endless nights

&&. Vincent Porter. 23. Single. @Invincible; Still on the blocks where gun cocks and gunshots are more familiar of a sound then what's "hot"

[terriblemonsoon]

our chorus came out unrehearsed || char & vin

[terriblemonsoon]

She could already tell by his tone of voice that he wasn’t happy to see her. But she couldn’t walk back home and let the voices eat her alive, so she had two choices: choice a, try to explain herself to Vinny or choice b, turn around and go home. Her hands were shaking softly, along with her whole body. The pain in her chest could not be numbed by any amount of Vodka that she put in her body, or the amount of people she confided in. “I want to talk,” she whispered. “I know you don’t want to see me, and that you might hate me, and I get that and I understand why you would… I just want to explain, it wasn’t me. I just… as stupid and as bad as it sounds, I was trying to protect you.”

Charlotte didn’t know where to begin, what she should tell him and what she should leave out. She figured that she would leave the hacker out of it. Pin it on herself and her own insecurities. “I just… can I come inside?” She had dark circles under her eyes and her body ached. She just wanted to be held but she knew that she wasn’t going to get that from him.

[vinnyporter]

He didn't know whether or not he should believe her. Maybe it was another trick. He would allow her in and then she would probably taunt him for being so stupid, for trusting her even though she chewed him up and spit him out without even so much as a second glance. Glazed eyes studied her, part of him wanting to reach out and hold her, forget about every and anything and just be with her. In a fantasy world perhaps things would have worked out that way. He would make himself forget that the dinner even happened and they'd go on happily like they were approaching before.

He stood against his doorframe, studying her for what seemed like an eternity. He couldn't just leave her out there alone at this time of night. Regardless of how 'safe' of a neighborhood Santana claimed he'd bought the condo in that didn't change the fact that it was late and she was a pretty girl - anything could happen and though he wanted to hate her, he couldn't. Sighing, he didn't say anything, instead he stepped away from the doorframe, allowing her entry into his home. A home that was beyond messy - beer bottles scattered on the kitchen island, chinese takeout boxes resting comfortably on the coffee table. He didn't care, company was scarce anyway.

[terriblemonsoon]

our chorus came out unrehearsed || char & vin

It had been a few nights since Charlotte had slept properly. She hasn’t slept a full night since the night before her date with Vinny, that was almost a week ago. The voices were back and they were basically relentless towards her. The guilt that she had felt in the restaurant did not match the guilt that she felt now.

She tossed the covers off of her small frame in frustration, there was no use to her tossing and turning in bed, the voices did nothing but try and swallow her whole when she did that. She reluctantly made her way to her closet and grabbed a pair of her shoes and a jacket before walking the few blocks to Vinny’s house.

He’s not going to forgive you, the best that might happen is that he’ll return the laugh you gave to him. Charlotte shuddered at the thought. She knew that Vinny was upset with her, and he had every right to be. She was willing to ask for his forgiveness. She didn’t know if she was ready to explain. When she reached his place, her heartbeat was already in her ears before she knocked three solid times on his door.

[vinnyporter]

Vince wasn't sure what he felt. In fact, due to revisiting the lady in white, he felt rather numb. Though he was coming down, he hadn't hit the depression yet, the craving, the pit in his stomach that didn't seem to go away until he used again. He sat on his couch, a drink in hand, enjoying the last glimmer of a high that he had.

It wasn't until he heard three knocks at his door did he return to reality - or, rather, the skewed sense of reality he had. He opened it, his heart tightening and dropping to his stomach as he saw who was standing at his door. "What do you want?" He asked, his tone cold, harsh.

[terriblemonsoon]

i wanna be known by you || charlotte & vince

[terriblemonsoon]

She would normally feel bad about his confusion, about him trying to understand what just happened, but she began to feel numb. It was a familiar sensation to her, one that she honed in childhood while living with her abusive aunt and the children who made fun of her at school, and Jason who tried so hard to love her but failed in the end. “We can’t date, I don’t even think it’s a good idea for us to be friends.” She looked at him right in the face when she said this, her stomach no longer turning. Instead, it just felt like a heavy stone.

“Look. You’re a nice person. You’ll make some girl very happy some day, and Gio’s really nice. And I know that you’re a good guy, okay?” She ran her fingers through her hair. “We just can’t do this. I’m not right for you.” Charlotte got up from the table and set down a twenty dollar bill for her portion of the check before leaving him there. The guilt was returning and it was headed straight for her. She needed to get out of there before she told him everything. He couldn’t know.

[vinnyporter]

The words fell so effortlessly, as if it were second nature. He just stared at her, attempting to find the Charlotte he talked to weeks ago; the one who discussed horror movies with him, who wanted to make sure he didn't get into a bar fight. Where had that girl gone? What had changed?

It was as if he were frozen in time. Everything slowed down as she left him without any sort of clarification, any sort of -- well, anything. All he could do was sit and try to piece together what happened.

