She had always listened in silence—first to the adult conversations in the living room, then to his lectures on troubadours and courtly love. One autumn night, he stopped his car by a dark road, and twenty minutes of terse dialogue changed everything.
Love me until I love myself (modern au)
She was afraid of her own reflection, so he taught her to love herself through his eyes.
Saying something dangerous, like I love you (baelor x niece! reader)
anon's request
Coffee, kisses & his voice (modern au)
spending the morning with the man you love is always a pleasure...
A letter from you to Baelor, while he's in Ashford (baelor x wife)
It's just a letter from you to Baelor, steeped in longing, love, and worry while he's in Ashford.
In the dream I don't tell anyone, you put your head in my lap (baelor x niece)
anon's request
My blood whispers your name (baelor x niece)
She won her freedom on the tournament field, and claimed her destiny in his arms.
Scenes from a Marriage (baelor x sister!wife)
anon's request
I have been yours from the very beginning (baelor x sister)
unrequited love
To be loved, not lusted (baelor x niece)
A dragon princess, trapped in a gilded cage of duty, finds her only true solace in a forbidden tide. Under a shattered moon, on a shore of silver and shadow, a single kiss rewrites the map of two hearts.
"I never craved attention, until I tasted yours" (baelor x oc! Adeneya)
anon's request
Forever is a dangerous word. How can a mortal offer eternity? (baelor x oc! Sarea)
Baelor is already married to Jena Dondarrion, yet his cousin — the daughter of Shiera Seastar and Brynden Rivers — does not sit well with this state of affairs. Behind her enchanting smile lay magic. Behind Baelor's royal duty, a rebel heart. They were playing with fire, knowing they'd both get burned. But some burns are worth a lifetime.
FI
Sonny Haes
The Racer and his Mechanic(Sonny x reader)
A young mechanic living in a world of speed and metal meets Sonny Hayes, a disgraced racing legend whose career and soul are broken by the past.
I’ve finally managed to finish writing this lovely bit. I hope you enjoy reading it!
He adjusted the collar of his soft beige cardigan—the very same one he unfailingly appeared in on Fridays, as if greeting the weekend wrapped in something warm and cozy. His movements were unhurried, almost meditative, and she would catch herself unable to look away from these familiar rituals. In general, he had everything neatly pigeonholed, and that applied not only to his thoughts but to the most mundane things. His clothing, for instance. She had stumbled upon this fact quite by accident when she saw his open planner lying carelessly on the coffee table—so carelessly that her gaze slid over the page covered in neat handwriting of its own accord. The table turned out to be a schedule: which sweater to wear on Tuesday, which shirt to save for Thursday. At first, it struck her as amusing, even endearing—such pedantry somehow didn't fit the image of a man who laughed so easily and sincerely.
When she finally gathered the courage to ask why he set an alarm not just to wake up but to choose his outfit, Baelor merely chuckled softly and shrugged. "A habit from childhood," he explained simply. "So as not to waste time in the morning deliberating. It's needed for more important things." And indeed, perfect order reigned in his closet: cardigans, sweaters, and turtlenecks in every conceivable shade of earth, stacks of impeccably pressed shirts, a couple of modest T-shirts just in case, and, of course, trousers. Many trousers. The first time she peeked into his dressing room, she felt as though she had wandered into a tiny vintage shop on the corner of her street, the kind that smells of wood and old paper. She herself, admittedly, had far fewer clothes, and this discovery filled her with a quiet, almost childlike delight.
Every morning, wrapped in his enormous terrycloth robe—blue with white stripes, smelling of him and something homey—she would observe this ritual. Sinking into the deep armchair, she would cradle a large mug of tea in her palms, which he had thoughtfully placed beside her the moment she complained about the morning chill. She would watch him select a jumper, try it on before the mirror, then suddenly hesitate and reach for the hanger again. And on her face would bloom that silly, happy smile, the one utterly impossible to control. Then Baelor would turn around, catch her gaze, and ask with a perfectly serious expression: "Well? How is it?" She would nod silently, because words were superfluous. Afterwards, the old wooden floorboards creaking underfoot, he would disappear into the bathroom to apply his cologne—that subtle, slightly bitter fragrance that, as she knew, even his students adored.
He was perfect. Maddeningly, teeth-grindingly, to-hell-and-back perfect, right down to a faint ache in her chest. And at the same time, he was utterly, unbearably charming in his oblivious perfection.
Their morning routine always followed the same script. Baelor finished getting ready first—he liked gifting her those extra minutes of peace, allowing her to lounge in bed or the armchair just a little longer. And then came her turn, and this is where the magic happened: everything that took him half an hour, she managed to compress into a measly fifteen minutes. They both marveled at this discrepancy every time, but it had long since become part of their cozy morning ritual.
She hadn't moved in with him completely. Somewhere across town, in a dusty little apartment, boxes of less important belongings still awaited their hour. The most essential things had already found a new home here, in his cottage. Her musical instruments—her faithful companions—had now firmly settled in the living room, occupying sunny corners and entering into a silent dialogue with the tall, ceiling-high bookcases groaning under the weight of books. The instruments seemed as though they had always been there; they blended seamlessly into the space, becoming an integral part of it, silent participants in their long evenings filled with conversation, tea, music, and sometimes the spicy aroma of mulled wine.
They tried not to appear together in town. Weekends were sacred time, something to be shielded from prying eyes. They would drive far away, sometimes even to the neighboring town, which was fortunately just a stone's throw away—only an hour's drive along a half-empty highway past fields and small woods. Their secrecy was a conscious choice. A secret until she finished her studies. A year and a half wasn't such a long time. It couldn't be said that this conspiracy weighed on them. Rather, it lent their relationship a certain fragility and sharpness, compelling them to reassure each other more frequently that everything they were doing was right. Doubting their feelings was unthinkable. It would have seemed like a betrayal, something akin to a little death.
This morning, she emerged from the bathroom and headed straight for his study. She especially loved this room. Tucked away between the attic stairs and the bedroom, it was entirely, wholly his. The first time she crossed the threshold of this sanctum, she was struck by how precisely the space reflected the man. The antique-style oak desk, the framed photographs on the walls, the faint scent of dust and paper, the slender spines of books jostling for space on the shelves. She had thought then: I know him. I truly know him. This was exactly how she had imagined him—a man who would carefully dust every picture frame, never forget to water the plants on the windowsill, and treat the world around him with reverent care.
The sun had already risen. Beams of light pierced through the half-drawn curtains and fell in soft squares upon the plush rug spread beneath the desk. Baelor stood there, his toes sinking into the pile, focused on packing his bag. He was methodically arranging his things: laptop, folders of papers, a book, a couple of black pens. Everything necessary for a long university day. The silence in the room was peculiar—ringing, filled with dust motes dancing in the sunbeams and the barely perceptible sound of their shared breathing.
"What time do you finish today?" he asked, catching sight of her out of the corner of his eye. Having finished with the bag, he straightened up and looked at the young woman in her favorite below-the-knee skirt, buttoned waistcoat, and blouse. Opening his arms in an inviting gesture, Baelor watched her approach, accepting the invitation into his reliable, beloved embrace. "I was thinking of making pasta with those tomatoes you bought at the market."
"Actually, you promised to teach me how to properly sear a steak," she smirked, narrowing her eyes as if she'd caught him red-handed. "Surely your memory isn't failing you, my dear old man?"
With these words, she playfully tugged at a few silver hairs straying from his neatly trimmed beard. A very light, almost weightless tug, but with that touch of familiarity permitted only to the closest of souls. Baelor furrowed his brow for a moment, feigning displeasure, but a telltale smile was already hiding in the corners of his lips, and his eyes lit up with that mischievous spark she adored in him most of all.
"Let's put that off until the weekend, darling," he purred, deliberately drawing out the vowels, his voice dropping so low and insinuating that a shiver ran down her spine. He leaned closer, and his stubble brushed softly against her cheek, leaving a barely perceptible, ticklish trail. "Now answer the question."
His palms settled on her ribs, resting there evenly, confidently, as if they had always belonged in that very spot, before squeezing just enough for her to feel his strength, but not pain. And then the most pleasant part began: he started methodically, expertly kneading her back, pressing precisely on those spots where fatigue accumulated after long hours seated at her instrument. She didn't even ask how he knew these secret points—she simply went limp with a sigh, surrendering entirely to his hands. Baelor couldn't see her face—she had buried her nose in his cardigan—but he was absolutely certain: right now, that blissful, relaxed smile was blooming on her lips, the one that made her look like a contented cat who had finally found the warmest corner of the house.
"I'll finish earlier than you," she said, her voice slightly muffled, almost indistinct, as her lips were already pressed into the soft, faintly scratchy fabric of his cardigan. "But Natalie invited me for coffee yesterday, so..."
She didn't finish the sentence—her fingers of their own accord clutched his strong shoulders, finding anchorage in this familiar, reliable gesture. Baelor waited patiently, continuing to massage her back, feeling the tension leave her body, giving way to a languid, sweet lassitude.
"I'll wait until you're done, and we'll go home," she finally breathed out, lifting her head just enough to meet his gaze. "Together. How does that sound?"
In her eyes were hope and that calm certainty that comes only when you know the answer will be exactly what you want to hear.
Baelor smiled, pleased, and the smile was slow, lingering, as though he were savoring her words, tasting them on his tongue and finding them absolutely, flawlessly right. He was already anticipating the evening—calm, cozy, promising just as much as two people needed. In the company of this woman who somehow managed to bring into his measured, orderly life shades he so desperately needed: sometimes warm, like a candle flame on the dining table, sometimes dangerous, laced with that very passion he had never before suspected existed within him.
He now awaited the end of classes with a special impatience. Students and colleagues occasionally exchanged glances, noticing how the professor, always so dignified and elegant, would suddenly begin glancing at his watch long before the end of a lecture or seminar. They were perplexed, wondering what could have caused this pedantic man, who never rushed anywhere, to suddenly transform into someone who gathered his papers quicker than usual and was the first to leave the lecture hall. But Baelor was in no hurry to share the answer. The reason for this haste, so uncharacteristic of his nature, was her. Her and their home. The rooms she now shared with him—not as a guest, but as though she had always lived there. She filled the space with that elusive coziness which, it seemed now, he had been missing all along: she brought candles in ridiculous glass holders from her old apartment, vases for which she immediately found a purpose, and endless boxes of folders from which scribbled sheet music constantly peeked out. Now they settled on his desks, on shelves, on windowsills, and the study was ceasing to be solely his territory—it was becoming theirs.
"Sounds perfect," he purred into her ear, and his voice—soft, velvety, low—descended to such an intimate note that her breath caught and a tremor ran through her body. He lingered for a second, feeling her cheek still pressed against his chest, and then placed a leisurely kiss behind her ear—where the skin is especially thin and the hair escapes the morning's hairstyle.
She giggled quietly, and her laughter was so bright, so alive, that Baelor instinctively held her tighter, momentarily forgetting about the bag, the lectures, and everything that awaited them beyond the threshold of this study.
She was swinging her foot idly in the air, watching as Natalie kept tucking a stray strand of hair back into her messy bun, and diligently pretended to be absorbing her friend's complaints about endless homework assignments. Her friend was vividly describing all the circles of hell she would have to traverse for yet another linguistics seminar: stacks of books, notes that no one would ever read, the demands of professors impossible to please. Natalie loved to complain—it was her little weakness, a ritual without which, it seemed, not a single meeting of theirs was complete. But at the same time, as she knew perfectly well, all these lamentations were almost never followed by action. Natalie preferred to spend her time meeting friends, engaging in long conversations about nothing, going on spontaneous trips to the cinema or cafes, while textbooks waited patiently in her bag, never to be opened.
This trait—the remarkable ability to talk about tasks without actually doing them—could have been a stumbling block for anyone, but oddly enough, it never hindered their friendship. Natalie was an open and kind soul, the type of person who would rush over in the middle of the night with a box of pizza if she detected a note of sadness in her friend's voice, and would sit beside her, chattering away until she laughed. Sometimes, however, Natalie went too far. Sometimes, but not today.
Leaving a bright red lipstick stain on the white plastic lid of her coffee cup, her friend was enthusiastically finishing a buttery cardamom bun generously dusted with powdered sugar, and hadn't even noticed that her listener had long since lost the thread of the narrative.
She was trying in vain to focus on Natalie's chatter, catching fragments of phrases about textbooks and deadlines, but all her thoughts, as if magnetized, kept returning to him. To Baelor. She was waiting for his call. Waiting for the sound of his calm, slightly husky voice to come through the speaker, a voice capable of soothing any anxiety, and for him to tell her where it was most convenient to pick her up. Waiting for that familiar moment, which had almost become a ritual, when they would drive through the evening city: she—absently watching passersby, following shop windows and lampposts with her gaze; he—focused on the road, yet occasionally casting quick glances her way. Waiting for them to finally cross the threshold of home and for him to pull her into a long, languorous kiss that would make her head spin and her knees turn weak and wobbly.
And Natalie, it seemed, had finally noticed that her friend's thoughts were wandering far away.
"Hey, everything okay?" she inquired, covering her friend's hand with her own and peering at the face opposite her with a squint that would have done any detective proud. Her voice held sincere concern, mixed with curiosity.
"Yes, yes, everything's fine," the girl hastened to collect herself, returning from her sweet reverie to the reality of the coffee shop. She mentally pulled herself together: right now, her attention belonged entirely to Natalie; the sweet daydreams could wait. "Just lost in thought. Sorry."
"You've been getting more and more lost in thought with every passing month…" Natalie said slowly, with deliberate drawl, clearly wondering what could be the cause of her friend's intensified mental processes. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, and now truly resembled a detective who had taken on a convoluted case. No, Natalie knew her friend perfectly well—she had always been one to ponder life, music, and all sorts of philosophical nonsense that others found dreadfully boring. But to do so while biting her lip and closing her eyes with such a dreamy expression… That, her friend would have firmly declared, was pondering of a decidedly non-philosophical nature.
"Maybe there's something you're not telling me?" Natalie smirked, and the smirk was kind, without a shadow of judgment, but with that persistence that allowed her to dig deeper.
"If you haven't noticed, I don't generally talk much about myself," she countered with the same good-natured mockery as her friend, trying to keep her voice light and carefree. "You're the one in charge of talking around here."
"Can't argue with that," Natalie even nodded, acknowledging the obvious. "But lately, your pensiveness… or should I call it dreaminess?—has been washing over you with remarkable frequency."
"Has it? I hadn't noticed," she shrugged nonchalantly, but inside, everything tightened. At any moment, the conversation could veer off in the wrong direction, and then she would have to wriggle out of it, finding a thousand excuses for her state of mind, all to avoid naming a single name.
She felt uncomfortable. Every time Natalie looked at her like that—intently and with concern—a nagging sense of guilt blossomed in her chest. Her friend was dear to her, and hiding such important things from her felt… wrong. But she couldn't act otherwise for now. Knowing Natalie, her fiery temperament and propensity for vivid emotions, there was no doubt: the news that her best friend had been seeing a professor for over a year, not because she was interested in his subject, but because they were bound by a relationship of an entirely different kind, would provoke a reaction that would be difficult to control.
And, to be perfectly honest with herself, she didn't really want Natalie to know. Her relationship with Baelor—so safe, so loving, so domestic in the very best sense of the word—was not meant to become public knowledge. It deserved silence. Because it was sacred to the two of them. Their love was special; there was no room in it for prying eyes, outside opinions, or the "what will people think." She wouldn't hesitate to call it sacred. Yes, exactly that. Every kiss, every embrace, every caress, every minute spent in the silence of his study or in conversation in the kitchen—all of it belonged to them alone.
It seemed to them that if they made the relationship public, if they let someone from the outside into this carefully constructed world, even their closest friend, the fragile equilibrium would shatter. The sanctity of their every gesture would dim under the spotlight of someone else's curiosity. And this they could not allow. They could not permit themselves such an outrage—such cruelty toward what they had been building with such effort and tenderness for over a year.
"Alright," Natalie finally waved her hand, evidently deciding to shelve the investigation for a better time. "If you don't want to tell, don't. But when you finally do decide, I'll be the first to say 'I knew it.'"
"Deal," she smiled, and this time the smile was almost genuine, because deep down she truly believed: someday, when things became simpler, when they stopped hiding, Natalie would surely find out. And perhaps she would even understand.
Meanwhile, she glanced again at her phone, lying face down on the table, and froze in anticipation of the familiar vibration.
The door clicked shut behind them with a muffled thud, cutting them off from the world—from everything outside. The heavy grocery bags he was carrying in both hands landed on the hallway floor with a soft rustle, and she, not even having managed to kick off her shoes, already found herself pressed against the cool wall. The paper bag of vegetables crinkled pitifully and crumpled, caught between their bodies. A family photograph in a wooden frame, hanging just above their heads, wobbled dangerously, swayed, but by some miracle stayed in place, neither falling onto their heads nor shattering the glass to pieces. But the girl didn't even notice the threat—all her senses, all her thoughts, all her attention were focused on the male lips that were hungrily crushing hers, caressing her cheeks, brushing the corner of her mouth, teasing and promising something more.
Pressing her body forward, she molded herself against him even tighter, and this impulse drew a satisfied chuckle from him—approving, slightly husky, one that turned her insides upside down. She smiled right into the kiss, feeling his lips stretch into a smile as well, feeling him kiss her with a peculiar, lazy tenderness, as if they had all of eternity ahead of them. They had no intention of continuing this ardent game they'd both inadvertently started—they'd just come in from outside, just wanted to put the kettle on, just… but neither of them could be the first to step back and stop. They had dinner to cook. They didn't want to go hungry, did they?
She tugged at the ends of his soft, knitted scarf—warm, grey, still holding the scent of his cologne and the crisp outdoor air—pulling the man closer, broke away from his thin, skillful lips for a moment, gave him a short, almost childlike peck on the corner of his mouth, and then, with one deft, practiced motion, pulled the scarf from his neck and hooked it onto the coat rack to her left. The hook creaked plaintively but held. And she pulled Baelor back into a kiss—deep, demanding, with a gentle nip of his lower lip. Her professor, it seemed, hadn't even noticed its disappearance—he was too absorbed in exploring every inch of her face, trailing his lips from her cheekbones down to her neck, to the spot where her pulse fluttered, and then lower, to the collarbones peeking out from under her blouse collar. They hadn't seen each other for about six hours—a measly six hours that had stretched into an eternity—and had missed each other terribly. It felt as though even their limbs ached and reached out toward one another, craving touch, warmth, that peculiar unity that belonged only to them.
"So, who's going to be the first to stop?" she smirked rather cheekily, arching an eyebrow provocatively, even as everything inside her trembled with anticipation. Her voice sounded hoarse—from the kisses, from her ragged breathing, from that very impatience she was so desperately trying to hide behind feigned bravado.
"Definitely not me," Baelor shook his head, and in his voice was that confident, low note that made her knees weak. He didn't wait for an answer—his cool hands, smelling of the winter street, slipped under her clothes, touched her bare back, and she huffed indignantly, though more for show, at such audacity. But he didn't go further, didn't press his advantage—he simply wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her closer, and buried his nose in her temple. He froze. Inhaled the scent of her shampoo—something floral, delicate, with notes of cinnamon—and her perfume, which clung stubbornly, indelibly, to the fabric of every blouse, every shirt, every sweater she wore. And then he exhaled loudly, almost with relief, closing his eyes and listening to her excited, uneven breathing, to the rapid beating of her heart—matching his own.
And at that very moment, shattering all the romance, came the unmistakable, undisguised rumbling of her stomach. Loud, insistent, and utterly ill-timed.
"Or perhaps it's me after all," Baelor chuckled, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes. "It seems someone among us is very hungry. And I'm afraid I can't leave you in such a state."
They laughed—simultaneously, lightly, with that particular intimacy where laughter is born from shared awkwardness and immediately transforms into tenderness. They shared one more kiss—brief and full of promise—and finally drew apart, definitively and irrevocably. Baelor scooped the bags up from the floor, she straightened her rumpled blouse, and they slowly, still walking side by side, drifted into the kitchen—to where the cutting board, the vegetables, the skillet, and the next hour awaited them, an hour to be spent preparing dinner. An hour filled with whispers, accidental touches, stolen kisses, and that peculiar, incomparable warmth born only in a small, cramped kitchen that was so utterly theirs.
"Can you imagine, Natalie told me today that I've been getting dreamier and dreamier with every passing month," she began, steadily stirring the long spaghetti in the pot where the water softly bubbled, sending bubbles rising to the surface. The steam gently wreathed her face, softening her features. "I'm sure it's not without your help that I fall into such states."
Baelor, meanwhile, was working his magic over the skillet, preparing his signature, unbelievably delicious tomato sauce—the very one that had nearly made her swallow her tongue the first time they cooked together. He looked utterly focused—as he always did when engaged in something, be it a lecture, grading student papers, or, as now, chopping garlic and basil. A deep crease had formed between his brows, his lips were pressed together, making the lines around his mouth more pronounced even beneath his neatly trimmed beard, and his back was slightly hunched, as if under the weight of unbearable thoughts—though he was merely making sauce!
"Really?" he smirked, working the wooden spatula briskly to distribute the tomato chunks evenly across the hot skillet where they sizzled and bubbled appetizingly. "Well, I can assure you my colleagues are equally concerned about my state. They've tried more than once to pry out of me where I'm rushing off to at the end of the workday. I never used to linger much, you know, always tried to leave on time, but now, according to them, I'm simply unrecognizable! They say I've become distracted, keep glancing at my watch, and have some strange gleam in my eyes."
"So we're both changing because of our relationship," she observed, turning down the heat under the pot slightly so the water wouldn't boil over.
"That's not a bad thing, is it?" he cast her a quick, loving glance.
"Not at all," she shook her head, and that very dreamy note Natalie had mentioned crept into her voice. "As long as we haven't completely isolated ourselves from the outside world just to do nothing but make love, read aloud to each other, cook together, watch movies until midnight, and so on, and haven't merged into a single entity, dissolved into each other without a trace—everything is perfectly fine. And when that happens… well, we'll figure it out then."
"Then we have nothing to worry about," Baelor gave her a playful, almost boyish smack on her soft bottom and immediately bent down to kiss her shoulder, peeking out from her oversized knit sweater.
They were both wearing matching aprons, a purchase she had insisted upon a couple of months ago. She had said it was utterly silly but insanely cute, and Baelor, unable to resist her shining eyes, had agreed with hardly any objection. Now, whenever they glanced at the two white aprons with black polka dots—one larger, one smaller—they couldn't help but laugh, because on a man of his build, broad-shouldered and serious, a kitchen apron of such a cheerful pattern looked completely absurd, almost comical. But to her surprise, he liked it. He said it reminded him that life consisted of more than just lectures and faculty meetings.
In the quiet of the kitchen, broken only by the sizzle of the sauce and the steady burble of the pasta, came the vibrating buzz of an incoming phone notification. Baelor started—usually no one wrote to him at this hour, except perhaps students with questions about term papers, but they preferred email—and, setting the spatula aside and wiping his hands on the edge of his apron, he headed toward the dining table, where his outdated, well-worn mobile phone lay on the corner.
The girl followed him with her gaze and caught the instant tension that seized her beloved's shoulders—as if he had received a blow he hadn't expected. His free hand went to his neck, began rubbing it mechanically—a sure sign, one she had learned over the months of their relationship, that something troubling had occurred. He turned to face her, still staring at the screen with an unseeing, unfocused gaze, and then finally lifted his eyes and met hers. His mouth opened slightly—Baelor was on the verge of saying something, but seemed to hesitate, unsure how to present this sudden, ill-timed news to his beloved. Everything that had been so simple and clear just a minute ago—the sauce, the spaghetti, their quiet, cozy evening—had suddenly become very complicated.
"What's wrong, darling?" she asked tenderly, almost in a whisper, covering the pot with a lid and approaching noiselessly.
A heavy, stifled sigh escaped him. He lowered a puzzled gaze to the phone, reread the message—perhaps hoping it would change or disappear—then looked again at the young, beautiful, worried face before him. Wordlessly, unable to find the words, he extended the mobile to her so she could read for herself what had made him turn pale.
"Oh, hell," escaped her lips, and she raised her eyes to Baelor, in which now swam not mere anxiety but genuine concern. "Your son… does he know about me?"
The professor slowly, with a kind of resignation, shook his head. No, Valarr knew nothing. And now, judging by the message, he intended to visit his father this coming weekend. That is, tomorrow. Without asking, without warning in advance—just a son's casual, "Dad, I miss you, I'll come by Saturday evening."
"What should we do?" she asked, peering into the pensive, darkened face of the man who was clearly grappling with the same agonizing question.
