for as much as i didn’t like impose when it first came out i genuinely think that song describes my soul LMFAO it’s one of my favorite bad omens songs now
happy birthday to @vibecops aka my home slice ! i had these premade in advance so i wanted to share them as early as possible / whenever i could on your birthday :D i know the hesh ones don't look as good and how my watermark is big as shit but i was in a rush and was getting mad with psds and whatnot. (in the end i put my whole heart in these </3)
princess treatment ₊˚⊹♡ sugar daddy!jolly x f!reader
warnings: power dynamics
word count: 3.1k
notes: it's finally sugar daddy!jolly time. i've been thinking about this for a while and i finally managed to write something with it. pls let me know if you'd like more of this <33
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Sometimes it still feels a little odd.
The apartment you’re in should be unobtainable for you. And it was up until a few months ago. Without Jolly, you would still be in your dingy little place. But he’d insisted that you deserved more and that he’d be more than happy to provide that for you.
Sometimes this whole agreement feels a little odd — in reality you couldn’t be happier that you had ended up with him and not some sleazebag who would be all too excited to abuse the delicate balance you have. But no, Jolly doesn’t want a lot from you in exchange for what he gives you. He doesn't want sex or favours, all he asks for is company. You’re still not entirely sure how he came to have all of this money. He’s never said that the topic is off limits, but who are you to question that hand that quite literally feeds you.
Aside from the apartment, Jolly provides you with a generous allowance for your everyday expenses. That balance doesn’t include purchases for events he takes you to.
You’re going some fancy dinner later today. He’s already taken you to various beauty treatments, fully knowing that you wouldn’t do it on your own. You also know how much joy it brings him to pamper you. Making sure that you’re well taken care of is one of his favourite things.
You pick up your phone from the bedside table.
As always there’s a text from Jolly already waiting for you.
Good morning my dear, I’m coming over with breakfast at 9. The stylist is coming an hour earlier so that you’ll have more time to get ready.
You check the time — it’s just after eight.
One of Jolly’s requests for you had been that you follow a daily routine he had set up for you. Really it’s a small thing in return for everything he does for you. If you hadn’t met him when you did your financial situation could have ended up a lot more — dire. And if all you have to do in return is go to events with him and get up when he asks you to you’d gladly do it. The routine had come up in one of your early conversations, where you had mentioned that structuring your days sometimes felt like an overwhelming nightmare. He’d offered to make it part of the exchange, giving you a little helping hand to figure things out.
You know that he will expect you to be ready by the time he arrives, so you will yourself out of bed and under the shower. You had quickly learned that Jolly moves in a very different sphere from you. When you had first moved into this place, it had been stocked with luxury products that would have been very far out of your price range before. He’d been surprised to find that you preferred the less expensive products you have been used to over the fancy stuff he enjoyed. Of course, you had kept some of his recommendations now that you could afford them. Some of the skincare items he had encouraged you to buy when he had taken you out for a shopping trip, had become new favourites of yours.
Jolly never enters your apartment without notifying you first, despite having a key. You buzz him into the place, patiently waiting by the door for him. A few minutes pass before you hear the elevator doors slide open, announcing that he's made it to your floor. You still feel a little nervous around him. Something about him sets your entire nervous system alight. Your heart makes a little thump when he rounds the corner towards your door.
Jolly gives you a little wave, holding up the paper bag from one of the cafés he likes to get breakfast from on occasion. He tries to meet you for breakfast at least once a week, but you know that his schedule doesn’t always permit that. He’s a busy man, which is exactly why he has struggled with traditional relationships. The agreement you have gives him what he wants — company and someone to take care of — and takes the financial burden off your shoulders. The parameters of your relationship had changed over the weeks and month. He had eased off some of his initially rather controlling demeanour, while you had learned that you learned that you liked having someone else in charge on occasion.
“Good morning, dear.” he says, coming to stand in front of you.
As always, he’s dressed in all black. The surprise is that his hair is down for once — a weakness of yours, but you won’t let him know that. Your relationship isn’t like that. He’s made it explicitly clear that isn’t for anything romantic or sexual.
“Good morning.” you mirror.
You allow him into your space. Whatever he’s brought for your breakfast today smells absolutely divine. Jolly walks ahead of you into the kitchen. He’ll prepare whatever still needs to be done. You take your usual seat by the kitchen island.
“How was your night? Did you sleep alright?” he asks, as he begins to work on your coffees.
“The new pillows are a lot better.” you reply, “Thank you for buying them.”
“Of course, dear. I’m glad they helped you.” Jolly says with a soft smile.
You watch him for a moment. The practised repetition makes his movements look so very effortless. You love watching him. It’s a brief glimpse into something you won’t ever have.
“How did you sleep?” You ask after a few more moments of silence.
Jolly lets out a heavy sigh, “It was a very short night for me. I had to let go one of my assistants and spent most of the night cleaning up his mess.”
With how tense his shoulders look it’s easy to tell how heavy this all weighs on him. You flash him a sympathetic look, hoping that it’ll ease some of that burden.
“I’m sorry. At least we’ll have a nice day today.”
“That we will.” He says softly, “Would you be so kind and put out plates on the table, dear? We’ll need the big ones.”
You do as he asks, plucking two of the gorgeous flower motif plates from the drawer. When you had moved into this place, Jolly had given you several options for the interior, allowing you to make the space feel like it’s truly your own.
“What did you get for us?” You ask as you place the plates and cutlery on the table.
“I went to the little boulangerie you like so much. I got you that yogurt pot you like from there too.”
The gesture makes your heart thump a little. He remembers so much of what you tell him, all of the little one time mentions appear to be saved somewhere in his head.
In a couple of minutes the table is set with all the options he brought. It’s a nice spread of things, some of it will be left over and as always he will insist that you keep all of it here.
You don’t bring up work again once you’ve sat down for breakfast. Jolly has once told you that being in your apartment feels like he’s able to actually clock out for the first time. He leaves his phone in the chest of drawers next to your door when he arrives and only picks it up again when he leaves.
He asks about your week, how your lunch with friends was the day before. And in turn you ask about the trip he’s mentioned — a week in Sydney.
“Do you want to come with me?” He asks between bites of his pastry.
He's been on trips before since you started this, but this is the first time he’s asked if you’d join him.
“I only have two meeting that week so you wouldn't have to be alone a lot. I know you’ve wanted to go.”
“I wouldn't want to be a burden.” You reply out of habit.
Jolly flashes you a stern look, “What have I told you about this?”
You what he wants to hear from you.
Your constant worry about burdening him had clashed with his desire to care for someone right from the start. Jolly’s determination to make you actually believe that you’re not burdening him is honestly commendable.
“I know you said it’s not a burden.”
“It's not.” He says, still sounding rather stern, “You know that me taking care of you is a part of this agreement. I would have asked you to come with me on other trips, but I wouldn’t have had a lot of time for you. And I don’t want you to feel like I’m dragging you along for my entertainment only.”
His hand shifts on the surface of table and for a second you wonder if he’s going to reach out for you.
But he doesn’t.
You’ve only slowly started get closer physically. You suppose that both of you have been hesitant to do that out of the worry that it’ll bring you too close. And so you stay at a distance, always careful to not get too attached to him.
You agree to come to Sydney with him, even if it already fills you with nerves.
It’ll be nice to see more of the world — especially with him.
After breakfast, Jolly excuses himself again to get back to his work for a couple of hours. He’ll be back in time to pick you up for dinner, meaning that you’ll have most of the day to yourself.
He only returns when the stylist is already there and hard at work. This is another thing you’re not quite used to yet. Before you would have just done all of this on your own, but Jolly makes hiring a stylist sound like the most normal thing to do.
You catch him watching you from the door. And as much as you try to deny it there’s something awfully fond about the way he looks at you. He’s already dressed for the evening — sharp as always in a clean all black suit and shirt.
“Absolutely gorgeous — as always.” he says as the stylist steps away to view their work.
The stylist looks over to him, waiting for him to say more.
“Thank you for your work. I’ll take care of the rest.” He says after a few more seconds.
You watch silently as the stylist picks up. As they leave, they inform Jolly of something you can quiet hear from where you’re sitting. He gives a curt nod, shakes their hand and shows them towards the door.
He waits until the door has fallen shut again before he steps back into the bedroom.
“They did great work, didn’t they? Not that it’d be hard with you.” He says gently, “You look wonderful, my dear.”
He comes to stand behind you, placing his hands on the back of your chair. His eyes find yours in the mirror, watching you closely for a long moment.
“With the dress we picked you’ll be the centre of attention tonight. I’ll have to keep a close eye on you.”
You feel your cheeks tinge pink at his words. The attention he gives you always makes you feel a little nervous.
“Why don’t you go get dressed? I’ll help you zip up.” He says after a few more seconds of tense silence.
