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How To Lose Your Virginity is a documentary that poses the question: What if all we had to lose were our virginity myths? Stream it and get more info at trixiefilms.com/virginity

[virgin]

After almost 10 years, we are ending all new posts...

We won’t be taking any new questions, but we are leaving this tumblr up so you can access the sexuality topics we’ve covered and questions we’ve answered. 

If you want an additional resource, check out our documentary How To Lose Your Virginity, and the ‘Ask Trixie’ section of our Virginity Blog which also has a lot of Q&As. 

Thanks everyone!

[virgin]

Please answer as soon as possible! ❤ I had my first time on the 9th and i bled also i had to take the morning after pill because the condom fell and he came inside me... now if thats not the worst first time... and now on the 13th i was masturbating and when i inserted something im my vagina i started bleeding immediately and quite a bit ... whats happening?

Hi there! So, here’s my asap answer. 

Bleeding during any kind of penetration means your vagina was especially sensitive and became irritated in some way. This kind of thing can happen ‘the first time’ or any time, which is why bleeding is not a test for anything virginity related. 

However, if you’ve never had penetrative sex before (by penis or toy), it might have resulted in your hymen tissue tearing and bleeding. And it was still sensitive when you masturbated so you had blood again. I’m not a doctor, so this is an amateur opinion, but give it some time to heal as you would any irritated or torn tissue.

If it persists, I’d suggest seeing your gynecologist to make sure there’s nothing serious going on. If you don’t have a gynecologist, you should definitely get one : ) If there’s a Planned Parenthood near you, it’s a good place to start. 

[virgin]

Your blog helps me so much!❤

Thank you!! That really means a lot! ❤

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Disabled people get a lot of practice telling people about our bodies: doctors, therapists, other people in our support networks.  Even with all that practice, important conversations with sexual partners about our pleasure and our needs can still be hard to start. Here’s some great help with that from Carrie Kaufman.

[virgin]

Hi! So...I'm a virgin and everytime i masturbate and try to put my finger inside, it just won't go. Is it normal?

Hi there! The first questions are: do you menstruate, do you use tampons, and are you able to insert them? If the answer is yes, than you might just be a bit tensed up down there and your muscles need to learn how to relax, which will require some patience. If the answer is no to all of the above, there may be a physical issue blocking the opening, in which case you need to go to a gynecologist to get things checked out. Or, you might not be familiar enough with your own geography and are trying to insert your finger somewhere there’s no opening. Hey, it happens! Those are just a few ideas but ultimately, I recommend everyone with a vagina see a gynecologist, no matter their level of sexual experience, and they can answer your questions in more detail.

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Got a question? Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.

Thanks!

[virgin]

This isnt really about sex but i started seeing this guy and at first i was into it and really happy cause I've never been in a relationship or had sex before. But now im not into it but also i suddenly i really want to have sex and not caring if its with someone im in a relationship with which is like a 360 for me and basically im totally lost now and confused. Help?

Things change! The way we feel about people we’re dating, the way we feel about our own sexual urges, the way we feel about things that used to be important but aren’t that important any more. So, aside from being kind of surprised that your feelings have changed, what’s the biggest issue you want some help with? Write back!

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.

Thanks!

[virgin]

advice on kissing?? in 16 and never had my first kiss and like i’m nervous asf😭

Hey It’s totally normal to feel nervous about kissing for the first time. Just remember, the first kiss is just the first kiss of so so many kisses you’ll have in your life. Which also means lots of chances to practice! 

The awesome folks at Scarleteen have put together the ultimate guide to kissing and snuggling. Scroll down to get to the how to section or just enjoy the whole thing!

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/kisses_and_snuggles_ftw

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.

Thanks!

[virgin]

I only watch porn when im depressed. Im a girl and ive had a rougher childhood and first started watching porn when i was 8 (waaay too young but i grew up in the age of the internet so)Now i feel like my relationship with porn is unhealthy. It never feels morally good, mainly because I always end up watching more extreme (but always legal) shit and idk. I even tried an app that blocks adult sites to try to discourage myself but i just ended up deleting it. How can i solve this problem by myself?

If you feel like your porn viewing is a serious problem that’s getting in the way of the rest of your life, you may not be able to deal with it yourself but need the help of a professional. Know that you’re not alone and there are many people out there dealing with the same thing.

Do you have access to therapist? Do you have a doctor you trust who might recommend one? Or a 12-step group in your area that focuses on sex addictions of various kinds (unhealthy or obsessive porn use that gets in the way of the rest of your life is part of that area).

On the other hand, if you want to keep watching porn, but want to do it in a healthier and more ethical way, here are some suggestions:

Pay for porn so the people who create it can get paid for their hard work. 

Stay away from aggregators like PornHub who are basically taking other people’s work and making money off of it.

For some recommendations, I’m not that versed in the multitudes of porn out there, so I asked the great Lux Alptraum, who has some serious knowledge of the industry. She said “for something artier/more focused towards women I’d suggest Sssh.com and PinkLabel.tv.”

Lux has a new book out called ‘Faking It’ (and I’m honored to be quoted in the chapter on virginity), so please do check it out!

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.