What were they to do now? The entire house—from the hallway to the bedroom—was strewn with her belongings: books on the coffee table, cosmetics in the bathroom, her favorite mug in the kitchen, numerous pairs of shoes, and most importantly, the musical instruments. The feminine presence here was obvious, glaring, undeniable—they physically could not hide it in a single evening, even if they wanted to with all their might. And to refuse his elder son a visit, citing busyness or a sudden business trip, would be entirely strange, considering they hadn't seen each other since late summer, when the whole family—brothers, nephews—had gone to some trendy resort she knew of only from his sparse accounts. The possible courses of action were few, and none of them were ideal.
"It seems the time has come for you to meet Valarr," Baelor said on an exhale, his voice sounding simultaneously firm and resigned, as though he were leaping into cold water with his eyes closed.
She froze. To be honest, she hadn't thought it would happen so soon. She simply hadn't had time to mentally prepare for meeting Baelor's son, who, she realized with a jolt of horror, was only a couple of years younger than her—practically her own age. What would his reaction be at the sight of such a youthful paramour beside his father, a professor, a serious man seemingly far removed from such "student frivolities"? She couldn't help but be troubled by these thoughts. Nor could Baelor—she saw it in the way his fingers tightened on the back of the chair, his knuckles whitening.
They stood for a few seconds in complete, ringing silence, broken only by the sounds of cooking: the water still burbling in the pot, the sauce thickening and bubbling in the skillet, threatening to scorch without supervision. Bewildered by such a swift, unexpected shift in mood—just a minute ago they had been kissing and chattering about nonsense—they merely blinked and periodically glanced back at Baelor's phone, as if hoping another message would fall out, explaining that it was all a joke.
"Are you sure you want to introduce me to your son?" she clarified, gradually processing what was happening and returning to the reality that smelled of basil.
She remembered: a month into their relationship, he had already told her that he had been married and had two sons from his first marriage. Two. The elder—Valarr, the younger—Matarys. He had also told her that his family was large, influential, and, to put it mildly, not entirely cohesive—nearly everyone had their own skeletons in the closet. It hadn't particularly fazed her back then, because she was head over heels in love, recklessly so, just as he was. She was certain that if difficulties arose—and they inevitably would, because life was rarely smooth—they would overcome them together. But now, faced with those difficulties so suddenly and inopportunely, she no longer felt that former courage. Anxiety rose to her throat and wrapped itself around her heart.
Baelor didn't answer for several seconds—he was silent, staring somewhere through her, weighing something in his mind. But then his gaze finally softened, found her eyes, and his hand reached for her face, gently tracing her tender cheek, flushed from the kitchen's warmth.
"Yes," he said firmly, and there was no doubt in that "yes." "Valarr… You see, I love you. And sooner or later, you would have to meet my family. Let meeting Valarr be the beginning of that closeness. I'm happy with you. Madly, insanely happy and in love. I'm not prepared to hide that from my son for another few years. I see no sense in it. And for you, it's extra nerves, extra lies that weigh on you. I think it's better to get through this now. Besides," he smiled faintly at the corners of his lips, "I'm sure everything will go smoothly. Valarr is a very well-mannered and sensitive young man. He'll understand. Maybe not right away, but he will."
Baelor's words, spoken calmly and confidently, gradually began to instill hope in her. There was sound logic in them, and she essentially shared his opinion. Indeed, it was better to deal with this now than to keep hiding, concealing, and twisting the truth for another year and a half, right up until her graduation from university. It was enough that they were already keeping their relationship a secret from professors and students, from her friend, from his colleagues—this double life was exhausting enough as it was.
The man gave her a brief but firm kiss on the forehead—encouraging, one that made her soul feel warmer—and returned to the skillet, where the sauce seemed to have reached the perfect consistency while they had been discussing such serious matters. He deftly turned off the heat and gave the last pieces of tomato a final stir with the spatula.
And her heart, in that moment, rejoiced. It sang, because he was so confident in the strength and solidity of their relationship that he was ready to introduce her to his own son—despite the age difference, despite the risk of being misunderstood, despite everything. And that confidence was transferring to her, dispelling her anxiety, warming her from within better than any dinner could. She came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist, and buried her nose in his broad back, inhaling the scent of cotton and tomatoes.
"Then get ready to do the introducing," she whispered. "But after we've had a peaceful dinner. Because I'm very hungry."
Baelor chuckled softly, covered her hands with his own, and squeezed them in return.
Hello!!! I would like to say your works are amazing and beautifully written— down to the vocabulary and how you capture feelings. I would like to know, will you continue or make more chapters of A Forgotten Voice? If not, that's okay, and if you do continue i would absolutely love to see your continuation of it!
Thank you for your kind, heartwarming words! I’ll definitely continue writing this story; I’ve already started on the next part.
She had always listened in silence—first to the adult conversations in the living room, then to his lectures on troubadours and courtly love. One autumn night, he stopped his car by a dark road, and twenty minutes of terse dialogue changed everything.
I fell for Professor Baelor propaganda and I feel completely normal about it. What I'm about to describe may seem a little bit strange and old-fashioned, but just let me dream.
She had always known she didn't belong to her generation—a knowledge that came to her long before she could put it into words. From early childhood, she was drawn to places where voices were pitched lower and laughter was rarer, and for that very reason, more meaningful. While her peers chased a ball in the yard or traded secrets in the sandbox, she would sit quietly in the corner of the living room, hugging her knees to her chest, and listen. She listened as the adults spoke of politics, of loss, of love, of the price of petrol. Many words were beyond her, but she absorbed the intonations, felt the tension or tenderness in the pauses. It was like reading a book in a foreign tongue: you don't grasp the meanings, but you can guess the music of the text. Her parents would often notice her intense focus and smile: "There's our little philosopher, eavesdropping again." But she wasn't eavesdropping—she was bearing witness.
With age, the fog of incomprehension lifted, and by the time she turned fifteen, she could hold her own in a conversation about the vagaries of fate or the complexities of running a small business. She remained shy, her voice soft, but her interjections—rare and precise—would make the adults fall silent and exchange glances of surprise.
At sixteen, her world suddenly expanded when she came across a record of lute music. That sound—dry, achingly poignant, as if antiquity itself was speaking directly to her—pierced her through. She began collecting old recordings, sketched viols and harpsichords in her notebooks, learned the difference between a Renaissance and a Baroque lute. She even persuaded her parents to buy her a lute and taught herself, but quickly realized: music would remain her secret, not a public hobby. The world of musicians seemed too precarious and unpredictable, and her parents gently but persistently steered her towards a "proper" profession: "Languages, dear, are the key to everything." She obeyed and enrolled in linguistics, deciding that if she was to earn a living with words, she would do so pragmatically: translating documents, conducting negotiations, working with texts. But her heart, schooled in listening, yearned for something else. So when the time came to choose an elective, her hand instinctively reached for "Medieval History." It seemed a safe compromise: a hobby that didn't commit her to a career.
She was wrong. The elective became her secret addiction. And the reason was not so much the subject itself—though knights, plagues, and cathedrals genuinely fascinated her—as the man who taught it.
Professor Baelor would appear in the lecture hall soundlessly, as if materializing from thin air, and from the very first second, he filled the entire space. He was not young, yet not old—time seemed to pass him by, leaving only a trace of distinguished grey. His voice, soft and deep as a cello, would make students freeze at their desks. When he spoke of troubadours or courtly love, it felt as though he himself had witnessed those times. But what captivated her most were his hands. Long, pale, with slender joints, they constantly toyed with his rings—on his index and ring fingers, two antique bands glinted: one with a cloudy green stone, the other, darkened with age, resembling a signet. He would turn them slowly, thoughtfully, and that movement hypnotized her more than any words. It was so unlike the rough men in her circle—her father's friends who slapped backs and told loud jokes. In Baelor, she sensed mystery, a power that needed no display.
The discussions in his seminars were an event. He could pose questions in such a way that even the silent ones began to argue, forgetting their fear of being wrong. The room would heat up, the air vibrating with ideas, and only Baelor remained calm, a faint smile at the corners of his lips, conducting this chaos with a mere glance. And she, as always, was silent. It seemed to her she had no right to speak in this world he was unlocking. She was merely a listener. His listener. Sometimes, when he recited passages from ancient ballads by heart—and he read them superbly, in Old English, in Old French—she would close her eyes. His voice enveloped her, seeped under her skin, touched something within her whose existence she hadn't even suspected. In that voice was a seductive gentleness: listen to me, follow me, trust me—and you will know what is hidden from others. He was not just a teacher; he was the key to a mystery. And every student in his course, even the laziest, would suddenly burn with passion for the subject, writing brilliant papers, scouring archives. It seemed like sorcery.
How did he do it? How could an ordinary man, with just the timbre of his voice, just the turn of his head, hold forty people in thrall, making their hearts beat faster? He reminded her of an old-school commander—not the loud and brutal kind, but the one who leads troops into battle by his very calmness in the face of death.
But he was not ordinary. She understood this fully one evening. She was returning from work—she had a part-time job as a proofreader at a small publishing house specializing in academic literature, and also helped out at a local second-hand bookshop called "Pagina," tidying up crumbling folios and chatting with fellow bookworms, much like the one she herself was becoming. The money was meager, but the smell of old paper and the silence of the reading room soothed her. And so, passing by the university garden, she saw him. Baelor sat alone on a bench, gazing at the sunset. He didn't notice her, and she didn't call out to him. But in that fleeting, stolen glance, she suddenly saw not the professor, not the master of minds, certainly not a magician. But a man. Tired, perhaps lonely, staring into the distance with the same wistfulness with which she herself often gazed into the darkness of her room. He was not just a voice and not just a mystery. He was alive. And in that second, her quiet, cherished infatuation ceased to be mere admiration and became something else.
Baelor lived in a small but surprisingly cozy house outside the city. The drive to the university took exactly one hour—no more, no less—and this time had long become a kind of ritual for him, a voluntary seclusion between two worlds. He never considered moving closer to the center, though colleagues often advised him to save his energy and petrol. But in the silence of the empty highway, especially late in the evenings, when the sparse streetlights picked out only the wet asphalt and vanishing lane markings from the darkness, he found peace. In those hours, the road belonged to him alone, and the steady hum of the engine became music, conducive to deep thought or, conversely, to thinking of nothing at all. Returning home, his first task was to put the kettle on, brew some milk oolong in an old ceramic mug chipped on the inside—its soft, creamy sweetness always soothed his nerves after a long day—perch his thin-framed glasses on his nose, and immerse himself in reading.
But this evening, everything was different.
He was returning later than usual; the departmental meeting had dragged on, and now the hand on his watch was lazily crawling towards eleven. Past the window flashed the sleeping suburbs, the occasional petrol station with its sickly yellow light, and then, suddenly—a pub. Noisy, packed with young people, a muffled roar of music and laughter escaping through its open doors. Baelor was about to accelerate, to get past this blot of chaos as quickly as possible, when his gaze picked out a solitary figure from the darkness. A girl was walking along the roadside, almost hugging the bushes, her steps seeming unnaturally distinct in the blurred glow of the streetlamps—an orange-yellow light, harsh, mercilessly plucking every silhouette from the night.
He recognised her by her walk. Or rather, first by her shoes: little vintage-style heels with a sturdy heel, which made that same delicate, charming click-clack when she entered the lecture hall. He always heard that sound, even without turning towards the door. Then, by the enormous bag that seemed to hang from her shoulder defying the laws of physics and gravity. How many times had he caught himself thinking: how can one person carry so much? But every time she sat down at her desk and began to extract notebooks, tattered books, crumpled sheet music which she vainly tried to smooth with her palms from the depths of that bag, a slight smile touched his lips. She was like a walking stationery supply, ready to help anyone: if a groupmate suddenly ran out of paper for notes, she would silently hand over a spare notebook; if another's hair tangled in the wind, she would already be pulling out a comb. She did it without fuss, without any desire to please, simply because she knew no other way.
Baelor would involuntarily let his gaze linger on her longer than he should have. He liked her style—old tweed jackets, turtlenecks, soft woollen skirts. She dressed as if she had stepped out of a photograph from the middle of the last century, and there was such natural elegance in it that he, who himself preferred classics—cashmere, trousers with creases, even the occasional cardigan—felt a kindred spirit in her. "Charming," he would think, watching her adjust the slipping strap of her bag. "Utterly, dreadfully lovely."
And now this girl, whom he was used to seeing in the safe space of the lecture hall, stood alone on a dark road, a couple of blocks from the noisy pub, and looked lost. Or just tired. Or heaven knows what else. Baelor didn't deliberate long; he pulled over smoothly, rolled down the window. The autumn wind immediately rushed into the car, bringing the smell of wet leaves, exhaust fumes, and a barely perceptible hint of her perfume—something old, with jasmine and, it seemed, citrus. The streetlight fell on his face, and he saw her freeze, recognising him. Her eyes widened—so dark, almost black in that light—and a whole sea of emotions reflected in them: surprise, disbelief, and a slight fear.
They were silent. A second, another, a third. The pause stretched, becoming almost tangible, dense, like that same autumn mist that was already beginning to rise from the ground. Baelor suddenly became acutely aware of the absurdity of the situation: a professor, a man no longer young, stopping at night beside a student. What would she think? He was about to say something awkward, apologise and drive off, but her lips curved into an embarrassed smile, and he knew there was no turning back.
"Good evening," he breathed out, and immediately, as if ashamed of his own boldness, shifted his gaze to the dashboard, pretending to check his speed.
"Good evening, Professor," came a quiet voice, and there was not a trace of mockery or coquetry in it, only a warm recognition that, for some reason, made Baelor's heart skip a beat.
She had called him Professor. She hadn't met him with frightened silence, but had addressed him precisely like that—formally and yet intimately, letting him know they were acquainted, that she was not just a random passer-by. He looked up and met her gaze. And at that moment, under the harsh orange light of the streetlamps, in the noise of the quietening city, they both felt that there are no coincidences.
"Can I give you a lift?" His voice was soft, but with that special, respectful intonation she knew so well from his lectures. He looked at her through the lowered window, and in the lamplight, his odd eyes—one dark, one blue—gleamed almost cat-like. She surely had a long way home, and with that enormous bag, which seemed with each minute to pull her fragile shoulder closer to the ground. He saw her shift her weight from one foot to the other, and that gesture stirred in him an unexpected desire to help—not out of politeness, but from something deeper, almost instinctive.
"Are you sure it's no trouble?" She adjusted the slipping strap, and her soft short coat opened for a moment, revealing a navy-blue turtleneck. She leaned closer, resting her palm on the car door, and now only a few inches of night air separated them. Baelor caught a delicate scent—citrusy, with a bitter hint of bergamot, as understated and elegant as the tweed jacket she usually wore in his classes.
"No trouble at all. Where to?"
Her face lit up with a modest, slightly embarrassed smile, and in that smile was so much sincere joy that Baelor forgot where he was for a moment. She was clearly hesitating—her feet, accustomed to heels and long walks, were aching mercilessly today, forcing their owner to take a reckless step she would never have dared in her right mind. But the autumn night was conducive to recklessness. She gave the address—quietly, almost apologetically—and he immediately nodded, without even glancing at the satnav.
He had to turn around in the middle of the deserted road, right before the entrance to the highway he had just come from. She felt a pang of awkwardness: so they weren't going the same way at all. But Baelor executed the manoeuvre with ease, barely glancing in the mirrors, as if he had spent his whole life making U-turns for random strangers. He couldn't leave a lady in distress at such a late hour. In fact, at any hour of the day, he would not have allowed himself to drive past if he saw help was needed. It would have been a violation of his own, long-forged principles—chivalrous, gentlemanly, call them what you will. He had grown up on stories of courtliness and believed in them still, even when the world around had long since given up on such niceties.
The door clicked shut, and the car's interior filled with her presence. A delicate, unobtrusive fragrance mingled with the smell of the old leather seats and his own cologne. Baelor suddenly became acutely aware of how long it had been since he'd had a passenger in his car. Especially one like this. She sat beside him, fastening her seatbelt, and that sound seemed extraordinarily loud in the silence that had fallen.
"Thank you, Professor," she said, adjusting the bag she had placed on her lap, as if using it for protection. "I realise it's out of your way. If you'd like, you can drop me near the tube station, I can manage the rest myself…"
"Absolutely not," he interrupted gently but firmly. "I'll take you to your door. At this hour, the tube is no place for a girl with such a heavy burden." He glanced at her bag and couldn't suppress a smile. "Are you carrying bricks in there?"
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, then laughed—quietly, a little breathlessly, as if unaccustomed to laughing in front of others.
"Almost. Books. Sheet music notebooks. And, apparently, I also thought it necessary to put a thermos of tea in there today."
"A thermos," Baelor repeated with a warm chuckle, steering onto the main road. "A worthy assortment. You seem to be the only one in my course who never parts with notebooks and paper editions. I've noticed."
She felt a flush creep up her cheeks; she was embarrassed. So he had noticed after all.
He noticed not only her bag and little shoes.
"I… yes, I don't like e-books. It's not the same feeling. And with notebooks, it's convenient to draw diagrams," she faltered. "I mean, take notes. Although I do have diagrams on medieval philosophy too."
"Medieval philosophy is always diagrams," he agreed, a friendly irony colouring his voice. "Especially when you get to the debates about universals. You can't make sense of it there without arrows and circles."
They both smiled, and the tension that had hung in the air since she got in began to dissolve. Past the window floated the occasional streetlamp, the dark shop windows of closed stores, the silhouettes of trees. The city was falling asleep, and only his car hummed softly, tyres whispering on the damp asphalt, occasionally witnessing late-night pedestrians and a few couples in love heading home after youthful revelries.
"And why were you alone near that pub?" Baelor asked, careful not to let the question sound like an interrogation. "If it's not a secret, of course."
"A friend invited me to celebrate her birthday," she shrugged, returning to memories an hour old, where guys and girls from her group had taken turns congratulating her friend Natalie. Tomorrow was a day off for everyone, so no one was in a hurry to leave, planning to stay until closing time. But she couldn't allow herself that. She felt a strong pull towards home, towards her tiny apartment crammed with books, flowers, and musical instruments of various sizes and complexities. "I stayed for an hour, congratulated her, and left. I'm not very fond of noisy companies, to be honest. But I do love walking home. Only today, apparently, I overestimated my strength."
"I understand," he nodded. And he truly did understand. "Sometimes I leave the city during rush hour just to have some silence. In a car, you know, there's a particular kind of solitude—when you're alone, but not lonely. You drive and you owe nothing to anyone."
She looked at his profile—chiselled, with a slight shadow of fatigue under his eyes—and thought that he seemed to have just said something very personal. Or was she only imagining it?
"Do you have a house in the countryside?" she asked, remembering that he always left immediately after classes, never lingering at the department. Only today had been an exception.
"Yes, a small one, old, but very dear to me. An hour's drive, and I'm in another century. A stove, a garden, silence..." He turned his head slightly, glanced at her briefly, as if wanting to see her reaction. "You would probably appreciate it. There are many old things there, books… And sheet music, I think, as well. Only I don't remember for which instrument. I must have bought it long ago, and why—I don't even know myself."
She listened to him with that particular attention with which she usually absorbed every word in his lectures, but now there was no academic focus in it—only quiet, personal curiosity.
"I've seen you sometimes bring sheet music to class," he continued, and in his voice was a soft interest. "Do you play?"
"A little. The guitar," she admitted, and her voice became very quiet, as if she were sharing something intimate. "And I try to decipher old lute tablatures, but it's not easy."
Baelor gave a barely perceptible start. This girl, with her endless bag and tweed jackets, seemed not to belong to their century—just as he himself did not. He, who had never given in to his son's pleas to buy a "normal, modern" phone, drowning in apps and notifications; he, who wrote essays by hand, smudging his fingers with ink, because only then did thoughts fall onto paper correctly; he, who in the mornings listened to crackling vinyl and the announcer's voice on an old radio that had once belonged to his grandfather. Baelor suddenly felt, with sharp clarity, that unspoken closeness that arises between people who recognise a kindred spirit in each other. And it had taken only a few words for this feeling to take root. With a student. Baelor! — he mentally admonished himself and immediately felt embarrassed by his own thoughts, as if they might become visible through his skull.
He coughed, hiding his awkwardness, and instinctively reached for the gearshift, though the road ahead was empty and straight.
"The lute," he repeated, savouring the word. "You know, it has a remarkable history. In the Middle Ages, it was considered the instrument of the troubadours, the voice of courtly love. And then it almost vanished, giving way to the harpsichord, the guitar…" He glanced sideways at her.
She was silent, but he felt she was listening with bated breath. He suddenly wanted to know more about her than the random observations from the lecture hall allowed. To ask if she was from here or had come from another city, to learn why she had chosen his classes, what her major was, and what else she was passionate about…
"And why the lute in particular?" he asked, turning into a quiet residential district where houses no longer blazed with shop windows but only flickered with rare yellow lights. "Not the piano, not the violin—but this… this almost forgotten voice?"
She pondered, and the pause lasted just long enough for the answer to be honest, not perfunctory. She truly delved deep into this question. Why had this—as he called it, this forgotten voice—become her companion in life? Perhaps because she herself wanted to be heard, and by showing interest in an instrument everyone had forgotten, she was projecting her own thoughts onto the subject. But who would hear and save her? Who would play upon the strings of her soul and make her feel something, anything?
"I heard it once in an old recording," she began quietly. "Back in school. It was some medieval ballad, I don't remember which anymore. But the sound… it was such…" she faltered, searching for the word. "As if born not from outside, but from within. As if time disappears. I spent a long time afterwards searching for what instrument it was, listened to everything I could. And when I found out—lute—it felt like I had discovered something very personal. Silly, isn't it?"
"No," Baelor replied quickly, and more softly than he should have. "Not silly at all. I know that feeling. When a sound becomes more than just a sound."
He said this and was himself surprised at how easily the words had slipped out. Usually, he did not allow himself such raw frankness with strangers, as if afraid the wind would carry the words away before he could even understand why he had uttered them at all. He was accustomed first to testing the ground beneath his feet—every pebble, every unevenness—before stepping onto it without hesitation, trustingly and openly. Though he could create with people an illusion of easy friendliness, a readiness to converse about anything, behind this transparent screen always stood a man immensely careful, guarding his inner space like a garden behind a high fence, knowing the true worth of every hour, every minute of silence. But she… she somehow didn't feel like a stranger. This sensation—frightening and alluring—was taking root within him with every glance she stole, every word she uttered almost in a whisper.
They fell silent. And this silence was filled with something fragile, warm, almost tangible—as if between them hung a light haze woven from unspoken things and mutual curiosity. The car hummed softly, lullingly, tyres on asphalt; past the windows, like watercolour strokes, floated low houses with front gardens; somewhere in the distance a dog barked hoarsely but somehow domestically, and this sound only underscored the fragility of the moment. The city now seemed not a hostile nocturnal emptiness ready to swallow a solitary traveller, but a carefully painted backdrop for their conversation—a backdrop behind which someone had solicitously arranged the halftones and dimmed the lights.
"We've arrived," Baelor said quietly, almost apologetically, stopping by an entranceway submerged in the thick, inky shadow of old linden trees. The engine fell silent, and in the ensuing stillness, the slam of a vent window somewhere above could be heard.
Slowly, as if reluctantly, she shifted her gaze from the dark doorway to him, and in the depths of her eyes something elusive flickered—regret, it seemed. And indeed she did regret, with all the fullness of her still young but already weary heart, how fleeting this dialogue had proven. A dialogue with a man she secretly, almost reverently admired, whose lectures had always seemed to her not mere lessons but revelations. And now it turned out she had been noticed by him among hundreds of other female students—seen, distinguished, remembered, though all these months she had lived with the bitter certainty of the opposite.
The conversation had been sparing, woven more from pauses than from phrases, yet so meaningful, so filled with subtext, that for both of them it had become that very seed from which, perhaps, something more than mere mutual sympathy might one day grow.
"Thank you, Professor… Baelor," she breathed out, and this name, spoken in her voice—slightly husky, tired—sounded extraordinary to him, like a long-forgotten but beloved melody. "I… I don't even know how to thank you. Words, it seems, are no longer enough."
"No need to thank me," he replied, and in his odd-coloured eyes—the eyes of a man who had seen many different dawns and sunsets—reflected that same poignant, luminous weariness that had long since settled in her soul too, like a quiet but constant guest. "Take care of yourself. And… perhaps, sometime…" he faltered mid-sentence, suddenly feeling not like a professor with years of experience and the weight of lived years, but an uncertain boy, inviting a girl to dance for the first time in his life. "If you'd like to look at those sheets I mentioned… perhaps they might be useful… I could bring them to the university. Or… wherever is convenient for you."
She smiled—that same modest smile that, time and again, made something deep inside him grow warm, beneath his ribs, in that place where, as poets say, the soul resides.
"I would very much like that," she whispered, and in that whisper was so much promise and gratitude that for an instant it seemed to him the autumn evening had grown warmer.
