im my own biggest enemy

★ danielle mason ★ thirty two ★ stripper ★ rp blog. triggering content ahead.

[violentgallows]

javi

***

“Wow, you’re calling me stinky, now? I don’t remember you complaining about my smell before.” In the eagerness of continuing the joke and the teasing tone of the conversation, Javi didn’t quite notice his words choice, until a few seconds later they were already out of his mouth. He only hoped Dani wouldn’t take it the wrong way, or just simply not think too much into it and ignore he even said that. “Being on your own bed is always nice, no matter how comfortable the alternative places were. I mean, at least I missed my old rugged mattress,” he commented in a lighthearted tone. There was a small smile on his features that slowly turned into a line once she spoke again. The mention of an us that used to be between them was like rubbing salt in the wound, but what really threw him off was the fact she said she wouldn’t be welcomed, and he wasn’t sure what she meant with that. “Why wouldn’t you be welcome?” He asked, raising a brow. “You think the guys are gonna be the problem or you’re… talking about something else?” Well, he had the question in mind, wondering if she was referring to him not wanting her around, but he didn’t find the guts to ask her. “You shouldn’t worry about them if that’s the case ─they like you. Besides, it’s my club and they don’t get a saying about who’s there or not.”

―

          “I didn’t mind your smell before,” she countered with a hint of a smile, even there was enough hesitation that it didn’t fully reach her eyes in the process. If she were being perfectly honest with herself, she didn’t mind the smell even now with how long that she’d hung onto his shirt despite making sure that he didn’t know. After the last few times that they had seen each other, Danielle wasn’t sure what to say or do that wasn’t going to be taken the wrong way or angrily especially considering how often that she pushed and shoved him away. At the first sign of anything worrying, that was her go to move ― and he took the brunt of it more than most that would have simply been done with her. “You’re telling me that you would choose your old mattress than whatever cloud you were staying on at Alex’s place?” Danielle smiled a bit more at that, but she knew that he wasn’t wrong. It felt better to be in her old room rather than staying at the Sherwood even with Guy making sure that she didn’t stress about the money. It wasn’t the same. She paused. It wasn’t like she meant to say it out loud, any of what she felt or thought about her time spent around the Cage or the rest of the guys. Mostly because of the person standing before her now, which left her questioning whether she belonged around there at all anymore or not. It might be easier if she didn’t visit anymore, or keep her distance, and yet, it was hard to do when there was a lot that was tangled up still between them. “I..” Dani had to glance away then, because she was a lot better at saying nothing of importance than saying anything that she might have felt as she shook her head. “No, not them. Though I have a feeling that some people might think it better if I keep my distance so I don’t upset anyone... so that I don’t upset you,” she added with a rush of air that came with the rest of her words. She hadn’t meant to say anything, but there it was and she could only do so much to avoid looking back at him afterwards. “You know, it’s just like maybe it would be easier.. for them.” Or for him, whether she wanted it that way or not.

[violentgallows]

javier

***

A chuckle and a shake of his head were the response to her comment. He enjoyed the little moments of happiness and pretended opulence, but Javier was realistic that wasn’t his life, and he had to live with what he had. “Nana loves us, so I guess she wouldn’t mind, not sure if Alex thinks the same. Pretty sure he doesn’t want to see our faces any longer.” For what was worth, despite the crazy of the situation, it helped for some kind of re-connection between them. He honestly didn’t remember the last time they had had a civil conversation. When Dani spoke again, his lips pursed slightly. “Sorry about that… It’ll be hard going back to normal, or something close to that.” A beat. “You know, um.. You could come hang at the Cage, if you ever need to —with Jesus and me.”