Jolly pulls your chair back as you get up. His hand catches your shoulders, stopping you from moving too far away. It wanders towards your chin, allowing him to inspect your face properly. You want to shrink away from the attention. It’s almost too much to bear, but the soft smile on his face somehow makes it all feel better.
“Gorgeous.” he says with a nod, “Now go. I don’t want us to be late.”
You scamper off into the dressing room where your dress is waiting for you. It’s a beautiful dark green number. You hadn’t picked it purely because it was Jolly’s favourite but you always consider his opinion when you make your choices.
“I talked to our host tonight. You’ll enjoy the menu.” Jolly says from the other room, “If you can't find anything I’ll take you to the diner afterwards.”
Your tummy does a little flip at that. It’s a small thing, but he always watches out for it. Always makes sure that you find something good to eat, despite how picky you can be about the choices. He’s never made a big deal out of it when he cooks for you either.
Jolly pokes his head into the room just as you slip the dress on. You watch him approach you in the mirror.
“This may be the best one we got for you so far.” he muses, as he places a warm hand on your shoulder, “I’ll have to come up with more occasions for you to wear it.”
“I’m sure you can find something.”
You feel him dragging the zipper upwards entirely too slowly almost as if he’s trying to make the moment last. His fingers linger on your skin for longer than they usually would. The touch is tender, gentle and so much more intimate. It makes every hair on your body stand up straight. Every inch of your body crawls with nerves you try so hard to suppress.
“We should go.” he says then, seemingly having shaken off the trance he’d found himself in, “Wouldn’t want us to be late.”
The dinner is good but — as always — rather boring.
Jolly’s hand doesn’t leave your thigh unless it absolutely has to. For most of the night it remains firmly attached to your leg. And for once you can quite decide if the gesture is comforting or possessive. He does make good on his promise to keep an eye on you. Every man that so much as looks at you is met with a very intent glare from him.
You mingle with some of the other plus ones while Jolly is entangled in his business conversations but thankfully you do t have to wait very long for him to return.
“Are you ready to head home?” He asks, wrapping an arm around your middle.
You give him a nod, before briefly returning your attention to the girl you’d been talking to.
“It was so nice to meet you.” You tell her, “I’ll text you and then we can figure out a date to meet up.”
You can feel Jolly’s approving gaze on your face. He’s always encouraged you to make your own connections at these events, all in the hopes that you'll eventually have circle to fall back on when he’s not there. He’s acknowledged how isolating this agreement could be for you. Some of your friends hadn’t been exactly accepting of your new situation, calling you all sorts of awful names. It had been hard to let them go despite their behaviour. Having Jolly to support you through it had been tremendously helpful.
“Driver is on his way already.” Jolly tells you as he walks you back towards the elevator, “Did you have a good time?”
“It was nice.” You reply, “The food was good and I met some nice people.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you had a good time.”
His hand is still resting on your waist when you step into the elevator. Normally this is the moment where he stops touching you. He doesn't have to keep up appearances once you're behind closed doors.
Tonight, his hand remains where it is.
“People kept asking me where I found my gorgeous girlfriend.” Jolly says, and you don’t have to look at him to know that he’s smiling, “I told them we met in a cafe.”
“It is true. Technically.”
He nods, “It is. We should go back some time. The pastries there were really nice there if I remember correctly.”
“I would like that.”
Jolly nods solemnly, but doesn’t get to say more as the elevator arrives at the lowest level — the parking garage.
The air inside the car feels stuffy — thick with something you know you can't have. That craving you have for him has never been stronger. He’s been so tactile with you, always touching you somehow. You know that you’ll never have a real relationship with him, Jolly has been more than clear about this. He doesn’t want romance and you’re not even sure if he’s even interested in something more physical.
It wasn’t explicitly ruled out in your initial agreement, but you had agreed to keep things as platonic as possible for the time being.
Regardless of what you agreed on something has changed tonight. And when you arrive back at your apartment, it becomes even more evident. Jolly drops his jacket onto the arm of your sofa.
“Would you mind if I stayed here tonight?” He asks, sounding almost a little timid.
You watch him closely.
This is new.
“Of course.” You reply quickly.
His shoulders immediately slump with relief.
“I didn’t want to assume. We don’t have to do anything. I just — I think need a little bit of that.”
You’ve noticed it throughout the day. He’s never sought this much physical contact before.
“I think that’ll be nice for both of us. I missed getting cuddles.” You reply and you try your best to hide the nerves that come with the statement.
Settling into bed with him is odd. It feels like you’re sharing a bed with a new partner for the first time and in way it is exactly like that. For a few seconds everything feels awful and stilted. You don’t know how close you can get to him without it being too much. Jolly seems to sense your reluctance. His hand loops around your middle, pulling you close against his chest.
“Is this okay for you?” He asks softly.
You shift for a few seconds, trying to get comfortable before you nod, “This is good.”
Behind you, Jolly lets out a content hum. You feel his hands shifting across your middle, until one big hand settles against your stomach. It’s heavy and warm, comforting in ways you haven’t felt before. You let yourself sink into his embrace, allowing his warmth to take over your entire being.
You don’t know how you’ve ever gone without this — or how you’ll go on without this closeness should he decide that this is a one time only thing.
And then you feel it. A barely there kiss pressed against your bare shoulder.
Your relationship has changed fundamentally tonight, and you already know that he’ll want to have a conversation about it in the morning.
warnings: maybe a few little sexual references? and tw for the M word (maya)
wow what do i even say here?? this story is my baby, these characters are my children, what do i even do now?? how do i move on?? out of every story i've ever written EVER this is by far my favourite, i've put the most of myself into reader from the beginning, i've cried while writing this, i've laughed while wriitng this and it's just got a very special place in my heart. i have never truly considered writing as a career but with the effort i've put into planning this story, the reaction it's gotten- i mean i've even seen people talking about this story on different platforms lmao- and just the love i've put into it, i'm considering changing the names, rewriting it and actually taking it seriously and getting it published lmao. but in all seriousness thank you to everyone who has read this and followed along!! i really hope i've done the story justice with this ending <3
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Steve’s funeral was held at a beautiful church, four days before the move.
Noah was by your side the entire time, holding your hand, telling you it’s okay to cry when you began to get frustrated with yourself for it, smiling sadly but proudly when you walked up to say a few words about the man who took you in, the man who raised you as his own, the man who gave you a job and never let you give up on yourself. You never imagined having to go on through your life without him cheering you on… but you also never imagined having someone like Noah become a part of your life either.
It was just a reminder that although life was cruel, that it had a way of taking things away when you least expected it, it also gave you things you could’ve never imagined.
The funeral had been beautiful, absolutely devastating, but beautiful. It felt like half the town had turned up to say goodbye to him. There were mechanics Steve had worked with over the span of his life, there were old friends he’d known since he was at school, neighbours from over thirty years ago, customers that grew to love and trust him- because he made it oh so easy.
Noah was your rock through it all. You could’ve never imagined yourself getting through a day like this without him by your side. He never let go of your hand, not while people were offering their condolences, or while you stood beside Linda, greeting people until your cheeks hurt from forcing brave little smiles. He was just reminding you that you weren’t doing this alone.
That you’d never have to face anything alone ever again.
At one point, after yet another person had approached you to tell you they remembered you when you were little- despite you having no clue who they were- and telling you what an incredible man Steve was, that there’d be another guy like him… you found yourself staring blankly at the floor, exhausted from the grief and the whole day itself.
Noah wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he tilted his head down a little to ask,
“Are you alright?”
You nodded your head automatically, which of course just made him raise an eyebrow.
“You're not very convincing, y’know.” He said, earning a little smile and a weak laugh from you.
“I know.”
He kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he spoke again.
“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, “I could see how much you’ve been holding back, but you don’t have to pretend to be okay for me. You know that, baby?”
You sniffled, and nodded your head, not really having the energy for words right now. Because you glanced around at all the empty chairs, the people leaving, the reality of it all settling in now. The fact that Steve really wasn’t coming back.
You took Noah’s hand again, and didn’t say a word as you led him outside. He probably guessed you wanted to get some air, so he followed behind you into the cold. The two of you found a bench near the church, Noah laid his jacket down for you since it was a little damp from the rain earlier and you both sat in silence for a moment, trying to process the day.
“I kept expecting him to walk through the door,” you said quietly, staring up at the grey sky, “I kept thinking maybe everyone got it wrong... I know it sounds stupid-”
“It doesn’t.” Noah said softly, his hand finding your knee.
You turned your head to look at him, and he was already looking at you with those warm, pretty brown eyes. It only made the lump in your throat worse.
“I just…” you chuckled weakly, “I keep forgetting. I keep thinking maybe my phone's gonna ring, and I’ll see his name come up again.”
For a second or two, Noah looked away. You watched his jaw tighten, because he’d lost people too. He’d told you about friends and people he was close to who’d lost their lives far too early and he never got a chance to say goodbye, so you knew he understood. He understood more than you could imagine.