She slipped out of the car into the embrace of autumn's chill—sharp, smelling of decaying leaves and woodsmoke—and immediately wrapped herself in her soft, slightly oversized coat. He watched as her light, almost weightless figure glided through the shadows, flashed as a pale spot in the dark entranceway, like a moth flying into the night. Only when the heavy door closed with a drawn-out creak, its echo reverberating through the empty courtyard, did Baelor finally allow himself to exhale—and then inhale the air that, it seemed, she had just been breathing.
The interior of his car still carefully preserved the warmth of her presence, the barely perceptible but so poignant scent of citrus mixed with the sweet note of jasmine. He sat for another minute, perhaps two, gazing at the window on the third floor that had lit up with a warm, cosy glow. There, behind the glass, a silhouette flickered—she took off her coat, adjusted the curtain. He suddenly desperately wanted to believe that she too, at this moment, standing by the window, was looking down at the dark street, at the solitary car frozen under the linden trees.
But he only slowly, as if reluctant to part with this instant, turned the car around and drove into his silence—outside the city, to where only the stove, old books with yellowed pages, and endless reflections, viscous as evening mist, awaited him. Reflections provoked in him by one single young woman. Just a student. But somehow now, in this empty car, on this deserted road, that "just" held no significance whatsoever. Only she mattered. And that tenderness, which he had neither expected nor summoned, but which had come— and remained.
The first lecture after that night was strange. Unusual. The world seemed to have acquired other, hitherto unknown tones and colours—deeper, more poignant, as if someone invisible had slightly adjusted the lens, and the picture had become more dimensional than before. Shadows fell quite differently than they should have according to the laws of the time of day—they spread softly at her feet, embraced corners, hid in the folds of clothing. Morning coffee tasted sweeter than usual, almost cloying, though she hadn't added a gram of sugar—simply because, rushing to close the lid of her cup before leaving home, she had left a light, barely noticeable kiss on its smooth white surface. The lipstick mark had long since faded, but the warmth seemed to remain, dissolving into every sip. Even the breakfast cereal—ordinary, tasteless, which she ate only out of habit—seemed extraordinarily crunchy today. And the overcast weather, which usually brought melancholy and a desire to wrap herself in a blanket until evening, suddenly became immensely fitting for her pensive, melancholic mood—as if the sky outside echoed her inner state, demanding neither cheerfulness nor a false smile.
She arrived at his class a little earlier than usual—a good twenty minutes, at least—and took her customary seat by the window, which overlooked the inner university courtyard with its bare, chilled trees. Their branches, stripped of leaves, reached towards the grey sky like hands frozen in prayer. Several students were already sitting in the lecture hall—someone leafing through notes, someone whispering, someone simply staring at their phone, scrolling indifferently through a feed. She was not alone, but the space around her seemed to have died out, fallen still, forming an invisible cocoon of silence. And this silence held its peace until he appeared in the doorway.
Baelor entered unhurriedly, slightly slower than usual, as if giving himself time to get reacquainted with this place. He paused for a moment, letting his gaze sweep over the room—his domain, his small world where he was both king and sage, and even, in some ways, a creator. And when his eyes, gliding over faces, met hers, something flickered in them. They smiled at the sight of her—she could clearly distinguish that soft, barely perceptible light in his odd-coloured eyes, or perhaps she simply wanted to believe she could. But she herself allowed only a barely noticeable nod in greeting—restrained, almost invisible to outsiders. And in that gesture was so much secret understanding, so much shared mystery, that it took her breath away. Between them now existed something more than just a professor-student relationship. A certain secret, fragile and elusive as the first ice on puddles, which they were destined to carefully preserve, shielding it from prying eyes and superfluous words.
The lecture began. But Baelor conducted it differently this time—more disjointed, less confident than usual. Phrases broke off, thoughts meandered, and once he even faltered mid-sentence, freezing with his mouth open in the middle of a complex term he undoubtedly knew by heart. This did not escape the attention of others—a light, puzzled whisper rippled through the room, someone raised their eyebrows in surprise. But not her. She sat motionless, her head slightly tilted to one side, watching him with that particular attention that turned everything inside him upside down. Why had the professor, eternally composed, concentrated on the subject at hand, suddenly become so distracted today, as if floating somewhere in the clouds?
He himself would like to know the answer to that question. Somewhere deep, in his subconscious, at the very bottom of his mind, he perhaps did understand the true reason for his state. But could he admit aloud—even to himself—that the mere sight of her, one single look from those calm, interested, infinitely deep eyes, was enough to knock him off his usual track, destroy years of built-up concentration, turn a lecture into a chaotic stream of fragmented thoughts? That he, a professor, author of numerous articles and books, suddenly felt like a boy stepping up to the blackboard for the first time? That she acted upon him like a quiet but irresistible force, against which any reasoning of the mind was powerless?
In his leather briefcase, standing by the lectern, the sheet music had been resting all this time. Old, yellowed at the edges, with faded ink and pencil markings made by an unknown hand many decades ago. The very same sheet music he had mentioned back then, in the car. The ones that had haunted him all these two nights, which he had spent sorting through old stacks of books, sifting through dusty folios and his own manuscripts, covered in his elegant, slightly old-fashioned cursive. He had searched for them especially for her—spent half the night in his study, by the light of his desk lamp, while the wind howled outside and firewood crackled in the fireplace. And now they lay close by, almost pulsing through the leather of the briefcase, reminding him of themselves with a heavy but pleasant burden. A promise. Hope. A chance for another meeting, another conversation, another moment of silence filled with something greater than mere words.
Baelor did not give her the sheet music that day. It remained lying in the leather briefcase, reminding him of itself with a heavy, tormenting weight. But he never stopped carrying it with him throughout the week, every morning transferring it from bag to briefcase and back again, feeling its presence somewhere nearby with each lecture, almost beneath his heart. And only by a happy coincidence—or perhaps by the will of that invisible force governing such encounters—did he come across her in the library. She was sitting in the farthest corner, by a pointed window, nestled in a deep leather armchair, her face hidden behind an open book, as if she were hiding from the whole world behind a paper screen. He recognised her anyway. Those little shoes. Small, elegant, with a buckle on the side.
He almost crept up to her—soundlessly, carefully, trying not to disturb the special atmosphere of concentration that enveloped her. Rays of sun, which had peeked out from behind the clouds, fell obliquely through the pointed window, drawing long golden stripes on the floor, and he caught them on himself as he approached. Then he paused by her table, took the sheet music from his briefcase—old, yellowed, with faded ink—and placed it quietly, almost reverently, on the small table beside her armchair. His movements were soft, fluid, as if he were afraid of shattering the crystalline silence of that place.
Immersed in her reading, she didn't immediately sense another presence nearby. Only when his shadow fell across the pages, blocking the sunlight, did she frown, slowly lower the book from her face, and look up. And at that same moment, she started—with her whole body, her entire being, as if struck by thunder. The book nearly slipped from her weakened fingers. She hadn't expected to encounter Baelor here, in this quiet haven of book dust and solitude. But this meeting—she understood it at once, as soon as the initial fright subsided—was undeniably pleasant. Her heart skipped a beat, then began to race.
He merely nodded in greeting—brief, restrained, masculine. And a soft, almost shy smile touched his lips, making the wrinkles around his mouth appear sharper, deeper, rendering his face simultaneously older and more handsome. Lowering her gaze to the table, she discovered beneath his fingers—those long, nervous fingers—the very sheet music. The sheets he had mentioned back then, in the car. The ones that had haunted her all these days.
"You brought them after all," she breathed, her voice trembling with surprise and gratitude. She placed her hand on her heart—a sincere gesture, almost childlike—delighted by such a gift. And a gift it certainly was, nothing less. Everything that came from his hands acquired special weight, special meaning. He was giving her something that belonged to him with such astonishing ease, as if these sheets meant nothing to him. But she sensed: they did. Otherwise, why would he have kept them at home? This realization made her chest ache—sweetly, anxiously, poignantly.
"I couldn't not do it," he replied quietly, looking directly into her eyes. "I couldn't forget..." The last words hung in the air, unfinished, cut off mid-sentence. Though Baelor hadn't planned to continue—not now, not here. But the truth was simple to the point of despair: he couldn't forget her. Couldn't forget their conversation, her voice, that scent of citrus that now seemed to haunt his every step, appearing from nowhere at the most unexpected moments—in empty corridors, in the car, even at home by the fireplace, when he was utterly alone.
Her face suddenly softened, losing that wariness that always appeared when meeting strangers. It took on a strange, slightly sad, almost resigned expression, though a small, timid smile continued to bloom on her lips. She understood. She understood everything without words.
"I was actually about to finish," she suddenly said, carefully setting the book aside, as if parting with an old friend. "I was thinking of going to a café, getting something warm to drink..." She hesitated for a moment, gathering her courage, and raised her eyes to his—eyes in which a sudden boldness, surprising even herself, was swimming. "Perhaps... you'd join me for coffee? I could look at the sheet music more closely, and if they... if they seem unsuitable, I could return them right away. So as not to keep you waiting."
He froze. Stood still as a statue in a museum hall, only somewhere deep inside everything trembled and stirred. He was clearly hesitating. Thoughts darted like frightened birds: a professor and a student in a café—what would people think? What would students say if they saw? His reputation, his years-long image of a composed, inaccessible man—all of this suddenly loomed before him, ready to collapse from one careless move. But she looked at him with such open, such sincere hope, as if this invitation had cost her dearly, as if she had overcome her shyness and now awaited his verdict. And in that gaze, there was not a shadow of doubt about the inappropriateness of the situation—only a desire to prolong the moment, only quiet joy that he was here, beside her.
He glanced at his wristwatch—old, with a worn leather strap, inherited from his father. The hands showed a quarter to four. Somewhere in the depths of his memory surfaced a vague reminder of another scheduled departmental meeting, but it seemed so distant, so unimportant now, in this library bathed in slanting sunlight, under her attentive gaze. He pondered briefly, pretending to weigh all the pros and cons, though his heart had long since made its decision.
And then he nodded in agreement.
They sat in a small café on the outskirts of the city, where she had suggested going to avoid random glances from acquaintances. They ordered coffee—espresso for him, cappuccino with cinnamon for her. They spoke first of the sheet music, of music, of the old manuscripts he collected. But then the conversation imperceptibly drifted into other channels—into the personal, the intimate. She told him about her childhood, about her first music teacher, about how at sixteen she had wanted to drop out of school. He listened without interrupting, and in his odd-coloured eyes reflected something long forgotten—youthful enthusiasm, the ability to marvel at another person.
The coffee had long gone cold; the waitress had twice approached to ask if they wanted anything else. Outside, darkness had fallen, streetlights had ignited, and the asphalt glistened from the recently ended rain. When they finally stepped outside, the cold air struck their faces, sobering, but inside both of them burned a pleasantly searing, inextinguishable fire.
"May I walk you home?" he asked, considering it his duty to do so.
She smiled and silently nodded. Thus began their first walk—long, unhurried, across the entire city, past sleeping houses and rustling trees. And when they stopped at her entranceway, he suddenly realized he didn't want to leave. Not now. Not ever.
"Tomorrow..." he began and faltered. "Tomorrow will you come to the lecture?"
"I will," she answered simply. "And after... perhaps we could have coffee again?"
"With great pleasure."
They didn't start seeing each other immediately—no. It happened differently: slowly, cautiously, they grew accustomed to one another, came to know each other's souls.
At first, there were only those chance (or perhaps no longer chance) encounters in the library. She came there more often than usual; he found reasons to drop by between lectures. They exchanged a few words, smiles, glances—and parted, carrying the warmth with them. Then came the tea gatherings in the café—once a week, then twice, then on Wednesdays and Fridays it became a tradition about which both remained silent, but awaited with bated breath.
He was in no hurry. Baelor never knew how to rush when it came to what truly mattered. And she—sensitive, attentive—valued this unhurriedness in him, this ability to be near without demanding anything but her presence.
Their first trip outside the city happened in late November. He took her to see the frozen lake near where his house stood, and they stood for a long time on the wooden bridge, watching the sun set behind the tops of the pines. There, for the first time, he took her hand. Simply took it—silently, firmly, as if afraid she might disappear, dissolve into that transparent air. She didn't pull away, only squeezed his warm, reliable palm a little tighter.
The first kiss happened in his house, by the fireplace. She had come to listen to his collection of records, which he had been gathering since his student years, and fell asleep in the armchair to quiet music—exhausted from preparing for exams. He covered her with a blanket, sat on the floor beside her, and watched for a long time as the fire played across her face while soft music filled the room. And when she awoke, opened her eyes and met his gaze—he crawled over to her on his knees and kissed her. Gently, tenderly, as if asking permission. She responded.
What followed was that which is not spoken aloud but remembered by the skin: his fingers, studying her hands and body like a musical staff; her whisper in the darkness of his bedroom; long conversations towards morning, when it no longer matters who you are or how old you are—only that you are here, that you both breathe in unison.
They didn't publicize their relationship. He remained a professor, she a student. But between them existed an unspoken rule: beyond the threshold of the university, their own world began. A world without lectures and grades, where there was only tea or coffee, old records, her laughter, and his smile—which no one but her had ever seen so open, almost boyish.
One day after a lecture, everything changed. Irrevocably. Irreversibly.
She had stayed behind to help him with papers—or so she said. In truth, both were seeking a pretext to remain near each other a little longer, for a few more minutes of this searing, tormenting presence of one another. His office was in creative disarray: stacks of student papers towered on the desk, books lay on the windowsill, pens scattered across the table. She was sorting through some manuals, he was organizing old syllabi—and suddenly their hands met over a folder.
Met—and froze.
She looked up. He was gazing at her as never before. In that look, there remained neither professorial restraint nor habitual gentleness. There was hunger. There was that frightening, extraordinarily powerful passion she had read about in books but never thought she would experience herself. And certainly not—with him.
She stepped closer. Herself. Brave to the point of madness, to the point of trembling knees.
He kissed her as if he had waited his whole life for this—greedily, deeply, almost desperately, while her back pressed against the cabinet door, feeling the wooden surface cool her shoulder blades through her thin blouse. Her legs weakened with each moment, buckling, and only his hands—hot, strong, assured—held her at the edge of the abyss. One hand on her waist, the other lower, bolder, more insistent. She arched towards him, bit her lip to keep from moaning, but he caught that moan with his lips, muffling it, absorbing it into himself.
And then he, disregarding all rules of propriety, his status, the student papers scattered across the desk—swept them to the floor with one broad motion. Papers fanned out across the parquet in all directions, white sheets covered with others' thoughts, others' hopes—they couldn't have cared less. There was only her. Only the two of them in this cramped office, flooded with pre-sunset light.
He bent her over the desk—carefully, tenderly, but authoritatively. His fingers touched her back, found the clasp of her bra. A click—and the delicate lace fell somewhere downwards, onto the heap of now-insignificant papers. She gasped at the coolness of the air and the heat of his palms simultaneously. And he, pausing for a moment, gazed at her, bared to the waist, as if before him stood not a woman, but the greatest work of art.
"How beautiful you are..." he breathed, lost for words.
He pulled down her skirt with particular care, almost reverently. His fingers, accustomed to the most delicate touch upon documents and manuscripts, now touched her skin, her thighs, and these touches made one want to weep—from tenderness, from the strength of feeling, from the very fact that all this was happening. He seemed afraid of tearing the fabric of her skirt, removed it very cautiously—not because he valued the garment, but because he knew: she wouldn't thank him later. They both wanted to preserve this moment as perfect, to play it without a single false note.
Then they both threw caution to the wind. To the fact that his colleagues might be just down the hall. To the fact that the office door wasn't properly closed. To the age difference, to their statuses, to "what people might think." All of it burned in the fire that blazed between them, leaving only one thing: him and her. His lips on her neck, her fingers in his hair. His whisper, full of tenderness and desperation. Her name, falling from his lips like a prayer.
And when it was over—when they, exhausted, clung to each other amidst that chaos, amidst scattered papers and books pushed into piles—she raised her eyes to his and smiled.
"I regret nothing," she whispered. "Do you hear me? Nothing."
He pressed her to him, burying his face in her hair, inhaling that same citrus scent that had haunted him for so many months. And for the first time in years, he felt truly alive.
She was in her fourth year when he first said "I love you." Not in bed, not in a moment of passion, but in the morning, in the kitchen, when she, sleepy, wearing his shirt, was stirring oatmeal. He said it—and froze, as if frightened by his own boldness. She came over, embraced him from behind, pressed her nose between his shoulder blades.
"I know," she whispered. "Me too."
And so their feelings flowed on: slowly, warmly, deeply, like a bottomless pool. Meetings at her place when her roommate was away for weekends. Evenings at his, with the fireplace and wine. Joint trips to small towns where no one knew them. Her graduation, where he watched her from the back rows and for the first time in many years felt not like a professor—but simply a man, infinitely proud and infinitely in love.
And then came the night after her defense, when she arrived at his place with her diploma and a bottle of champagne, and they drank on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and she suddenly said:
"Now I'm no longer your student."
He turned his head, looked at her with a long, attentive gaze.
"You never were," he replied. "You were simply... mine. And I was yours. From the very first moment we spoke."
"Baelor suddenly felt, with sharp clarity, that unspoken closeness that arises between people who recognise a kindred spirit in each other. And it had taken only a few words for this feeling to take root. With a student. Baelor! — he mentally admonished himself and immediately felt embarrassed by his own thoughts, as if they might become visible through his skull.
He coughed, hiding his awkwardness, and instinctively reached for the gearshift, though the road ahead was empty and straight."
And poor me. I'm gonna be a sucker for teacher's Baelor because of you. But i am not that much sorry...
But seriously, damn it, I want a man like Baelor SO MUCH. I've never had such a strong crush in my life that I would endlessly write stories about a character almost every day. I wrote FIFTEEN stories. It's not normal, but I'm not complaining🙈
She stood by the large window in his kitchen, and Baelor’s breath caught every time he glimpsed that silhouette — impossibly fragile, almost weightless in the gray gloom of early morning that was just beginning to thin beyond the glass. They had hardly slept that night: she had fallen into her worlds again, scribbling furiously in an old notebook or tapping away on her laptop keyboard while he caught her shadows flitting from room to room, and towards dawn he simply held her from behind, burying his nose in the nape of her neck, inhaling that bittersweet scent of exhaustion and chaos. Now she stood half-turned towards him, fingers barely touching the ceramic mug — that ridiculous one with the Moomins, which she had once dragged home from a flea market and which now lived in his kitchen as an untouchable relic. Intricate steam rose from the coffee, twisting into fanciful patterns and dissolving somewhere near the ceiling, and it seemed that any moment the mug would slip from her weakening fingers, shattering into pieces on the light-colored floor. But Baelor already knew: it wouldn’t slip. She loved that silly dishware too much, was too tenderly attached to things that warmed her, even if those things were just images painted on ceramic.
She was wearing her short silk nightgown — pale pink, almost translucent if the morning light hit at the right angle — and his shirt, thrown on hastily when she had gotten out of bed to escape to the kitchen for that lifesaving coffee. The sleeves hung loose, hiding her hands right down to her fingertips, and it moved him to a cramp somewhere deep in his chest. She was funny and touching in her carelessness, and yet at the same time, such a quiet, profound feminine strength emanated from her that everything inside him clenched and turned over the moment he let his gaze linger on her a second too long. She didn’t notice — she rarely noticed how people looked at her, too caught up in her own thoughts — but he watched. He always watched.
For nearly a year, she had been coming to this house, to this quiet suburban neighborhood where mornings smelled of wet grass and neighbors’ pies, and each time he froze in the kitchen doorway like a boy, afraid to scare away the vision. She would get flustered when she caught him staring — it was written on her face, in the way she nervously averted her eyes, bit her lips, started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt or tapping her fingers on her mug, pretending to be terribly absorbed in the contents of her cup. At first, it frightened her — his habit of scrutinizing, of noticing every tiny detail, every line. The shadows under her eyes after another sleepless night when she was finishing a chapter and couldn’t stop. The small scratches on her forearms from the cat who loved to climb into her lap and dig in her claws at the most inopportune moments. The hangnails she chewed when she was nervous or working through a plot twist. He saw everything. And at first, she wanted to sink through the floor because someone could see her like that — real, without embellishment, without masks.
But then she got used to it. Even grew to love it, perhaps.
She had always been shy. From that very first meeting, when he saw her in a museum cafeteria at the next table, buried in a book and flinching at every loud sound — she couldn’t look anyone in the eye. Least of all him. His eyes, odd-colored, striking, piercing and deep, pulled out of her everything she tried to hide: childhood secrets, old grievances, skeletons in the closet she so diligently shoved to the back. She would look away, lower her lashes, bite her lips until they bled, just to avoid meeting his gaze directly. And then she would start to worry: what if he was offended? What if he thought she was ignoring him or didn’t want to be near him? But she did want to. Very much. She just didn’t know how.
Even when what they now called a relationship had ignited between them, the habit remained. She tried to fight it, forced herself to raise her eyes, to look openly and boldly, but her gaze would treacherously slide away the moment he narrowed his eyes slightly or smiled with the corners of his mouth. This trait had been ingrained in her since childhood, woven into her very core, and it was almost impossible to root out. Too many years she had felt insecure, too many years she had been haunted by complexes, doubts about herself, her appearance, her voice which was always too quiet, and words sometimes got tangled, stuck in her throat like a lump, and people would ask her to repeat herself, and she would blush to the roots of her hair. Adolescence was its own special circle of hell: her body was forming, changing, and she dreamed of looking like the models in glossy magazines, and hated herself for falling short. And then came that first love, stupid, naive, at sixteen, with a boy who smashed her heart to pieces and didn’t even look back. Since then, she had been gathering herself piece by piece, year after year, but the shards just wouldn’t glue back together perfectly.
Who knew that after five years of fruitless searching, disappointments, and attempts to love just about anyone, she would meet him? Mature, confident, composed — and he would not just accept her whole, lock, stock and barrel, with all her cracks and rough edges, but would love her so much that those cracks would begin to heal over, drawn together and sealed with the thin but durable fabric of his care.
He approached silently. First, she just felt the warmth, then the scent: their bedroom, rumpled sheets, his skin, and the faint aroma of cinnamon wafting from the candle she loved to light in the evenings, still guttering somewhere on the nightstand. His palm settled on her waist, squeezed gently, and a shiver ran through her body. She felt the scratch of his beard as he leaned down and kissed the bridge of her nose — right between her brows, where the little line from tiredness or concentration usually lay. A silent 'good morning'. And from that single touch, everything inside her became electrified to the limit, to the point of pain in her fingertips.
To him, she smelled of everything. The honey she put in her tea. That strange hairdryer that should have been thrown out ages ago, but she stubbornly used to dry her hair because “it’s family, you know?” The lavender soap she scrubbed her skin with under the icy morning shower, shocking herself back to reality after the night’s creative chaos, when the muse had wrung her out and left her sprawled exhausted on the bed among crumpled sheets. Baelor adored this cocktail of scents. He adored everything about her — to the point of nausea, dizziness, the desire to bite and never let go. She was disgustingly, unbearably attractive. Alive to the point of madness, to the point of trembling in every cell, and he could only occasionally inject his order into her chaos, but it seemed she even liked that.
Her hands, slender, with long fingers, carefully set the mug down on the windowsill, where a whole collection of cups already stood, half-drunk and forgotten during the night when she fought sleep with another gulp of strong tea or coffee, determined not to pass out before finishing a paragraph. She leaned into him, pressed her whole body against his, buried her cheek in his beard and rubbed against it like a cat, eyes narrowing contentedly. His beard needed trimming — it was scratchier than usual — but that had its own charm. She was fascinated by the gray flecks appearing in the dark stubble, and sometimes, when she drifted off into thought, her mind would wander far. For instance, to where that beard touched her thighs while his tongue traced patterns there, in the very center of pleasure, and at those memories, heat would flare up inside her, spread through her belly, sink lower.
She loved making love with him. It was a frenzy, a dissolution, something utterly unique. An endlessly intimate, unhurried ritual where tenderness and roughness intertwined, where the line between sacred and dirty was completely erased. Baelor — calm, composed, attentive in everyday life — transformed into someone else in bed. He let himself go, and it drove her crazy. He would bring her to multiple orgasms in a single night, in different ways, and each time it felt like the first — like he was discovering her body anew, a body he already knew better than his own. After nights like that, she would sleep until noon, sinking into a deep, dreamless slumber, and upon waking, she felt like the most alive, the most needed, the most loved person on the planet. His voice... god, his voice was hypnotic. When he whispered in her ear — tender words or outright dirty, vulgar things that sent blood rushing to her cheeks and lower — she lost touch with reality, drifted away, drowned. He knew how to turn her on. Knew how to please her. Knew how to make her scream. In everyday life, she spoke quietly, almost in a whisper, afraid of being heard, but in bed with him, sounds escaped her that frightened even herself. She tried to muffle them, bit her lip, hid her face in the pillow, but he wouldn't allow it. He would part her teeth, turn her onto her back, make her look him in the eye and demand: "Don't you dare. I want to hear you."
