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It's not the end of the world

[violet-donut]

Now I know what it feels like to live in a madhouse for 7 months. Literally mental asylum.

[violet-donut]

Hahaha I just read what I wrote about year 2020. Good grief, I didn’t know what a horrible year is. Actually 2020 was very much tolerable like no joke.

And it is now that I am in hell. Burning.

[violet-donut]

Had a full-blown nervous breakdown yesterday. I have so much hate for this government, for these mad people around, I just cannot. I love my profession, my specialty. And this is the problem, which keeps me from jumping into the car and becoming a refugee. But this force is weakening like with enormous speed. One more push and pfff I’m gone. Cannot take it anymore I just cannot. Always wanted to live in a different country, not this joky jail, but the irony is I have already accepted that I want. I was genuinely okay. And I am so not okay. Never seen my eyelids so puffy and red. No nerves left. None.

[violet-donut]

I want to remember this feeling of having essentially everything to living independently. Sure, I still have a long way to improve my career and income. Well, the income is a laughstock now. But it's mine. After so many years of med school. I appreciate my colleagues. Very much so. But I should always remember that working here is not my goal. Let me not forger that.

[violet-donut]

Not even funny anymore, 2020 is the worst year imaginable. Well, at least for me, yet.

[tansdiary]

a short list of what i’m good at:

overthinking

making scenarios in my mind

wasting my time

[violet-donut]

Some memories and long forgotten emotions are like phantom aches. Unresolved. Yearning. Deluding.

I don't want to feel and low-key crave them. I sincerely don't. They just happen to haunt me, pull me back, make me wonder.

Keep telling myself I miss the feeling. Because everything else is undoubtedly unreversably changed. But this faintest lingering feeling.

[violet-donut]

It's funny when you go to vote and know beforehand that it is no use. Nobody will count your yeses or nos.

And you wake up in the morning and see that yeah, it was no use. But could you please lie less blatantly? It's getting more ridiculous from day to day. This passport is a dead weight.

And people who voted "yes" and took part in organizing this crime - you deserve shit you live in.

But people with brain and dignity do not. And we are no use in this shithole.

You can do nothing here. You are nothing here.

[violet-donut]

Looks like finishing Med university was one thing, being accepted in residency another, but finding a fucking job for laughable money is completely different sad story

[louisandthedagger]

[violet-donut]

💔

[a-sakuras]

Wherever you are in the world, I’ll search for you.

[violet-donut]

Of hollowness

I feel like after graduation from med I wouldn't mind spending month or longer in the middle of nowhere for rehabilitation.

[violet-donut]

Mood:

Listening to "dog days are over" and actually feeling it

[violet-donut]

Of colors of the spring

My spring starts when I can witness colorful sunsets, not earlier. And today is the day my eyes were blessed. And maybe opened? Not having the time of my life right now, so it's these little thing keeping you afloat. Orange, pink, purple, blue, grey, beige. Mixed, not stirred.

[redfar]

Sendai parade  20182204 

[violet-donut]

Zhenya was asked about gala performance with Yuzu again at today's press conference. She said that it is not their decision, that it's not that simple and needs training and work that cannot be done spontaneously living in different countries. Then Eteri said that she can't let her go to Japan, so only if Yuzu comes to them😁 Zhenya was actually embarrassed, because she's been asked this question several times already, giving the same answer again and again.

[filmgalsposts-deactivated202506]

‪and this HUG between Evgenia and Yuzuru is so cute, im sobbing ‬😭