“If your phone rings,” he said quietly as he looked back at you, his eyes softer than ever, “I’ll answer it for you.”
“What?” You laughed through watery eyes.
“And if it’s Steve," Noah continued, "I’ll tell him he’s an asshole for scaring everyone.”
A broken laugh escaped you, making Noah smile.
“You know what he’d actually say if he could see us right now?” You asked, wiping under your eyes. Noah let out a dramatic sigh, before putting on his best Steve impression.
“Stop crying over this bullshit! You're supposed to be at work!”
You laughed even harder.
“Exactly,” you smiled, sniffling again, “He’d be furious I’m taking time off.”
“I think he wouldn’t mind if he knew you were spending it with me,” he smirked, though you saw how glossy his eyes had become, “...He always thought I was good for you.”
You teasingly glared at him.
“I don’t think Steve knew just what you were really like back then.” You chuckled, “I don’t think he would’ve left you alone in the same room as me if he did.”
“Hey!” Noah laughed, playfully annoyed, “I’m gonna let that one slide today because you’re grieving.”
You smiled, and let your head rest against his shoulder. You watched across the church grounds as people left, and life continued. Then you thought about how your life would continue too, how your entire house was packed into boxes that now sat in Noah’s living room. You thought about this terrifying leap you were about to take, but it didn’t scare you as much as you thought it would.
Because deep down, you knew Steve would be excited- not just you, but for Noah too. He’d be standing there with that stupid grin on his face that he always wore when he knew he’d been right about something all along. And he’d say about time, kid.
…
Two days before the move, you were back in the shop, and you hadn’t expected it to feel as normal as it did. You expected to be emotional about it, especially as you’d been working here for years- ever since the summer after you turned 15- so it was safe to say you had a lot of history with this place, and memories you’d treasure for the rest of your life.
Maybe it felt normal because now this place had now been handed over to Glenn. It wasn’t Steve’s anymore. Yet you were still sitting at your desk, sorting through paperwork for what felt like the hundredth time. You were going through insurance information and customer records- things Glenn would need, and you wanted to make it as simple and easy to read as possible for him.
You couldn’t help but notice how empty your office was looking now. You had cleared the shelves- all except the top ones, since you were saving those for someone who could reach…
There were a couple of cardboard boxes sat beside your desk. Steve's old coffee mug had been wrapped carefully in newspaper because Linda had told you she wanted to keep it. Despite everything changing around the place, it still smelled exactly the same. Like oil, coffee, dust, and- strangely- home.
While you were in the middle of stacking invoices to staple together, the front door opened, and the familiar sound of the little bell ringing made you look up. You couldn’t help but grin as you watched Noah step inside, looking exactly the same as he did the first day he walked in- black skinny jeans, sleeveless band shirt, red beanie on his head.
“Morning, sunshine.” He smirked, remembering how much you loved to hear him say that every morning when he clocked in for his shift. He watched the way you scoffed and rolled your eyes, “There she is. My beautiful, stubborn girlfriend.”
You shook your head.
“And here you are, my never-on-time boyfriend!” You shot back, trying not to grin.
“Hey, I was picking coffee for your grumpy ass.” He said, crossing the room and leaning down to kiss your forehead, before setting your latte down on your desk.
“Thank you.” You smiled, looking up at him…
But he wasn’t looking at you. His attention was elsewhere- more specifically, on the car sitting in the workshop. And it was almost like he never left this place, his mechanic instincts immediately kicking back in.
“What’s wrong with that?” He asked, pointing over at it.
You took a sip of coffee before following his gaze.
“The blue one?”
“Yeah.”
You shrugged.
“I think the guy said something about it making a weird noise, I’m not sure.”
Noah frowned, then hummed… then started walking towards it, making you laugh.
“Noah…”
“What?”
“You’re not even employed here anymore.”
“And?”
You watched him disappear into the workshop, then you heard the clank of tools moving, then you heard him talking to himself, cursing, and then asking,
“Who the hell worked on this thing?”
You smiled to yourself. Some things never change.
You watched him for a while, still wondering how the hell he could still look so attractive with half his body under a car… but then you got up and wandered to the front door. You glanced left and right, but there was no sign of Dan, the new mechanic. He wasn’t supposed to even get here for another couple hours… so a little smile pulled at your lips as you reached up and flipped the sign on the door.
CLOSED
And then you locked the door from the inside too, just to make sure.
“Babe?” Noah called out, sounding a little confused, “You haven’t locked me in, have you?”
You chuckled.
“Not alone.” You answered as you slowly wandered into the workshop.
Noah had moved, he was now leaning over the car, looking down into the engine, tools in hand. You stopped for a moment to just watch him again, because this was how you’d first fallen for him. Sure the flirting and the stupid jokes and the confidence played a part, but watching him work, watching him care, watching him do something he knew so well and loved, and seeing how fucking hot he looked-
“There a reason you’re looking at me like that?” He smirked, catching you staring.
“Maybe…” You took another step closer, your eyes dragging over him like this. “Maybe I’m thinking about how sexy you look like this,” you smirked, “How I always had to stop myself from coming in here while you worked, getting all dirty and sweaty.”
Noah straightened up, wiping his hands on the rag that was already on the car roof, then his hands found your waist, pulling your body closer to his.
“Oh, is that right?” He chuckled, his voice low as his hands held your hips, “Well, I hate to break it to you baby… but I’m not gonna fuck you here.”
You looked up at him through your lashes and pouted.
“Noo… don’t gimme that face!” He frowned, before leaning down to kiss the tip of your nose. “Babe, I want our last memory of this place to be wholesome… not me bending you over some old car.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Wow,” you softly shook your head, “You really have changed for me, huh?”
“What do you mean?” Noah asked, a playful glint in his eyes.
“If I walked in here a few months ago and told you that I thought you looked hot, you’d practically be begging for it.”
Noah huffed a laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“That’s because I was an idiot with no self control.”
You gave him a look.
“Oh yeah? What’s changed?” You teased, earning a grin from him.
“...Now I have slightly more self control.”
“Pfft, you liar.” You scoffed, making him shake his head.
He’d missed this. He’d missed you like this- the playful you, teasing him back, looking up at him like he was your whole world. He told himself over and over that he’d never take this for granted if he ever got you back, and now here you were, your hands resting against his chest while his stayed comfortably on your hips…
“We really did it, huh?” He said suddenly with a soft smile.
“Hm?”
“Us,” he said sincerely, making your chest ache, “I know I’ve said it before, but I seriously never thought we’d make it here. I never even thought you’d ever give me a chance.”
You smiled, your hand coming up to cup his face.
“You’re too hard on yourself sometimes, Noah.” You said, your thumb stroking his cheek, “You’re amazing. You’re kind, you’re caring, you make me laugh when I don’t want to, you always know when something’s wrong, even when I don’t say anything… you look after everyone around you, whether they deserve it or not.”
Noah’s eyes narrowed a little.
“Baby, are you trying to make me cry?”
“No!” You laughed.
“Because it’s working.” He added.
You shook your head, smiling.
“I mean it, though.” You said, and watched as his eyes softened.
You could see in his face how your words were slowly settling in him, how he was believing you more and more each time you reassured him. Noah had always seemed so confident on the outside, like nothing in the world could bother or upset him, but you learned pretty quickly that there were parts of him that still struggled to believe good things about himself- parts of him that still couldn’t understand why someone would choose him, after the way he’s been treated in the past.
You wanted to change that for good.
“You know what your problem is?” You asked, a little soft smile tugging at your lips.
“Oh here we go.” He groaned playfully.
“You never let yourself see yourself the way other people do.”
Noah’s smile fell ever so slightly, but you carried on.
“I’d do anything for you to see yourself the way I do… then maybe you’d see why I fell in love with you… despite being unbelievably annoying.”
Noah chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. For a moment you just held him like this, and let him hold you too.
“I’m not letting you make me cry today,” he whispered, “Should we just get the office packed up then go home?”
You nodded your head, and with a kiss to your forehead, Noah pulled back.
“Since you’re desperate to get in my pants.” He added, making you scoff.
“Noah!”
…
So Noah left the car alone, and went back into the office with you. It only took a couple hours for the both of you to clear out the storage cupboard and all the top shelves.
However, while you were emptying the cupboard, you came across a framed photo. It made you stop what you were doing completely, you held it in your hands and slowly turned around to face Noah, who was wiping the dust off of the shelves.
“Noah… come look at this.”
He turned his head, eyebrows raised.
“What is it?”
“Linda took this. This was the first day I started working here…”
He stepped beside you, his shoulder brushing yours as he leaned down to get a better look.
The photograph had faded a little over the years, which was no surprise, it was taken when you were fifteen. You were wearing a blazer that was a little too big for you, but you didn’t care, at the time you thought it made you feel very professional. Your hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and there was a smear of grease across your cheek that Steve had left after he pulled you into a hug.
