oh my god, they were roommates ⊠sentence starters
also included some aimed at cohabitating couples
âDid we leave the stove on?â
âDid you remember to unplug that?â
âDid you know you talk in your sleep?â
âDo you wanna just order pizza tonight?â
âYouâre slowing down the internet, again.â
âI washed dishes last night. Itâs your turn.â
âSeriously? You ate them all? Without me?â
âDo you have to have your music that loud?â
âOh, donât give me that! It had my name on it!â
âScootch over, youâre hogging the whole couch.â
âYou made dinner? Thanks, it smells really good.â
âTouch my chips and youâre gonna meet the lord.â
âMy Netflix password, I get to decide what we watch.â
âIf you touch that thermostat one more time, I swearâŠâ
âOh, yeah, lightâs been burnt out for, like, a week, now.â
âPut down the broom and go to bed, youâre exhausted.â
âI just pulled all these out of the couch. Care to explain?â
âI swear, this place is haunted. The lights keep flickering.â
âNo. You canât solve every household issue with duct-tape.â
âWas that the sound of a pipe bursting? Please, tell me no.â
âYou canât just hoard (trash item). Youâre like a dragon of garbage.â
âWell, I wouldâve liked to sleep, but SOMEONE hogged the bed last night.â
âOur neighbors keep eyeing our little garden. I think theyâre jealous. Good.â
âSo, donât panic, but you know how they say you shouldnât microwave metalâŠ?â
âExcuse you, you donât need a pillow. Iâm right here, and perfectly pillow-shaped!â
âDid you really write âREDRUMâ on the mirror? You almost gave me a heart attack!â
âHey, I know youâve had a rough day, so I made a quick stop and picked up your favorite snack.â
âSorry I didnât warn you that I sleepwalk. Didnât mean to become your sleep paralysis demon.â
âYeah, Iâd love to do the yardwork⊠if it could stop snowing/raining/storming for more than ten seconds.â
âI was going to throw out the milk, but itâs been in there so long, it gained sentience and Iâm scared to get near it.â
âSince things keep breaking, I think we have a household ghost. And Iâm gonna name him Steve. Steve, youâre a dick.â
âApparently, you can duct tape a person to a wall. We have duct tape. We have a wall. Are you seeing where Iâm going with this?â
âSomewhere in this house, thereâs a smoke alarm low on batteries. And itâs taunting me with its beeps, because it knows I canât figure out which one it is.â