[terriblemonsoon]

i wanna be known by you || charlotte & vince

[terriblemonsoon]

In the middle of their dinner, Charlotte’s nausea had reached an all time high. The alcohol in her drink had done nothing to calm her nerves or numb the guilt that she was feeling. She had only taken a few bites of her food because anything more than that would push her over. She made small talk and nodded where she needed to, she batted her eyelashes and did all of those things that good girls did. As their dinner was coming to an end, the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them, “This isn’t actually a date, right?” There was sugar sweet smile plastered onto her face but on the inside she was dying.

She let a small laugh escape at his silence, “Look,” she said, “I’m really sorry. I enjoy my time with you and you’re fun to talk to and all, but that’s all this is. We’re just friends. I don’t see you that way, I can’t.” She could feel the tears threatening to form but she pushed them back. Not here. “We’re not compatible, Vin.”

[vinnyporter]

Things were going swimmingly to his understanding. She seemed to be having a good time and Gio even made an appearance, taking part in some small talk with both of them and even making plans to hang out when he wasn't busy. Needless to say that Vince was a happy camper. At least, he was, before things took a turn for the worst at a rapid pace.

The words coming out of her mouth left him silent, unable to make his mouth move to say something. Was he being too forward? Did he say something wrong? His stomach turned, his mind racing. "Wait, what...?" Those were the only words he managed to get out.

[sterling-aurora]

Well - the goblin shark does kinda look like a goblin morphed into a shark, doesn’t it? Wait – are you talking about, like, who came up with the names or about who just came up with the animals? Because, isn’t that God? Or like, mother nature or something. It’s so weird though, right? Like where did everything come from?! Anyways, how fucked up are you? Cause I am up there. 

[vinnyporter]

Goblin sharks look like... I don't even know what they look like. All I know is that I wouldn't wanna be stuck in the ocean with one of 'em. I don't know, dude. It's so weird like why is a door called a door? Why is a name called a name? Extremely fucked up.

[littlerilxy]

I thought I was the only one who thought they looked like Wooper or Mudkip!

[vinnyporter]

Dude, they look like a real life Mudkip. Whoa. What if there are other real life Pokemon? That'd be so cool, oh my god.

[wutnaomi]

“Well, everyone has different tastes, maybe yours is weird sea creature things. They probably get their names from the way they look or their character— Wait, it doesn’t matter.”

[vinnyporter]

Hey, don't judge me, sea creatures are awesome. Yeah, probably, but why are they named that? Why are things named what they're named in the first place? It does matter. These are pretty important questions.

[brcwneyedd]

You know what creatures are scary as hell? Sea Urchins. Little fuckers terrify me.

[vinnyporter]

Seriously? Sea Urchins are the least threatening of them all!

[kay-lowe]

Weren’t Pokemon sort of adorable though? Whatever you’re watching sounds like it’s designed to make you trip out even more then… Erm, you apparently already are. Did you possibly want to borrow my eyedrops or something?

[vinnyporter]

Pokemon are the shit. Like, they're just livin' life, doin' their little Pokemon thing. Hey, I'm not tripping, I didn't take any E or drop acid or eat a shroom. At least, I don't think I did? I don't know, it's kind of a blur. No, no, I'm good.

[terriblemonsoon]

i wanna be known by you || charlotte & vince

[terriblemonsoon]

The words “second date” rang in her ears and she could feel the lump forming in the back of her throat again. She forced her lips into a smile so that he wouldn’t think that anything would be wrong with her. She looked down at the menu and traced her fingers over the laminated pages. You have to at least act like you’re happy, Charlotte. You gotta fake it. She picked her head up, looking up at the woman who was taking his drink order.

“A Long Island Iced Tea, please.” She usually was a straight up kind of girl, but she figured that she should at least try and be classy, for the date’s sake. Besides, a Long Island Iced Tea had at least four shots in it, so the pain would eventually be gone and she would be numb. “How was your day?” She asked, just trying to make polite conversation to stir herself away from the impending nausea and the burning in the back of her throat from continuing to push down the cry. 

[vinnyporter]

The waitress quickly left the table after scribbling down her order leaving the two of them to their menus. He glanced from the menu back to her, already knowing what he wanted. He shrugged at her question, rubbing the back of his neck out of habit. "It was alright. As good as a day filled with running errands for Santana could be - my step dad," he clarified. Of course by running errands he meant making and setting up deals.

"What about you? How was your day? It take you awhile to get all dolled up like this?" He teased. Banter was his thing, a way to flirt without being too outfront and cheesy about it. So far, so good, he thought.

[trillachxldrp-blog1]

I always find myself watching documentaries on killer whales. Like all night long. Eating ice cream at the same time.

[vinnyporter]

Killer whales and ice cream sounds like a helluva combination.

[awwwwwablog]

I love documentaries! I could spend hours upon hours watching them cause they’re just so fucking interesting? And they make you that much more aware of the shit that’s happening sometimes. Like that documentary The Cove or that one about sharks.. I don’t really remember what it’s called but it was sad. Ha. Yeah. I agree with the comment about Axolotls. They do kinda look like they came from Pokemon.