"Want me to make French toast?" he whispered, his breath warm against her ear, then pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. The most beautiful eyes in the world, he thought.
She couldn't hold his gaze. Again. She lowered her lashes, stared at his lips, tracing them mesmerized with the fingertips of her left hand, while her right still rested on his warm, strong shoulder.
"I want that," she breathed out, and, stretching up, pecked him on the lips. Quick, almost furtive. She touched the tip of her nose to his, lingered for a moment, inhaling his scent, then pulled back. "Need help?"
"Just be near me," he whispered, and those words sounded like something far more significant than a request.
He brushed his lips against hers — lightly, teasingly, almost weightlessly — and let her go, heading for the refrigerator. She stood still, absorbing the moment, feeling her gaze, against her will, fix on his back. He knew. He always knew when she was watching. Felt it in his skin, the back of his neck, every cell of his body. She kissed him with her eyes — tracing the line from his neck, where the shadow of his beard began, down to his broad shoulders, outlining the shoulder blades barely visible under the fabric of his home shirt. Slid lower, to his lower back, and there, where the edge of his clothes hid, her imagination drew the rest. She kissed him with her eyes greedily, abandonedly, until he turned around.
And then she looked away.
It happened beyond her control. Someone who had long ago taken up residence deep in her soul — tired, nagging — started whispering again: don't you dare, don't look, look away, you don't deserve this, you're not the kind of person who can look openly. Complexes, learned in childhood, etched into her very core, raised their heads, hissed like poisonous snakes, and she obeyed.
Baelor walked past, holding a couple of eggs, and in passing, without even looking, touched her hip. Just ran his palm over the curve, squeezed for a moment, and let go. It was enough to send goosebumps scattering across her skin. He paused at the counter, setting aside the coffee pot that just minutes ago had touched her fingers, as if it still held the warmth of her hands. And outside the window, suddenly there was a rustling, a tapping — rain. Finally. The overcast sky had been promising it for so long, heavy, leaden, through which not a single ray could penetrate, and now water streamed down the glass in murky paths, blurring the outlines of the houses opposite.
She froze again by the window, gazing into this familiar, cozy picture of the suburban neighborhood. Through the veil of rain and the light mist rising from the lawns, she made out familiar shapes. A couple of neighbors were walking their large guard dogs — shaggy, serious, the kind people keep in such areas for protection. In the distance, around the bend, a solitary car disappeared, tires swishing on the wet asphalt. And right in front of Baelor's house, an elderly couple passed by with paper bags, so overloaded it seemed the handles might tear any second. Had they really walked to that little grocery store around the corner? This scene — the rain, the grocery bags, the stooped backs hurrying home — touched her almost to tears. Pierced her with a kind of aching, warm sadness. And inspiration came instantly: she would write this down. In her journal, where she recorded the unstable, melancholic state of her soul, where all thoughts, all feelings, all observations flowed. She would write about this couple, and the rain, and the dogs, and how cozy it was to be here, inside, while it poured outside.
A warm torso enveloped her from behind, and she found herself wrapped in his arms like a blanket, like a cocoon where there was no room for cold or fears. He pressed against her more tightly, and she felt with her hips how he pushed into her — without any explicit intention yet, just because he could, just because he wanted to be closer. The front of her thighs bumped against the windowsill, a brief, fleeting pain that instantly turned to sweetness at the realization: he was here. He was clinging to her. He was hers. Arching back, she rested her head on his shoulder, closed her eyes, and listened to his breathing — measured, deep, calming.
"Write something new last night?" His voice came unexpectedly, pulling her from her half-doze.
She startled. He rarely asked about her writing. He knew she was shy, didn't like discussing what she'd written, especially what was born on nights like this — in a fever, half-delirious, on the edge of sleep and waking. But today... today was special. For the first time, she had ventured into erotica. Completely unknown territory, which she had entered with a pounding heart, and of course, describing those scenes, she had drawn from them. From their nights, from his hands, from his voice. From the way he took her. Except the action of her story took place in the morning. It started almost exactly like this...
"Yeah... I wrote something," her voice wavered, and she felt herself tense, and he sensed it. His fingers, skillful, sensitive, slid along the edge of her nightie, lifting the fabric slightly, stroking the tender skin of her thigh. "Something unusual..." she breathed out, being mysterious, and surprised herself with her boldness.
What if?.. The thought came suddenly and burned her. What if she tried to experience what her heroine had experienced? What she had described with such abandon, with such a tremor in her fingers tapping the keys? What if, right now, in this kitchen, they broke all the rules, erased the boundaries between fiction and reality? At this thought, everything inside her ached sweetly, melted into languor, as if she were already slipping into the skin of that other woman, the bold one, the uninhibited one, capable of anything.
Her hands reached for his, covered them, squeezed, and she slowly, timidly but insistently, guided them to her breasts. Pressed his palms against herself, letting them cover her, feel the weight, the warmth, the heartbeat beneath the thin silk. Down in her belly, everything flared, stopped, fluttered. Just the thought — here, on the kitchen floor, on the cold countertop, right now — brought an almost painful, sweet pleasure.
Baelor understood. He always understood her without words. With his lips, he tickled her earlobe, kissed the sensitive skin behind it, moving lower, along the blue vein pulsing in her neck. Nibbled, kissed the place where neck meets shoulder, inhaled her scent, mingled with the smell of coffee. And his hands gently kneaded her soft breasts through the sheerest fabric, and her nipples, taut, immediately showed through the silk, responding to every movement, every touch...
The age difference — twenty years, almost two decades, a whole lifetime contained between two numbers in their passports — remarkably never stood as a wall between them. Quite the opposite. At first, both were shy about it, of course. Shy about that sudden, sharp attraction that had flared between them like a match struck against a box: one moment — and already it couldn't be extinguished, already it had caught, already it was blazing, and nothing else mattered. He caught himself looking at her longer than was permissible for a man of his age, his position, his circumstances. She blushed and looked away when he smiled, and thought: this is wrong, this is strange, what does he even see in me?
But it wasn't wrong. Strange — perhaps. But not wrong.
Baelor was a widower. Everyone who knew him even slightly knew this. His wife had died five years ago — quietly, quickly, from an illness that consumed her in six months, leaving him with two teenage sons and a huge, cold house that, without a woman's touch, without her laughter, felt like a mausoleum. He hadn't looked for anyone. Didn't think he could ever again feel what he had felt back then, in his youth, when they were just starting out. And then she appeared.
She was the same age as his eldest son. This fact could have killed everything at the root, if he let himself think about it too much. But he didn't allow it. Because when he looked at her, he didn't see numbers, or years, or the difference in life experience. He saw a soul — fragile, sad, but no less beautiful for it. A soul that could see beauty where others walked past. That felt the world on some deep level, inaccessible to most. That noticed the rain outside the window and the elderly couple with paper bags, and tears welled up in her eyes from the aching tenderness for this world. He fell in love. He allowed himself to fall in love, even though an inner voice insisted: come to your senses, you're too old for her, you'll be a burden, you're stealing her youth.
But she looked at him differently. And that... was healing.
She suffered from pangs of conscience — he knew this for certain. Knew it from the way she would sometimes freeze in his arms, how she would tense up, withdraw into herself, and something hunted, guilty would appear in her eyes. I'm stealing your time, he read in that look. I'm too young for you to be spending the remains of your life on me. Foolishness, of course. He would give her his whole life — even the part already lived, even what remained — without reservation. But he knew: such thoughts tormented her, and it was normal. It was in her nature to doubt, to reproach herself, to look for a catch where there was none. She had always done that. And he didn't try to change her. He just stayed close, offered his shoulder when it was needed. Became the anchor in their strange, so sensual, so tender relationship, where age was just a number, meaningless.
But there was one secret. A little, dirty, sweet secret that they both carried inside and never spoke aloud.
The age difference excited them both.
He would never admit how turned on he got when he saw her — so young, incredibly beautiful — in his bed, in his kitchen, in his life. How the contrast of his graying beard and her smooth, delicate skin drove him crazy. How the thought that he was the first grown man in her life, that he was teaching her things she didn't know, that he was showing her the world of pleasure, the world of passion, the world where she could be herself without fear — this thought hit him like wine, spinning, spinning, spinning.
She would never admit how his age turned her on. How his confidence, his calmness, his knowledge of life and women made every cell tremble. How she caught herself looking at his hands — large, strong, with prominent veins — and thinking about all the things those hands could do. How she loved that he was older, wiser, that he led and she followed, that he protected and she let herself be protected. How his past, his experience, his life before her — all of it made him who he was, and she loved him like that. Completely. With all the baggage, all the pain, all the scars.
They never spoke of it. Not a word. But when he took her, especially greedily, especially deeply, especially possessively, when he whispered hoarsely in her ear: mine, — she knew: it wasn't just the lover speaking. It was the man who had taken her under his wing, who wanted to shelter her from all winds, who looked at her and saw both the woman and the girl hiding inside. And that knowledge jolted through her like electricity, made her arch, surrender, drown.
And when she, so young, so completely his, pressed against his chest afterward, traced her fingers through his gray stubble, kissed the corner of his mouth and whispered: thank you, — he understood: it wasn't just gratitude for the orgasm. It was gratitude that he existed. That he had chosen her. That he hadn't been afraid of the numbers. That he loved her — strongly, in a grown-up way.
The age difference wasn't an obstacle. It was secret fuel. That very spark that made their intimacy sharper, their feelings deeper, their bond — unbreakable.
Now, in the kitchen, under the sound of rain, pressing against him with her back and feeling his hands squeezing her breasts, his lips tracing a path down her neck, she suddenly thought of this again. That he was thirty-nine, and she was twenty-three. That he had grown sons who, if they knew, would probably be horrified. That she could be his daughter.
And at that thought, everything inside clenched and instantly exploded with heat.
She arched more deeply, pushed her hips back, pressing into him, and moaned softly, almost soundlessly, when his teeth closed on the sensitive skin of her shoulder. He heard. His hands tightened, and he pulled her even closer, letting her know: I'm here. I'm yours. And I don't care about anything except you.
"You have no idea," he breathed into her neck, his voice low, hoarse, trembling slightly, "how much I want you."
She turned her head, caught his lips with hers, and whispered back what she had never dared say aloud:
"I do. Because I want you just as much. And even more."
He froze for a moment, then kissed her as if his life depended on it. The rain outside intensified, drumming against the glass, creating its own rhythm, and that rhythm pulsed between her legs, in her fingertips, in her chest, in her head. She was ready to dissolve into him completely.
Baelor pressed his whole body against hers — heavily, hotly, possessively, knocking another moan from her chest that she didn't even try to suppress. His hand slid from her breast down over her stomach, teasing, tickling her skin through the sheerest silk, and she arched toward him, catching every touch like one catches a breath of air in a stuffy room. His fingers reached the edge of her underwear, tugged slightly at the elastic of her panties — slowly, excruciatingly slowly — and let go, snapping against her tender skin. It was enough to make her involuntarily push her hips back, pressing her buttocks right into his tense, hard arousal, which no clothing hid any longer.
He exhaled sharply — right into her ear, hot, ragged — and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, catching every sensation, savoring the desire mounting with each second. Her body beneath his hands was the best drug imaginable. And he was ready to pleasure her in the morning, afternoon, night, in broad daylight in this kitchen, with rain noise outside the window and neighbors walking past with their bags. He didn't care. There was only him and her.
She adored him. In these moments, in this oblivion, she forgot about how her body looked in the mirror, forgot about the hated curves and folds, about how she usually sucked in her stomach when she undressed in front of him. In moments of passion, that nasty, gnawing voice inside — the one that had whispered for years: you're not good enough, you're too thin, too fat, too ridiculous — finally fell silent. Drowned out by his loud, ragged breathing, his soft moans, those guttural growls that escaped him when he reached his peak. She began to love herself, because he loved her. Fiercely. Ardently. Mind-blowingly. And that was enough to believe: perhaps she really was worthy.
Without even noticing, she reached for his hand — the one still resting on her chest — brought it to her lips and first uncertainly, timidly, as if tasting forbidden fruit, licked his fingertips. She felt him freeze for a second. His body tensed, his breath stopped — he hadn't expected this sudden boldness. And then, it seemed, her actions aroused him more than ever. He pressed harder on her lower abdomen, pulling her into him, and began making slow, languid thrusts with his hips, rubbing against her through the thin fabric that had long since become wet.
She took his fingers deeper into her mouth, licked them more boldly, vaguely aware: he liked it. Liked it a lot. Her body trembled under his touch, even though Baelor still hadn't touched the very center of her arousal — that place where it was already incredibly, excruciatingly hot and wet, where everything pulsed in anticipation. She burned from within. Melted. Flowed.
His name fell from her lips — inarticulate, slurred, because her mouth was full of saliva and his fingers. She felt simultaneously humiliated and wonderful. Dirty and right. Shameful and incredibly good.
"What?" he breathed into her ear, hot, hoarse, almost growling. "Don't be shy, my sweet. You know I love it when you're loud. Love hearing you."
His aroused, rock-hard flesh rubbed against her buttocks through the thin fabric, and even this barrier didn't hide the heat, or the size, or how much he wanted her right now. His words fogged her mind completely, stripped away the last inhibitions. She soared into the abyss of passion, letting go of herself, allowing her body to do what it wanted, not what the eternally dissatisfied inner voice commanded.
She spoke his name again — on an exhale, almost soundlessly, with just her lips. Murmured something unintelligible, swallowed, and pushed her hips all the way back because the languor in her lower belly had become unbearable. Heat pulsed between her legs, demanding, insisting, begging. She couldn't stand still anymore. Her knees buckled, her legs suddenly felt like cotton, weak, as if all the bones had been removed. The only thing keeping her from falling was his arm, a steel band squeezing her lower stomach, and his body, which she pressed into, seeking support.
"Baelor..." she breathed, and in that name was everything: plea, passion, tenderness, despair, the desire to dissolve. "Please..."
She didn't even know what she was asking for. For him to enter her right here, by the window, under the sound of rain, in view of the whole world? For him to continue this sweet torture, bringing her to the edge from which there would be no return? For him to stop? No, just not to stop.
Her hand released his fingers, and she reached back, covered his palm lying on her stomach, and squeezed, pressing it harder, guiding it lower, to where it burned, where it pulsed, where everything waited only for him.
"There..." she whispered, blushing at her own boldness, but her voice didn't waver. "Please, there it's so... I need..."
He growled into her neck — satisfied, predatory, possessive — and his fingers finally slipped under the thin strip of lace, to where it was wet, hot, where everything clenched in anticipation. She cried out — loudly, forgetting her shyness, forgetting herself, forgetting everything in the world. The rain outside seemed to answer her, intensifying, drumming against the glass, creating a cacophony of sounds in which her moans, his ragged breathing, and the beating of two hearts ready to burst from overwhelming feelings were drowned.
Without letting his fingers enter completely — not even enter, just touch, just teasingly press on the most sensitive point and then instantly disappear — he drew from the girl a sound like a whimper. Desperate, plaintive, full of such hungry disappointment that everything inside him turned over. But he couldn't allow them to make love right here, by the window, in view of the entire waking suburb. Not because he was afraid of prying eyes — he didn't care about neighbors, random passersby, the whole world. But because he wanted the sight of her body, her heat, her love, her face contorted with pleasure to belong only to him. Only his eyes had the right to see this. Only he had the right to catch every breath, every tremor, every spasm of her ecstasy.
"Patience, my girl," he breathed hoarsely, and in that address — my girl — there was so much possessive tenderness that her knees would have buckled if he weren't already holding her so tightly.
He spun her around to face him in one motion, impatiently, almost roughly, and immediately crushed her wet, swollen lips with a kiss. Deep, greedy, all-consuming. His tongue replaced the fingers that had just been teasing her, and it felt so right, so unbearably sweet — to taste him on her lips. And then, lifting her by the thighs, in one movement he helped her onto the countertop — right next to the stove, where French toast should have been sizzling in the pan long ago, where the coffee pot was growing cold. Now they were in shadow, away from the ghostly morning light streaming from the window. Now only Baelor could see his beloved. See all of her. See her as he wanted.
The rumpled shirt that had slipped from her shoulders and hung somewhere around her elbows, he pulled off quickly, almost impetuously, and tossed aside with such deftness that the fabric landed on the back of a chair by the table, as if aiming there on purpose. The straps of her nightie followed the shirt — slid from her shoulders, baring her collarbones, and now only clung to the curves of her breasts, covering but not concealing. The thin silk barely touched her tense pink nipples, whose areolas had already emerged from beneath the fabric, teasing, inviting, begging for touch. She was a miracle of miracles. His miracle. And he was preparing to love this miracle fiercely and passionately, right here, in the kitchen, early morning, under the sound of rain and the scent of cooling coffee.
Her underwear disappeared in a few seconds that felt infinitely long and excruciatingly sweet. He pulled it off in one motion — and now she sat on the cold countertop, completely naked, except for the nightie bunched up to her waist, which only emphasized her nudity rather than concealing it. And then his fingers plunged into her again — this time for real, deep, immediately, without warning, and she cried out, throwing her head back. Goosebumps ran across her skin, gathering into electrical discharges somewhere at the base of her spine, and this sensation was almost akin to orgasm — the same explosion, the same loss of control, the same clouding of reason. Her mind and body were so aroused by his very closeness, his very emotional involvement, that any touch became twice as sensitive, twice as sharp, twice as unbearable.
His movements — at first languid, almost lazy, agonizing for them both — gradually picked up pace. He teased her, speeding up, then slowing down again, then withdrawing completely only to return immediately, and she went mad from this torture, from this sweet violence against her body. She caught his lips with hers, clung to them desperately, mingling their breath, their moans, saliva, tongues, losing the boundary between herself and him. Her fingers slid over his back, finding tense, steely muscles, dug in with her nails, scratched, leaving red trails, and she felt him shudder from it, felt how it turned him on even more.
"Baelor..." she breathed against his lips, and that name sounded like a prayer, like an incantation, like the only word that mattered.
He answered not with words but with a moan — low, guttural, vibrating — and sped up, thrusting into her with his fingers so deeply and so precisely that the world around ceased to exist. The kitchen disappeared, the rain outside the window disappeared, the forgotten toast and cooled coffee disappeared. Only he, she, and this rhythm remained, pulsing inside her, speeding her blood, winding everything within her into a tight spring ready to uncoil.
She felt the release approaching, felt her body arching on its own, beyond her will, felt her lower abdomen clench in a sweet spasm, and she bit her lip, trying to suppress the scream already tearing from within.
"Don't you dare," she heard his hoarse whisper. "Don't you dare hold back. I want to hear you. Look at me."
And she gazed at him with eyes fogged with pleasure — cloudy, wet, nearly sightless, reflecting the entire cosmos he had just awakened within her. And just a second before the long-awaited, maddening release, when her body was already arching in anticipation, when her lower abdomen was clenching in a sweet spasm, and her fingers were digging into his back, begging for more — the walls of her womb were stretched not by his fingers. He entered her sharply, without warning, in one movement, to the full depth, and she screamed.
It wasn't just an orgasm. It was a cataclysm, an explosion, the annihilation of everything that had come before this moment. His sudden intrusion — though what intrusion, she had wanted this, waited for it, begged for it — hurled her somewhere beyond reality. Crying out and moaning simultaneously, she soared upward, overstimulated to the point of pain in her hips, to spasms in her feet, to that sweet, agonizing convulsion that turned her inside out and reassembled her anew. God. This was genuine madness, which they abandoned themselves to with some primordial, animal satisfaction. And she knew already in that second, before even catching her breath: she wanted to repeat this again and again. Always. Every morning. Every night. Every minute he was near.
"Is this what you wrote about last night?" his voice sounded surprisingly soft, even tender, despite the fact that he was still inside her, filling her completely, feeling her pulse around him. "Is this what you were dreaming about?"
He stilled. Stopped moving, giving her time to recover, to catch her breath, to return from those celestial heights she had just visited. And this care — at what seemed like the most inappropriate moment — touched her deeply.
Out of habit, she averted her gaze. Lowered her lashes, hid, as she always did when he looked too intently, too perceptively, too deeply. But this time he didn't allow it. His long, grasping fingers cupped her chin, softly but insistently turned her head back, made her meet his eyes.
"Look at me," his voice became commanding. She rarely heard him like this — usually he spoke this way on the phone with his subordinates, when important decisions were being made, when unquestioning obedience was required. And from this contrast — moments ago he was tender, now he was authoritative — another wave of goosebumps raced down her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Not from fear, never from fear. From that pure, primordial desire she felt for this man. For the one who fought her insecurity with gentle persistence, who wouldn't let her hide, who dragged her into the light every time she tried to retreat into shadow.
"Tell me."
She looked into his eyes — odd-colored, flecked, deep as whirlpools you drown in without hope of rescue. And she drowned. Every time. Willingly, with relief, with gratitude.
"Yes," she confessed with surprising ease. Her voice didn't waver. For the first time, it seemed, ever. "Yes, about this."
And feeling a powerful thrust below — deep, reaching that most intimate point, that place where all the world's pleasure was born — she surged forward to meet him, beginning the dance again. Letting him in again. Losing the boundaries between her body and his again.
The rain outside had become a true downpour. Water drummed against the glass, creating a rhythm into which they wove their movements, their moans, their breath. Somewhere on the stove, the pan sat cooling, never having received its toast. The coffee pot had gone completely cold, and the mug now stood forlornly on the windowsill, forgotten, unnecessary. The whole world had shrunk to the dimensions of this kitchen, this countertop, their intertwined bodies.
She no longer held back her cries. Didn't cover her mouth, didn't bite her lip — she allowed herself to be loud, to be real, to be the one he wanted to see. And when the second wave crashed over her, almost immediately after the first, granting no respite, she screamed so loudly that probably even the neighbors heard. But she didn't care.
Because he was looking at her and because he saw her. Because Baelor loved her — all of her, without reserve, with all her cries, moans, the tears suddenly streaming down her cheeks from overwhelming emotion.
"I love you," she breathed, without thinking, without choosing words, without fear of seeming foolish or too vulnerable.
He pressed his lips to her temple, salty with tears and sweat, and whispered in reply what she already knew without words:
"I know, my girl. Me too. So much."
And the world exploded again, shattering into a million pieces, only to immediately reassemble itself — different now, new, theirs together.
having a nice piece of cake in the morning with a lovely cup of coffee, while thinking about writing another cosy, poetic & just a little bit smutty modern au for baelor with this vibe:
She had always listened in silence—first to the adult conversations in the living room, then to his lectures on troubadours and courtly love. One autumn night, he stopped his car by a dark road, and twenty minutes of terse dialogue changed everything.
I fell for Professor Baelor propaganda and I feel completely normal about it. What I'm about to describe may seem a little bit strange and old-fashioned, but just let me dream.
Ch. I; Ch. II
She had always known she didn't belong to her generation—a knowledge that came to her long before she could put it into words. From early childhood, she was drawn to places where voices were pitched lower and laughter was rarer, and for that very reason, more meaningful. While her peers chased a ball in the yard or traded secrets in the sandbox, she would sit quietly in the corner of the living room, hugging her knees to her chest, and listen. She listened as the adults spoke of politics, of loss, of love, of the price of petrol. Many words were beyond her, but she absorbed the intonations, felt the tension or tenderness in the pauses. It was like reading a book in a foreign tongue: you don't grasp the meanings, but you can guess the music of the text. Her parents would often notice her intense focus and smile: "There's our little philosopher, eavesdropping again." But she wasn't eavesdropping—she was bearing witness.
With age, the fog of incomprehension lifted, and by the time she turned fifteen, she could hold her own in a conversation about the vagaries of fate or the complexities of running a small business. She remained shy, her voice soft, but her interjections—rare and precise—would make the adults fall silent and exchange glances of surprise.
At sixteen, her world suddenly expanded when she came across a record of lute music. That sound—dry, achingly poignant, as if antiquity itself was speaking directly to her—pierced her through. She began collecting old recordings, sketched viols and harpsichords in her notebooks, learned the difference between a Renaissance and a Baroque lute. She even persuaded her parents to buy her a lute and taught herself, but quickly realized: music would remain her secret, not a public hobby. The world of musicians seemed too precarious and unpredictable, and her parents gently but persistently steered her towards a "proper" profession: "Languages, dear, are the key to everything." She obeyed and enrolled in linguistics, deciding that if she was to earn a living with words, she would do so pragmatically: translating documents, conducting negotiations, working with texts. But her heart, schooled in listening, yearned for something else. So when the time came to choose an elective, her hand instinctively reached for "Medieval History." It seemed a safe compromise: a hobby that didn't commit her to a career.
She was wrong. The elective became her secret addiction. And the reason was not so much the subject itself—though knights, plagues, and cathedrals genuinely fascinated her—as the man who taught it.
