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Misplaced Lens Cap

gracie abrams
d e v o n
h

Discoholic đȘ©
Mike Driver

Love Begins
almost home
YOU ARE THE REASON

bliss lane

shark vs the universe

if i look back, i am lost
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Not today Justin
Show & Tell
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blake kathryn
noise dept.
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@disastardly
I see a stability problem with regular use. It's not even attached. Would also make a nice hi-rise apt. for rodents.
A member of my nature group drew this. So cute.
Headcanon that baby Shane has a slight accent when speaking English, and it's for a super unexpected reason.
A few weeks post-partum, Yuna decided that their son should be bilingual. Yuna speaks to Shane in Japanese, and David speaks to him in French. Baby Shane catches on extremely quickly.
It isnât until baby Shane is enrolled in daycare that the staff notices he has a hard time following directions and making friends.
Yuna and David find it hard to believe. At home, baby Shane is speaking two languages and actively translating between French and Japanese. Itâs not until a few weeks later that Yuna comes to the realization.
âDavid,â she calls from the kitchen after hearing David read Shane a book in French. âDid we ever formally teach this kid English?â
And David is sitting there stunned, because no, no, they did not. Sure, David and Yuna spoke to each other in English, and to their friends and family in English when they visited the house, but they never spoke to Shane in English.
They enroll Shane in an English as a Second Language class (which really should be called English as a third language, in this case). Shane eventually catches up and becomes somewhat fluent in English, but he has this slight hybrid Euro-Asian accent when he speaks it.
Hollanov canon au Shane gets outed but no one can identify the guy and they decide to hide ilyaâs identity until they donât have to worry about his Russian passport only now there are a bunch of men coming forward claiming to be the guy and so Shane has to state the guy who will remain anonymous is his long time partner and then guys online keep trying to convince him that they wouldnât hide/to break up with that guy and Ilya is basically foaming at the mouth at this point.
He counts down the days and as soon as he doesnât have to worry about russia he starts posting online asking Shane Hollander to pretty please consider him for his next boyfriend and Shane visibly flirts back and people are going crazy because does this mean that the other guy is out of the picture or???
Only they post a picture of them together a few days later that reveals Ilya was the guy all along and the internet explodes
âI can believe I asked Shane Hollander if Ilya Rozanov could fight I just barely escaped with my jaw intact omgâ
âsorry I said I was better looking than your boyfriend I have taken my humble medicationâ
âwhat kind of power does hockey robot Shane Hollander hold to pull rose landry AND Ilya rozanov???â
everyone who is not currently in the process of moving please pause and take a moment to be grateful that you're not currently in the process of moving
Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:
- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!
- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???
- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!
- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-
- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.
- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.
- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.
- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio MartĂnez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?
til my self sabotage do us apart
Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be đ
4K view of that bodacious badonkadonk ASS, lemme bounce quarters of it PAPA!!!
Lots of Kuuga post-canon fics about Ichijou dealing with chronic pain and disability from his various injuries + Godai coping with ptsd and his fear of no longer being fully human . but where are the fics with Tsubaki dealing with trench foot, sustained from working in his Wet Morgue
The summer between the end of high school and the start of college, I wrote a ridiculous play about pirates and put on a staged reading with some friends at an amphitheatre at a local park before a small audience of friends and family. It was never published or staged again. But I just got a message from an old high school friend I havenât seen in years. He accidentally quoted the play in a conversation with friends, was asked what he was quoting, he couldnât remember either, and wracked his brain until he finally remembered it was that silly play reading that we did one day in the park over 10 years ago. It made me happy. (The line was, âHuzzah for mercantilism!â by the way.)
A very tiny percentage of creators go on to be famous, but that doesnât mean that people donât remember little things you did for years and years. Who came up with most of the worldâs most famous jump rope rhymes? Who coined some of the famous idioms we use in daily speech? Who made up âJingle Bells, Batman Smells?â Somehow, all of these things stuck and spread around.
When I was a small child, I saw a high school put on a production of the musical HONK. In one song, the mother duck describes various dangers that her baby should avoid in the water, including fishing line, which could strangle him. A member of the ensemble played the role of fishing line, doing a maniacal laugh and over-the-top strangling motions, and I found it hilariousâ and to this day, thatâs an example I often think of when talking about how ensemble members can still stand out in theatre. The guy who played the role might not even remember that he did that, but I do.