He was standing beside you in the picture, one arm slung proudly around your shoulders while he held a mug of coffee in his other hand. He was grinning from ear to ear, ever so proud to have his niece working with him- and despite how awkward you thought you looked in the photo, you were smiling exactly the same.
“Baby…” Noah’s face softened, but you shook your head, letting out a quiet laugh through your nose.
“I hated this picture.”
Noah’s head turned towards you.
“Why?”
“I thought I looked awful,” you shrugged, your thumb brushing absentmindedly over the dusty frame, “I remember Linda framing it and leaving it on my desk one morning. I was so embarrassed that I waited until she left, then I hid it in here. When she came in a couple weeks later and asked about it, I told her I moved it so it didn’t get knocked off the desk.”
Noah looked back down at the photograph.
“You hid this?”
“I was fifteen, Noah.” You said, “I was dramatic.”
“I think you still are.” Noah laughed, making you nudge him with your elbow.
“Shut up.” You said with a smile.
But then Noah took the frame from you gently, holding it carefully, studying it for a few seconds.
“You know what I see?”
“A teenager with terrible hair and acne?” You asked, folding your arms.
“No.” He said, his smile softening even more, “I see a kid who looked happy..” then he tapped carefully against the glass where Steve stood, “And I see a man who looked unbelievably proud of you.”
You swallowed hard.
“He loved you.” Noah said.
“I know.” You said, your voice a little wobbly.
“No,” Noah looked at you, “I mean… look at him. You were his whole world.”
You looked at the picture again, and tears began to blur your vision. Because you didn’t care about what you looked like in it now, all you could see was Steve’s big, warm smile. The way he’d been looking at the camera with such pride in his eyes.
You had spent years looking at that photo every time you looked in the storage cupboard, and seeing every flaw you thought you had. Your hair, your face, your awkward smile- you never really looked at your uncle. Until now.
A tear slowly rolled down your cheek, and you wiped it away before Noah saw.
“I think this should come with us.” Noah said after a moment.
“What?”
“This shouldn’t stay hidden away in a cupboard anymore. It’s coming to California, and we’re going to put it up somewhere for everyone to see.”
You laughed.
“Noah-”
“No, babe I’m serious.” He said, “It’ll be like Steve is there with us- which he will be. Looking down on you, thinking to himself… I’m so proud of her. I’m so proud she came to her senses and realised Noah’s the love of her life-”
You smacked his arm, shutting him up.
“You always find a way to ruin it,” you chuckled, taking the photo back, “But I like that idea. Maybe we can put it up on the wall somewhere, or on a shelf?”
Noah nodded his head, wrapping his arms around you from behind.
“I think that sounds perfect.” He said, before pressing a kiss to your cheek.
…
Moving day had finally come.
Sunlight spilled through the curtains in Noah’s bedroom, though there was very little for it to fall on now. The shelves were empty, the posters and framed tattoo flash art were gone from the walls, the wardrobe doors were open with nothing hanging inside except for a single raincoat that Noah forgot to pack the night before.
The room echoed now, and it no longer felt like the room you used to sleep in back when you and Noah were inseparable. It was completely bare, ready for someone new to move in, ready to create new memories for someone else.
“Ready?” Noah asked suddenly, making you turn around.
He was carrying one of the last boxes, your car keys hooked around his finger, dressed in the same pair of black skinny jeans he always wore, and black sleeveless band shirt. His hair was a little damp and messy from having only just gotten out the shower five minutes ago, it had begun to grow past his shoulders now. You kept telling him he needed a haircut, but he told you it can wait until after the move. Once the two of you were in LA, his bands first album was going to be released shortly after, so he wanted to make sure he looked good for all the interviews he was convinced he would be doing.
But right now, he looked tired, excited and a little bit nervous. Just like you.
“As I’ll ever be.” You finally answered.
Noah let out a soft sigh before setting the box down by the door and walking over to you, wrapping both arms around your waist without saying anything, and you automatically reached up, resting your arms around his neck.
You stayed like this for a couple moments, just holding each other in silence, in the empty room.
“I can’t believe this is really happening.” You whispered, and Noah smiled against your forehead.
“I know. I’m moving across the country with my girlfriend.”
You chuckled.
“I keep waiting for something to stop us.”
“Nothing’s stopping us.” He said, his lips brushing your forehead, “We made it.”
“Not yet,” you smirked, “We have to get there first.”
Noah huffed a laugh, then squeezed you one last time before pulling away.
“C’mon, these are the last boxes. Wanna help me take ‘em?” He said, motioning to one of the boxes by his wardrobe.
You nodded your head, and reached for one of them.
The two of you walked through the house and down to the driveway, which looked empty now- but that wasn’t the case two days ago.
Two days ago, Jolly and Folio were giving you and Noah a hand moving your things out from your place, to take them to Noah's, and they were laughing at the amount of stuff the two of you somehow owned.
“There’s no way the two of you are fitting this in your car.” Jolly had said as he watched Noah and Folio bring more and more things out of your house- your coffee table, the TV you were not leaving behind, the dismantled bookshelf. He then insisted he take your things to LA in his van, since there was enough room, and it felt rude to say no.
So after that, all that remained was the final handful of things- a suitcase full of clothes, a backpack full of bathroom things and a box containing some of the things neither of you trusted Jolly or Foilo to take across the country. Now those things were all sitting in the back of your car. Noah had sold his a few days ago to someone he knew in another local band, he said it made sense just to take the one to California.
And of course it had to be your car. The one he spent weeks secretly fixing up for you before Christmas. The one that you cried over when he gave you the keys. It was now the one to take you both to begin your new life together, far, far away from this town.
But just as Noah put the last bag in the back of the car, somebody suddenly pulled up into his drive. You realised who it was immediately, and your heart sank.
“Hey!” You barely heard a voice before arms were being thrown around you, pulling you into a tight hug.
“Jess, we were going to stop by your place before we-”
“I don’t care, I had to come and say goodbye.” She said, squeezing you even tighter.
You laughed into her shoulder, holding her just as tightly. When she finally let go, her eyes were already beginning to glisten.
“No.” You pointed a finger at her, “No tears, this is a happy day.”
“I know.” She sniffled, “I’m not crying… it’s just allergies.”
You chuckled, and from the corner of your eye, you spotted Sam wandering over to Noah.
“Everything worked out then, huh?”
Noah nodded his head, almost looking a little embarrassed by how happy he felt.
“I think I’m the luckiest man alive, to be honest.”
“Luck?” Sam’s brows raised, “I wouldn’t call it luck, bro.”
Noah’s brows furrowed.
“What?”
“I’ve had to hear every little detail of you two’s relationship,” he laughed, “And it sounds like you earned this, you worked for it. You didn’t win her over just because you were lucky.”
Noah didn’t say anything to that straight away, he just slowly nodded his head. Then Sam reached out and patted his shoulder.
“Good luck out there, man. I hope it all goes well.” He smiled, “And take care of y/n. You don’t want to know what my girlfriend would do to your ass if you do so much as make her cry.”
Noah chuckled, shaking his head. Meanwhile, Jess was holding your hands in hers, squeezing them tight.
“I’m scared.” You whispered, looking down at your joined hands. “What if it doesn’t work out?”
“Then it doesn’t.” She said with a shrug, “You could come back- you know you’re always welcome at my place- or you figure something else out. But this is your chance, babe. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve talked about leaving this place... and if you don’t go, you know you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what would’ve happened if you did.”
You swallowed hard, feeling the lump in your throat coming back.
“I’m going to miss you so much.” You said quietly before meeting her eyes, “I promise I’ll text, I’ll call you at every chance, I’ll send you pictures of cats and the sunsets… it’ll be like we’re not even apart.”
Jess chuckled, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” You whispered before pulling her into a hug.
“Baby, I know this is all very emotional, but it’s almost time.” Noah called out, and you carefully pulled back, nodding your head.
“Guess this is it.” You said, wiping beneath your eyes while Jess nodded.
“Yeah... go start the rest of your life with that asshole mechanic you said you hated so much,” she laughed through her tears, “Promise you'll come back to visit when you can, though?”
“Of course I will.” You smiled, “Goodbye, Jess.”
“Bye.” She said, not trusting her voice to stay steady.
You took a deep breath as you stepped away, but you didn’t get far before Sam wrapped his arms around you.
“Gonna miss you,” he said before pulling back, “Go be somebody out there. Make a name for yourself, yeah? Make us all proud.”
You nodded your head, and the tears were getting even more difficult to hold back. You waved to Jess and Sam as they got back in his car, then turned to Noah as they left.
“There’s one more person I need to talk to before we leave…”
…
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Noah asked as he pulled up to the curb. “You don’t owe her anything, baby.”
“I’m not doing this for her.” You said, “I’m doing this for me.”
“...Are you trying to forgive her?”