Professor Baelor would appear in the lecture hall soundlessly, as if materializing from thin air, and from the very first second, he filled the entire space. He was not young, yet not old—time seemed to pass him by, leaving only a trace of distinguished grey. His voice, soft and deep as a cello, would make students freeze at their desks. When he spoke of troubadours or courtly love, it felt as though he himself had witnessed those times. But what captivated her most were his hands. Long, pale, with slender joints, they constantly toyed with his rings—on his index and ring fingers, two antique bands glinted: one with a cloudy green stone, the other, darkened with age, resembling a signet. He would turn them slowly, thoughtfully, and that movement hypnotized her more than any words. It was so unlike the rough men in her circle—her father's friends who slapped backs and told loud jokes. In Baelor, she sensed mystery, a power that needed no display.
The discussions in his seminars were an event. He could pose questions in such a way that even the silent ones began to argue, forgetting their fear of being wrong. The room would heat up, the air vibrating with ideas, and only Baelor remained calm, a faint smile at the corners of his lips, conducting this chaos with a mere glance. And she, as always, was silent. It seemed to her she had no right to speak in this world he was unlocking. She was merely a listener. His listener. Sometimes, when he recited passages from ancient ballads by heart—and he read them superbly, in Old English, in Old French—she would close her eyes. His voice enveloped her, seeped under her skin, touched something within her whose existence she hadn't even suspected. In that voice was a seductive gentleness: listen to me, follow me, trust me—and you will know what is hidden from others. He was not just a teacher; he was the key to a mystery. And every student in his course, even the laziest, would suddenly burn with passion for the subject, writing brilliant papers, scouring archives. It seemed like sorcery.
How did he do it? How could an ordinary man, with just the timbre of his voice, just the turn of his head, hold forty people in thrall, making their hearts beat faster? He reminded her of an old-school commander—not the loud and brutal kind, but the one who leads troops into battle by his very calmness in the face of death.
But he was not ordinary. She understood this fully one evening. She was returning from work—she had a part-time job as a proofreader at a small publishing house specializing in academic literature, and also helped out at a local second-hand bookshop called "Pagina," tidying up crumbling folios and chatting with fellow bookworms, much like the one she herself was becoming. The money was meager, but the smell of old paper and the silence of the reading room soothed her. And so, passing by the university garden, she saw him. Baelor sat alone on a bench, gazing at the sunset. He didn't notice her, and she didn't call out to him. But in that fleeting, stolen glance, she suddenly saw not the professor, not the master of minds, certainly not a magician. But a man. Tired, perhaps lonely, staring into the distance with the same wistfulness with which she herself often gazed into the darkness of her room. He was not just a voice and not just a mystery. He was alive. And in that second, her quiet, cherished infatuation ceased to be mere admiration and became something else.
Baelor lived in a small but surprisingly cozy house outside the city. The drive to the university took exactly one hour—no more, no less—and this time had long become a kind of ritual for him, a voluntary seclusion between two worlds. He never considered moving closer to the center, though colleagues often advised him to save his energy and petrol. But in the silence of the empty highway, especially late in the evenings, when the sparse streetlights picked out only the wet asphalt and vanishing lane markings from the darkness, he found peace. In those hours, the road belonged to him alone, and the steady hum of the engine became music, conducive to deep thought or, conversely, to thinking of nothing at all. Returning home, his first task was to put the kettle on, brew some milk oolong in an old ceramic mug chipped on the inside—its soft, creamy sweetness always soothed his nerves after a long day—perch his thin-framed glasses on his nose, and immerse himself in reading.
But this evening, everything was different.
He was returning later than usual; the departmental meeting had dragged on, and now the hand on his watch was lazily crawling towards eleven. Past the window flashed the sleeping suburbs, the occasional petrol station with its sickly yellow light, and then, suddenly—a pub. Noisy, packed with young people, a muffled roar of music and laughter escaping through its open doors. Baelor was about to accelerate, to get past this blot of chaos as quickly as possible, when his gaze picked out a solitary figure from the darkness. A girl was walking along the roadside, almost hugging the bushes, her steps seeming unnaturally distinct in the blurred glow of the streetlamps—an orange-yellow light, harsh, mercilessly plucking every silhouette from the night.
He recognised her by her walk. Or rather, first by her shoes: little vintage-style heels with a sturdy heel, which made that same delicate, charming click-clack when she entered the lecture hall. He always heard that sound, even without turning towards the door. Then, by the enormous bag that seemed to hang from her shoulder defying the laws of physics and gravity. How many times had he caught himself thinking: how can one person carry so much? But every time she sat down at her desk and began to extract notebooks, tattered books, crumpled sheet music which she vainly tried to smooth with her palms from the depths of that bag, a slight smile touched his lips. She was like a walking stationery supply, ready to help anyone: if a groupmate suddenly ran out of paper for notes, she would silently hand over a spare notebook; if another's hair tangled in the wind, she would already be pulling out a comb. She did it without fuss, without any desire to please, simply because she knew no other way.
Baelor would involuntarily let his gaze linger on her longer than he should have. He liked her style—old tweed jackets, turtlenecks, soft woollen skirts. She dressed as if she had stepped out of a photograph from the middle of the last century, and there was such natural elegance in it that he, who himself preferred classics—cashmere, trousers with creases, even the occasional cardigan—felt a kindred spirit in her. "Charming," he would think, watching her adjust the slipping strap of her bag. "Utterly, dreadfully lovely."
And now this girl, whom he was used to seeing in the safe space of the lecture hall, stood alone on a dark road, a couple of blocks from the noisy pub, and looked lost. Or just tired. Or heaven knows what else. Baelor didn't deliberate long; he pulled over smoothly, rolled down the window. The autumn wind immediately rushed into the car, bringing the smell of wet leaves, exhaust fumes, and a barely perceptible hint of her perfume—something old, with jasmine and, it seemed, citrus. The streetlight fell on his face, and he saw her freeze, recognising him. Her eyes widened—so dark, almost black in that light—and a whole sea of emotions reflected in them: surprise, disbelief, and a slight fear.
They were silent. A second, another, a third. The pause stretched, becoming almost tangible, dense, like that same autumn mist that was already beginning to rise from the ground. Baelor suddenly became acutely aware of the absurdity of the situation: a professor, a man no longer young, stopping at night beside a student. What would she think? He was about to say something awkward, apologise and drive off, but her lips curved into an embarrassed smile, and he knew there was no turning back.
"Good evening," he breathed out, and immediately, as if ashamed of his own boldness, shifted his gaze to the dashboard, pretending to check his speed.
"Good evening, Professor," came a quiet voice, and there was not a trace of mockery or coquetry in it, only a warm recognition that, for some reason, made Baelor's heart skip a beat.
She had called him Professor. She hadn't met him with frightened silence, but had addressed him precisely like that—formally and yet intimately, letting him know they were acquainted, that she was not just a random passer-by. He looked up and met her gaze. And at that moment, under the harsh orange light of the streetlamps, in the noise of the quietening city, they both felt that there are no coincidences.
"Can I give you a lift?" His voice was soft, but with that special, respectful intonation she knew so well from his lectures. He looked at her through the lowered window, and in the lamplight, his odd eyes—one dark, one blue—gleamed almost cat-like. She surely had a long way home, and with that enormous bag, which seemed with each minute to pull her fragile shoulder closer to the ground. He saw her shift her weight from one foot to the other, and that gesture stirred in him an unexpected desire to help—not out of politeness, but from something deeper, almost instinctive.
"Are you sure it's no trouble?" She adjusted the slipping strap, and her soft short coat opened for a moment, revealing a navy-blue turtleneck. She leaned closer, resting her palm on the car door, and now only a few inches of night air separated them. Baelor caught a delicate scent—citrusy, with a bitter hint of bergamot, as understated and elegant as the tweed jacket she usually wore in his classes.
"No trouble at all. Where to?"
Her face lit up with a modest, slightly embarrassed smile, and in that smile was so much sincere joy that Baelor forgot where he was for a moment. She was clearly hesitating—her feet, accustomed to heels and long walks, were aching mercilessly today, forcing their owner to take a reckless step she would never have dared in her right mind. But the autumn night was conducive to recklessness. She gave the address—quietly, almost apologetically—and he immediately nodded, without even glancing at the satnav.
He had to turn around in the middle of the deserted road, right before the entrance to the highway he had just come from. She felt a pang of awkwardness: so they weren't going the same way at all. But Baelor executed the manoeuvre with ease, barely glancing in the mirrors, as if he had spent his whole life making U-turns for random strangers. He couldn't leave a lady in distress at such a late hour. In fact, at any hour of the day, he would not have allowed himself to drive past if he saw help was needed. It would have been a violation of his own, long-forged principles—chivalrous, gentlemanly, call them what you will. He had grown up on stories of courtliness and believed in them still, even when the world around had long since given up on such niceties.
The door clicked shut, and the car's interior filled with her presence. A delicate, unobtrusive fragrance mingled with the smell of the old leather seats and his own cologne. Baelor suddenly became acutely aware of how long it had been since he'd had a passenger in his car. Especially one like this. She sat beside him, fastening her seatbelt, and that sound seemed extraordinarily loud in the silence that had fallen.
"Thank you, Professor," she said, adjusting the bag she had placed on her lap, as if using it for protection. "I realise it's out of your way. If you'd like, you can drop me near the tube station, I can manage the rest myself…"
"Absolutely not," he interrupted gently but firmly. "I'll take you to your door. At this hour, the tube is no place for a girl with such a heavy burden." He glanced at her bag and couldn't suppress a smile. "Are you carrying bricks in there?"
She raised her eyebrows in surprise, then laughed—quietly, a little breathlessly, as if unaccustomed to laughing in front of others.
"Almost. Books. Sheet music notebooks. And, apparently, I also thought it necessary to put a thermos of tea in there today."
"A thermos," Baelor repeated with a warm chuckle, steering onto the main road. "A worthy assortment. You seem to be the only one in my course who never parts with notebooks and paper editions. I've noticed."
She felt a flush creep up her cheeks; she was embarrassed. So he had noticed after all.
He noticed not only her bag and little shoes.
"I… yes, I don't like e-books. It's not the same feeling. And with notebooks, it's convenient to draw diagrams," she faltered. "I mean, take notes. Although I do have diagrams on medieval philosophy too."
"Medieval philosophy is always diagrams," he agreed, a friendly irony colouring his voice. "Especially when you get to the debates about universals. You can't make sense of it there without arrows and circles."
They both smiled, and the tension that had hung in the air since she got in began to dissolve. Past the window floated the occasional streetlamp, the dark shop windows of closed stores, the silhouettes of trees. The city was falling asleep, and only his car hummed softly, tyres whispering on the damp asphalt, occasionally witnessing late-night pedestrians and a few couples in love heading home after youthful revelries.
"And why were you alone near that pub?" Baelor asked, careful not to let the question sound like an interrogation. "If it's not a secret, of course."
"A friend invited me to celebrate her birthday," she shrugged, returning to memories an hour old, where guys and girls from her group had taken turns congratulating her friend Natalie. Tomorrow was a day off for everyone, so no one was in a hurry to leave, planning to stay until closing time. But she couldn't allow herself that. She felt a strong pull towards home, towards her tiny apartment crammed with books, flowers, and musical instruments of various sizes and complexities. "I stayed for an hour, congratulated her, and left. I'm not very fond of noisy companies, to be honest. But I do love walking home. Only today, apparently, I overestimated my strength."
"I understand," he nodded. And he truly did understand. "Sometimes I leave the city during rush hour just to have some silence. In a car, you know, there's a particular kind of solitude—when you're alone, but not lonely. You drive and you owe nothing to anyone."
She looked at his profile—chiselled, with a slight shadow of fatigue under his eyes—and thought that he seemed to have just said something very personal. Or was she only imagining it?
"Do you have a house in the countryside?" she asked, remembering that he always left immediately after classes, never lingering at the department. Only today had been an exception.
"Yes, a small one, old, but very dear to me. An hour's drive, and I'm in another century. A stove, a garden, silence..." He turned his head slightly, glanced at her briefly, as if wanting to see her reaction. "You would probably appreciate it. There are many old things there, books… And sheet music, I think, as well. Only I don't remember for which instrument. I must have bought it long ago, and why—I don't even know myself."
She listened to him with that particular attention with which she usually absorbed every word in his lectures, but now there was no academic focus in it—only quiet, personal curiosity.
"I've seen you sometimes bring sheet music to class," he continued, and in his voice was a soft interest. "Do you play?"
"A little. The guitar," she admitted, and her voice became very quiet, as if she were sharing something intimate. "And I try to decipher old lute tablatures, but it's not easy."
Baelor gave a barely perceptible start. This girl, with her endless bag and tweed jackets, seemed not to belong to their century—just as he himself did not. He, who had never given in to his son's pleas to buy a "normal, modern" phone, drowning in apps and notifications; he, who wrote essays by hand, smudging his fingers with ink, because only then did thoughts fall onto paper correctly; he, who in the mornings listened to crackling vinyl and the announcer's voice on an old radio that had once belonged to his grandfather. Baelor suddenly felt, with sharp clarity, that unspoken closeness that arises between people who recognise a kindred spirit in each other. And it had taken only a few words for this feeling to take root. With a student. Baelor! — he mentally admonished himself and immediately felt embarrassed by his own thoughts, as if they might become visible through his skull.
He coughed, hiding his awkwardness, and instinctively reached for the gearshift, though the road ahead was empty and straight.
"The lute," he repeated, savouring the word. "You know, it has a remarkable history. In the Middle Ages, it was considered the instrument of the troubadours, the voice of courtly love. And then it almost vanished, giving way to the harpsichord, the guitar…" He glanced sideways at her.
She was silent, but he felt she was listening with bated breath. He suddenly wanted to know more about her than the random observations from the lecture hall allowed. To ask if she was from here or had come from another city, to learn why she had chosen his classes, what her major was, and what else she was passionate about…
"And why the lute in particular?" he asked, turning into a quiet residential district where houses no longer blazed with shop windows but only flickered with rare yellow lights. "Not the piano, not the violin—but this… this almost forgotten voice?"
She pondered, and the pause lasted just long enough for the answer to be honest, not perfunctory. She truly delved deep into this question. Why had this—as he called it, this forgotten voice—become her companion in life? Perhaps because she herself wanted to be heard, and by showing interest in an instrument everyone had forgotten, she was projecting her own thoughts onto the subject. But who would hear and save her? Who would play upon the strings of her soul and make her feel something, anything?
"I heard it once in an old recording," she began quietly. "Back in school. It was some medieval ballad, I don't remember which anymore. But the sound… it was such…" she faltered, searching for the word. "As if born not from outside, but from within. As if time disappears. I spent a long time afterwards searching for what instrument it was, listened to everything I could. And when I found out—lute—it felt like I had discovered something very personal. Silly, isn't it?"
"No," Baelor replied quickly, and more softly than he should have. "Not silly at all. I know that feeling. When a sound becomes more than just a sound."
He said this and was himself surprised at how easily the words had slipped out. Usually, he did not allow himself such raw frankness with strangers, as if afraid the wind would carry the words away before he could even understand why he had uttered them at all. He was accustomed first to testing the ground beneath his feet—every pebble, every unevenness—before stepping onto it without hesitation, trustingly and openly. Though he could create with people an illusion of easy friendliness, a readiness to converse about anything, behind this transparent screen always stood a man immensely careful, guarding his inner space like a garden behind a high fence, knowing the true worth of every hour, every minute of silence. But she… she somehow didn't feel like a stranger. This sensation—frightening and alluring—was taking root within him with every glance she stole, every word she uttered almost in a whisper.
They fell silent. And this silence was filled with something fragile, warm, almost tangible—as if between them hung a light haze woven from unspoken things and mutual curiosity. The car hummed softly, lullingly, tyres on asphalt; past the windows, like watercolour strokes, floated low houses with front gardens; somewhere in the distance a dog barked hoarsely but somehow domestically, and this sound only underscored the fragility of the moment. The city now seemed not a hostile nocturnal emptiness ready to swallow a solitary traveller, but a carefully painted backdrop for their conversation—a backdrop behind which someone had solicitously arranged the halftones and dimmed the lights.
"We've arrived," Baelor said quietly, almost apologetically, stopping by an entranceway submerged in the thick, inky shadow of old linden trees. The engine fell silent, and in the ensuing stillness, the slam of a vent window somewhere above could be heard.
Slowly, as if reluctantly, she shifted her gaze from the dark doorway to him, and in the depths of her eyes something elusive flickered—regret, it seemed. And indeed she did regret, with all the fullness of her still young but already weary heart, how fleeting this dialogue had proven. A dialogue with a man she secretly, almost reverently admired, whose lectures had always seemed to her not mere lessons but revelations. And now it turned out she had been noticed by him among hundreds of other female students—seen, distinguished, remembered, though all these months she had lived with the bitter certainty of the opposite.
The conversation had been sparing, woven more from pauses than from phrases, yet so meaningful, so filled with subtext, that for both of them it had become that very seed from which, perhaps, something more than mere mutual sympathy might one day grow.
"Thank you, Professor… Baelor," she breathed out, and this name, spoken in her voice—slightly husky, tired—sounded extraordinary to him, like a long-forgotten but beloved melody. "I… I don't even know how to thank you. Words, it seems, are no longer enough."
"No need to thank me," he replied, and in his odd-coloured eyes—the eyes of a man who had seen many different dawns and sunsets—reflected that same poignant, luminous weariness that had long since settled in her soul too, like a quiet but constant guest. "Take care of yourself. And… perhaps, sometime…" he faltered mid-sentence, suddenly feeling not like a professor with years of experience and the weight of lived years, but an uncertain boy, inviting a girl to dance for the first time in his life. "If you'd like to look at those sheets I mentioned… perhaps they might be useful… I could bring them to the university. Or… wherever is convenient for you."
She smiled—that same modest smile that, time and again, made something deep inside him grow warm, beneath his ribs, in that place where, as poets say, the soul resides.
"I would very much like that," she whispered, and in that whisper was so much promise and gratitude that for an instant it seemed to him the autumn evening had grown warmer.
She slipped out of the car into the embrace of autumn's chill—sharp, smelling of decaying leaves and woodsmoke—and immediately wrapped herself in her soft, slightly oversized coat. He watched as her light, almost weightless figure glided through the shadows, flashed as a pale spot in the dark entranceway, like a moth flying into the night. Only when the heavy door closed with a drawn-out creak, its echo reverberating through the empty courtyard, did Baelor finally allow himself to exhale—and then inhale the air that, it seemed, she had just been breathing.
The interior of his car still carefully preserved the warmth of her presence, the barely perceptible but so poignant scent of citrus mixed with the sweet note of jasmine. He sat for another minute, perhaps two, gazing at the window on the third floor that had lit up with a warm, cosy glow. There, behind the glass, a silhouette flickered—she took off her coat, adjusted the curtain. He suddenly desperately wanted to believe that she too, at this moment, standing by the window, was looking down at the dark street, at the solitary car frozen under the linden trees.
But he only slowly, as if reluctant to part with this instant, turned the car around and drove into his silence—outside the city, to where only the stove, old books with yellowed pages, and endless reflections, viscous as evening mist, awaited him. Reflections provoked in him by one single young woman. Just a student. But somehow now, in this empty car, on this deserted road, that "just" held no significance whatsoever. Only she mattered. And that tenderness, which he had neither expected nor summoned, but which had come— and remained.
The first lecture after that night was strange. Unusual. The world seemed to have acquired other, hitherto unknown tones and colours—deeper, more poignant, as if someone invisible had slightly adjusted the lens, and the picture had become more dimensional than before. Shadows fell quite differently than they should have according to the laws of the time of day—they spread softly at her feet, embraced corners, hid in the folds of clothing. Morning coffee tasted sweeter than usual, almost cloying, though she hadn't added a gram of sugar—simply because, rushing to close the lid of her cup before leaving home, she had left a light, barely noticeable kiss on its smooth white surface. The lipstick mark had long since faded, but the warmth seemed to remain, dissolving into every sip. Even the breakfast cereal—ordinary, tasteless, which she ate only out of habit—seemed extraordinarily crunchy today. And the overcast weather, which usually brought melancholy and a desire to wrap herself in a blanket until evening, suddenly became immensely fitting for her pensive, melancholic mood—as if the sky outside echoed her inner state, demanding neither cheerfulness nor a false smile.
She arrived at his class a little earlier than usual—a good twenty minutes, at least—and took her customary seat by the window, which overlooked the inner university courtyard with its bare, chilled trees. Their branches, stripped of leaves, reached towards the grey sky like hands frozen in prayer. Several students were already sitting in the lecture hall—someone leafing through notes, someone whispering, someone simply staring at their phone, scrolling indifferently through a feed. She was not alone, but the space around her seemed to have died out, fallen still, forming an invisible cocoon of silence. And this silence held its peace until he appeared in the doorway.
Baelor entered unhurriedly, slightly slower than usual, as if giving himself time to get reacquainted with this place. He paused for a moment, letting his gaze sweep over the room—his domain, his small world where he was both king and sage, and even, in some ways, a creator. And when his eyes, gliding over faces, met hers, something flickered in them. They smiled at the sight of her—she could clearly distinguish that soft, barely perceptible light in his odd-coloured eyes, or perhaps she simply wanted to believe she could. But she herself allowed only a barely noticeable nod in greeting—restrained, almost invisible to outsiders. And in that gesture was so much secret understanding, so much shared mystery, that it took her breath away. Between them now existed something more than just a professor-student relationship. A certain secret, fragile and elusive as the first ice on puddles, which they were destined to carefully preserve, shielding it from prying eyes and superfluous words.
The lecture began. But Baelor conducted it differently this time—more disjointed, less confident than usual. Phrases broke off, thoughts meandered, and once he even faltered mid-sentence, freezing with his mouth open in the middle of a complex term he undoubtedly knew by heart. This did not escape the attention of others—a light, puzzled whisper rippled through the room, someone raised their eyebrows in surprise. But not her. She sat motionless, her head slightly tilted to one side, watching him with that particular attention that turned everything inside him upside down. Why had the professor, eternally composed, concentrated on the subject at hand, suddenly become so distracted today, as if floating somewhere in the clouds?
He himself would like to know the answer to that question. Somewhere deep, in his subconscious, at the very bottom of his mind, he perhaps did understand the true reason for his state. But could he admit aloud—even to himself—that the mere sight of her, one single look from those calm, interested, infinitely deep eyes, was enough to knock him off his usual track, destroy years of built-up concentration, turn a lecture into a chaotic stream of fragmented thoughts? That he, a professor, author of numerous articles and books, suddenly felt like a boy stepping up to the blackboard for the first time? That she acted upon him like a quiet but irresistible force, against which any reasoning of the mind was powerless?
In his leather briefcase, standing by the lectern, the sheet music had been resting all this time. Old, yellowed at the edges, with faded ink and pencil markings made by an unknown hand many decades ago. The very same sheet music he had mentioned back then, in the car. The ones that had haunted him all these two nights, which he had spent sorting through old stacks of books, sifting through dusty folios and his own manuscripts, covered in his elegant, slightly old-fashioned cursive. He had searched for them especially for her—spent half the night in his study, by the light of his desk lamp, while the wind howled outside and firewood crackled in the fireplace. And now they lay close by, almost pulsing through the leather of the briefcase, reminding him of themselves with a heavy but pleasant burden. A promise. Hope. A chance for another meeting, another conversation, another moment of silence filled with something greater than mere words.
Baelor did not give her the sheet music that day. It remained lying in the leather briefcase, reminding him of itself with a heavy, tormenting weight. But he never stopped carrying it with him throughout the week, every morning transferring it from bag to briefcase and back again, feeling its presence somewhere nearby with each lecture, almost beneath his heart. And only by a happy coincidence—or perhaps by the will of that invisible force governing such encounters—did he come across her in the library. She was sitting in the farthest corner, by a pointed window, nestled in a deep leather armchair, her face hidden behind an open book, as if she were hiding from the whole world behind a paper screen. He recognised her anyway. Those little shoes. Small, elegant, with a buckle on the side.
He almost crept up to her—soundlessly, carefully, trying not to disturb the special atmosphere of concentration that enveloped her. Rays of sun, which had peeked out from behind the clouds, fell obliquely through the pointed window, drawing long golden stripes on the floor, and he caught them on himself as he approached. Then he paused by her table, took the sheet music from his briefcase—old, yellowed, with faded ink—and placed it quietly, almost reverently, on the small table beside her armchair. His movements were soft, fluid, as if he were afraid of shattering the crystalline silence of that place.
Immersed in her reading, she didn't immediately sense another presence nearby. Only when his shadow fell across the pages, blocking the sunlight, did she frown, slowly lower the book from her face, and look up. And at that same moment, she started—with her whole body, her entire being, as if struck by thunder. The book nearly slipped from her weakened fingers. She hadn't expected to encounter Baelor here, in this quiet haven of book dust and solitude. But this meeting—she understood it at once, as soon as the initial fright subsided—was undeniably pleasant. Her heart skipped a beat, then began to race.