―

          “Well you did manage to bring all of them to his place for weeks at a time. I heard a saying that fish and houseguests start to stink after three days, imagine the smell with every single one of you there,” she teased lightly with a bit of hesitation in her voice. Dani didn’t know what to make of yet another civil conversation with the other, when they often led two separate ways and this wasn’t one of them. Still, she wasn’t about to point it out to either one of them as she gazed back at the other in hopes that she didn’t at least seem like there was something missing in her life and she could see it standing a few feet away. That wouldn’t have been fair to either one of them, which she knew, but it didn’t make it any easier when they weren’t fighting as she pressed her lips together with a slim smile. “It’s better than the alternative where I’m either crashing on a couch or hoping that my welcome doesn’t run out at the hotel because I could not afford even a night there.” But home was better, even if she didn’t know how to go back to being so alone all the time even as she preferred it to the overflow of people back at the hotel ― though she had felt closer to her brothers them. Dani paused for a moment, the other’s words that stalled her thoughts in their tracks as she ran over what he said again in her mind as if trying to find the catch in there, but couldn’t find one. “I― not so sure that I would be welcome there, you know. Maybe after hours when it’s closed and only Jesus around to give me lessons but I don’t know if anyone else would like seeing me there after.. us.” But fuck how she wanted that not to be true, that she could be there and see him again without feeling the resentment that she was the cause of so many times over.

[violentgallows]

JAVIER

***

Returning to their normal life was strange; the fog had changed a lot of things around, and most importantly, he needed to get The Cage back up on its feet after not having activity for a while. That, and one particular conversation he had with Dani that still lingered there, and he wasn’t sure if everything that was said that day was only due to the momentarily situation or were actually real. Not that he had a chance to talk to her again after her visit, anyways, until now at least. He offered a small smile and a nod in return when he saw her, shaking his head slightly. “I was really getting used to the fancy life, but all good things must come to an end.” He enjoyed a glimpse of the good life he never had while growing up, nor he never would for that matter. “You brought me my one good shirt, so that was my cocktail outfit over there,” he said in a light joke, not getting in too deep on the mention of her visit. “How have you been? With the return home and all that.”

―

Danielle opened and shut her mouth, choosing to nod instead of comment on how odd things had been for the past few weeks and were slowly going back to normal. Mostly because she wasn’t sure if she wanted it to be normal when it meant things going to the way they once were where neither one of them talked. Then again, she knew that it was what she earned after everything that she put them both through as she put on a smile instead. “Who knows, maybe you’ll end up there again and that shirt will make people believe that you belong there,” she replied back with a slight tease before feeling it might be something that neither one of them were ready for as she glanced away. “I’m... it’s been weird actually,” she admitted when she glanced back towards Javi. “Like everyone wants it to go back to normal but it’s hard to forget how not normal everything has been and with Sammy on the loose, it’s quiet at home again.” And lonely. “So I guess that’s good in a way.”

[violentgallows]

VICTOR

Victor visibly flinched as Danielle jumped. “Fragile.” He stressed again, putting his hands out in the air as if he could just protect it with an invisible forcefield using only his willpower. “Please, just put it down.”

It felt like a hostage situation. Which was ridiculous because he’d been in actual hostage situation and it was far less stressful than this. Maybe he just cared more now than he did then. “We have some specialized lighting you can see it under, just, let me handle it.”

–

―

          “I wasn’t gonna break it... I swear,” she muttered under her breath as she managed to her heartbeat under control and set down the object that she had been simply looking at. It wasn’t like she was there to steal it or anything, not anymore at least. Luke had made it clear that he didn’t want that life for them but it was hard when it felt like everything that could go wrong for the Masons, would go wrong. And Sammy was back which complicated matters worse. It left her in a job that she was good at but didn’t always enjoy. The only time that she felt relatively alive was when she was stealing items like this, but under better guise of night.

She glanced back at the other. “Though I bet you are thinking why even bother ‘cause it’s not like someone like me could even afford such a thing.”

[violentgallows]

MAGGIE

Maggie loved every single bit of Dani, except for maybe the part that mixed drugs. She didn’t know what she’d do without the girl she considered a sister and she didn’t want to have to find out. At least Dani had come here instead of gone out and done something dangerous or stupid. At least here Maggie could look after her.

She flopped down on the bed next to Dani and hummed in thought. There were plenty of things she wished she could change. “Yeah, I do. What’s got it on your mind?”

–

Her eyes drifted closed for a moment or two, as time drifted beyond her comprehension long enough to realize that silence had fallen between them as she opened them again. That was when she noticed the other had joined her as she slowly turned over to face them. “So many. It’s hard to pick just one other than the big ones. Those are the ones that I wish I could back and do over, but that only happens to people that are good. Better even. People like you.” She smiled slowly at the other before she blinked. “You wouldn’t judge me forever, would you?”