Thanks!

[virgin]

i have a question. people keep telling me i lost my virginity when actually it was only the tip that enter so i dont really count because we did not actually have an intercourse it was only the tip

Your sexuality and sexual status is for you to define, not for anyone else. Never forget that. If it’s helpful, I’ve talked about Just The Tip situations before:

https://www.virginitymovie.com/blog/2014/11/ask-trixie-if-just-the-tip-or-less-went-in-does-it-still-count-am-i-a-virgin

https://www.virginitymovie.com/blog/2018/5/28/ask-trixie-i-never-felt-it-my-partners-small-penis-go-into-my-vagina-so-does-that-make-me-still-a-virgin

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.

Thanks!

[virgin]

Do you have any tips on kissing I've only ever kissed 2 guys they both told me I was good but I'm not sure I believe that 😕

If two different guys told you that you were a good kisser, I’d tend to say you’re probably a good kisser. My only tips are to maintain good oral hygiene and minimize the saliva. And then when you fall madly in love, that may not even be an issue either. That’s all I’ve got. Have fun.

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.Thanks!

[virgin]

I’m hooking up with this guy who’s in an open relationship with his girlfriend who’s at another college. I’m not someone who gets attached easily, and I’m very physically attracted to him. When we hook up, I want to lose my virginity to him. I’m worried that I shouldn’t because he’s in an open relationship and I might get attached after or he won’t want to have sex with me after the first time. Should I do it?

I mean, if it was me contemplating this I’d probably say no because there’s already too much drama and nothing’s even happened yet. But it’s not me, it’s you.

So, let’s get the attachment thing out of the way first because it seems like the main issue for you. The idea of women getting attached after first-time sex is a myth. Not that some people don’t respond to the intensity or whatever, but there’s no magical penis fairy dust that make people coming into sexual contact with it fall head over heels forever. 

So assuming you’re OK with the whole open relationship situation, figure out what you want to get out of this encounter and see if he’s feeling the same way. That’s the minimum investment here. If not, I can’t see it turning out to be all that fun. But if you just want to get something over with as soon as possible with someone as convenient as possible (and he’s down for that) and you don’t care whether you ultimately enjoy it or not (which I don’t judge - sometimes you have a goal that’s not romance or even orgasms) he might be your man. Or not.

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.Thanks!

[virgin]

Hi Trixie... I'm 16 and female.. I've always had the thought of being a virgin until marriage but the problem is that my boyfriend wants to have sex and he kinda makes me want to have it too... I'm sure him and I are ment to be but should I go ahead and do it or keep my virginity until I'm married?? I don't want to be a disappointed and I'm really scared 😞

Hi there!

So, do YOU want to have sex? That’s really the only question here. What he wants is totally beside the point. If he’s putting a lot of pressure on you, he’s not a very nice boyfriend.

Whether you abstain from any sex until you are married is your choice to make but it’s fine if you decide at some point that you don’t want to wait. That doesn’t have to be now, though.

If you’re using the words ‘really scared,’ maybe wait? I mean, 16 is still young and you have plenty of time.

As far as being disappointed, that might happen the first time you have any kind of sex, or the first time you are with a new partner, or for a million other reasons. Sex can be great and it can also sometimes be meh. 

That’s why talking about virginity and first times and whether something is meant to be is not always that helpful. Sex is something that evolves through your whole life. It’s not just about one time but many times, all different.

If you do want to have sex, keep in mind there are a LOTS of different ways to have sex that don’t involve intercourse or any kind of penetration. Hands are great as well, just sayin. As I wrote in a previous post, you’re in control here.  

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.Thanks!

[virgin]

me and my best friend have known each other for almost a year, we have a lot of respect for each other and we know each other inside out. Although throughout this friendship there has been this underlining attraction towards each other. We both talk about it and we know we are attracted to eachother but we'd remain friends. It'd be my first time but it wouldn't be his. should i go with my gut or not. I grew up with a strict view on sex but im curious. I feel bad though. help

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the way you’re raised, even if you want to. It lingers in your head as an annoying little voice. Sometimes that’s good, but other times it prevents us from growing. 

It sounds like you and your friend have a trusting relationship, and are communicating really well. So if your gut says you want to take it to a physical place, see what happens. It doesn’t have to be intercourse, by the way. Go slowly - there are lots of ways to have sex.

Just keep in mind that sometimes friendships don’t survive a physical relationship. You may decide you want to stay friends, or it could turn into something amazing. Or it could be the end of the two of you. Anything could happen - it’s tricky emotional territory.

Also remember that if you start something, you can also stop it any time you feel uncomfortable. Make sure he knows that before anything starts, and the he will respect whatever happens. You are in control.

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here.Thanks!

[virgin]

So uh, I am a girl and p new to everything and I was just wondering if oral can lead to a UTI?

UTIs come from germs getting into your urethra (that’s the hole between your clitoris and your vaginal opening, where the pee comes out). It might be from contact with another person’s hands, mouth, genitals, or fluids. It might also be from not showering after the gym. : )

Some people never get them, and some people are super prone to them (like me!). Whatever you’re doing sex-wise, try to pee before and after to clear any germs that might be lingering at the urethra’s opening. And if you feel pain when you pee, get to a clinic or your doctor so they can do a simple test. If you do have a UTI, you’ll need to get on antibiotics asap! 

