CULT OF THE LAMB MODERN AU
Instead of STARTING OUT in the 21st century, it starts out like normal, like how it is in the game. And then for some reason (I don’t know what reason) the bishops, the Lamb, and the Goat all fall asleep for many, many years. Maybe like how the God of Seasons was asleep for many years, I dunno (I’m not 100% caught up on my COTL lore) and THEN all the characters wake up in the modern day, and all have to come to terms with just how DIFFERENT everything is. How different the PEOPLE are.
• Heket discovers birth control and aggressively signs “You mean to tell me that if I swallow this little potion in the form of a pill, my periods can STOP!? WHERE WAS THIS THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO.” (I headcanon Heket to have PCOS and menorrhagia because she just like me fr)
And then Heket discovers the infinite amount of recipes online from all over the world. And how accessible and available almost every single ingredient you can think of is completely BLOWS HER MIND. And then there’s text to speech, and she won’t have to rely on hoping someone understands sign language or worrying about always needing to have something to write on with her at all times.
• The Lamb probably becomes obsessed with social media almost immediately. I can imagine them using Instagram or something for the first time and they’re like “Look, Nari! We already have 10 new followers for our cult and it’s only been a few weeks!! That would’ve taken MONTHS several hundreds of years ago…” and Narinder, though also not sure how technology and social media and the internet works just yet, is like “Aye, but I’m not sure if they are THOSE kind of followers.”
• And Leshy is probably documented as a mysterious living bush cryptid and famous online. At first he has no idea what the hell is going on, but then Kallamar shows him the internet, and Leshy is THRILLED to realise that he still has a cult following (in some way, at least) But then Narinder confesses online “That forest spirit cryptid you lot are always on about? That’s my brother. He’s a blind worm. And an idiot.” And Leshy is UPSET because it “ruined the mystery” and ruined his reputation of being this spooky mysterious cryptid. But when his “fandom” learns that he’s blind, they start adding alt text DESCRIBING their fanart of Leshy, and writing more poems and more stuff for him that he can truly appreciate. now that they know that he’s blind.
• Maybe Kallamar starts to use prosthetic ears or something and he can finally properly wear earrings again, and the prosthetics help improves his hearing a bit!! Maybe he also starts spreading awareness about pollution and becomes an activist for the environment and ocean. Since in my original Sacrificial Lamb AU (Not this modern AU) Kallamar’s backstory was that his entire village in the ocean was polluted and swallowed by disease. Maybe he even starts his own clothing brand with his own designs and all made from ethical organic materials.
• I can only imagine how the goat, “Luca,” might react when they learn of “Duolingo” and they realise “Ay dios mío… People want to learn… MY language??” (My goat speaks Spanish!!) And they start tearing up. And then they discover Google Translate and how much people rely on it for some reason and Luca is like “THIS IS SO INACCURATE.”
• And as much as Shamura would probably adore the internet for how much knowledge is right at their many fingertips, they’d probably also DESPISE IT for all its misinformation and trolls and people spreading “falsehoods” that thousands of people for some reason believe. And then not a moment later they’re clicking on a link that said “Click this link if you want a free vacation!”
• Also Leshy probably gets hit by a car at least a couple times a month. Because he’s blind, not used to cars, and stupid and ignorant and refuses to listen to anyone (I feel the need to mention that Leshy isn’t stupid BECAUSE he’s blind. He’s stupid because he’s stubborn) Luckily for him (and unluckily for the drivers) the cars usually end up more damaged than Leshy, who is a big strong hairy green worm btw. And Leshy probably shouts in Old Ænglisc (aka a dead language that no one speaks anymore) “HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU’RE CONTROLLING THAT METAL BOX, YOU #&£!?”
• Also Narinder learning how to drive
Just pure unfiltered Scottish road rage.
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