“Hell no.” You said, reaching for the seatbelt, “There’s just some things I need to say. I’m not coming to start a fight, or to hear her side of whatever twisted story she’ll tell,” you reached for the door handle, “I just need to get a few things off my chest.”
Noah nodded his head.
“As long as you’re sure. Want me to wait in here?”
“Please.” You said before shutting the car door, and staring up at her front door.
Each step up to her porch came with a memory. Countless Friday nights you spent together while Jess was on a date, the two of you sharing a cheap bottle of wine, sitting cross legged on her bed while you talked about anything and everything. The nights you cried in her arms over stupid things, nights you held her when the guy she was talking to broke her heart.
This used to feel like your second home, but now it felt like it belonged to a stranger.
You raised your hand knocked twice on the door, bracing yourself for what was to come. Would she be angry? Would she be upset? Would she talk to you? Would she even open the door?
You had to remind yourself that she had no right to be angry. She was the cause of this entire mess, and-
“Y/n?”
The door opened, and Maya stood on the other side, her face pale, her hair a mess, bags under her eyes. She looked nothing like the Maya you knew… or the Maya you thought you knew.
“Hi.” You said, though you noticed she wasn’t even looking at you. She was looking past you, at your car that was parked, then at Noah, who was still sitting behind the wheel, trying to make it look like he wasn’t watching.
“So… you’re back together?”
“Yes. We are.” You said, noticing the confusion on her face.
“...Can I help you?”
“I won’t keep you long, I have somewhere to be. I just wanted to talk before I left.”
She hesitated before stepping outside, carefully pulling the door almost closed behind her.
“I heard you were leaving town.”
“I am.” You nodded your head. “With Noah, actually. We’re moving out to LA together.”
She nodded her head slowly, looking away for a moment .
“You got what you wanted then?”
You let out a breath of laughter, shaking your head.
“No. Not really.”
Maya frowned.
“What?”
“What I wanted was my best friend.” You said calmly, almost gently, because there was no anger left in you anymore. “I wanted you by my side while I packed up my house, I wanted you by my side at Steve’s funeral, I… I wanted you to be happy for me, happy that I’m in my first relationship with a good guy, like any other best friend would be.”
You watched as her eyes began to glisten with tears, the way her bottom lip trembled.
“I don’t think you’ve ever realised just how much you meant to me.” You said, swallowing hard. “I thought of you as my sister. I thought you’d be my maid of honour one day, I thought our kids would grow up together, I thought we’d…” your words trailed off as you held back a sob, “Jess has always had someone else, she’s always been in and out of relationships… but us? We weren't ike that. We’ve always had each other.”
Maya’s shoulders began to shake, then she covered her mouth with her hand before she started to really sob, tears finally spilling from her eyes.
“I’m sorry…” She said, though her words sounded broken and weak, “I’m so, so sorry.”
You just watched her blankly. But a few months ago you would’ve wrapped your arms around her, comforted her, told her it was okay, you can fix this. But not anymore. You weren’t going to waste your time on someone that couldn’t be fixed.
“I’ve ruined everything,” she said quietly as she wiped at her face, “I don’t why I… I’m-”
Her words trailed off to nothing as she cried openly now, not even trying to hold anything back.
“Y’know,” you said calmly, “I think I know why you did it.”
She slowly lifted her red, teary eyes to look at you.
“I don’t think you hate me.” You said confidently, “I just think somewhere along the way, you stopped liking yourself. Maybe you were jealous of me, I don’t know… but it meant that you couldn’t bear watching me be happy, because it wasn’t you.”
Maya looked away, ashamed, because she knew deep down, that was the truth.
“I don’t think this was ever about Noah. I think you were just lonely and insecure.” You shook your head sadly, “And instead of admitting that, or telling me anything, you decided it would hurt less if neither of us got to be happy.”
Maya couldn't even argue, because again, she knew you were right.
“And what breaks my heart the most about all of this,” you continued, “Is that I would’ve never thought about doing anything like this to you, ever. But y’know what, I’m glad this happened.”
Maya suddenly looked back up at you.
“What?”
You nodded your head.
“Yeah. I know how it sounds. But Maya, if it ever came down to it, I would’ve picked you over Noah. I would've defended you, stood up for you, I would’ve trusted you with my life… thinking you would do the same.” You shook your head slowly. “But I know now that would've been a waste, because you never would've done the same.” You said softly, “So thank you. Thank you for showing me who you really are. For showing me the ugly, selfish bitch that you really are.”
You let the words land for a moment, carefully thinking about how you were going to word what you wanted to say next.
“Something I’ve learned through all of this, is that I don’t want a lot of people in my life anymore. I just want the right ones. People who love me, and people who really care.” You took a long breath before finishing with, “I hope one day you find people who make you feel like you’re enough, even with an evil, bitter heart like yours. But that won’t be me. I shouldn't even be here wasting my time on you, but I thought you'd like to know that while you keep yourself locked up in here, feeling sorry for yourself, I'm the happiest I've ever been. That's all.”
You were about to turn around and walk back to the car when she reached for you, her fingers brushing your arm.
“Please, I’m sorry, I know you hate me but-”
You spun back around.
“I don’t want your apologies, Maya. I don’t hate you. I can’t, because even if I did, I’d know you hate yourself more.” You said gently, “And I’ll never forget all the good memories, okay? I’ll cherish them forever… but that’s in the past, and I don’t want you in my future.”
You took a step back.
“I hope you find peace with yourself one day. I hope you learn to love yourself as much as I used to. Then maybe you’ll find somebody… and when you do, I hope to god you lose them too. I hope you feel the same pain you put me through and realise just how much strength it has taken me to not to beat your ass right here.” You smiled innocently. “But other than that, I wish you the best.” You turned around properly this time as you said your final words. “Goodbye, Maya.”
Then headed back to the car, to Noah, to the future that was waiting for you. You didn’t even look back once. Noah reached over and opened the door for you, giving you a look as if to say was everything alright? But the moment you sat down, you let out a very long breath, like a sigh or relief.
“Got some things off your chest?” He asked as he started the engine, and you looked over at him with the softest smile.
“Yeah… I did.”
He reached for your knee, giving it a soft squeeze.
“You ready to leave?”
You took a deep breath, glancing over at Maya’s house once more before nodding your head.
“Yeah.” You turned to face him, a little sad smile on your face, “Let’s put this place behind us.”
…
During the first few hours on the road, it still hadn’t sunk in that you were leaving for good. It felt like you were on just another road trip, another business trip, another drive to a bar to watch Noah’s band. You even had to glance over at Noah every now and then to make sure this was still real, and to poke him to make sure this wasn't a dream.
He had one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh, red beanie on his head, and music blasting through the speakers. You couldn’t help but smile at him, knowing this was the man you’d happily spend the rest of your life with, and the man you so nearly lost...
You tried not to let yourself think about that anymore though. Because you didn’t lose him. Instead, you lost a fake friend, which is the best outcome there could’ve been from that situation.
Noah drove for miles and miles, with the occasional bathroom break or stopping to pick up snacks. After a few more hours passed, he told you he was feeling kinda hungry, so when you spotted a diner you stopped off there for a while. While you were on the diner’s free wifi, you looked for motels that you would be passing by, knowing that Noah wouldn’t want to stop tonight but you didn’t want to risk your lives before they could even begin.
So a few more hours into the trip, you managed to persuade him to stop off somewhere for the night, so he took your bags from the car, got the keys from the front desk and made your way up to your room.
It wasn’t much, but for tonight it was home. There was a king sized bed, an old TV that you were convinced would blow up if you switched it on, and a lamp that made the room glow yellow. Noah dropped your bags beside the door, before dramatically collapsing backwards onto the bed with a loud groan.
“Oh…” He said before bouncing slightly on the bed, “It’s pretty comfy. Come check it out.”
You narrowed your eyes on him suspiciously.
“It’s not a trap… is it?”
“‘Course not, baby. C’mere.”
With a playful sigh you wandered over, he kicked his shoes off and moved so he was lying against the pillows, and then pulled you into his arms. God, he had a way of making anywhere feel like home.
You listened to his breathing gradually slow as the tension left his body.
“You know…” He said eventually.
“Hm?”
“It won’t be long until we’re doing this in our own bed.”
Your face lit up, and the words made your stomach flutter... but then another thought occurred to you.
“…Wait.”
He glanced down.
“What?”
“…Do we actually have one?”
Noah’s expression changed just the slightest… but it was enough for you to notice.
“…Maybe.”
You sat up.
“What do you mean, maybe?”
“Well…”
“Noah!”
“What?”
“Tell me the place comes with a bed!”
“…Yeah. Yeah it’s got a bed. Yeah, there’s nothing to worry about!”
You eyed him suspiciously… but didn’t question it any further.
Eventually you both got unready for the night. You washed your face in the tiny bathroom while Noah brushed his teeth beside you, the both of you constantly bumping elbows because there wasn’t enough room at the sink.