He merely nodded in greeting—brief, restrained, masculine. And a soft, almost shy smile touched his lips, making the wrinkles around his mouth appear sharper, deeper, rendering his face simultaneously older and more handsome. Lowering her gaze to the table, she discovered beneath his fingers—those long, nervous fingers—the very sheet music. The sheets he had mentioned back then, in the car. The ones that had haunted her all these days.
"You brought them after all," she breathed, her voice trembling with surprise and gratitude. She placed her hand on her heart—a sincere gesture, almost childlike—delighted by such a gift. And a gift it certainly was, nothing less. Everything that came from his hands acquired special weight, special meaning. He was giving her something that belonged to him with such astonishing ease, as if these sheets meant nothing to him. But she sensed: they did. Otherwise, why would he have kept them at home? This realization made her chest ache—sweetly, anxiously, poignantly.
"I couldn't not do it," he replied quietly, looking directly into her eyes. "I couldn't forget..." The last words hung in the air, unfinished, cut off mid-sentence. Though Baelor hadn't planned to continue—not now, not here. But the truth was simple to the point of despair: he couldn't forget her. Couldn't forget their conversation, her voice, that scent of citrus that now seemed to haunt his every step, appearing from nowhere at the most unexpected moments—in empty corridors, in the car, even at home by the fireplace, when he was utterly alone.
Her face suddenly softened, losing that wariness that always appeared when meeting strangers. It took on a strange, slightly sad, almost resigned expression, though a small, timid smile continued to bloom on her lips. She understood. She understood everything without words.
"I was actually about to finish," she suddenly said, carefully setting the book aside, as if parting with an old friend. "I was thinking of going to a café, getting something warm to drink..." She hesitated for a moment, gathering her courage, and raised her eyes to his—eyes in which a sudden boldness, surprising even herself, was swimming. "Perhaps... you'd join me for coffee? I could look at the sheet music more closely, and if they... if they seem unsuitable, I could return them right away. So as not to keep you waiting."
He froze. Stood still as a statue in a museum hall, only somewhere deep inside everything trembled and stirred. He was clearly hesitating. Thoughts darted like frightened birds: a professor and a student in a café—what would people think? What would students say if they saw? His reputation, his years-long image of a composed, inaccessible man—all of this suddenly loomed before him, ready to collapse from one careless move. But she looked at him with such open, such sincere hope, as if this invitation had cost her dearly, as if she had overcome her shyness and now awaited his verdict. And in that gaze, there was not a shadow of doubt about the inappropriateness of the situation—only a desire to prolong the moment, only quiet joy that he was here, beside her.
He glanced at his wristwatch—old, with a worn leather strap, inherited from his father. The hands showed a quarter to four. Somewhere in the depths of his memory surfaced a vague reminder of another scheduled departmental meeting, but it seemed so distant, so unimportant now, in this library bathed in slanting sunlight, under her attentive gaze. He pondered briefly, pretending to weigh all the pros and cons, though his heart had long since made its decision.
And then he nodded in agreement.
They sat in a small café on the outskirts of the city, where she had suggested going to avoid random glances from acquaintances. They ordered coffee—espresso for him, cappuccino with cinnamon for her. They spoke first of the sheet music, of music, of the old manuscripts he collected. But then the conversation imperceptibly drifted into other channels—into the personal, the intimate. She told him about her childhood, about her first music teacher, about how at sixteen she had wanted to drop out of school. He listened without interrupting, and in his odd-coloured eyes reflected something long forgotten—youthful enthusiasm, the ability to marvel at another person.
The coffee had long gone cold; the waitress had twice approached to ask if they wanted anything else. Outside, darkness had fallen, streetlights had ignited, and the asphalt glistened from the recently ended rain. When they finally stepped outside, the cold air struck their faces, sobering, but inside both of them burned a pleasantly searing, inextinguishable fire.
"May I walk you home?" he asked, considering it his duty to do so.
She smiled and silently nodded. Thus began their first walk—long, unhurried, across the entire city, past sleeping houses and rustling trees. And when they stopped at her entranceway, he suddenly realized he didn't want to leave. Not now. Not ever.
"Tomorrow..." he began and faltered. "Tomorrow will you come to the lecture?"
"I will," she answered simply. "And after... perhaps we could have coffee again?"
"With great pleasure."
They didn't start seeing each other immediately—no. It happened differently: slowly, cautiously, they grew accustomed to one another, came to know each other's souls.
At first, there were only those chance (or perhaps no longer chance) encounters in the library. She came there more often than usual; he found reasons to drop by between lectures. They exchanged a few words, smiles, glances—and parted, carrying the warmth with them. Then came the tea gatherings in the café—once a week, then twice, then on Wednesdays and Fridays it became a tradition about which both remained silent, but awaited with bated breath.
He was in no hurry. Baelor never knew how to rush when it came to what truly mattered. And she—sensitive, attentive—valued this unhurriedness in him, this ability to be near without demanding anything but her presence.
Their first trip outside the city happened in late November. He took her to see the frozen lake near where his house stood, and they stood for a long time on the wooden bridge, watching the sun set behind the tops of the pines. There, for the first time, he took her hand. Simply took it—silently, firmly, as if afraid she might disappear, dissolve into that transparent air. She didn't pull away, only squeezed his warm, reliable palm a little tighter.
The first kiss happened in his house, by the fireplace. She had come to listen to his collection of records, which he had been gathering since his student years, and fell asleep in the armchair to quiet music—exhausted from preparing for exams. He covered her with a blanket, sat on the floor beside her, and watched for a long time as the fire played across her face while soft music filled the room. And when she awoke, opened her eyes and met his gaze—he crawled over to her on his knees and kissed her. Gently, tenderly, as if asking permission. She responded.
What followed was that which is not spoken aloud but remembered by the skin: his fingers, studying her hands and body like a musical staff; her whisper in the darkness of his bedroom; long conversations towards morning, when it no longer matters who you are or how old you are—only that you are here, that you both breathe in unison.
They didn't publicize their relationship. He remained a professor, she a student. But between them existed an unspoken rule: beyond the threshold of the university, their own world began. A world without lectures and grades, where there was only tea or coffee, old records, her laughter, and his smile—which no one but her had ever seen so open, almost boyish.
One day after a lecture, everything changed. Irrevocably. Irreversibly.
She had stayed behind to help him with papers—or so she said. In truth, both were seeking a pretext to remain near each other a little longer, for a few more minutes of this searing, tormenting presence of one another. His office was in creative disarray: stacks of student papers towered on the desk, books lay on the windowsill, pens scattered across the table. She was sorting through some manuals, he was organizing old syllabi—and suddenly their hands met over a folder.
Met—and froze.
She looked up. He was gazing at her as never before. In that look, there remained neither professorial restraint nor habitual gentleness. There was hunger. There was that frightening, extraordinarily powerful passion she had read about in books but never thought she would experience herself. And certainly not—with him.
She stepped closer. Herself. Brave to the point of madness, to the point of trembling knees.
He kissed her as if he had waited his whole life for this—greedily, deeply, almost desperately, while her back pressed against the cabinet door, feeling the wooden surface cool her shoulder blades through her thin blouse. Her legs weakened with each moment, buckling, and only his hands—hot, strong, assured—held her at the edge of the abyss. One hand on her waist, the other lower, bolder, more insistent. She arched towards him, bit her lip to keep from moaning, but he caught that moan with his lips, muffling it, absorbing it into himself.
And then he, disregarding all rules of propriety, his status, the student papers scattered across the desk—swept them to the floor with one broad motion. Papers fanned out across the parquet in all directions, white sheets covered with others' thoughts, others' hopes—they couldn't have cared less. There was only her. Only the two of them in this cramped office, flooded with pre-sunset light.
He bent her over the desk—carefully, tenderly, but authoritatively. His fingers touched her back, found the clasp of her bra. A click—and the delicate lace fell somewhere downwards, onto the heap of now-insignificant papers. She gasped at the coolness of the air and the heat of his palms simultaneously. And he, pausing for a moment, gazed at her, bared to the waist, as if before him stood not a woman, but the greatest work of art.
"How beautiful you are..." he breathed, lost for words.
He pulled down her skirt with particular care, almost reverently. His fingers, accustomed to the most delicate touch upon documents and manuscripts, now touched her skin, her thighs, and these touches made one want to weep—from tenderness, from the strength of feeling, from the very fact that all this was happening. He seemed afraid of tearing the fabric of her skirt, removed it very cautiously—not because he valued the garment, but because he knew: she wouldn't thank him later. They both wanted to preserve this moment as perfect, to play it without a single false note.
Then they both threw caution to the wind. To the fact that his colleagues might be just down the hall. To the fact that the office door wasn't properly closed. To the age difference, to their statuses, to "what people might think." All of it burned in the fire that blazed between them, leaving only one thing: him and her. His lips on her neck, her fingers in his hair. His whisper, full of tenderness and desperation. Her name, falling from his lips like a prayer.
And when it was over—when they, exhausted, clung to each other amidst that chaos, amidst scattered papers and books pushed into piles—she raised her eyes to his and smiled.
"I regret nothing," she whispered. "Do you hear me? Nothing."
He pressed her to him, burying his face in her hair, inhaling that same citrus scent that had haunted him for so many months. And for the first time in years, he felt truly alive.
She was in her fourth year when he first said "I love you." Not in bed, not in a moment of passion, but in the morning, in the kitchen, when she, sleepy, wearing his shirt, was stirring oatmeal. He said it—and froze, as if frightened by his own boldness. She came over, embraced him from behind, pressed her nose between his shoulder blades.
"I know," she whispered. "Me too."
And so their feelings flowed on: slowly, warmly, deeply, like a bottomless pool. Meetings at her place when her roommate was away for weekends. Evenings at his, with the fireplace and wine. Joint trips to small towns where no one knew them. Her graduation, where he watched her from the back rows and for the first time in many years felt not like a professor—but simply a man, infinitely proud and infinitely in love.
And then came the night after her defense, when she arrived at his place with her diploma and a bottle of champagne, and they drank on the floor, staring at the ceiling, and she suddenly said:
"Now I'm no longer your student."
He turned his head, looked at her with a long, attentive gaze.
"You never were," he replied. "You were simply... mine. And I was yours. From the very first moment we spoke."
hi, i love your baelor fanfics, so i came to request one, if you'd like to write it. so, the reader is his niece, she has a more reserved and mature vibe for her age (age gap, please). she falls in love first, through the admiration and respect she feels for him. baelor notices, and his reaction isn't very good. he ends up distancing himself from her, being kind of cold and rigid, in order to hide the attraction and desire he feels for her deep down. there's a lot of pent-up tension, moral conflict on his part, and lingering glances too. a slow burn story with a lot of longing, she fell first but he fell harder.
note: if you could add a scene where she is courted by another lord and baelor is mad with jealousy (in his own way), i would be very grateful. thank you in advance!
I'm not me when I write fics about Baelor. I become a crazy, lovesick woman every time. While I was writing this, I was just going crazy and screaming with happiness.
saying something dangerous, like I love you
Baelor Breakspear x niece! reader
Word count: 8k
Tags: Angst, Uncle/Niece Incest, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Age Gap
She watched him all through her childhood. She hid in the dark, dusty corners of the library, watching the pages of ancient tomes rustle soundlessly under his elegant, long fingers. She watched from afar as he engaged in gallant and effortless small talk with ladies and lords, and always, even in passing, noticed how his shoulders would subtly relax in those rare moments when he was alone with his family — with his wife and children. She always quietly, almost reverently admired her uncle — a man who moved through life with that innate confidence and calm that was so desperately lacking in their castle world, where they had existed side by side for many, many long years. Baelor, without knowing it and without making any effort, became for his young niece not just a relative, but a role model. He could not have imagined back then what the future truly held in store for them both.
And Lady Fate, meanwhile, was not idle: she played and schemed, stealthily binding them with common, invisible ties, the existence of which neither she nor he even suspected.
Then, suddenly, like a whirlwind, disaster struck: the Unknown took the life of the beautiful Jenna Dondarrion in an instant, leaving Baelor utterly alone to bear an immense burden — to raise his children and to manage both the realm and his own grief. And the princess, who at the time was only ten and five, felt, with a surprising, burning clarity, an overwhelming need to be near her uncle during this period of his deep sorrow. She didn't know for sure, and couldn't know, if true, all-consuming love had existed between the spouses, but the crown prince certainly harbored the warmest and most tender feelings for his late wife. His grief was genuine.
And she was there. She would appear like a shadow, silently sit in the armchair by the fire in his chambers, bring cool water when he forgot to eat, trying to cheer the man if not with a timely word, then at least with her quiet, sympathetic presence. And Baelor endlessly valued his niece for this sensitivity, so beyond her years. The prince did not know, did not suspect, that even then, in those mournful days, something more than simple familial affection had been born in the maiden's heart. It was infatuation. The very first, fragile and tremulous infatuation, which began to bloom profusely in the light of his gratitude for the care shown during the most difficult period of his life, when, besides his wife's death, urgent state affairs also rained down upon him. King Daeron, feeling old age approaching, was gradually transferring all his duties and burdens of rule to his eldest son, but Baelor himself did not desire this. His soul had no inclination for the Throne. He had to submit, gritting his teeth, and accept his inexorable fate as heir to the Iron Throne.
And who could have known that unexpected help would come from this young, almost child-like niece? Yes, she was mature beyond her years, was even wise in her own way, even though she sometimes lacked personal, hard-earned experience. But, to his great surprise, she always intuitively knew just what to say and what to do, what advice to give, and which actions were definitely not worth taking. Sometimes, looking at her, Baelor clearly saw before him not a young girl, but a grown woman, wise with life, who had lived as many years as he had. But certainly not that young princess of dragon's blood, who should only be interested in new fabrics from the Free Cities and long, languid evenings spent embroidering and engaging in empty talk with her friends. The princess seemed, as it were, not of this world — so it occasionally, but very vividly, seemed to him. And Baelor received new confirmations of this in those moments when he happened upon her in complete solitude and deafening silence. She could for a long time, without blinking, stare at the same spot on the wall or out the window, completely motionless and unaware of the sounds of the surrounding world. He was always tormented by curiosity: what could this young maiden with hair white as moonlight, silver, be thinking about? What thoughts, what secrets could concern his beloved niece? But he never once dared to ask, preferring to remain a silent shadow behind her.
Years passed. Months gave way to one another, and that first, tremulous infatuation, which the princess in her naivety considered merely a fleeting fancy that would disappear without a trace after a couple of moons, only grew stronger with each new day spent in Baelor's company. Neither of them noticed how time had slipped by imperceptibly, and the young girl had transformed into a beautiful, stately beauty with a sharp and agile mind. The youthful softness and plumpness had finally left her body, revealing the true, perfect dragon beauty. And not a single lord at court, not a single visiting guest, could leave this change without greedy, admiring attention.
But the princess was no longer interested in marriage as such. Her heart had finally and irrevocably fallen prisoner to Baelor, caught in that very clever trap he had set without knowing it. This happened when she, despite all her mental maturity, had still recklessly surrendered to her first deep feeling. She liked to feel, to the point of trembling, the flutter in her chest at the mere sight of her uncle; she liked to catch his every word; she liked to receive his sparing, yet so desired praise. Especially when she, casually discussing some seemingly insignificant matter of state with him, would suddenly steer her thoughts in the right direction, sincerely delighting the prince with her un-childlike wisdom and sound judgment.
Once, during one such conversation by the fireplace, when the wind was howling outside and the room was warm and cozy, her uncle said something to her that she remembered for the rest of her life. He said that she would have made an excellent ruler — wise, just, and far-sighted. And if her memory did not deceive her or blend with imagination, Baelor had then gently stroked her head, brushing a strand of silver hair from her forehead.
"Perhaps so," she had agreed then, unable to suppress the broad, happy smile brought on by his unexpected and so valuable compliment. "It's just a pity I was born a woman."
She clearly remembered that moment: how her uncle had frowned then — as if heavy storm clouds had suddenly rolled over his always so open and kind face. He did not like her words, steeped in the bitterness of the accepted injustice of the world. He let her know this immediately, unafraid to broach the slippery and dangerous topic. He set aside the scroll he was holding and turned his whole body towards her.
"Don't you dare say that," Baelor said quietly, but with an unexpected steel in his voice. "Your mind is sharper than that of many lords sitting on the Small Council. Your blood is the blood of the Conqueror. Do you truly believe that your gender determines the value of your future decisions?"
The princess froze, not expecting such fervor. In his eyes swam something new, unfamiliar to her until then — not just pity for her words, but real conviction. This sparked something new in her — excitement, an even greater attraction to the man who was now defending her from herself.
"But such is the order, uncle," she replied quietly, lowering her eyes. "A woman is a pawn. Her lot is to bear heirs and be a beautiful shadow to her husband."
"Nonsense," Baelor cut her off more sharply than he probably intended. He took her palm in his, not taking his gaze from his niece. "Orders are written by people. And people, as is known, make mistakes. You... you are not just my niece," he faltered, as if the words were coming to him with difficulty, searching for the right definition. "You are my most faithful and wise advisor. And I want you to know: by my side, you will always have a voice. And that voice will be heard. Do you understand?"
A log in the fireplace cracked loudly, sending up a shower of sparks. In the ensuing silence, the princess looked at their intertwined fingers and felt something hot and immense growing in her chest, ready to burst from within.
After that memorable evening, when she had nearly broken her heart against his steadfastness, the princess seemed to shed invisible shackles. If before she had carefully hidden her feelings behind the mask of a respectful niece, now, in despair, she allowed herself more and more liberties. It seemed to her: if she was destined to burn in this fire, then let the flames burn bright. She sought any pretext to be near him.
A fleeting touch of their hands, when she handed him a cup of wine, made her heart beat faster, and his — hesitate, frozen in indecision. Glances across the table at some banquet — she would catch his eyes, even when he looked away, and in those glances there was so much left unsaid that the air between them seemed to crackle. She would loop her arm through his, pressing a little closer than etiquette allowed, inhaling the familiar scent of old wood, ink, and the subtle incense that clung to his clothes. Once, when they were alone in the small drawing-room, she casually went to adjust the Hand's brooch on his chest — her fingers trembled, touching the cold metal. And the next moment, obeying a sudden impulse, she slid her hand higher and playfully tugged at his short beard, in which more and more silver threads were appearing. Baelor froze then, not knowing how to react, and she laughed — brightly and desperately, to hide the tears that had risen to her throat at her own audacity.
Hiding her feelings became harder with each passing month. The princess fell into melancholy sadness more and more often whenever she was alone. She was afraid to speak directly to her uncle — the fear of rejection paralyzed her will. She was certain: to him, she was merely a dear niece, a valued conversationalist, perhaps a friend. But nothing more. He would not accept her love; he would refuse, turn away — too proper, too faithful to duty, too frightened of what others might think. She knew Baelor well enough to predict his reaction: first disbelief, then cold politeness, and finally, complete estrangement. And this estrangement, which she had already begun to feel, seemed to her a harbinger of disaster.
But Baelor suspected. He had begun to suspect long before he allowed himself to admit it. Her glances had become too obvious, her touches too tender, she spent too much time near him, forgetting about others. He saw how she blossomed in his presence and how she dimmed when he left. And this realization crashed down upon him, crushing a heart already tormented by doubts. He could not, did not have the right to reciprocate — neither his age nor his position as heir allowed him even to think of it. And he made the cruelest decision, but, as it seemed to him, the only right one — to distance himself. To shield them both from falling into that bottomless abyss from which there was no escape. Better to do it now, before it was too late.
But the prince did not understand one thing: this "too late" had already arrived. It had arrived the very moment he first caught himself looking for her in a crowd. When his hand froze an inch from her hair, but never dared to touch. When he realized that his decision to distance himself caused pain not only to her, but to himself as well.
The days dragged on, unbearably long and agonizing for both of them. Of course, she noticed his aloofness. She would not have been herself if she hadn't noticed how mercilessly her uncle turned away from her, how he stopped calling her to the library for those long, intense, mind-stirring discussions that had become the meaning of her existence. No more notes hinting at an interesting book, no more invitations to stroll through the garden, no more of those warm, semi-private dinners in a small circle where she felt needed. Days passed in a gray succession; she stopped feeling connected to the outside world, with each hour sinking deeper into the abyss of her own emotions, enveloping her soul in impenetrable darkness. She unconsciously dug her nails into her palms every time she was ignored. She suffocated, being in the same space as him, yet receiving neither a glance nor a word.
At one banquet, they were seated on opposite sides of the hall — whether by the king's will or by chance, but it eased life for neither of them. They became unwilling participants in others' conversations, surrounded by lords, ladies, brothers, and cousins. Baelor, unable to resist some invisible force, kept catching himself searching for her gaze. And when he finally succeeded, he regretted it. Her eyes, usually so alive, understanding, sparkling with intelligence, were now empty. Empty and indifferent — the way one looks at things that no longer matter. In that emptiness lurked such sharp pain that Baelor's breath caught. Resentment was also there, but the princess hid it even from herself, considering that feeling unworthy. She couldn't understand: why? What had she done wrong? When had she said something rude or made a misstep? It seemed to her there was no place in her life for such baseness. She had always tried to control herself, so that neither word nor action would betray her true emotions, but with each passing day, with each empty conversation, it became harder to keep the dragon in check.
The feast stretched on in an endless succession of toasts, the clinking of goblets, bursts of laughter, and that obligatory small talk which never truly ends but merely flows from one empty form into another. The Princess had learned long ago, in her early youth, to exist within this noisy vortex without being fully immersed in it. She smiled when etiquette demanded it, nodded when it was appropriate, and had long since stopped listening to what was being said around her. Too tiresome, too meaningless. Her thoughts wandered far from these walls, bathed in the light of a thousand candles—or rather, they were there, where he sat at the high table, encircled by lords, advisors, and ever-flattering courtiers.
Baelor did not look her way. Not for months now, for an eternity—since that day when something between them had broken. She had grown accustomed to the pain, though growing accustomed to such a deep, gnawing emptiness inside was as impossible as getting used to living without air. She had simply learned to hide it deep, in the very depths of her soul, carefully masking it with a facade of icy indifference. And credit where it was due, she did it masterfully. Lately, not a single soul had dared ask the Princess what had happened, why she was no longer seen in the company of the Crown Prince, where that particular light had gone that used to ignite in her eyes upon his arrival. She pretended to be perpetually busy—with affairs, with walks, with playing the lute, embroidery, reading—just to avoid unwanted questions and the sticky, web-like gossip. Though, truth be told, she hardly cared about the gossip when everything inside her ached with longing, twisted with unspoken words and the impossibility of simply approaching him and touching his hand.
"—...and so I tell him, this arrogant lord: 'My lord, if you are seeking a bride, you should look not at me, but into the book of noble lineages. All the names are written there, and I dare say, mine is not among them for you,'" finished Lord Mallister his long-winded speech, laughing loudly and smugly at his own joke, awaiting praise for his wit.
She smiled—politely, distantly. The lord was young, rich, favored by the king, and seemed genuinely intent on vying for her hand. The second one this month. And likely the tenth since the start of the year—the Princess was not in the habit of counting suitors; they faded from memory faster than frost melts in the morning sun. She had long stopped remembering even their names, because her entire being, every thought and every heartbeat, belonged to another Targaryen. To the one who now sat twenty paces away and did not even look her way.
"You are cruel, Princess," Lord Mallister suddenly said with playful reproach, stepping impermissibly close, his lips almost brushing her temple, his hand nearly touching her elbow. He reeked of wine and self-satisfaction. "It seems your thoughts are occupied with something else, and I must admit, it stings. Tell me, what could possibly concern the beautiful Princess, heiress to the ancient blood of Valyria?"
She opened her mouth to reply with something sharp—one phrase would have sufficed to put the presumptuous lord in his place—but she didn't get the chance. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a sudden movement where Baelor had been sitting motionless just moments before. Her heart skipped a beat, then began pounding somewhere in her throat. Emerging from the crowd's hum, from behind Mallister's back, came that voice—so familiar, so longed-for, at the very sound of which everything inside her turned upside down. He spoke evenly, coldly, and with authority:
"Forgive me, Lord Mallister. I need to speak with my niece. Immediately."
Baelor stood a step away from her, though just a minute ago he had been sitting at the table surrounded by other lords and the king himself. He extended his hand to her—a formal gesture, impeccably polite, as etiquette demanded when a gentleman invites a lady. But when her trembling fingers touched his palm, he squeezed them a little tighter than necessary. For one brief, searing moment, she closed her eyes, feeling that long-awaited warmth of his skin. It instantly dispelled the sticky, grasping fingers of darkness and despair that had been suffocating her for weeks.
