TheRawLife

Came out of a storm, and looking forward to the rays of the sun.

[victoriusvika]

Government decisions

I understand the government has to make a lot of hard decisions during this COVID-19 pandemic. One of them being when should we get back to “normal life”. I understand that the government is very concerned with finances and “recovering”, however if as a city we did not have a significant amount of time go by without any new cases, is it really smart to “go back to normal life”? Wouldn’t it make sense to wait a little bit longer to ensure the second wave doesn’t hit us just weeks after things go back to normal? If you ask me this is not  the time. It is very concerning that so many peoples lives are dependent on someone else’s opinion. If things start going downhill due to the decision that is to be made, you will not recover anything, you will see people suffer and the country will face a bigger economy crisis. 

[victoriusvika]

Covid-19

Everyone around me keeps saying how this pandemic is going to teach people how to cherish and be nicer to one another. I mean yes, wouldn’t that be nice, but seriously look at some of the people that surround us. Co-workers that couldn’t give a damn about you or your well being, friends who are to busy doing nothing throughout their day but can’t find a minute to say hello. Maybe I am negative but I love my family and friends everyday, pandemic or not. It shouldn't take a world crisis for people to come together. We walk around each other every single day and often times are to careless to even look up. As bad as this sounds, this pandemic has showed me who my friends are, and proven to me that I was right about the others. I am truly not interested in people pretending to care when things go back to normal. You either care or you don’t, and I already know who doesn’t.

[victoriusvika]

Life after divorce

When you get a divorce, you often think you are finally able to have a new beginning. 

Nobody warns you about all the shit that will follow you for years to come. From loss and grief, to disappointment and re-discovery. The pain that you thought was now over,is now surfacing in a different way.  I come from a traditional family background, where divorce is unheard of. The pressure of feeling everyone judging you and the pressure of knowing that everything will never be the same is a lot to deal with while you are trying to re-build your life.

It is not easy but everyday I remind myself, that this is my life and it is my happiness I am fighting for. Although some days I feel defeated, I do remind myself that better days are to come. It is up to me to have the strength to get through this.  I am not alone in this, and I will not given up.

[victoriusvika]

My confession

I remember a time, when you weren’t mine. I’d look at you from a far and get lost in your eyes. Your presence was comforting, your smile was melting me, you were something I felt that was right, I always thought, you and I. Might? Many years went by, my life felt dry. I wanted you to be a part of it, but knew you couldn’t be in it. Through everything I have been through, and all the plans that fell through. Here I was, laying on your lap. I kissed your soft lips, and as you grabbed my hips, I knew, I wanted to be with you. I still look at you, and my feelings are all true. I want nothing and nobody but you.

I used to see your spark in me, but now I feel like it was temporary. I feel like I’d put my life on hold for you, but for some reason I don’t think you’d do the same for me. When I kiss you I fall harder and harder, feeling butterflies fly. Why do I feel like, yours have flown by. I think of our future, and it almost brings tears to my eyes.

I can picture us, our future our life. I can imagine our kids playing in the yard, and our dogs running by.

I can picture us experiencing highs and lows, but as long as I am with you, I have hope.  I know that you’re the one for me, I just wish I could feel that about you comfortably. It is scary to think that I’d do anything for you. Those negative thoughts are eating me up inside, I wish I could run away and hide. I wish you could see then pain I am in, so maybe you could pull me in. If you really care for me, by now you should know how I feel, and so far, you just let me be.

I have been in this place before, waking up in darkness, losing hope. Everyone tells me, it isn’t me, but I can’t help but feel unloved. My kind heart is taken for granted, been there before and I hate it.

I want you to love me as much as I love you, as I want nothing but to be with you.

[victoriusvika]

Rollercoaster

My heart is skipping fast, because I have planned something for us. I think of you in my decisions and always have good reasons and intentions.

I trust your words, I trust your soul. You told me you wouldn’t hurt me anymore. I go on working on my self, because I don’t want to damage what we have.

I view you as something pure, because in my eyes I don’t think you can do me wrong. WRONG. I am always wrong.

You smile at me and tell me to be secure, but turn around and give attention to that whore. You have no problem taking our time and giving it to her, lucky girl, she’s not the one that feels like she has to hurl. You promise me one thing, but do another. You tell me you love me, that there is no another. I used to feel you only had your eyes for me, but unfortunately now I see.

The sad thing is, I thought you were different. I believed, you weren’t anything like him. I guess I was stupid and naive, to believe someone would respect me.

While I am waiting here, wishing for you to be by my side. Your hiding away your secrets, hiding your lies.

Looking at all of them, then why don’t you fucking have them?

This rollercoaster is making me sick. You have to pick. Which life, is it that your wanting to live. Do you want to be with them, looking at them, being with them, going after them? Or do you want me? Which way is our story going to be?

Time is ticking, you have to make your decision soon. I won’t be another fool. Don’t think I’ll be sitting here and waiting for your love forever. If you don’t want me, I will have another. If I aint good enough for you to care, then fucking leave me alone, why do you care?

I am tired of putting you first, especially if you don’t appreciate me. My love for you is blinding me, but believe me. I might love you for the rest of my life, but I won’t let another human being do me like that.

[victoriusvika]

If only you didn’t break my heart

To stay or not to stay? That is the question. I have been dissapointed, lied to and betrayed but am still in love with him. Can you build back trust that quick? As I sit here I think of how much he showed me he loved me and yet found every where to break me.

Unbelievable... I have yet again given someone my own just to be made into a fool. Is it because I never learn? or because I am foolish.

You swore to me, you lied to me, you hurt me. 

You left me here, not knowing what to do.

Stay although I  love you, or lose someone I don’t think I’ll replace. 

# brokentrust