“You better get used to this, babe,” Noah smirked with a mouthful of toothpaste, “Our bathroom in the apartment isn’t exactly the biggest.”
“Great!” You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing it wouldn’t be an issue at all.
By the time you both got into bed and climbed under the sheets, it was completely dark outside, and the room was only lit by the little flickering lamp, until Noah switched it off, and wrapped his arms around you.
You snuggled into him, letting out a content, happy sigh as you rested your head on his chest, feeling his fingers thread through your hair.
“Noah?” You mumbled sleepily.
“Hm?”
“Have I ever told you how happy you make me?”
Noah’s fingers paused for a brief moment, the question suddenly catching him off guard, before continuing to brush through your hair.
“No. But I see it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.” He said softly. “I see it every time you smile at me.”
You tilted your head just enough to look up at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” he began, smiling almost shyly, “When you’d be laughing with Jess, it would be big and wide. When Steve used to annoy you, you’d roll your eyes first and then you’d smile like you were trying not to.” His thumb stroked your side beneath your shirt. “When you got everything done at work, you’d get this smug little grin because you were proud of yourself.”
You couldn’t help but smile already.
“And when you look at me…” Noah continued, his voice even softer, “I see it all in your eyes. Love. Sometimes I wonder if I’m imagining it, if I’m seeing things,” he leaned down, brushing his nose against yours. “But then the corners of your mouth start lifting, and I know it's real.” He laughed quietly. “I even caught you doing it while I was driving earlier.”
Your cheeks warmed.
“You didn’t.”
“I did,” he smirked, but then his face softened, and he looked at you with so much affection it made your chest ache. “Every single time you look at me like that…” he whispered, “I think, wow… she chose me.”
“Oh, Noah…” You whispered, “Don’t make me cry again.”
“Sorry, babe.” He smiled, “You started it.”
You let out a breathy chuckle, then reached up, gently brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead.
“You know what I think every time I look at you?”
He shook his head.
“I think…” You smiled softly. “That’s my person. My Noah.”
The words hung between you in the quiet room as you ran your fingers through his hair.
“So many people spend their whole lives looking for what we have… for someone they can be completely themselves with.” You looked into his eyes. “I don’t have to pretend with you… I don’t have to be strong all the time or have everything figured out. You never make me feel like I’m too much
His throat bobbed, and you smiled through the tears gathering in your eyes.
“I still don’t think you realise what you’ve done for me.” You quietly confessed.
“What have I done now?” He chuckled.
“...I used to be very independent- I still am- but it was different back then. I never liked relying on anybody, I used to think I could carry everything by myself… I’d never even tell my friends about things that I now tell you about. Because now, when something good happens, my first thought is I can’t wait to tell Noah about this.”
“And when something bad happens?” He asked gently.
“I want you.”
That answer seemed to hit him right in the heart, and he pulled you impossibly closer until there wasn’t even an inch between you.
“You have me,” he whispered into your hair. “You have me for as long as you want me.”
“That sounds like a pretty long time.” You smiled softly.
“Mhm... I was thinking forever.”
You tipped your head back to look at him with a little smirk.
“You’ve always been awfully confident.”
“Yeah, well I’ve just got that feeling.”
“What kind of feeling?”
He gave you a soft, lazy, sleepy smile that completely melted your heart.
“That I can see us growing old together. We’d be in our 80s, dumped in some retirement home because our kids were sick of our shit, and I’d still be teasing you and making you blush.”
You stared at him, your eyes widening ever so slightly.
“You wanna grow old with me?”
He nodded his head gently.
“Couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather go grey with.” He smirked.
“...So are you saying you’re gonna marry me one day?”
Noah let out a sudden sleepy laugh.
“Jesus, you don’t waste any time, do you?”
“I was just asking.” You said, almost a little shy now.
“Oh yeah?” He looked at you for a moment, softly, before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Baby,” he said quietly, his voice a little more serious now, “I don’t wanna make a promise like this unless I give you something to show for it.”
“What do you mean?” You asked, your brows drawing together.
“I mean… if I sat here and promised I’d marry you one day,” he couldn't help but the big grin on his face, “I’d want to put something on your finger.”
Your eyes widened again.
“A ring?”
“Mhm… like a promise ring. I’m not talking about getting engaged tomorrow,” he chuckled, “I think everyone would think I’d completely lost my mind.” He reached down between your bodies, taking your left hand in his, his thumb brushing over your ring finger. “But I want you to know that if I’m making that kind of promise, I want you to have something you can look at every day. So whenever you start doubting me, you can look at it and remember that I mean every word. That I don’t ever want you wondering where we’re headed… because I’m serious about you, about us.”
Your bottom lip wobbled, especially since Noah’s cheeks were now suddenly a little pink.
“So when we’ve finally settled in LA, when we’re doing okay and maybe I’ve saved up a little… I’ll get you that promise ring. And then we’ll keep building our life together,” he gave your hand a squeeze, “Because then when the band takes off-”
“You sound very certain about that.” You laughed, cutting him off.
“I am. We’re so fucking good, and we’ve all worked too damn hard for it to fail.” He chuckled, “But when that happens, and we’re not scraping by anymore, when we’ve got a nice big home with some big dogs running around, and we’re comfortable and I can afford to buy you the most beautiful ring I can find… I’m gonna ask you properly. I’m gonna do it properly. I’m gonna marry you, and I’m gonna give you the biggest, best, fanciest wedding you could ask for- and I know you don’t care about that, I know what you’d say, but I don’t wanna give you anything less than what you deserve, baby. Because I love you… so fucking much, I can’t even put it into words.”
You were quiet for a moment, opening your mouth to say something but it died on your tongue, because what were you supposed to say to that?
“I hate you.” You tried to laugh, to play off the weight of his words, but failed. Because instead, you let out a loud sob, which made him chuckle as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.
“Yeah… you’ve told me that a lot.”
…
The rest of the journey seemed to pass pretty quick, which you were quite glad about. Miles passed without you even really noticing, and the scenery outside the windows would change every so often from open roads to little towns into unfamiliar cities. You would stop every so often when either of you needed a break or Noah wanted to stretch his legs, but it was never for long.
Because you were impatient, and you wanted to be in California already.
Every night you’d stop off in a motel, you’d shower and freshen up before ending the night with his arms wrapped around you, and sometimes the two of you would just lie away and talk for hours before finally falling asleep.
On the fourth (and final) day on the road, Noah had finally let you drive. You kept telling him it was only fair to take turns, but he insisted on being the one to drive- it was only when you pretended to be offended by it, pretending you were upset that he didn’t trust your driving, that he let you take over.
Twenty minutes later, he was fast asleep in the passenger seat anyway, his head tipped back against the seat and his mouth slightly open as the occasional snore escaped him, making your heart melt. But the closer you were getting to California, the more impossible it became to stop smiling.
Especially when you would see the road signs, and your stomach fluttered as you read them.
LOS ANGELES - 48 MILES.
Then it became twenty, then ten, then you couldn’t keep the excitement to yourself anymore.
“Noah,” you said softly, but you smiled to yourself when he didn’t move, “…Noah.”
A sleepy grumble escaped him, but his eyes stayed shut.
“Babe.” You tried.
“Mmph…”
“We’re here.”
His brow furrowed.
“Huh?”
“We’re here.”
He slowly cracked an eye open, turning to face you.
“…We are?”
“Yes.” You laughed.
He blinked a few times, still looking completely dazed as he slowly sat up in the passenger seat. Then he yawned as he looked out the window. The highways were busier now than anything you’d ever driven through back home. Cars surrounded you in every lane, palm trees lined the roads, and enormous billboards towered overhead.
It was real. You’d actually done it.
Noah rubbed a hand over his face before suddenly remembering something that woke him up fully.
“Oh shit.”
“What?”
“The apartment.” He reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out his phone, squinting at the screen through sleepy eyes. “Okay… so we need to keep left.”
You did as he said.
“…No, wait.” He frowned at the map. “I think it’s right. We have to go right.”
“You don’t know where we live, do you?”
“I do! Maps doesn’t!”
You shook your head with a playful sigh, but when Noah shouted out the next direction, you followed… and twenty minutes later, he was able to point the building out to you. So you followed the road, made one last turn, and finally you came to a stop.
When you parked up and turned to look at him, he was already watching you, a grin slowly spreading across his face.
“We’re really here.” You said in disbelief.
But Noah leaned over and pressed a slow kiss against your lips before resting his forehead against yours for a second.
“Welcome home, baby… wanna go check it out?”
You nodded your head, before getting out of the car. The Californian sunshine was warmer than it had ever been at home, and you took a deep breath, looking up at the building that would be yours.
It wasn’t huge, the paint had certainly seen better days, but this was home. You turned around, noticing Noah was grabbing some bags out of the back of the car, and you took in the scenery around you. There were similar apartment blocks for as far as you could see, and around the corner there was a taco truck that you were sure Noah would be happy about. You just couldn’t believe how many palm trees there were, it almost felt like something out of a movie.