[violentgallows]

          “Do you ever wish that you could go back in time and change a moment? Just one. Something that’s so inconsequential and doesn’t think it matters in the moment but changes the course of everything from that point on.” Okay, she might have been a little high having taken more than one pill mixed with some weed that she had found in Sam’s room before finding her way onto @maggie-yao​‘s bed. The other wouldn’t say anything, but she wouldn’t let her leave now either until she came back down again. Her mind was racing along with her heart but she couldn’t make the rest of her body move as she lay there with her legs dangling over the edge.

[violentgallows]

VICTOR

Generally, Victor quite enjoyed owning an antique shop. He got to buy many fine things and he rarely had to part with any of them. Especially not now that tourists and wealthy out-of-towners couldn’t come window shopping. There was more than enough money in his account to cover the mortgage, and even keep Raya on staff. He wanted for little, he needed for nothing.

Well, perhaps not entirely true. He wanted for the locals not to come in and leave smudges all over the fine china he’d just spent all morning polishing. He needed to remember that he was a record 10 year streak of not hitting someone in the face for annoying him.

“Please put that back.” He said, voice mild despite his irritation. “It is very fragile.”

@violentgallows​

–

―

Her fingers had barely begun to wrap about the object, wanting to take a closer look despite the apparent lack of money in her pocket. Or in her life. The club made enough to keep the lights on and her brothers out of jail, but it didn’t do enough to grant her the luxuries of touching things that were simply there to look pretty. “Wha― I wasn’t going to break anything,” she spoke faster than she was able to react, nearly jumping out of her skin as if she’d been caught thieving something. She hadn’t. Not here. Raya worked here and that was the second to last place that she’d steal from as she turned around to see not Raya standing there. “Or pick it up too far that it would break. I just wanted to see it in the light.”

[violentgallows]

Their last conversation had an awful habit of replaying in her mind, reminding her at the worst moments that she hadn’t been absolutely terrible to him the entire time that they were together. Or even in the spaces when they found each other only for her to run off again. It was a nice thought, but it was just that ― a thought. But the funny thing with thoughts, is that they have a second life all their own that made them into reality when she saw Javier out of the corner of her eye. Things had settled, everyone was back home again in their old neighborhood and the fog was nothing but a distant memory. But there was the thought. She smiled, polite out of a fear maybe that she had imagined it all up and there was nothing but sadness and destruction in their wake. “You know, I thought you might stay in that big fancy mansion forever. It kind of looked good on you, if you had a nicer shirt,” she spoke, half calling out in the direction that she’d seen @jcvimoreno​ before realizing that he might not want to see her.

[violentgallows]

JAVIER

***

It was good while it lasted. Those words didn’t resonate the same when he had said them, now leaving her lips it all came crashing as if it could have a different meaning. As if subconsciously, they didn’t refer to Dani’s adventures breaking into people’s backyards to use their pools, but more like they could invoke events way back in the past. A time where the two of them shared something that they later lost in the way. And the mess they made was what led them to where they were standing now, or at least where Javi was standing: not wanting to get close to avoid falling into old patterns and repeat their destructive behavior of push and pull, but also not being able to stay completely away from her when he knew he should. He tried to shake that thought off of his head, as he focused his attention back at what she was saying. Yes, Luke. They were talking about him. "It’s good for him, getting out without complications. He’s smarter than us, that’s for sure.” And for a moment, even if he wanted out, he realized he probably wouldn’t be fit to work regular jobs, and the fighting right as his sole income? It wasn’t that profitable, unless they made some changes.

Denying those thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind would be a lie, yet, even knowing the kind of trouble she brought, somehow Javi always found a way back into her life, whether it was just casualty, or because any of them looked for it, they moved on similar circles, it was inevitable not to cross paths. Maybe she was worth the trouble after all. “I’m not on his head, but if he really thought like that, I’m pretty sure he woulda kicked you to the curb already.” He wasn’t willing to feed her self loathe, though he didn’t think telling his truth would make any good. It would just complicate things more. Even when they had been honest, there were things that were better left in secret, and he was sticking to that premise… The only problem was Danielle opening up, saying things he didn’t imagine she would say, and that brought a whirlwind of feelings, mostly confusion.

