hesitation shared in between their lips, as if he’s asking himself what he has done to deserve this.

( If he deserves this at all. )

But not long after, Evan begins to pull away, and Jupiter’s heart lurches at his throat, terrified that he’ll have to let go. And yet, he feels the begging urge to steal his lips once more. He lets the other speak for a moment, before he answers his question with a shallow breath. Jupiter’s hand reaches for the side of his neck, brushing his thumb gently on the musician’s skin as he corners his mouth in another kiss.

“Evan,” he murmurs, pulling back to gather a breath. “Haven’t I told you how much I’ve wanted this?” You, he corrects himself, but he dares not to speak it out loud, petrified that his need will scare Evan away from his hold. Hands sinking towards the collar of Evan’s shirt, he pulls the other closer. “I want to be yours.” He pauses, swallowing in silence. “Will you accept me?”

They took his pride They took his voice

There will never be Another one like you

#;thoughts #;phcnic