“Oh, before I forget.” Noah suddenly said as he adjusted one of the bags on his shoulder. “Jolly and Folio got here a couple days ago with the vans.”
You looked up.
“They did? Have they already moved everything in?”
“The big stuff.” He nodded. “Or… what little big stuff we actually own.”
You laughed.
“They said they’d leave us to unpack together though, so they just took everything in and left it.” He added before leading the way into the building.
“Where are they now?”
“They only live like a mile away.” He pointed down the road. “They came by earlier to drop the keys off, Folio said he left them under the welcome mat.”
You looked at him.
“…Seriously?”
“What?”
“That’s so unsafe! Anyone could’ve taken them!” You gasped as you followed him up the stairs. But then he bent down, lifted the faded mat outside apartment 8… and sure enough there were a set of silver keys.
“You boys are unbelievable.” You shook your head while Noah gave you a smug look.
“Yeah, yeah. We prefer smart, baby.”
He unlocked the front door before stepping aside and holding his arm out.
“After you, m’lady.”
You rolled your eyes, but your stomach fluttered anyway. You reached out, wrapping your fingers slowly around the handle and gently pushed the door open.
As you stepped inside the empty apartment, the kitchen was to the left and the living room to the right. There was already an oven, fridge, couch- and one of the guys must’ve put your coffee table out already.
Boxes were stacked in the big empty space between the open plan kitchen/living room. Sunlight spilled through the window, making the apartment already feel warm as it shone down onto the worn wooden floor.
On the other side of the room there were two doors, which you assumed were the bedroom and bathroom.
The place sure wasn’t luxurious, modern, or very impressive. Most of the kitchen cupboards were chipped, every footstep echoed, the ceiling fan above the living room looked older than the two of you combined…
“I love it.” You said with a big grin as you turned back to Noah, who looked like he had been bracing himself.
He looked a little confused, his brows drawing together.
“…Really?”
“Yes!” You laughed, wandering back over to him.
“I know it’s… not exactly the best. And I know you deserve so, so much better, baby-“
“But everyone has to start somewhere.” You said, smiling softly.
“But it’s-“
You shut him up by gently placing a finger against his lips.
“This…” you looked around the little apartment again, “…is the first place that’s ever been ours, Noah. I don’t care if the cupboards don’t match, or that it’s small. It’s ours.”
You watched his throat bob as he swallowed, before he shook his head.
“C’mon. We’ve not even seen the whole place yet.” He said before taking your hand with a smirk. “I wanna see our bedroom. Wanna see where the magic’s gonna happen-”
“Noah!” You giggled as he led you through the apartment, up to the bedroom door.
Slowly, he reached out and pushed it open and let you step in first. Compared to the rest of the apartment, it was surprisingly big. There was a rather large window that overlooked the street below, and the warm California sun shone in brightly through it.
Against one wall stood a rather big white wardrobe, and across from it sat a dresser that looked like it had barely survived its last three owners. Still, you smiled as you wandered over to the window, taking in the sight of the street below, your street.
But then you turned back around all of a sudden... and you looked again, suspiciously.
There was a wardrobe. There was a dresser. There was a big window.
“...Noah?”
“Yeah baby?”
“...Where’s the bed?”
You turned your head to look at him, and he was standing very still. Almost like a dog who knew he was about to be scolded for peeing on the floor.
“Noah..? You told me this place came with a bed.”
“So… about that…”
“I’m listening.” You said, folding your arms.
He looked so embarrassed that you almost felt bad.
“...When this place said it came already furnished, you’d expect a bed too, right?”
“That’s what it said?”
“Yeah!” He nodded his head, “The landlord told me it was already partly furnished so I thought that meant-”
“Partly, Noah.” You laughed, “Partly! You should've asked!”
“I know!” He groaned, tipping his head back before dragging a hand down his face. “But look, I’ll get it fixed, okay? I’ll quickly go out, if you wanna start unpacking and-”
“How do you plan on fixing this?” You asked with a little smirk, your arms still crossed.
“...I’m gonna buy an air bed.” He said, almost shyly, “I know it’s not the best, it’ll only be temporary-”
“You promise?”
“Yes!”
“So eventually we will have an actual bed?”
“The nicest one I can afford.” He nodded, leaning down to kiss your forehead.
…
By the time the sun had begun to set, the apartment looked a little more lived in. Sure there were still boxes everywhere, but they were no longer stacked in between the kitchen and living room. Half of them had been opened, their contents scattered across the kitchen counters, the coffee table, the sofa and every available bit of floor space.
Noah had returned from the store proudly carrying a boxed-up air mattress over one shoulder, and dropped it down onto the bedroom floor with a big grin.
“I have saved the day.” He announced proudly.
“You fixed the problem you created.”
“Hey, it wasn’t even my fault!”
“But you could’ve asked!”
But now the air bed sat in the middle of the bedroom, fully inflated after Noah had spent five minutes trying to figure out how the pump worked, then complained the entire time it took to inflate.
You laughed to yourself, typical Noah.
Then you continued unpacking one of the boxes for the bedroom, slowly decorating it with things that made it feel like home. You had stacked some books on the dresser, keeping them upright between a fancy candle Jess bought you for your birthday and a vase Linda handed down to you when a customer came in with flowers for you on your twentieth birthday.
Then you opened up the next box, and right on the top of everything was that framed photo of you and Steve from the garage, the one Linda took, the one Noah insisted you bring. He must’ve packed this without telling you.
A small smile tugged at your lips as you carefully carried the frame over to the dresser, blowing away some of the dust on it before setting it down and taking a step back to look at it.
Perfect, you thought.
Behind you came the unmistakable sound of Noah’s heavy footsteps walking into the room carrying another box.
“Noah?”
“Hm?”
“What do you think?”
He set the box down before following your gaze.
“Oh…” His smile softened, “That’s lovely…”
He walked over beside you, slipping an arm around your waist while the two of you looked at it together.
“He looked really proud of you.”
“He always was.”
Noah kissed your temple.
“I know.”
A comfortable silence settled between you, but then of course Noah had to ruin it.
“…Babe?”
“Yeah?” You looked up at him.
“…Do you really think that should go there?”
You frowned.
“What do you mean?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to say it so explicitly.
“I mean… I love the picture, and I think we should absolutely have it on display.”
You folded your arms.
“So what’s the problem?”
He hesitated for a second, clearly trying to work out how to word it.
“…It’s just… it’s facing the bed.”
“Yeah?”
Then Noah cleared his throat.
“I just…” He pointed awkwardly between the photograph and the bed, “…I don’t really want your uncle watching us when we’re… y’know…” He made a gesture with both hands that you wished you hadn’t seen, “I don’t want to feel like he’s watching us fuck.”
Your jaw dropped.
“Noah!” You gasped.
“What? I’m serious!”
You burst into laughter.
“He is not gonna be watching us!”
“He is, and he’s got the perfect view!”
“Ew!” You shoved his arm.
“I’m just saying!” Noah laughed, “I loved Steve, I’d just rather not be making eye contact with him while I’m balls deep in his-”
“Okay, fine!!” You raised your voice, trying to stop him from saying anything that could possibly make this any worse than it already was, “I’ll move him if it shuts you up.”
You picked up the frame and wandered into the living room, setting him down on the TV stand.
“There.”
Noah followed behind you and studied it for a moment, folding his arms over his chest.
“That’s better.” He nodded, “But we’ll get some shelves put up soon, baby. We’ll make this place feel like home, I promise.”
You smiled softly, stepping closer to Noah and slipping your arms around his neck.
“It already does.” You said quietly before standing on your tiptoes to give him a little kiss.
…
By the time you admitted defeat, it was almost midnight. You had spent pretty much all day unpacking, yet there were still boxes stacked in every room, the kitchen cupboards were only half full, the bathroom still looked like a hotel, with toothbrushes balanced on the edge of the sink because neither of you had found the little holder yet. The wardrobe was half full of your clothes on the side you claimed as yours, and Noah had hung up a couple hoodies and a few t-shirts before getting distracted by something else.
It wasn’t finished yet, but neither of you expected to get everything done today. So after balling up a few pairs of boxers and shoving them messily into his drawer of the dresser, Noah dropped down onto the air mattress with a very exaggerated groan.
“I’m calling it.” He announced, “I can’t unpack another box tonight. The rest can wait 'til tomorrow.”
You smiled from the bedroom doorway, carrying two mugs of hot chocolate you managed to make despite everything still being all over the place.
“You said that an hour ago.”
“I know, babe, but I mean it this time.”
You laughed, handing out a mug to him. He took it, and took a careful sip before immediately pulling a face.
“You make this with water?”
You looked down into your mug.
“Well, yeah? We don’t have any milk.”
“Oh shit, yeah…”
You laughed.