Was it possible she meant she regretted it now because she didn’t think she had a chance? Or was it because it was too late and she had already moved on? There were so many questions, and Javi could feel his heart skipping a beat, standing there speechless and looking at her puzzled for several seconds. Her mentioning she was leaving brought him back to reality, clearing his throat and he shook his head. “No… I mean, Grams wouldn’t mind if you stayed.” And him, he wanted her to stay but he just couldn’t say that. At least he wanted his chance to say something before she did leave. “I’m far from being a saint, y'know? I just did what I did because I cared."  And I still do. A beat. "That —that thing you said, you think it’d have changed anything?”

***

Danielle could remember how to nod and smile, how to pretend that everything was okay as they spoke about her brother as if that was all on her mind. That he was the one that got out from underneath the life that sought to bury her entire family as she pressed her lips together tightly. It wasn't unlike all the times at work or around her friends, keeping herself together enough to not think back on all the good that once had been in her life but she'd been too oblivious to realize it then. Or she'd been the cause that it was all ruined now, which told her exactly why it was hard to be there near him -- every other time it was whiplash dealing with her, never knowing what side that he would get. And he deserved none of the rougher sides that struck back against any of the care or concern that he might have felt towards her once.

She'd been a fool too many times to count, which only meant that coming here today was adding to that list as she puffed out her cheeks and released the breath that was steadily climbing up her chest with everything that she never said. "He's always been the smarter Mason, but Sam is the charismatic one so it's hard not to listen to anything that he has to say," she replied, barely able to think up what she brought to the table other than her body which did her more good at her current job than any one before it as she knew exactly what her worth was to Simon. As long as she danced, then she had a job even with her numerous screw ups both on and off the stage, even with Javi's belief that the man hadn't thought she was more trouble than she was worth. It would have been a devastating comment once, but she was trying to be better about letting things go and that included him. He was the one that told her that he'd stay away, which she made him break by being there in the first place. "Yeah, I bet he's thought about it a few times but something keeps him from canning me completely and I'm grateful for that." Even if she hated her job most days, it was better than falling completely back into her old patterns despite Sam wanting to do just that.

Maybe that was part of the reason that she was there, handing over a piece of her old life as if she could turn over a leaf and be someone better or give up completely and succumb to every vice that she had. Still, it hadn't been enough to silence her tongue or stop touching on things that were meant to be better off unsaid, or so she thought, but judging by the look on the other's face, Danielle could tell that she'd made a grave mistake on the top of her list of mistakes; never telling him how much he meant to her once. ( maybe still ) "Grams has plenty on her plate, and as much as I would love to take her up on her hospitality -- it's probably better if I go, so I don't add to the body count," she replied with a small smile that faltered at the edges when he pressed on and left her hesitating in her half step back towards the door. He cared, and she had made sure to run that into the ground, rather than let him see how hopeless she was on most fronts because he deserved better. He deserved someone that could be cared about and wouldn't fight against it as vehemently as Danielle had and never seemed to say the right words to express how she'd felt about him when they were together.

         "That's more than most would do in your position. They'd bail when up against someone that fought against it as often as I did," she admitted quietly, her heart thudding in her chest as she pressed through it even as her eyes fell to her feet and dared her to lie. Or say nothing. The truth was only going to make things worse, it usually did. "I don't know... but I’d like to think it might have if for nothing more than letting you know how much you mattered to me.” That it wasn’t so one sided it might have looked to anyone on the outside, considering how hard it was for her to express how she felt without falling into the pitfalls of her misery. The last thing that she ever wanted to do was drag him down with her. “Because I never —    I never meant to make you feel like you didn’t.”

[violentgallows]

JESUS

“Yeah, because that sounded so convincing,” Jesus said, giving her a pointed look and then shaking his head, expression amused. He wasn’t out to interrogate her, but he would call her out on bullshit if it was as painfully obvious as that had been. 

He grimaced at her next words. “No offense, but I think I’m done with this conversation, if that’s alright? Because I’m definitely gonna stay cowardly and do absolutely nothing about it.” In theory he could agree with what she said, but Jesus was definitely no closer to talking to Ty about this than he was before they started discussing it. He was just tired, and there was an ache in his chest.

“Shit, Dani, you’re morose as hell today, anyone mention that?” Jesus said, glancing at her curiously. “It’s knitting and baking, not an exercise in self-loathing. You sure you’re alright? ‘Cause in-between all your stellar advice, all I’m getting is you punching down at yourself like, a lot. Also; don’t threaten a sweater for my dog like it’s a bad thing. It would be fucking adorable and I would be very pleased.”