He led her through the hall—neither fast nor slow, pacing his steps so as not to attract undue attention. But his hand did not release her fingers even when they stepped into the coolness of the nearly empty gallery, passed through an enfilade of rooms, and arrived at the balcony. Here, under the high canopy of stars, only the night, the moon, and the autumn garden below could witness their conversation.
"Baelor?" her voice came out soft, bewildered. "What happened? Why did you...?"
He was silent. He stood half-turned away from her, his gaze fixed on the darkness of the garden, the wind tousling his dark hair, where, in the moonlight, an early streak of silver glinted like a thread. His hand still held her fingers—and then, as if suddenly coming to his senses and regaining control over his body, he loosened his grip. But he did not let go completely. Instead, he ran his thumb over her knuckles—lightly, almost weightlessly, as if testing the feel of the most precious fabric in the world—and paused.
"That lord," he finally spoke, though the reason for his actions now seemed trivial to him, unworthy of the Crown Prince leaving the feast and taking his niece out into the night. "Mallister."
She froze, afraid to breathe, afraid to break this moment.
"What about him?" she breathed, barely audible.
"He..." Baelor faltered, as if struggling to find the right words. He turned his head, looked at her piercingly, searchingly. How long had it been since they stood like this—close, alone, not playing their assigned roles. There was a dull ache in his chest—perhaps his heart, withered during the months of separation, had finally shown signs of life. "He is not a suitable match for you."
She wanted to ask: why? Who could possibly be suitable for her? She wanted to scream in his face that she didn't care, that she would never marry anyone, that the only man she wanted by her side every morning and every night was him. But the words lodged in her throat like a lump, because Baelor suddenly stepped closer, cutting off any attempt to continue this agonizing dialogue. He stood right in front of her. So close that she could feel the heat of his body on her skin, hear his ragged breathing, see the pulse beating in his temple.
He leaned towards her—slowly, infinitely slowly, as if giving her time to retreat, to run, to hide. As if testing whether she would let him tear down all the walls that he himself had erected between them. And she did not retreat. She stood frozen in disbelief, gazing into his eyes, which in the moonlight now seemed almost black, bottomless, drawing her in. She would have given anything—everything to the last drop of blood—just to hear the cherished words now that would shatter the chains of this mad estrangement. Why else would he have come? Why else would he look at her like that?
"You deserve better," he whispered, and in that whisper there was anguish. "Far better than that... than any of them."
His hand slowly rose toward her face—and halted an inch from her cheek. She bit down on her lower lip until it hurt, feeling the searing heat of his palm, the almost-touch. Sparks seemed to leap between his fingers and her skin. But he could not bring himself to take that final step, to shatter that boundary. Just one touch—that was all she desired now, all she prayed for. His finger traced the line of her cheekbone in the air—without making contact, yet goosebumps raced across her skin, and everything tightened low in her belly with aching anticipation.
"Baelor..." she breathed, and in her voice there was a tremor, a plea, desperation.
He snatched his hand back as if burned by the sound of her voice. Stepped away, as though an invisible wall had once again risen between them. Ran his palm over his face, banishing the spell, banishing her image that stood before his eyes. He no longer looked at her, but her face still shone before his gaze, bathed in moonlight, making her features intoxicatingly beautiful, her eyes impossibly huge, knowing, absorbing all his pain.
"Forgive me. I should not have..." His voice failed, grew hoarse. He berated himself for this unforgivable weakness, for that single impulse that had made him rise from his seat and rush here, saving her from a lord who merely had the foolishness to stand too close. "It seemed to me that lord was too forward. Your reputation..."
"My reputation is perfectly fine," she interrupted more sharply than intended. Her chest trembled from his proximity, from this almost-touch, from the way he had looked at her. "And you, Baelor, know perfectly well that I do not intend to marry."
He glanced at her, eyes slightly narrowed, searching. Her words, contrary to his expectation, sparked not concern in his eyes but a strange flash of satisfaction, which he futilely tried to hide:
"Why?"
The question hung in the air between them. She could have answered. Could have told the truth—now, here, under this starry sky, when they stood so close. The words hovered on her tongue, burned it: "Because I love you, you fool. Because my heart belongs to you and you alone." But a sticky, all-consuming fear clamped her throat in iron jaws. Fear of rejection, fear of shattering this fragile moment, fear of hearing cold, polite pity in return.
"Because I see none worthy among them," she said, and her voice came out steady, though everything inside her screamed. And these words were partly true—let Baelor guess, if he wished, that the only man worthy of her stood before her now.
She saw him give a short nod, as if this was precisely the answer he had expected, as if he had been testing something for himself. Something elusive flickered in the depths of his eyes—relief? Or disappointment that she hadn't dared?—and vanished instantly, swept away by the familiar mask of composure.
"You should return now," he said, and his voice once again carried the steely notes of the King's Hand, a man accustomed to commanding and concealing his feelings.
"And you?" she asked, unable to move from the spot, tethered to him by an invisible thread.
"I will come later. I need to..." He didn't finish, only gestured vaguely into the darkness of the night garden. But at that moment, he was thinking of only one thing: how he longed to press her against the cold stone wall, to crush her lips—so unsmiling lately, so sad—in a desperate, hungry kiss, and erase with a single motion all those foolish boundaries he himself had built between them. Leaving only one thing—heat, pain, and maddening desire.
She slowly turned, took the first uncertain step toward the archway from which they had come. Stopped, looked back over her shoulder.
He stood exactly where she had left him—motionless, like a statue carved from stone. And he was watching her, silently following her with his gaze.
"Baelor," she called softly, almost timidly. But there was no continuation to these words. The Princess could not find them, and were they even needed?
He only gripped the balcony railing tighter, his knuckles turning white in the moonlight.
And she left. And in her chest, with each uncertain step, with each heartbeat, something warm, tremulous, long-forgotten and therefore frightening began to grow. He had come for her. He had taken her away from that pushy lord. He had looked at her as he hadn't looked at her in long, endless months. He had almost touched her face. He...
What did it all mean? Why had he done it?
She did not know yet. But for the first time in a long, dragging while, deep within her wounded soul, a tiny, timid flame of hope flickered to life.
Returning to the stuffy, noisy hall, she smiled absently at Lord Mallister, who immediately rushed over with concerned questions, and didn't even notice what he was saying. The hum of the feast, the clinking of goblets, the music—all merged into one distant noise. Her thoughts were elsewhere—on the cold balcony, under the stars, with him.
And Baelor returned to the banquet hall only an hour later, when the feast was in full swing. He sank heavily into his seat, accepted a full goblet from the hands of an obliging servant, raised it to his lips—and immediately, as if burned, set it back down on the table. The expensive wine tasted to him bitterer than wormwood itself.
She had almost stopped eating. The hope that had blossomed after their conversation on the balcony shattered into a million pieces in the following days, days filled with loneliness and silence. Food seemed tasteless, and her stomach clenched in a spasm at the very thought of dining in the great hall, where he sat so far away and yet so close. She spent more and more time in her chambers, voluntarily imprisoned within four walls. She paced her rooms—from door to window, from window to fireplace, day after day, like a caged animal. Sometimes she simply lay on the bed without moving, staring at the ceiling and counting the cracks. The rare moments she left the castle, she shared with her faithful horse, riding him into the Kingswood. Only there, beneath the canopy of trees, could she breathe freely. The wind tousled her silver hair, carrying the scent of pine needles and the sweetish aroma of rotting leaves—autumn had finally claimed its dominion. The forest was withering, and this withering seemed to her a pitiful reminder of her own feelings for Baelor—feelings she was afraid to put into words, to go to him for an honest conversation.
When King Daeron announced a great hunt, the Princess received the news with dread. She knew that all members of the royal family were required to attend. And that meant seeing Baelor again. Feeling again that high wall between them. Smiling again and pretending everything was fine.
The hunt began on a clear autumn morning. The sun gilded the treetops, the air was transparent and fresh. Baelor, as always, was the center of attention—stately, important, in a sturdy hunting tunic of dark green wool, a dagger at his belt. People looked at him with admiration and awe—the Crown Prince, the kingdom's pillar, the future king. And she... She was lost in the crowd, like a ghost, restless and forgotten by everyone, even him. She wandered among the pavilions, paying no mind to how strangers looked at her. Her thoughts were tangled, the sun blinded her, and the smells—roasted meat, horse sweat, leather, and smoke—assaulted her nose, causing a throbbing headache. She rubbed her temples with her fingers again and again, trying to quell the pulsation.
Finally, she could bear it no longer and, leaving the noisy camp, ventured deeper into the forest. Ancient oaks, which remembered her ancestors and those same endlessly repeated hunts, welcomed her into their shade. It was quiet here, only the rustle of fallen leaves underfoot and the distant call of hunting horns somewhere far away. She leaned her back against the rough trunk and closed her eyes, hoping the headache would subside. She cared nothing for the festivities in the pavilions, for the talk and laughter. It all seemed empty and false. And she preferred not to see Baelor at all—each meeting only brought a fresh wound.
But fate, as is well known, does not ask our permission.
She did not hear his footsteps—the leaves muffled them. But suddenly she felt someone's presence. She opened her eyes and started. A few paces away stood Baelor. He was alone, without his retinue, without his horse, and he was looking at her as he had not looked at her for many days—with concern, with pain, and with something else. Could it be?...
"You left," he said hoarsely, and in that single word there was so much: reproach, pain, and a desperate, almost angry relief at having found her. "I saw you heading into the forest. Alone. Do you have any idea what that means? It's reckless. It's unsafe."
She stood with her back against the rough trunk of the old oak, watching him. The autumn forest breathed cold and the scent of decaying leaves; somewhere far off, a crow cawed, and these sounds seemed the only reality in a world that had just been turned upside down.
"Since when do you care about my safety, Baelor?" she asked, her voice quiet and cracking, sounding so tired and bitter that it made his heart clench. "You don't even look at me. For months. You walk past me as if I don't exist. As if I were an empty space."
He stepped closer—impulsively, without thinking—but in the next instant stopped, as if hitting an invisible, yet no less real, barrier. His gaze, fixed on her, was filled with such a tangled knot of doubt, pain, and confusion that she could barely withstand its pressure. He himself, apparently, could not untangle his own feelings—or perhaps he was simply afraid to look too deeply. She lowered her eyes and saw his hands, hanging at his sides, clench convulsively and then release, and this gesture told her more than any words. He was tense to the limit. He was on the edge.
"You know perfectly well why I don't look."
"No," she slowly shook her head, and in her eyes, glistening in the dim sunlight, tears suddenly appeared—the very tears she had held back so long, so desperately, all these endless months. All her learned composure, all her feigned maturity and impenetrability, dissolved in an instant, falling away like dry leaves. Now before him stood not the princess of dragon's blood, not the statue everyone was used to seeing. Before him stood simply a young woman whose love—the one and only, all-consuming love—remained unrequited. Or so she thought. "I don't know, Baelor. I don't know anything. You just disappeared. From my life, from my days, from everything. You wouldn't even spare me a glance. Explain it to me. Please. I deserve at least that after everything that was between us… I deserve to know the truth."
He was silent, and in that silence, in the resonant stillness of the autumn forest, there was so much unspoken anguish… Why? Why did he have such expressive eyes when he allowed it? Why did they speak louder than any words, but only when he let them?
Finally, he exhaled—hoarsely, brokenly:
"If I allow myself to look at you… if I allow myself to be near you, to breathe the same air as you, to touch you… I won't be able to stop. Whether you understand it or not, I won't be able to. I won't be able to pretend anymore that you're just my niece. Just my brother's daughter. Because that is a lie. A lie I've told for too long, and it's a vile one."
"You're afraid," she said quietly, but with complete, absolute certainty in her words. She straightened up, squared her thin, tense shoulders, and met his gaze. Fearless. Stubborn. Desperate to the last spark. "You've always been afraid, Baelor. Of your own feelings, of what others think. Of what people will say, what the lords will think, what the council will decide. You hide behind your duty, behind your crown, behind your age… But I'm not afraid of anything. Do you hear me? Nothing, except one thing—losing you. I would rather burn in this fire myself than spend my whole life warming myself at someone else's cold hearth."
She stepped towards him herself—swiftly, not giving herself time to think, not allowing fear to bind her hands and feet again. In a rush, in a desperate lunge, she grabbed the collar of his traveling doublet with both hands, pulling him towards her with a strength he hadn't expected from her. The heavy Hand of the King's brooch, the symbol of his power and his damned duty, flashed and was immediately hidden beneath the folds of his cloak. Before Baelor could pull away—and did he even want to?—their faces were inches apart. To keep his balance, to avoid falling onto her, pressed against the tree, he had to brace his hands against the rough oak trunk on either side of her head. He was taller, broader, stronger—and yet he felt like a cornered animal, no longer knowing if it even wanted to escape.
"You won't lose me," his voice broke as he breathed these words directly onto her lips, almost touching them. "I will always be near. Always. As your uncle, as a friend. As an elder who is duty-bound to protect you."
He said this, but… did he himself believe what he was saying? Did he fully understand the meaning of the words he was uttering, words meant to be a saving lie for them both? He wanted to believe there was some truth in them, that he could somehow—reshape his feelings, compress them into acceptable familial boundaries. Only somewhere deep in his soul, in its darkest, most honest corner, he understood: such a relationship, if forced into the accursed bed of duty, would bring only pain. And the main thing—was he himself willing to suffer like that for the rest of his life?
"And what if being just a niece is not enough for me?" the princess whispered passionately, barely breathing, and as she spoke, her lips almost brushed against his. "What if being just your brother's daughter, whom you are obliged to teach and protect, is not enough? What if I love you not at all the way a niece should love her uncle? You know this. You've always known it."
He slammed his eyes shut—sharply, as if she had struck him—and a shadow passed over his face.
"Don't say that. Please," he exhaled, and his own voice sounded foreign to him: hoarse, almost pitiful. He wanted to laugh bitterly at himself, at his helplessness, at how easily this girl, whom he still remembered as a foolish child, shattered all his armor to pieces.
"Why?" she didn't relent. Her fingers, still clutching his doublet, loosened slightly but didn't let go. "Because it's the truth? Or because you feel the same way yourself, but you don't have the courage to admit it?"
He opened his eyes wide, and in them, in those bottomless dark eyes, such despair blazed, such raw, uncovered pain, that she froze, afraid to move. She searched them, trying to read the answer to her question, and suddenly felt her hands, still clinging to the thick fabric of his tunic, slide upward of their own accord. To his neck. To his heated skin, which she had so desperately wanted to touch all these long months. Her palms, chilled by the damp autumn air, by the cold that penetrated even her thick cloak, came to rest on his neck, and this contrast—her icy fingers and the heat of his blood—burned them both.
"Yes," he exhaled, and his face contorted into a grimace as if, at that very moment, a spear had pierced him, had run him through, and his insides were flooded with hot, salty blood. "Yes, I feel it. Damn you, girl, I feel it. And every night I lie awake, thinking of you. And every time you walk past me, I want to grab your hand, pull you to me, and never, do you hear me, never let you go. Every damned moment you smile at someone else, I want to break that someone's neck. Satisfied? Is this what you wanted?"
She looked at him, pale, with dilated, enormous pupils, and her lips trembled—whether from the cold or from what was happening inside her.
"Then why are you tormenting us both?" she whispered, barely moving her lips, and in that whisper there was a plea. "If you feel… if I mean something to you… why this torture?"
"Because I am your uncle," his voice cracked into a rasp, almost a moan. He said it as if the word itself was a sentence he had passed on himself and was powerless to appeal. Targaryen traditions, the customs of their ancestors, the incestuous marriages that were once the norm—all of it was foreign to him. He had grown up in a different time, at a different court, when close-kin unions in their house had faded away, become a dark legend, a shadow of the past not spoken of. But the princess could not, would not accept this attitude from him. To her, it was a betrayal—not of tradition, but of them. "Because I am nearly forty, and you have only just turned nineteen, and your whole life is still ahead of you. Because I am the heir to the Iron Throne, the King's Hand, and if a single living soul finds out what is happening here… do you have any idea what filth they'll throw at you? What slander, what vileness? They'll call you a wanton, a seductress, practically a witch who bewitched a foolish old man. And me—a dishonorable old fool who defiled his own niece. I cannot allow that. I have no right. I cannot let you ruin your life, ruin your future, ruin everything you could have, because of a foolish… because of some girlish infatuation."
She dug her fingers into his neck with such force that crimson marks would surely remain—bruises that would become for him a painfully sweet reminder of this day, of this mad forest, of her despair turned into victory. She wanted to feel him under her fingers—alive, real, hers. To prove to herself with every touch, with every cell of her body, that this was not a dream, not another painful delusion, not a trick of an imagination inflamed by long solitude, which had so many times painted similar pictures for her, only to shatter her heart with cruel reality come morning.
"This is not a foolish infatuation!" she exclaimed, and her voice, rising to a cry, tore through the silence of the autumn forest. But in that cry there was no anger, no reproach—only a desperate, plaintive plea to finally be heard by the one whose voice meant more to her than all the songs of all the minstrels in the world. "And I don't care about the filth! I don't care! What dare they say against the blood of the dragon? What do I care for their gossip, for their filthy tongues, for the whispers behind my back, when you stand here now, before me, and confess that I haven't been going mad alone all this time? I can endure anything. Anything they dare throw in my face, if you are by my side. If I know that in the evening I will go not to my empty, cold chambers, but to you. But if you push me away now..."
She sobbed—convulsively, brokenly, no longer able to hold back the tears that had long been a lump in her throat, suffocating her at night, threatening to overwhelm her at the most inopportune moments. She had balanced on this damned edge for so many days, so many endless nights, that now, when the dam had finally burst, it flooded out with unstoppable force. Tears streamed down her cheeks—large, salty, hot—falling onto the withered autumn leaves at their feet, and she didn't even try to wipe them away. Let him see. Let him know what his silence had cost her, those averted eyes, that damned propriety of his.
"...then life will no longer be worth living," she finished in a barely audible whisper, and in that whisper there was so much resignation, so much quiet, hopeless despair, that Baelor's heart would have shattered into pieces, had it still been made of flesh and blood, and not of that frozen stone he had so diligently tried to make it all these long months.
He grabbed her by the shoulders—sharply, impulsively—shook her so hard her head snapped back and her silver hair whipped across her face. Roughly. Desperately. Trying to reach her through the haze of her hysteria, through this flood of tears and confessions that threatened to sweep them both away. His eyes blazed with angry fire, but that anger was not directed at her—oh no, not at her. At himself. At his cowardice. At his damned propriety, at his duty, at all those years he had spent keeping his distance from her, years that had nearly destroyed them both.
"Don't you dare say that!" he growled, his voice, low and hoarse, coming out as almost an animal snarl. "Never! Don't you dare."
"Then stop turning away!" she cried back, looking at him through her tears, and in that outcry there was as much pain as there was defiance. Her voice, ringing and desperate, startled the birds in the crown of the old oak—they rose into the rapidly darkening sky in a noisy, frightened flock, showering them from above with a veritable rain of crimson and gold leaves. "Stop pretending I don't exist! If we are destined to burn—let us burn together. But I can no longer suffocate in this loneliness! I cannot wake up every morning with the thought that today you will again walk past me without even a glance!"
Her chest heaved beneath the fabric of her dress, large, salty tears burned her cheeks, her soul cried out for mercy—or for execution, she no longer distinguished between the two. She needed only one thing: for him to save her from herself, from this endless wavering between the hope that smoldered somewhere in her heart and the black, hopeless despair that engulfed her every evening. For him to free her from the power of his own hands and his own heart, which tormented her more cruelly than any sophisticated torture—with their damned inaccessibility.
He looked at her, and in his eyes a true storm raged. Desire, accumulated over years, suppressed, trampled down by the heavy boots of duty and honor. Fear of the inevitable—fear that stopping this now would be impossible, that there was no turning back. And an all-consuming, wild, no-longer-restrained love, which he had buried for so long under a bushel of propriety and decency. All of this now swirled in his soul in a frantic, frenzied dance, depriving him of the last crumbs of reason, sweeping away all the barriers he had built over the years.
And then, unable to bear another second of this torment, he wrenched her to him—wrenched her so hard that she slammed against his chest—and crushed his mouth to hers in a kiss.
Desperate. Hungry. Frenzied.
Like a drowning man who, after long minutes underwater, when his lungs are already burning and the last sparks of life are flashing in his mind, finally gasps for life-giving air. Like a starving beast finally reaching its long-awaited prey, no longer controlling its animalistic, primal nature. Like a boy experiencing for the first time the intoxicating, maddening taste of first love—though what boy, what first love...
She gasped.
The entire world—the autumn forest, the cold wind, the rustling leaves, the cries of startled birds—all disappeared, fell away somewhere, compressed into a single point of contact: their lips. Every sensation sharpened to an impossible, painful degree. She felt every moment: the searing touch of his lips—so firm and yet so gentle; his hands, like a steel band gripping her shoulders—his fingers digging into the fabric of her dress, surely leaving bruises; the frantic, mad pounding of his heart, which she felt even through the thick fabric of his tunic and her own ribcage. Her knees suddenly buckled, lost all strength, and she hung on him, suddenly powerless, like a rag doll. Her legs no longer held her—all the strength, all the fury, all the inhuman pain of the last weeks and months had drained out of her with her tears, leaving behind only an emptiness, which was instantly, immediately filled by a pulsating, all-consuming, painfully sweet desire to be even closer. To dissolve into him. To become him.
But her uncle's strong arms—beloved, the only one—did not let her fall. Caught her under her back, pulled her to him, pressed her against his body so tightly, as if afraid she would dissolve into the autumn air, disappear, turn into a ghost to mock him one last time. She clung to him with her hands—convulsively, feverishly, in a frenzy digging her fingers into the thick, rough wool of his travelling cloak on his back, crumpling the expensive fabric, not caring about anything in the world. She arched in his arms, pressing closer, grinding her hips against his, instinctively, by touch seeking that singular closeness she had been deprived of for so long. Feeling how tense his body was, how every muscle, every sinew trembled with barely restrained, bursting-forth passion, with years of hunger that now demanded its due.
She moaned—deeply, brokenly, unable to bear this sweet tension any longer, tension that still sought release. Her whole body trembled with a fine, uncontrollable shiver—whether from cold or from an excess of feeling—as Baelor's hands slid down her back, pressing into her sharp shoulder blades, tracing the line of her spine, descending lower, to her waist, pulling her even closer, if that were possible. She was burning. Burning alive in this dank autumn forest, under ancient oaks, and she wanted no salvation. No other salvation but him.
He tore his lips from hers only to draw in a ragged, whistling breath—and immediately pressed them to hers again, no longer kissing but seemingly devouring her, trying to drink her in, to sate himself with her for all the years he had deprived himself. To quell a hunger that tormented him more fiercely than any dragonfire. His palms roamed her back, buried themselves in her silver hair, tangled in it, gently tugging at strands, making her tilt her head back and bare her throat to his greedy, wet, burning kisses.
"My girl," he breathed into the hollow behind her ear, into the sensitive skin behind her lobe, and his voice sounded so unfamiliar, so foreign to the composed, impenetrable, calm prince and Hand he had been just an hour ago. "My little girl... What are you doing to me... What are you turning me into..."
She sobbed—not from pain anymore, but from an excess of feeling that swelled in her chest, finding no other outlet. From happiness so immense it barely fit within her body.
"I love you," she whispered into his neck, pressing her face into his heated skin, inhaling the scent she had known since childhood and which now, mixed with the smell of the forest and decaying leaves, seemed the most intoxicating aroma in the world. "I've loved you for so long... You have no idea how long. Since I was fourteen, and you first praised me for giving good counsel. You didn't even notice then, but I remembered it forever."
He froze for one endless moment, and then his hands clenched on her buttocks with such force that she nearly cried out—but it was a pleasant, sweet pain.
"I do," he replied hoarsely, burying his nose in the crown of her hair. "Oh, believe me, I do. Because I've loved you almost as long. I just never allowed myself to even think about it. I forbade myself. I strangled every feeling, every thought of you. And I thought I was succeeding."
She pulled back just enough to look into his eyes—those bottomless, multi-hued eyes that now, in the forest's half-light, seemed like two stars fallen from the heavens. There were no more storm clouds in them, no more lightning flashes, no more of that agonizing struggle that had tormented him just minutes ago. Only a quiet, calm, boundless sea, reflecting the autumn evening sky and her own face—happy, wet with tears, flushed with color.
"And now?" she asked almost soundlessly, with just her lips, afraid to frighten away this fragile, newborn happiness with a loud noise.
He ran his palm along her cheek—gently, tenderly—wiping away her tears with his thumb. Paused for a moment, tracing the line of her cheekbone, then moved to her chin, tilting her face up. And he smiled—that very smile she had loved so much in childhood: warm, a little sad, endlessly dear. The smile for which she would have done anything.
"And now," he said quietly, but in that quiet there was such strength, such resolve as she had never before seen in him, "we'll have to learn to live anew. Together. Not hiding, not looking back, not being afraid. If, of course, you haven't changed your mind. If this mad hour in the woods hasn't sobered you."