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here. Thanks!

[virgin]

I had oral sex today with this guy I've known for about a year... After sex we made out for a while and when he left my house, I felt completely different about him. I all of a sudden am not over the moon when I get his texts and my friend told me that I spent all day looking depressed and sad and I just don't feel happy right now. I know this isn't normal, but is it really weird? I did orgasm and so did he if it changes anything...

Sometimes we build sex up into something into a lot more than it ends up being. We expect something transformative, or deeply bonding, and it just ends up being bodies and fluids and (hopefully) orgasms. Maybe you’re disappointed, or maybe you thought something would happen that didn’t. Maybe you’re just not that into him after all. That’s life. I don’t think you’re weird or abnormal.

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you.

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here. Thanks!

[virgin]

this question is not about how to lose virginity but the other way round. I was young and dumb when I decided to give my v card to my bf from that time. We just had it once, and I bled. Now i'm getting married soon and I lied to my husband abt being virgin, for 2 reasons: our cultures (conservative) and i only had sex once. Anyhoo, I'm thinking to buy fake hymen pills or have sex during my period. My question is, if i have sex on my period will he tell the difference or think it's my hymen?

Let’s get this out of the way first: Bleeding has nothing to do with whether you’ve had intercourse or not. Let me repeat that: blood≠virgin. I never bled my first time, or any time after that. Let me quote from a previous blog post:

“The myth that all women bleed the first time they have intercourse is so pervasive that it’s used as a standard ‘virginity’ test all over the world. In reality, the whole blood-on-the-sheet thing says absolutely nothing about whether a woman is a virgin, has previously been penetrated by a penis, or anything else except how her vaginal tissue reacted to the factors listed above. As we often point out, there is no way to test for ‘virginity.’”

Further reading: This super informative article from our friends at Scarleteen

Please don’t invest in any hymen stuff, it’s bogus and might give you an infection. And no, he won’t think your period blood is from your hymen because unless you hide everything from him, he’ll know you’re on your period anyway. If questioned, you can point to at least two different articles about blood≠virgin. 

Having said all that, I feel sad that you’re entering into such an important relationship with a lie. Everyone (even conservative people) have done things that seemed like a good idea at the time but in hindsight they might regret. What is his own sexual history? Has he shared it with you? Is there a double standard at work here? 

Now, if you feel like the fact that you’ve had intercourse will result in some kind of emotional or physical harm to you if it’s revealed, by all means do what you need to do to protect yourself. You’re not required to talk about it with him or anyone else if you don’t want to. Good luck!

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Since I get a lot of the same questions over and over again, please scroll through my tumblr page and my virginity blog to see if it’s already been asked. I’m happy to answer your questions here if you don’t find an answer that works for you. 

And you can watch my documentary about virginity and female sexuality here. Thanks! 

[hellyeahscarleteen]

It’s hard to create a healthy sex life if you’ve spent your entire life trying to avoid sexual activity, desires, or even just thoughts. Even if you’ve rejected the beliefs of purity culture, developed a sex-positive theology, and willingly decided to have sex – you might find yourself feeling ashamed. Even if you didn’t grow up in purity culture, it’s possible that you’ve encountered — and internalized — the idea that sex is dirty or shameful. That shame is a tough thing to reckon with. Even if you’ve changed your thoughts and beliefs, the thing about shame is it really lives inside your body. It takes time to intellectually, emotionally and physically unlearn the physical feelings of guilt and shame that have lodged themselves deeply in you. If you feel this way – please, know you’re not alone. And you don’t have to be alone. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and why. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who has training and education in helping patients process and unlearn sexual shame. Maybe you need to take it slow. You can spend time masturbating and getting to know your body, and may even only do that for a few years before you branch out with partners. Remind yourself your body is not bad, it’s good. What makes you feel safe and at home in your body? Is it lazy mornings with coffee, or a long run? A hot bath? Yoga? Growing up evangelical, you’re taught to ignore your body: it takes time to learn how to trust yourself and your instincts, and to acknowledge and appreciate your body. Find some ways to feel connected and present in your body that aren’t especially sexual, and then start working on taking that presence and connectedness into sex. I also personally prefer to speak in terms of being sexually active or not, as opposed to being a virgin. Virginity generally only focuses on penis-in-vagina intercourse, and also usually without any mention of consent; sexual activity encompasses the much wider spectrum of sexual expression and incorporates agency into the mix, too. When it comes to sexual activity, you choose what acts you participate in - or don’t participate in - at your own pace. Being sexually active is also about more than just which body parts come into contact with other body parts. Virginity usually boils sexuality down to simply physical contact, but sexuality also includes things like feelings, thoughts, societal norms and expectations, social experiences and spiritual beliefs.

Impurity Culture: Surviving Virginity

A new piece from Hannah Boning on the role of virginity in purity culture and the damage that way of thinking about sex, self-worth, and bodies can do.

(via hellyeahscarleteen)

THIS THIS THIS!!