[vinnyporter]

It depends on what kinda documentary I'm watchin'. Like, if it's about murderers or some shit then I'm about it. I just happened to subtle on the ocean one. Right? I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees it. They're so cool though, imagine havin' one of 'em. Just swimmin' around and stuff.

[nocaspar-blog]

Documentaries are the best time killers, though.. especially the ones about the ocean, because they could talk about it for literally ever. Who knows, maybe they are? Who said Pokemon wasn’t real?

[vinnyporter]

Can I be honest really quick? I haven't even been really watching it. Like, I've been dippin' in and out, but they were talking about Goblin Sharks and my attention was caught. Dude, don't do that, if Pokemon are real, the child in me would scream.

[vinnyporter]

I'm gonna reply to things in a bit but I've been tossing around the idea of a second character. Probably a Cristine Prosperi fc because my love for her is beyond words.

If I did make her, would anyone want a connection?

[vinnyporter]

I've spent way longer than I'd like to admit watching a documentary on weird sea creatures. Like, who the fuck comes up with this? Fuckin' Goblin Shark? But, y'know what my favorite is? Axolotls. Those little motherfuckers look like they're straight outta Pokemon.

[terriblemonsoon]

i wanna be known by you || charlotte & vince

[terriblemonsoon]

She got into his car and buckled her seat belt, listening to him, but not really hearing him fully. “That shouldn’t be too far, right?” Her question was right as they arrived at the place in basically no time at all. Her heart was already racing in her ears, she took the time to peek over at him, he looked good. She really didn’t want to do this to him, he didn’t deserve it, no one deserved it.

“It was nice of you to bring me here,” She said softly as they sat down at the table. She looked around, the place seemed busy enough that someone would bring someone there on a Saturday night, but not busy enough that it would take them forever to get served.

[vinnyporter]

As they were seated, his stomach rumbled. He hadn't eaten in a few hours to make sure he had room for all of the food he was bound to pig out on. He smiled, shrugging. "Oh, y'know, I try. Gotta butter you up to make sure I get a second date." He winked at her, his attention shifting as a waitress approached their table with menus in hand. 

"I'll have a beer, whatever kind you have, I'm not picky. Hey, is Gio here? Tell him Vinny is here to see 'em," he said with a grin. The woman, who looked to be around his age smiled in reply and scribbled down his drink order, waiting patiently on Charlotte. She seemed nervous, way nervous than he thought she would've been. She always had this sort of nonchalant demeanor which was something he liked about her.

[vinnyporter]

regrets collect like old friends | self para

{ trigger warning: drug use }

Dumbfounded wasn't the word. He wasn't sure if there were any words to describe how he felt. Hurt, confused, tossed away like he meant nothing. It was funny in a way, a few months ago he would've been doing the same to a girl - playing her, getting her hopes up to crush her and toss her away. Perhaps it was the universe's way of getting payback on him for treating all of those other girls wrong.

The coldness was what got him. The fact that it seemed as though it were effortless, that he was just a means of wasting time, a game to be played while waiting in the lobby of a doctor's office. It was bad enough that Lennon disappeared out of thin air, but now her too? Was this karma? Or was it him? Was it the fact that he withheld information about his life to both of them?

The drive home felt foreign. Nothing felt real, he felt like he was stuck in a bad dream. Maybe he'd wake up and things would go back to normal. She'd text him and apologize, say something like, "Sorry, I don't know what got into me. I'm really sorry." If only. If only that were the case but the coldness in her eyes, the sadistic pleasure in her voice said otherwise.

It was as if she'd become an entirely different person in the span of a few hours. It made no sense, what the hell could have happened? Did he say something? Did he do something? As he approached his door, he became angry. Angry at the fact that he cared so much, the fact that she'd managed to get under his skin in such a short amount of time.

Vince realized when it came to relationships he wore his heart on his sleeve. Granted, they weren't in a relationship, but they were fast approaching. He liked her. And to his understanding, she liked him. There must have been somebody else. Somebody better than him, somebody who didn't spend his days under the wing of a crime lord. Somebody who didn't make a living selling drugs and beating people to a pulp.

He slammed the door behind him, rattling the pieces of artwork that hung on the wall, causing one to dismantle and shatter. "I don't care," he told himself, "I don't fuckin' care. I don't fuckin' care!"

Anger pulsed through him, an anger that he hadn't felt since Lennon left. But there was something different about this anger, it wasn't anger he could forget about with a few puffs of a blunt or a couple beers and a few shots. When it came to his heart, it was an entirely different ballgame. Along with the fact that he'd never felt this way before; no one had ever gotten under his skin the way she had.

He found himself in his bathroom, a baggie in hand, a baggie full of something that was going to make everything go away for awhile.

It'd been a long time since he last used but given his current circumstance, he found it to be the perfect time to invite his old demons to play.