***

                “We’re not talking about me, thank fuck,” she replied with a slight roll of her eyes at the fact that she’d been attempting not only to avoid any conversation about herself and her problems. They were supposed to be buried deep inside where they couldn’t bother her or anyone else around her, but things had a funny way of bubbling up to the surface when she least expected it as she glanced back across at him with a shrug. “It’s your kitchen and your conversation.”

If he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, then she was more than okay with it considering that it wouldn’t have been her first choice of conversation either but somehow they’d ended up there anyways when her knitting was supposed to be a better distraction than it was doing at the moment. “This is what happens when I’m drop dead sober and you aren’t the first to mention or tell me,” she pointed out with a roll of her shoulders as she picked up her knitting needles once more in an attempt to figure out where she continued to go wrong.

Not that she had any more interest in succeeding there as much as she wanted to not think about anything else in the moment. “I’m fine, it’s just one of those days and I haven’t been fed yet so I keep thinking that you invited me over just to tease with this all and somehow stumbled on a topic that us cowards would rather not have anymore,” she offered with a slight smile that was a bit softer than before as she considered switching things up so that Flower was the one getting the sweater rather than Jesus. “They’re going to be matching whether I make them myself or find some online. You two deserve to wear matching, lopsided sweaters.”

[violentgallows]

DRAKE

——————

“Yeah, but-” 

The words that would have come out of his mouth next almost felt hypocritical. They tasted weird. Never in a million years would Drake have thought he’d be the one to advocate for the rules, but here he was, about to do just that. He wouldn’t have, if it were a few years ago. He probably would have just turned a blind eye and pretended he wasn’t seeing what he was clearly seeing. And then he would have lied to anyone else who said differently.

It was funny. He hadn’t realized how much he’d changed already. 

Shaking his head, he started again. “You know, I’m not really a philosophical sort of guy but uh… doesn’t there have to be some sort of equivalent exchange to call it shopping?” he asked. “Otherwise it’s just-”

Well, whatever he’d been doing for most of his teenage years was what it was called. But the word wouldn’t leave him. He left his spot in the aisle and carefully looked around, coming up towards the counter. “What if someone sees you?” 

That seemed to be the most pertinent issue. One that kept him looking over his shoulder and the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. It could happen at any moment. He could feel his heart start to beat a little faster in his chest uncomfortably- never a good sign, despite its familiarity. Maybe he’d been foolish to think they could just get whatever they needed and dip. Maybe he’d picked the wrong person to go with. If he were being honest with himself he’d only really seen the hazy, distracted, not fully there Danielle. Maybe that’s why he’d trusted her so much that day, over anyone else. He’d needed someone to keep him calm amid the chaos.

“This is really not a good idea.”   

***

Danielle breathed out a small sigh of frustration as she glanced back at her partner. “Yeah, but what?” She knew the implications and what it could cost her in the long run if she were caught shopping for things that weren’t necessarily on sale but the cost of possibly losing her brothers felt greater than being locked up for stealing. If she had the money, then she’d pay for them fair and square but prices weren’t reasonable anymore ― not when everyone needed them to survive outside of the hours marked safe and the demand was greater than the supply.

So when the opportunity presented itself, Danielle would have been an idiot to let it slip through her fingers if she could grab one or two masks for her brothers and keep them safe whether they wanted it or not. “I know what it is but if I had the money, then I’d leave it ― if that makes you feel any better, but I don’t, And there’s plenty hanging here ‘cause I’m not alone in not being able to afford them.” Maybe she should have had a problem with taking things that didn’t belong to her, but she’d spent so much of her life without anything that it was the only way any one of them had made it this far and she wasn’t about to turn over that leaf for good, yet.

Not until they were all safe and secure, then she could think about how many shifts and tips it would take to pay back for what she’d taken if it would make Drake feel any better, despite the need was missing in her own mind. “The only one that’s going to see me is you, especially if you keep your eyes open in case anyone else comes close,” she told him with a faint smile that was meant to be reassuring but wasn’t sure that it would right now. “Maybe not but when we’re out of here with everything that we need, then you might change your mind.”