I took Suzuki violin lessons as a kid. The teacher made up lyrics to some of the songs, and she let her students make some up, too. Now whenever I hear the instrumental of one of those pieces, I always remember these ridiculous lyrics about a skunk that we sang in violin class. I donât even know which student invented them!
In middle school, I found a video about atoms parodying Bill Nye made by some kids for a school product. It probably had less than 1,000 views, but I think of quotes from that video all the time. They had a parody of âWe Will Rock Youâ with the chorus, âProtons, neutrons, electronsâ that I think about a lot.
I just love that this is part of human life. Our memories donât just pick up quotes from great art, literature, and music, but little things, too.
i dont usually support blonde people feeling love but claire/leelee..... we couldve been cooking this entire time.....
I have to respect the one Wild Force stan at Playmates managing to put them on Zeo and Dino Thunderâs level
source
SHANE HOLLANDER, MLH STAR, DIES FROM ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE (click to read more)
Thatâs the headline Ilya reads on his Google alerts when heâs home alone. More and more articles start coming out, his phone pinging with different versions of the same sentence over and over. Every website claiming this horrible, twisted lie that Shane Hollander is dead.
It has to be a lie after all. This must be wrong. Theyâre all surely misreporting things and itâll turn out that Hollander is alive, safe in his boring home in Montreal. Ilyaâs confident there will be a statement made soon but heâs too impatient to wait for that.
Sure, they havenât spoken since the day Shane fled from his home, leaving Ilya to clean up half-eaten tuna melts and their mixed come off his chest.
And Ilya didnât reach out after Shane got a nasty hit in San Jose a few weeks agoâ one that left Shane with a fractured collarbone and concussion. He tortured himself with the footage and drafted an âare you okay?â text but he never sent it. He had been a coward.
He wishes more than anything that he sent it now.
He calls Shane. Itâs 8PM in Boston, which means itâs 8PM in Montreal and even Shane isnât lame enough to be in bed so early.
No answer to his call. No answer to his texts. Nothing.
He calls and calls and calls and fucking calls but thereâs nothing. No response, no answer. Not even a âreadâ receipt. Shane isnât cruel. He would call him. Even with this fractured something that they are (or were), he would have reached out. He would have heard about the news by now and called Ilya back or texted to say it was fake. That he was fine. That it was idiots being idiots and talking about something they knew nothing of.
So why the fuck is Shane not answering? The only reason he wouldnât is if⊠is ifâŠ
Ilya doesnât know what heâs doing until heâs in his car and headed to Montreal. His phone dies halfway through the trip from attempts to get in contact with Shane. Still nothing. Heâs in a state of delirium when he crosses the border into Canada, with no plan other than making it to Shaneâs house.
If Shaneâs alive, heâll be in his home and heâll answer the door. And if not⊠Ilya doesnât want to think that far.
Shaneâs lounging on his couch, half asleep and frustrated at the world. Heâs still reeling from getting the worst, most frantic phone call from his parents earlier that day.
And all because heâd gone to the hospital earlier. There had been unforeseen conflicts with his medication and some supplements heâs taking, something that risked leading to an overdose if not caught as early as it was.
Somehow that afternoon trip led to someone violating HIPPA and even more confusingly, led to quite a bit of the population mistaking him for being dead.
For once Shaneâs thankful his mom talked him into keeping a landline when buying a home. âYou never know what may happen Shane,â she had said.
Wasnât that the truth? The whole reason for the urgent visit was because he got dizzy that morning, his vision and balance going off kilter, and he had dropped his phone, breaking it beyond repair. It was added to his list of annoyances with today. If not for his parents and Hayden having his home phone number⊠they might have believed the news for much longer than they had to.
Itâs 1AM when furious knocking wakes him up. He must have fallen asleep down stairs. Shaneâs groggy before it really hits him that someone is at his front door. No one in their right mind visits at one a.m.
He gets up and peeks through the peep hole and swings the door open before he even knows heâs going to do it because itâsâ
Ilya.
He looks like shit. Eyes red-rimmed, hair like he went through a wind tunnel. Heâs wearing flannel pajama pants, slides, and a sweatshirt. He looks like he just rolled out of bed.
He doesnât get any words out before Ilya knocks the breath out of him by collapsing into him. Itâs a hug but feels a bit like a tackle too. If Shane werenât as athletic or as on guard at seeing Ilya, he may have fallen backwards.
It takes several moments to register Ilya is shaking in his arms.
No. Ilya is crying in his arms.
Shaneâs brain searches for anything that would make this confusing thing make sense. He begins to think it may be a dream he has yet to wake up from but then it hits him.
The article. His phone being broken. His parents had called everyone they thought was important.
No one knew to tell Ilya it wasnât real.