Honoring Vinni/Xander/The Dude

Xander/Vincenzo's Momma

[vincenzomomma]

Missing you terribly son.

Wishing for the best for you in the afterlife and your next life.

Until we meet again my love <3 <3 <3

Vincenzo Momma Forever 24

Just in case you come around here anymore @what1f1cantf0rg3tuuu

Just in case Mercy's friends/relatives come around @batsnvampires

[vincenzomomma]

SEVEN DAYS AWAY...........

.............from the day Mercy took your life and hers.............

[vincenzomomma]

FUCK THIS LIFE~!

Six by Eight inch GAPING hole on left side.

Two by Three inch exit wound on right.

Why , OH WHY? am I still "pain shopping" as Sara would say???

Only three days into June! I still have another 25 days to your DAY OF DEATH.

FUCK THIS LIFE!!!!!

[blignick]

[vincenzomomma]

Traveled to Cool yesterday. Went by the places we lived. Could hear you calling to Eli when we all went to the park to play basketball. Could feel your sadness at the park on Talking Mtn. So HARD to see our old homes and to travel on these old roads, feeling you next to me in the car.

SUCH A FUCKING NIGHTMARE last night! I know you're gone but if I lost your ashes and other personal belongings from some asshole who threw them in the creek, I'd MORE THAN WELCOME my death , especially if Oro was also tossed in the creek and buried under the "house" pieces that I was throwing around frantically, searching for the urn and all your other belongings that I couldn't find! FUCK!!! HATE NIGHTMARES about you!!!!

Miss you like crazy today son!

[vincenzomomma]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

For coming to my dream last night son!!!!

Amongst the chaos of what seemed like a war in some city ( aka our lives ), I searched and searched and somehow found you with a girl. Did not see who she was, she wouldn't show herself. I tried SO HARD to get you to come with me!!! You were insistent you were not going to come with me. Not in a mean way, just plainly as a matter of factly, that was not an option for you. Your girl would not allow it. I said she has brainwashed you ( relating to a conversation with my friend Russ during that day ) and begged you to come with me. I suppose I thought I could save both of us from the chaos surrounding us. You were so HANDSOME and SWEET to me despite my longing to have you come with me. It seemed like I understood you couldn't come with me. You had to walk your own path through the chaos. Turning away from you, like I knew I had no other choice, yet peaceful , somehow with the situation of having to leave you. SO similar to our lives as well as the medium reading I had this past week. Of course, my path lead to being captured by the "enemy" in this war, with guns in my face and threats of being shot...........FUCKING A!!!

Miss you SO MUCH dude!

[vincenzomomma]

Always on my mind son

[vincenzomomma]

Trying to connect to you today via a medium.

Reaching out from the beyond.

PLEASE be there!!!!

Unsure whether all that was real or not. Seemed so very general to me. I DO WANT TO BELIEVE THOUGH!

[vincenzomomma]

This song came on yesterday. Haven't heard it in so long.

I am pretty sure if you'd had come across it, it would've been on your playlist. I know how much you appreciated the music of the 90's.

This is for you my son.

Miss you more and more every day. Am SOOOOOO dreading that June is coming up so fast!!!!!

[vincenzomomma]

May of '23.

Your last May in CA.

Your last May on your own.

[vinnehdiezagain]

[vinnehdiezagain]

i love how we napped in the car in the parking lot of that shitty "mall" (bc every mall in co is just a pathetic dilapidated business center) back when it was still warm a few days ago and i was just so fucking tired from being homeless for so long that you kept trying to wake me up but all i would do was just like, sit up and kiss ur head over and over and just fall right back asleep lmao, or just wake up pull u closer and go back to sleep, and i wouldn't respond verbally to anything but if you said i love you id say it back. thats adorable

i love how we have an eternal grossout competition to say and do the most wretched vile disgusting horrid things just bc we both think the reaction is beyond hilarious

i love how youre the only one i can fully be myself around for the first time in my life and that you'll even go so far as to think YOURE the weird one when ur just a perfect lil princess

i love how you just steal shit from me like right out of my pockets or out of my hands and when im like hey whyd you do that you just turn around and start dancing

and i love how when you're dancing ill go AWWWW YOURE SO CUUUTE and youll start giggling maniacally your adorable little giggle that sounds like a teeny tiny squeaky toy

i love how if i keep calling you cute too much youll just fall into my chest and bury your head in it

i love how you always go limp in my arms

i love how you're the first and only person to really try for me

i love how excited you get to see me when we're apart for only 4 hrs and i feel the same way, i feel like we're 2 pups in love who just spin and flip when they see eachother

ive always been so statuesque emotionless and stonefaced irl and i thought thats how i still was even around you but last night when i was pushing you in the walmart shopping cart you took video of me for the first time

i keep recording you all the time because i love you more than any life i could have ever lived, i love looking at you so fucking much, it's like looking at lightning in a bottle or holding the world's biggest rarest most expensive jewel in your palm

i love watching the videos of you over and over again when you're not next to me, maybe because i just miss you every second you're gone