[ablacklodge]

[gallivantingwithherwolf]

Girls shotgunning beers

[violentgallows]

TYLER

“Alright then, we’ll just have to get you trained up in the fine art of graffiti.” He said, watching her form. For her first time she really wasn’t horrible at this. Far from great, but she’d not sprayed the ground or herself and she hadn’t inhaled any of the fumes. Good fucking start if you asked him.

Tyler laughed, getting out his standard black paint. Best start out small and work up. He didn’t have any plans for a design, he felt more like making it up on the fly. Start with a circle then. Closing one eye he sprayed a circle and took a step back. “There you go. Whatever color you want, fill it in.”

***

With a close eye on how Tyler held his can and worked, Danielle tried her best to recreate it so that she didn’t end up spraying herself and Sam’s clothes in the process as he aimed for the wall and made a small mess. It wasn’t anything that looked like graffiti, more like someone threw something up and it hit in a few places but it was a start as she stood back for a moment and surveyed her handiwork. “You should teach a class in this. I bet the entire town would end up highly colorful thanks to it rather than the depressing sights that we’ve all seen a thousand times over,” she told him as she changed out one color for the next.

When he gave her a circle, Danielle shot him a faint grin and considered what to paint first as she decided to see if she could recreate the circle within the other and go from there with a similar design until there was no space left on the inside. “So what did you do the first time that you were up to no good with spray paint? Like have I seen what you you’ve done? Or are you not supposed to tell ‘cause you could get in trouble...”

[violentgallows]

EDITH

Edith wasn’t sure if she should be proud of the fact Dani doubted her or maybe take offense. It was good though, Danielle second-guessing and not being naive, especially in her line of work. A part of her wondered when the blonde had become so suspicious of people surrounding her– or, well, Edith in particular. Still, she nodded at Dani’s words. “True, but you can trust me because I know them too. And as much as I despise this town at times, it is my home and I wouldn’t be happy to see it burning down,” the lengths to which the brothers would go for their sister. A pause as she took a sip of water. She wasn’t thirsty per say but her throat had gone dry. “I can pinky swear it, if you’d like.” A light joke before her expression turned completely serious once more. “They way I see it, Paul and those other guys failed at their jobs. They didn’t keep you safe and you had to defend yourself.” As she was painfully aware, Simon didn’t have to see it the way she did. Hell, he probably wouldn’t. Yet, Edith was trying to rationalize to help Dani understand that what she had done wasn’t something she should beat herself up over. “If he doesn’t provide protection, maybe we should… Do it ourselves? Call someone we know— not your brothers– and have them keep an eye on you this week. Or month. Whatever you’d feel more comfortable with.” Absolutely no situation was hopeless and there was a way out, which probably Danielle had a hard time realizing after the incident. At the explanation regarding her new working hours, she gave a nod. “Figures,” was the most positive response she could muster. “And…” she began, scratching her cheek, keeping her voice casual. “Do you need money?” Never an easy question to ask but if it could save her friend some trouble or loss of sleep… Either way, Edith felt bad so she turned away, clearing her throat. At the same time, she did her best to visualize Fairy Tails and its surroundings, the parking ground to be exact. “No, I offered to do it and I will do it. You need to rest. And get ready to face the world.”

***

Danielle closed her eyes for a moment, wanting to believe in the fact that she’d trusted Edith before that this was another time when she could count on that trust to keep it between them and not involve either one of her brothers. One might be more stable than the other when it came to anyone trying to hurt her in one way or another, but they often didn’t stop to think about the consequences until much later ( something that she realized none too soon that she had in common with them ) as her eyes opened to peer back at the other. “They’re some of the only good left in it these days, I can’t be the one to get them sent away again,” she whispered under her breath, afraid to even put it out there into the air as if someone else was listening and devising a plan to break them apart once more. Six months had been more than enough time to lose one brother, let alone the two years it had taken Sam from her that Danielle knew that she wasn’t strong enough to survive without them in her life. “If they knew, then they would have been there, Paul especially, but I didn’t tell them when I was leaving ‘cause I thought — I thought I could get out and go on with my night without some creep trying to take me home.” A slight miscalculation on her part, enough that she was going to live with the regret long after tonight when it came to explaining things to both Simon and Paul that she didn’t utilize the guys there that were meant to keep all of the girls safe. Though the thought of someone else keeping an eye on her, Danielle’s stomach tightened into knots with thinking of those that it could be and hated every moment that she even considered asking for help. “I don’t... have anyone in mind,” she lied meekly, taking a sip of her drink to keep from letting the lie linger any longer in the air between them. “No. No, I have money — this is.. I need to keep working to make sure that Sammy doesn’t do anything without me.” Something that could get them more money, but might go belly up if she wasn’t there to keep an eye on him despite knowing that he’d do it regardless as she glanced back up from her drink. “Or I could drown myself in something harder than this and forget that tomorrow even exists. I kind of like that idea more.”