“We can go shopping tomorrow,” you smiled, sitting down beside him, “I don’t want to do anything else tonight.”
“Mm, me neither.” Noah hummed, taking another sip of his drink. “Just wanna sleep.”
“Same.” You said through a yawn, making Noah smile.
So the two of you sat in bed, finally relaxing in peace after the hectic day you had, drinking your watery hot chocolates. Your overnight bags you took into the motels were open on the floor, one lamp filled the room with a warm yellow glow that you were sure you’d get used to in time, and outside, you could hear distant traffic and the occasional siren somewhere across the city.
It sounded nothing like home- not your old home, anyway.
“I’m gonna brush my teeth before I end up falling asleep sitting up.” Noah said after finishing his drink.
“You say that like you’re eighty.” You laughed.
“My back feels eighty after four days stuck in your car.”
“You are very tall.”
“Bebae, I know.” He chuckled before he leaned down and kissed the top of your head, then disappeared into the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, and a few minutes later, you followed him.
The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder at the tiny sink, brushing your teeth in a comfortable silence. There wasn’t enough room for both of you, just like Noah said it'd be, and every few seconds one of you bumped the other with an elbow, making you laugh around your toothbrush.
When you were both finished, Noah switched the bathroom light off and let out a long sigh.
“Bedtime, finally!” He reached for your hand. “And you’re coming with me.”
You let him pull you back into the bedroom, giggling as he sat down on the air bed and pulled you down with him. The mattress had dipped beneath his weight, making you roll towards him without even trying.
He smiled as he looked down at you, already by his side.
“Oh, hi. You’re clingy tonight.” He teased.
“I’m not even trying!” You laughed as you pushed yourself up, making him chuckle.
“I know.” His arm slid around your waist anyway, pulling you back into his side again. “You’ll never escape me.”
“I don’t think I want to.” You said with a soft smile.
The smile that spread across his face was small, but real. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from your face before leaning in to kiss you, slow and gently. Like after the busy day you two have had, he was trying to bring you both back down to reality.
“…You okay?” He asked when he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.
“Of course,” you whispered softly, “We really made it, Noah.”
He nodded his head, and without saying another word, he pulled you impossibly closer until there wasn’t even an inch of space left between you.
“I love you so much.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “And I’m so happy you’re here with me, baby. I don’t know how I would’ve ever done this alone.”
“I know, but you don’t have to think about that… I love you too, more than you'd ever know.” You smiled. “Even when I hate you.”
Noah chuckled, pressing one last kiss to your forehead before reaching over and switching the little lamp off.
Outside, Los Angeles was still wide awake, and carried on without you. Cars drove by, people shouted and laughed, and somewhere in the distance there was music playing. But inside your little apartment, everything was calm and still.
You closed your eyes as you laid in his arms, knowing this should feel scary. You had moved out here with no job, not much money, no real plan… but you weren’t scared at all. If anything, you were excited, knowing that you had everything you ever needed, and he was holding you tight.
When you first met Noah, when he first stepped into your office that morning, you had no idea just how much he would come to mean to you. You had no idea just what he was like beneath the facade he wore to protect himself, or that the man you swore you wouldn’t fall for would become the person you couldn’t imagine living without. If someone told you then that one day you’d leave everything you’d ever known behind for him, you would’ve laughed in their face.
But something you’ve come to learn recently was that life has a funny way of changing your plans. You never imagined falling in love before, but now you were laying in the arms of a man who had made a promise just a few nights ago that he was going to give you the world and nothing less…
And you truly believed him.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Somehow, four entire years had passed since you and Noah had packed everything you owned and moved across the country with absolutely no idea what the future held.
The little apartment that once felt so empty didn’t take long to feel like home. The air mattress had long been replaced with a proper bed- which already feels a little broken thanks to the shenanigans that take place on it every other night. The kitchen cupboards were now full and properly organised, although Noah still somehow manages to put things away in the wrong place when it’s his turn to do the dishes.
You still keep in contact with Linda and Jess, every few days you’d call and tell them both what you’d been up to, sharing stories of random famous faces you ran into at the grocery store, or telling them where Noah was off to next.
Because the first Bad Omens album did better than any of you had expected- except Noah, who was so confident and always insisted it’d take off. So the band began to work harder, building it into something real. Tours became longer, they stopped playing in shitty bars and moved into actual venues, and fans had even started to recognise them in the street.
Then, last summer, their second album was released. It felt like everything was finally falling into place, and nothing could possibly go wrong.
You become part of the crew too, so you could quit your shitting waitressing job at the restaurant a few blocks away. Officially, your job title was merch manager and social media manager- but unofficially, you did a bit of everything. You sold shirts before shows, then packed all the merch up after them to throw back into the tour van- which had been upgraded now. You reminded everyone where they were supposed to be, you made sure Noah knew when and where he had interviews to do. It was all so hectic, but you loved it. You wouldn’t change it for the world.
You loved watching people in the crowd sing Noah and Jolly’s words back to them every night, you loved seeing these guys live the dream they always wanted. You were so, so proud of them all.
And when the band wasn’t touring, life would slow down again. Noah began streaming on twitch a couple years ago in the evenings, partly because he genuinely loved playing games with his friends and talking to the little community online… but also because every extra dollar helped when he wasn't on the road.
Sometimes you’d wander into the room halfway through the stream carrying dinner, only for the chat to explode because they noticed you were wearing one of Noah’s tshirts! Other times, you’d sit just out of frame reading a book while listening to him talk to his friends, to his chat, and laugh over something stupid that someone said.
You weren’t living a glamorous life whatsoever, but you were proud of what the two of you built together here. And you sure as hell wouldn’t change it for the world.
And you never thought you’d have to.
Not until the news started talking about a virus.
At first, nobody paid much attention. “It's not that serious, they're exaggerating”, Noah had told you one night when you were laying in bed, unable to sleep because you were worried about what may come of it.
But everyday, there were more headlines. More countries reported more cases of it, more events were cancelled and people were being told to keep their distance from others. They began using words like coronavirus, pandemic, quarantine, lockdown, and you tried not to let it get to you. But you couldn’t help it.
You began to not feel so good. It was probably nothing, you put it down to exhaustion and stress, maybe you’d worked too hard. But still, it was enough for you to decide not to join the guys on their next leg of the tour. It felt wrong, you’d barely spent any time apart over the last four years, but the night that he left, Noah kissed your forehead and promised he’d be home before you knew it. He’d call every day, he’d text at any moment he could… and as a parting gift, he had given you a ring.
It wasn’t an engagement ring, but it seemed close enough. It was the one he promised to get for you once he’d saved up a little and you were living comfortably out here. It was a reminder of how much he loves you, and how one day he’ll replace it with a bigger and fancier one- not that you really for that thought.
So he kissed you one last time, then left. That’d had been one week ago… and now, you were sat curled up on the sofa in one of his hoodies, the TV playing quietly in the background with another news report. You weren’t listening to it though, you were too busy reading a book that one of Noah’s friends, Jesse, had let you borrow.
But then your phone started ringing, which was strange. Nobody told you they’d call, and Noah was supposed to be on stage. And the moment you saw the name on the screen, you feared for the worst.
Noah❤️
You quickly answered it.
“Hey, is everything okay?” You asked, only to be met with silence for a moment. “Noah?”
“Hey, baby. I thought I should let you know I'm coming home…” God, you could hear the disappointment in his voice, then he let out a slow sigh, “They cancelled it.”
“What?” You asked suddenly, feeling your stomach drop. “The tour?”
“Yeah.” He sighed, and in the background you could hear voices, people shouting, things being dragged across the floor. “They’re sending everyone home,” Noah explained, and he sounded so exhausted- not physically, but emotionally, “I’ve never seen anything like this.”
You swallowed hard.
“When are you coming back?” You asked.
“As soon as I can,” he sighed again, “I just… I don’t know what happens now.”
“Noah…” You frowned.
“I don’t know when we’re gonna tour again,” he laughed quietly, but there wasn’t any humour in it, “I don’t even know if there’ll be venues left by the time this is over.”
Your heart broke hearing the fear in his voice, the fear of losing everything he’d worked so hard to build.
“I’m just fucking terrified that this is it.” He said.
“No it’s not.” You didn’t hesitate to answer, “You hear me? This isn’t the end, Noah. We’ve figured shit out before, and built things up from nothing. So whatever comes next… we’ve got this, okay? We're in this together.”
On the other end of the line, Noah let out a small breath.
“…I can’t wait to come home.”
Neither could you.
You just had no idea how long the world was about to stand still. And you had no idea how long you were about to be stuck inside a house with your boyfriend.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
i know i said hedonist is over, which it is!! but i'm writing a mini sequel! it'll be set in 2020, noah's gonna be a streamer and it'll be all about what they get up to during that time!! <3 i haven't written anything for it yet, but i will soon! i've got a few ideas already but if there's anything you want to see in it, like a specific scenario or anything then just let me know :)
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