i haven't felt alive in a long time
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@vintagediarys
i haven't felt alive in a long time
sometimes i wonder if i'll ever enjoy being alive
most of the time i feel like i don’t know the correct way to be a human being
Everyone says the one who’s in love always wins, but scars are the only trophies I have from winning.
I feel like I'm just pretending to be human everyday
i’m such a fuck up, a failure, and all i do is burden others. i don’t want to exist.
Who up feeling unlovable and useless
when the "i don’t need anyone anyway“ act wears off and all i want is for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me their biggest fear is losing me.
Some of us are just not made to exist.
I've finally decided to commit to my plans and I'm going to distance myself from a bunch of my friends specifically the ones who I've hurt by being sick
I won't talk to them unless they talk to me and I'll avoid them when I can
I've been doing this for a few of them already but not all and I want to distance myself from everyone I hurt
Which is essentially most of my friends but it's better for me to hurt and be alone then to hurt someone else because I'm going through something
Maybe when I'm out of this depressive episode I'll change my mind but I don't think I will :/
“Human relationships are strange. I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops”
— Charles Bukowski