[violentgallows]

HARRIET

“It’s completely fine. I appreciate that they care for you.” She didn’t want to cause trouble and a part of her wondered if Madison had people like that who cared for her, would she still be where she was? Maybe she’d feel like she could have vented, or felt more love than hatred. Shaking the thought away, Harriet let a small sigh part from her lips before she brought the drink to her mouth. “That’s true. It seems like the three of you are very close.” Twins or Thriplets? She couldn’t remember which was it was anymore. “You’re very lucky to have them. As much as they are to have you.”

***

           “When you grow up the way we had, all we had was each other,” she admitted with a slight shrug to her words, knowing that she wouldn’t have made it this far in life ( which might not have amounted to much ) but was more than she could have done on her own. They all cared in their own ways, but figured that Sam would have been the one to be overly concerned about her well being than Luke who seemed to have more put together than the other two. “Sometimes it comes out better than other times it seems. Neither one of them have been known to keep up good boundaries between their lives and mine.” But it didn’t change how much she loved them more than anything else in the world. “But I appreciate you coming by when I know you must be busy, busier than most.”

[violentgallows]

ARIELA

—————–

Ariela found herself looking up at her friend, the surprise almost clear on her face. Of all the times she’d ever think Danielle would have taken the lead on one of her crazy plans, this would have been at the bottom of her list. But she was thankful for the assisted start. As soon as they had rounded the front of the store where the cash registers were, she was still at a loss for what to do or say. The look on the bright sides and try to make the best out of a crappy situation tactics that were at the forefront of her arsenal worked better when she didn’t have to convince a disgruntled crowd of middle aged shoppers with no alcohol in their systems.

“She’s right,” Ariela said. She hadn’t let go of the other’s hand yet. “We need to look out for each other. And if that means staying inside for a couple of hours, I’m sure it’s something we can all manage. Right?” 

If she of all people could manage staying still, indoors, for a short while, the rest of them certainly could. She sent an imploring look around the crowd, catching the eyes of the haggard cashier who seemed momentarily relieved. She couldn’t say much about the rest of the crowd murmuring to themselves as they considered the proposal. They were harder to read. She found herself searching the crowd for the kindly face of the old woman she’d been talking to. Ariela would feel a lot better if they could at least get one person on board, and she felt like a good place to start as any.

“We all know that this is going to end, and when it’s going to end,” she continued, voice a little stronger. “After that we can all get back to whatever we were planning on doing.” 

***

Danielle would have preferred to stay out of sight, maybe slip her hands into a few purses and see what came out but with Ariela there was a tendril of courage that wrapped itself around her and pushed her towards the front with the other in tow. It wasn’t a common place, not lately anyways, but there was something that needed to be said and done considering there was a louder call in the back for people to be let out.

A few were outfitted in protective gear, but the majority didn’t have anything to protect themselves if the doors opened even for a few moments and let in whatever that mist was made up of as she glanced at the other with a bit of concern on her features. “We can leave when it lessens up again,” she added, which was something that they’d all gotten to know in the recent days when it came and went in waves. They needed to stay in place to protect themselves even with the agitation that was still present at the slight murmurs getting louder as bodies moved towards the front as much as others hung further back.

There were a couple people that she could tell weren’t listening, ones that were slapping cash down at the register and head towards the doors at the front because they had what they needed to survive out there. But there were plenty that didn’t as Danielle chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “Ari,” she called out to her friend, but didn’t let go as she moved to put out her free hand to stop the body closest to the door. “If you open that door, there’s going to be a lot of people that will get sick because of it. People that don’t have masks.” The worry was evident in her voice, but she tried her best to stay strong. 