She laughed—ringingly, happily. Laughed, throwing her head back, and that laughter scattered through the forest, startling yet more birds, echoing somewhere in the distance.
"Never," she breathed, still laughing and crying at once. "Never in this world."
And she reached for him for another kiss—no longer that desperate, frenzied, almost bestial kiss like the first one. But a tender, long, promising one. The kind all their subsequent kisses would be.
Somewhere in the distance, a horn sounded again, drawn-out and bassy, reminding them of the world that existed beyond their small forest, beyond this oak, this clearing, this evening. Reminding them of the feast, of the guests, of the king, of duty, of the thousand little things that make up a life.
But they had no concern for that world. Today, that world could wait. Today, they had the right to nothing but each other.
Only someone thought otherwise.
Maekar's grumbling, dissatisfied voicerangg out quite nearby—seemingly just behind the nearest bushes:
"Where in seven hells are they?" He was clearly looking either for them or for his perpetually disappearing sons, who had taken it into their heads to go on a nighttime escapade. "I've walked the whole forest, and those scoundrels are nowhere to be found!"
They froze, staring at each other with wide eyes. The Princess pressed her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing—hysterically, from the surprise and absurdity of the situation. Baelor, cursing under his breath—something he'd never been known to do before—hurriedly began straightening her cloak, smoothing her disheveled dress, tucking away stray strands of hair. She, in turn, with trembling hands, straightened his tunic, smoothed his ruffled hair.
"Easy," he whispered in her ear, quickly kissing her temple. "We go out one at a time. You first. I'll follow in a few minutes. And pretend you were just walking and got lost."
She nodded, still unable to suppress a happy, foolish smile. And throwing him one last look, full of such light that it took his breath away, she stepped out from under the oak's canopy toward Maekar's voice and the life that awaited them ahead.
spending the morning with the man you love is always a pleasure...
Fluff, fluff, fluff & love
On the frying pan, eggs were happily crackling, dropping transparent little droplets of egg white onto the hot oil, which immediately set into a lacy foam, while in the geyser coffee maker on the next burner, coffee was gurgling rhythmically and cozily. The rich, bold aroma of fresh roast rose to the ceiling, filling every corner of their small, yet so beloved apartment, mingling with the morning chill outside the window and the anticipation of a new day. She, as she did every morning for the past few months, was making them breakfast. She didn't consider it a routine or a burdensome duty, because in every movement — when she cracked the eggs, when she sliced the crusty baguette — lived her quiet joy. She simply loved Baelor very, very much.
Ah, Baelor… A tall, stately man with noticeable grey at his temples and in his beard, and a warm, slightly husky voice, whom she had met completely by chance. It happened at her favorite coffee shop on the corner, where she'd pop in every morning, despite the eternal crowd. It was always crowded, noisy, and smelled of cinnamon, but this little ritual was sacred to her. And that morning, as she was staring at her phone waiting for her cappuccino, someone behind her made a comment about the weather. She turned around simply out of politeness — and met captivating eyes of different colors. He charmed her at first sight, although he was a good ten years older, which at first even embarrassed her a little. But his voice — that deep, enveloping voice — instantly penetrated her very heart. He struck up a conversation unexpectedly and with such astonishing ease, as if they had known each other for an eternity and had just seen each other yesterday.
Never before had anyone spoken to her in a line. Honestly, people rarely approached her to get to know her at all, and this fact always caused her quiet bewilderment. She wasn't ugly, quite the opposite, but some invisible wall, woven from her own shyness and dreaminess, seemed to shield her from others' glances. For a while, this didn't bother her too much. But when she passed twenty and was still alone, except for her fluffy cat Fanny, that's when an anxious chill settled inside her. Such a dreamy soul as hers simply couldn't help but think about true love. Thoughts of an incredible, one-and-only man kept drifting off into a hazy distance, becoming obsessive and frightening. What if no one ever truly loved her? What if she remained alone until the end of her days, greeting dawns only in the company of a cat's purr? What if there was no one to share both joys and bitter moments of sorrow with? What if no one supported her in her endeavors, didn't say a simple "you've got this" in a moment of doubt? These questions swarmed in her head, robbing her of sleep and peace.
But all these gloomy "what ifs" vanished as if they never existed that morning when she dared to accept the invitation to have coffee with the charming stranger who introduced himself as Baelor. A strange name, she thought then, but didn't pay it any mind — it had only appeared a couple of times in news feeds she usually scrolled past. Their first date, which turned out to be completely improvised — a spontaneous walk in the park, conversations about nothing and everything at once — proved fateful for both. From that very day, they became inseparable, like two halves of a single whole that had been searching for each other in the crowd for so long. Both found in each other what they desperately lacked: she — protection and tenderness, he — peace and sincere warmth.
The morning flowed slowly, like viscous honey, a drop of which she added to her coffee. She heard his quiet, soft footsteps before he appeared in the kitchen doorway. She deliberately didn't turn around, freezing in sweet anticipation, and allowed herself to be surprised by his strong, reliable embrace from behind. His hands settled on her waist, pulling her closer. The pleasant, subtle, woody scent of his cologne enveloped her completely, softly intoxicating her, and she, closing her eyes, obediently offered her neck to his warm, gentle kisses. That same tender, quivering warmth that only Baelor was capable of awakening in her immediately spread through her body — a current running from the top of her head to her very heels. He was always infinitely gentle and courteous with her, a true gentleman — that's what she jokingly called him, and he smilingly lived up to the nickname. Always holding the door for her to go first, offering his hand to help her out of the car, bringing home a small but carefully chosen bouquet — the flowers she loved. He took care of her when she was sick, sitting up with her at night with tea and a thermometer, and always, always listened attentively and with interest, maintaining prolonged eye contact with his mismatched eyes before responding with something substantial.
For her, he wasn't just ideal — he was her personal universe. And after meeting him, she never once regretted not knowing this smooth, languid, all-consuming love before. She wouldn't turn back time for anything, even if it promised her royal rewards, to say "yes" to some awkward classmate in a school hallway. Baelor didn't ask her to be his girlfriend — that would have been too trivial for what was happening between them. He offered her himself — wholly, completely, with all his thoughts, habits, and that intoxicating scent of cologne in the mornings. And that finally and irrevocably captivated her inexperienced, yet so love-hungry heart.
"You snored last night, you know?" she smirked, grabbing the frying pan by the handle and carefully dividing the fried eggs onto two plates. The sunny yolks trembled appetizingly, spread out a little to the sides, and a hearty, homely smell of sunny-side-up eggs wafted through the kitchen.
With one hand, he was still holding her by the waist, lazily stroking the fabric of his own shirt with his thumb — the one she had shamelessly claimed as her own as soon as they moved in together. In it, she felt cozy, as if in his embrace, even when he wasn't around.
"Was I bothering you?" genuine concern sounded in his voice.
She couldn't see his face, but she knew for sure — his eyebrows were slightly arched now, tracing those same cute wrinkles on his forehead and around his eyes that appeared when he was worried about something. Baelor was generally an open book — all his emotions were written on his face in large letters when he was with people close to him.
"Not really," she answered mockingly, deftly slipping out of his unobtrusive grip to grab the popping toast. "I had to nudge you, and you instantly stopped. Worked like a switch."
She wasn't the chef he was. Yes, Baelor owned a chain of fairly well-known restaurants in the city — that's exactly why the name "Baelor" had once flashed in the news feed, surprising her back then — but she knew how to cook in her own way: tasty, simple, and with soul. Elaborate dinners were usually left to him. He loved to conjure by the stove in the evenings when there was no rush, and she was his devoted taster.
"How formidable you are," he snorted with adoration in his voice and, lightly touching his lips to the top of her head, helped her get two ceramic mugs from the top shelf, proudly labeled "coffee" and "more coffee."
Yes, they had separate mugs for coffee. And they saw nothing strange or funny about it. It was their little quirk, one of those endearing peculiarities that had incredibly brought them together once. No one in their circle bothered with such things, but they did. And she still remembered the day he was moving in and solemnly, like a treasure, pulled his mug from a cardboard box. It seems that's when she fell in love with him even more — to the point of goosebumps, to a puppyish delight inside.
Baelor took the hot coffee maker off the burner and poured the thick, aromatic liquid, steam rising from it, into the cups. Then, with a practiced motion, he heated the milk, whipped it into a weightless, velvety foam, and filled his beloved's mug in a thin stream. He knew everything about her coffee. Knew what temperature it should be so that the first sip burned exactly as much as she liked. Knew that she always winced almost imperceptibly for the first moment, getting used to the taste of the new day. And he knew that at the end, she would diligently scrape the remnants of the sweetish foam from the bottom with her spoon, because even the foam was a separate treat for her.
"Put on some music, my dear little snorer," she approached and noisily pecked him on his stubbly cheek, then hurried to set the table, arranging plates with fried eggs and crispy toast.
Baelor smiled at the nickname and headed for the record player standing in the corner of the living room among a couple of tall ficuses — plants he had also brought from his old bachelor apartment. His fingers carefully lowered the needle onto the vinyl, and the room was filled with Leonard Cohen's low, heartfelt voice. "Suzanne" — old, good classic that always set the right mood for them.
They always had breakfast with music and the quiet chime of their own voices. It had become a ritual, setting the right mood before a long day. Baelor would sit down at the table and secretly watch her, watch how she bit into the toast, how she closed her eyes listening to Cohen, and with a sharp, almost painful gratitude, he realized how lucky he was. He had always dreamed of meeting someone who could not just share his love for silence, but fill it with ringing laughter. Someone with whom it was cozy to be silent and interesting to talk.
He came from a wealthy family, belonging to the absolute elite, but never, not with a single gesture, did he show the wealth he possessed by birthright. They lived in a small, but incredibly cozy apartment — the coziness was given by her, her hands, her love for details. They chose all the things together, spending a long time arguing about which sofa would fit better or which lamp would create the right mood. His parents didn't approve of this "petty-bourgeois," as they put it, lifestyle, but Baelor had long learned to live with it. After all, he was long past the age where he needed to ask for permission.
Their business — the huge empire built by his father — could function quite successfully without him. There was someone to hand the reins to: numerous brothers, Maekar, Raegel, and Aerys, as well as their sons, could quite well manage the leadership together. But Baelor preferred something else. He loved the heat of the kitchen, lovingly perfected recipes, the simple joy in a visitor's eyes when they liked his dish. He loved communicating with ordinary people — without masks, without regard for status. He never put himself above others and secretly considered this his best, main trait. Baelor always strove for a simpler life, away from golden cages and hypocritical receptions. Over time, even his family came to terms with his choice. They understood that he wouldn't be lost, that his path was no less worthy. His three own restaurants, in one of which he would personally stand at the stove that very evening, brought a steady, good income. Yes, it wasn't the political arena his father dominated, but it was an honest endeavor. An endeavor he loved. And which every morning awaited him beyond the threshold of this home, filled with music, the aroma of coffee, and her quiet laughter.
His gaze slowly slid over her slender wrists, lingering on the small hollow where a bluish vein pulsed, then rose to the top two buttons of his own shirt, which she habitually left undone, revealing the hollow of her cleavage disappearing into the semi-darkness. And then Baelor would invariably shift his gaze lower, to where her feet were tucked into thick woolen socks — funny ones with reindeer, which she wore to keep her perpetually icy feet warm. But the most dangerous moment was that instant when she reached for the top shelves of the cupboard for plates or grains. The shirt fabric would treacherously lift, baring the enticing line of her buttocks and a thin strip of lace underwear — usually dark, contrasting. That sight always stirred Baelor more than the most revealing outfits. Seemingly nothing special, no heels, no provocative décolletage. But in that domestic simplicity, in that cozy disarray, when his woman smelled of coffee, breakfast, and him, she looked a hundred times more alluring than on those rare evenings when she'd put on a tight dress and go out into the world. Evening looks awakened desire in him too — sharp, demanding, immediate. But the morning feeling was different: far more tender, languidly spreading through his veins, yet no less ardent for it.
"My nephew Egg's ninth nameday is soon," he said, sipping his coffee with pleasure from his mug. He took a swallow, then ran his tongue over his lips, savoring the aftertaste. The plate with the remains of his fried eggs was already empty; he carefully set it aside and now simply sat, watching her finish eating, so he could clear the table. A little ritual he observed with touching punctuality.
"Is that the sweet boy who once dropped by your restaurant?" she took a bite of toast and squinted, remembering. Of course, she remembered him perfectly well. Egg — a child who was serious beyond his years, with lively eyes, who at eight years old had managed to get to his uncle's restaurant on his own, and even sneak into the kitchen to watch how his favorite shrimp were prepared. That was the first time she'd seen Baelor not just as a loving uncle, but as a true mentor — strict, but fair. And the boy, though he'd been scolded, had left beaming.
"Yes, that's the one," Baelor smiled, and a flash of pride for his nephew appeared in his eyes. "Maekar is inviting us to the celebration."
He rose from the table, and the parquet floor creaked pleasantly under his bare feet. She heard him moving around the apartment: now his steps faded in the living room, now there was a rustling of drawers, then a muffled curse — seems the search for his phone was dragging on. Baelor rarely used gadgets, preferring live communication, so his mobile was always hiding in the most unexpected places. She smiled into her mug, imagining him with a concentrated expression searching the shelves. Finally, he returned to the kitchen with the proud look of a victor, clutching an old phone in one hand and reading glasses in the other. This detail — the glasses — for some unknown reason always touched her deeply. In them, Baelor lost some of his business seriousness and became somehow… homely, warm, approachable. She loved watching him adjust the earpiece, how he frowned while peering at the screen.
They often read in the evenings — it was their ritual, if the night promised to be calm, without lovemaking. Although there was plenty of that. Sometimes Baelor would read aloud, running his finger along the lines, and she would lie beside him, her head on his shoulder, helping turn the pages, feeling his warm palm slowly tracing patterns on her back. She adored his voice — that soft, velvety baritone that carried her away to other worlds, and in moments of passion became hoarse, low, stirring every cell.
Baelor, with an extremely important air, perched his glasses on his nose and solemnly read his brother's message:
"Egg's birthday is in two weeks, so come."
He lifted his gaze over the glasses, awaiting her reaction. She snorted, hiding her smile in her palm:
"Very… informative. A real poem. Maekar has clearly outdone himself in eloquence."
Even from this laconic message, it was clear who the author was. She already knew Maekar — Baelor's younger brother had been the first family member he'd introduced her to. And she'd immediately taken a liking to this straightforward, slightly prickly, but incredibly loyal man. Their meeting in an old pub had been memorable: Maekar, though he couldn't resist a couple of jokes about the age difference ("Listen, brother, are you sure she's of age? She looks like a student"), but at the end of the evening, he'd suddenly patted her shoulder with his heavy palm and nodded briefly: "You're good. Make sure he doesn't hurt you, or I'll give him hell." It was said in such a tone that she immediately understood — she'd been accepted.
Meanwhile, Baelor casually, almost defiantly, tossed his phone onto the table and reached for the dirty plates. She gently stopped him, covering his wrist with her palm, and tilted her head back, turning her face to the morning light. At that moment, the sun, finally breaking through the light curtain, flooded the kitchen with a golden radiance. It tangled in her hair, scattered across her cheeks, and Baelor froze, struck by this sudden beauty.
He knew what she was waiting for. Leaning down, he carefully, almost reverently, touched her lips. The kiss was long, languid, with a slight taste of coffee and morning laziness. He pulled back slowly, looking into her slightly unfocused eyes, and asked quietly:
"Will you help choose a gift for my nephew?"
His eyebrows arched inquisitively over his glasses, giving his face a comically concerned expression. But there was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
"Of course," she purred, running her finger along his short beard where silver mingled with the dark. "But only after… you-know-what."
She pronounced the last two words with deliberate mystery, giggling playfully, and immediately, not giving him time to react, mischievously unbuttoned another button on the shirt — the very one holding the line on the most dangerous area. The fabric parted, revealing the lace of her bra, and Baelor exhaled audibly.
"Oh, you little minx," he breathed with admiration and, without further thought, quickly set the plates back on the table (the sink could wait!), grabbed her under the arms, and in one motion lifted her to her feet. She didn't even have time to squeak before the world turned upside down — Baelor deftly threw her over his shoulder, holding her firmly with strong hands on her buttocks and giving them a slight squeeze.
"Baelor!" she squealed, more for propriety's sake, and for laughs lightly smacked him on the thigh. "Put me down this instant! What about the plates?"
"The plates aren't going anywhere," he remarked philosophically, heading toward the bedroom. His steps were firm but careful — so as not to accidentally bump her against the doorframe.
"Tyrant!" she kicked her legs in the air, but her voice held obvious pleasure. After all, she didn't really want to be put down. The shirt had finally slipped completely off her shoulder, exposing her tender skin to the sun, and Baelor, catching their reflection in the hallway mirror, thought he'd be ready to carry her in his arms (or on his shoulder) every single day.
The bedroom greeted them with muted light and the scent of the two of them — cozy, warm, familiar. Baelor carefully, but with a hint of what was to come, lowered her onto the unmade bed and hovered above her, supporting himself on his elbows.
"So," his voice dropped lower, more intimate, and his gaze lingered on the unbuttoned shirt. "Where were we?"
"I believe at 'you-know-what'," she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and added in a whisper: "And do you remember that I'm mind-blowingly in love with you?"
He laughed — warmly, sincerely, burying his nose in her neck, and then whispered somewhere into her cleavage:
"Of course. That's why I'll do everything possible to give you mind-blowing pleasure."
And the morning, filled with the aroma of coffee and anticipation, smoothly transitioned into something far more intimate, where words were no longer needed, and Cohen's music was drowned out by their ragged breathing and quiet laughter. And the plates in the sink really hadn't gone anywhere — they patiently waited while the owners found more important things to do than wash dishes. And that was right, because true happiness cannot be rushed and always makes time for what truly matters.
It's just a letter from you to Baelor, steeped in longing, love, and worry while he's in Ashford.
My dearest, my only, Baelor,
Thinking of our separation is not just becoming harder—it is becoming impossible with each passing day. These days drag on in an endless procession of grey, featureless hours, and I count them like a prisoner scratching marks on a stone wall, waiting for death or a miracle. This tournament in Ashford... I understand, I tried to understand, I forced myself to be reasonable, to be the queen you see me as in your dreams—but I cannot. Do you truly need to be there in person? Is there not a single worthy knight, not one lord, not one servant who could replace you? Does your honor truly demand your presence there, far from me, far from home, far from the safety your embrace provides?
You have no idea what suffering you inflict upon me with your travels. You do not see these nights when I toss and turn in bed, finding no peace, when the pillow remembers the scent of your skin but not the warmth of your body. You do not hear me talking to your cloak, left on the chair—the sole witness to my quiet agony. But this time is somehow different, I feel it with every fiber of my being, with every torn thread of my soul. I am almost certain—misfortune is near, hiding itself behind the guise of virtue, behind the mask of knightly honor and nobility. I had a dream. A bad, clinging, terrifying dream in which you fall, and I cannot reach you, cannot make you hear me, cannot even scream—my voice leaves me, and I just open my mouth silently, like a fish thrown ashore.
I beg you, I implore you by everything we have had and will have—do not take part in the tournament. Do not take anyone's armor, do not stand up for those who may not even deserve it. Let the world plummet into the abyss without your intervention. Please, do not risk your own life, this precious life without which mine cannot exist. I do not wish to receive news of your injuries or, gods forbid, your death. If a messenger brings me black news, I will kill him on the spot, and then I will follow you—and no prayers, no maesters, no potions will stop me.
You know perfectly well—I cannot survive without you. These are not pretty words, not a woman's tricks, not an attempt to keep you here. This is the truth, as undeniable as the sunrise in the east. I will suffocate within the walls of the Red Keep, and no one will even have time to look back—they will only find a cold body with empty eyes, and no one will understand why a young woman who had everything died. Without you, there is no place for me in this world, a world so foreign, hostile, tedious, and soulless. You fill it with meaning, Baelor. You know this. I have never hidden from you my disdain for castle life, for these hypocritical smiles, empty conversations, endless intrigues. But with you, everything takes on different, brighter hues and shades; even the grey stonework begins to gleam with gold in the rays of your presence. And the light... the light becomes brighter, warmer, gentler, and I am no longer so melancholic and sad; I am almost happy when you are near.
Recently, the symptoms of my ailment have appeared again. You see how your long absence affects me? Madness immediately knocks on the door, scratches its claws on the shutters, lurks in dark corners, waiting for me to loosen my grip on my mind and let those dark, sticky, cold fingers inside me. The rooms seem smaller, the walls close in, press on my chest, there's not enough air in my lungs—and I cannot breathe in, as if someone has sealed my mouth and nose with wax. I suffocate, I gasp for emptiness, I fall to my knees in the middle of the chambers, trying to draw in even a sip of life—but in vain. The maesters give me their foul potions again, the stench and bitterness of which seem only to worsen my affliction further. Those concoctions smell of death, not healing; they cloud the mind more than any wine, and I begin to hear voices where there was only silence before.
There is a complete, absolute, deathly silence in the castle without you. It's not that it was ever particularly noisy here before—this castle has always been a tomb for the living—but my loneliness feels different this time. It has become dense, tangible. I am afraid to listen to this dead silence, which seems to foretell misfortune, which whispers terrible things in my ear, making my heart beat faster and my mind seek refuge in the dark corners of my consciousness.
Next time, you must take me with you. I am not asking—I am demanding. I am setting a condition. If you leave again without me, I will get on a horse and follow you, even if I have to ride alone, without guards, without an escort, through forests full of bandits and rivers ready to drown a madwoman. I don't care. Death on the road is better than life in this tomb without you.
You keep my madness under control; you have always been so good at it—I don't know why. You don't know yourself, either. Perhaps it is a gift from the gods, perhaps a curse, or perhaps simply a miracle. Is this the power of true love? Can it tame demons, silence voices, dispel the darkness? My feelings for you are so strong that the melancholy and the voices quieten, making way for you—your image, your voice, your scent. You force the madness out of my head, filling every cell, every vessel, every nerve. My prince, my future king, my husband, my beloved, my savior, my executioner—for you alone have power over me, in life and in death.
There, even my letter makes it easy to tell what state I am in. The lines jump, the letters sprawl, my thoughts are tangled—but I cannot stop, I must speak my mind, I must make myself heard across these endless leagues that separate us. I implore you, return as soon as you can. I will wait for you at the gate of the small courtyard every day, every hour, every minute. I will stand there in rain and wind, under the scorching sun and in the cool of night, until I see your silhouette on the road. I will catch you in my arms—dusty and tired from the journey, but loved by me, desired by me, saved by me.
And we will go straight to our chambers. I will bolt the door and let no one in—not servants, not lords, not even the king himself. I will take care of you the way you take care of me in my days of weakness and apathy. I will undress you with my own hands, I will wash the travel dust from your body, I will kiss every scar, every callus, every mole. And I will admire you, studying every line, every wrinkle, every eyelash, and you will, as always, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, making me blush and giggle like the little girl I once was—before this castle, this life, this illness broke me.
I suddenly remembered how I read to you in the Godswood, lying under that ugly old tree that everyone considers sacred, but to us it seemed the ugliest tree in the world. And you... Ah, you decided to distract yourself with something entirely different and un-princely. Remember? You covered my face, neck, and shoulders with kisses, unafraid that someone might catch us. Unafraid of gossip, unafraid of judgment, unafraid of anything in the world except one thing—losing that moment. You were so mischievous then, so young, so fearless... Everything seemed simpler and far more poetic then than it does now. Back then, we did not know the world was so cruel, that time was so merciless, that illness was so relentless.
Back then, I had no idea about my incurable sickness. I was just a girl in love with a prince, and the whole world lay at our feet. We were both cheerful, in love, somewhat naive, and boundlessly full of life. Look at us now. What has become of us, my love? What have we turned into, wandering from corner to corner of the Red Keep for years, like ghosts who have forgotten why they are here? We have become shadows of ourselves, a reflection of the happiness that once was. Only our love protects us from the death of our souls and from becoming like all those soulless lords and their wives I have to meet alone, while you are not here beside me. These women look at me with pity or envy, and I look right through them, because there is no life in them—only emptiness, the same emptiness that settles in me when you leave.
Come back, my darling, come back soon, come back at any cost. Return my strength and my heart to me, which you take away with you every time, without even realizing it. Give me back the ability to breathe, to laugh, to feel. Give me back the real me—not this shadow, not this ghost, not this half-mad woman scratching away at parchment in an empty room. I want to be that girl from the Godswood, the one who read you poetry under the sacred tree. I want you to bring her back to me. You alone can do it. Only you.
I am not finishing—I am breaking this letter off, because tears are blurring my eyes and the ink is smearing on the parchment. Forgive these blots—it is my heart weeping for you.