this planet, this species, is so unbelievably pathetically fucked, if a bunch of impotent broken geriatric subhumans weren't so psychotically obsessed with amassing more useless material garbage (that doesnt even give them a fleeting dopamine hit anymore, like can you imagine being that worthless and cyclical? like being addicted to crack but 100x worse and you can indulge your addiction on a global scale) - if the species weren't such garbage, we wouldn't have to spend any time apart. we would spend every second of every day together from dawn til dusk and all the seconds inbetween, we would be able to sustain ourselves and survive on our own. we would make our own house, grow our own food, and we would be able to face predators that we could ACTUALLY defend ourselves from, instead of putting up with their pathetic molasses litigation system they try to tout under the lie of a justice guise, one so easily broken and whipped beyond uselessness by what their evil broken spirits covet most, $$$

and you took the phone from me and turned it around on me

for the first time i saw how i look around you, and it scares me and breaks my heart

for the first time in my life i look genuinely happy

it's so unnerving and jarring to see, and it breaks my heart because only now, after 24 yrs of pure unbridled undeserved agony, living under constant threat in a domestic warzone, being used as an object in every way imaginable, being shown and proven without a shadow of a doubt that, i am worthless, i am entirely and eternally uncared for, by the species at large, that no one could ever care for a miserable wretch like me, and through every friendship and relationship learning that anyone who would ever say that they did would only be lying in order to hurt me further and take even more from me

and only now, after all of that suffering, do i finally experience happiness for one brief fleeting moment, and just as quickly, it's stolen from me due to something not only entirely out of my control but a microcosm of all the abusive subhumans that have put so much time energy money and effort into dragging me down and pushing me into suicide

how fitting huh? the greek tragedy to end all greek tragedies

i guess that's all my life ever was, was just a little play

an inconsequential nothing to be watched from the sidelines for entertainment

well im no actor and these feelings, these experiences, these traumas and this pain arent an act, its not something i get to just hang up at the end of the day

theres no backstage, no curtains to pull and there's no just, "leaving" this and returning to something else. your horrible cosmic torture play is wholly undeserved and entirely without reason - if this were punishment for a past life, how exactly do you expect someone to experience nothing but violence, sa, drugs and total isolation for their whole life, prove to them they have no escape, slam a semi into their skull at 60mph, and then come out the other side sparkling? how do you expect someone to "learn" the "right way" if everyone around them only does the "wrong" way and usually towards them specifically too

like the entire concept of karma is a farce because we can all dissociate or go into fugue states or suffer brain damage etc

all i can think about now is the horrible shithole i came from and the even worse split between wishing i never left so i never had to feel this pain and the knowledge that without leaving i would have never had you

do i, even? or is this just the 3,000,004th bait and switch? played by these horrible sadistic monstrous puppet masters

you're the only thing i have ever experienced in my entire life that has been able to lift my spirits

and it never seems to be when you're actually trying hard to

it's always when i look into your lovely eyes and the look in them melts my heart

every time you see me you start doing the little run and its the most adorable shit ever

every time i look in your eyes it's like my heart is exploding

ive never looked forward to anything as much as i do to hold and snuggle you

to just have you in my arms, where you belong, where we belong

and i can only hope that when we die our souls shoot off at the same time and intertwine like a helix so we never have to be alone again

maybe we can keep eachother company in the purgatory interim

maybe we can meet sooner and stay together longer

maybe we can enjoy eachother more

in the next life

<3 @batsnvampires <3

[vinnehdiezagain]

her kisses faded </3

[vincenzomomma]

My gift to myself this dreaded Mother's Day.

Your baby feet added to your tribute tat. Also had the text touched up as the first dude didn't do such a great job on it.

Can't wait til it heals completely to see how it looks !!

Miss you like crazy as usual. SO hard to go up there and see all the old spots. The place I would always go when things got too crazy at home. Driving right by the Port Of Subs where you worked for a short time.

HATETHIS DAY!!!!!!!!

[vincenzomomma]

Our old hang out spot at the confulence on National Bereaved Mother's Day 2026. Can't believe it's almost 2 years you've been gone now! FUCKING SUCKS!!!!

I miss the times we spent on the river. Even the times you keep getting closer and closer to the dangerous rapids JUST BECAUSE I was telling you not to get too far out. I wish I never acted so open to you about my feelings and concerns. I suppose that's why you knew how to push my buttons so well. Sucks that I let you.

Your ashes and the purple flowers in the paper boat above, down the river and swirling into the eddy before it went under. So fucking fitting :(

Thought I was recording it but, stupid me, did not!

Miss you like crazy dude!

[vincenzomomma]

Still searching the internet for shit on you son ...but to no avail.

Was SO LUCKY to have saved three disposable cameras that you used years ago. These remind me there were some smiles in the past. If only they'd last.

Miss you more and more every day Dude!

[vincenzomomma]

And the rent is too high living here between reasons to live..................................................................................................

You know what I mean son. Will be by your side again, soon hopefully.

Miss you like crazy!!!