[violentgallows]

JAVIER

***

He would keep his thoughts to himself this time, there was no need to expose himself about the mental image of her in work attire inside a pool. "At least it was good for you while it lasted, right?” Said simply, not wanting to complicate things even more. Specially now that for the first time in months, they were having a decent and peaceful conversation; no quips, no shouting, just talking and surprisingly being honest, which was a rare occurrence in both of them. At least for Javi, it was hard to open up and tell someone how he really felt, even more with how confusing things with Dani were. No crying, no showing vulnerability, those were Wesley lessons he took to heart as a kid, and being overly emotional made him vulnerable, he wouldn’t embarrass himself when she seemed to not want him on her life. Although, her sudden appearance at Alex’s house made him think otherwise. That’s why talking about anything else, like Luke and his new job were a good excuse. “I’m glad he did, not everyone can find a way out of this life.” And he was talking about himself, though him wanting to get out wasn’t something he had told someone, not even Jesus. It was a desire that lay whithin him, which probably would never fulfill. This was his life, he didn’t know anything other than this, so advising Danielle to find another job sounded like hypocrisy at its finest (just like talking to Jesus and Tyler about their relationship). Javi understood why she would think she owed Simon for that, he’d just prefer her doing something else, something that wouldn’t involved disgusting men touching her. “Oh, did he? He can be an ass sometimes, but he’s a good guy, and knows what he’s doing. If he kept you around is for a reason.” He shrugged lightly, trying to not give too much thought into it. “Karma coming back to bite your ass, doesn’t sound far-fetched,” the man joked, letting the corners of his lips curled into a lopsided smile. One that faltered as she spoke again. “No, that’s not true… we both played our part. I should have been more patient, more understanding of what you were going through and not lash it all out on you. I got my issues.” You deserve someone better, he added to himself, swallowing hard as he never shifted his gaze from her. “Right, yeah… I’m sure they’re not missing me, but you probably have things to do so…” He said with slight hesitation, clicking his tongue at the roof of his mouth. “Thanks again, for bringing my shirt.”

***

It was funny to stand there and talk about the past, a moment that felt like all the rest until it wasn't anymore as the fences grew higher and the security tighter that she and the other girls couldn't slip into the pool unnoticed anymore. Or how it felt like his words could have been about anything good in her life, a moment that was long gone and she missed how good it was then. Now she couldn't help but feel the way her lips twisted upwards, rueful and heavy with the memories of the good times that were easily overlooked when compared to the rest of them that were nothing but ways for her to destroy the good. "Yeah, it was good while it lasted," she agreed, her eyes lost in another moment and time even when the conversation touched on easier subjects than the one standing there with the two of them.

         "The last thing he wants to do is stay tangled up in the same old messes like the rest of us and maybe, he'll be the one that manages to get out of them for good too." Danielle didn't see herself as clearing any of them off her plate, not enough where she could breathe freely and believe that happiness was easy to obtain then. It wasn't the choices or the fights, the thefts or the lies that kept her down but the way her mind twisted and warped everything to become a struggle that exhausted her to the point of ruination; if left alone for too long. So the small handouts became too hard to bear and the favors stacked up higher than she could see over them as she felt liked she owed people to at least keep trying -- but for what? "Maybe, though I have a feeling that he's had the same thought as you one too many times, wondering if I'm worth the trouble that I bring around with me," she admitted with a slight shrug as she breathed out and glanced back at him.

That hint of a smile was enough to tighten the knot in her stomach, the one that told her to walk away and leave him alone because he didn't deserve her kind of trouble anymore when it had been a flimsy excuse at best to be there at all. And she felt her nerves shake even more as he spoke afterwards, cutting through her when he didn't even look away from her once. It reminded her of moments long ago, seeing him gaze at her and never wanted him to stop but that wasn't fair to think or want anymore. "The only person alive that could have had more patience than you, with me, would have to be a saint," she countered his words softly, meaning them with her whole heart as she pressed her lips together so that they didn't shake either. "And you don't see me hanging around a church these days. We've both got our issues but you, you tried and I... I wish I had seen that sooner, you know?" Maybe things would have been different if she had. 

          "I think I have definitely overstayed my welcome so I'm gonna leave now before I say anything..," like how she didn't want to leave yet, even as she took a half step back towards the door. "Just um, be safe. You never know just who is roaming the streets," she told him with a crooked smirk that fell after a beat.