Broken Laptops, Lipstick, Hearts, and Other Things

[pumpkinsandhotcocoa]

~ Autumn Wonderland ~

[vishu244]

DOORS OPEN!! Who’s here tonight??? Find me in sec 125 row 11!! @taylorswift @taylornation

[vishu244]

I’m ready for it @taylorswift @taylornation!! See you August 4th in Toronto!!! I’m making my dress similar to the one Taylor wears on tour. I hope I get a chance to meet you I would just about DIE!

[ganesheverywhere]

Lord Ganesha

[simplysmilingandsmoking]

[blunder]

You know you are doing well when you lose the interest of looking back.

adrenaline.tumblr.com (via adrenaline)

[vishu244]

Selective Compassion

The Yulin Dog Meat Festival is a great example of a public outcry that reveals how certain animals' lives are valued more than those of others. Yes, what is done at Yulin is cruel - but it ain't about whether these are cats and dogs being killed, but HOW.

So quick we are to take the moral high ground and yet, for some reason, I doubt chickens being subjected to the same form of treatment halfway across the world would beget a similar public outcry. What's the difference between the two? Your (localized) perception. Being outraged at animal torture of any kind should be universal - but do we generally question where OUR meat comes from? What about other products that don't blatantly spell out animal utilization in their production? The level of animal cruelty present in North America is not exactly a well kept secret.. And yet we still engage with, and support, an industry that does what we are supposedly SO upset about with Yulin.. on a regular basis.

Animal cruelty is wrong against any type of animal - not just ones we can see ourselves keeping as pets. And it is much easier to be outraged at something happening in China than it is to do so against something happening where you live, no? The number of tweets against Yulin with owners showcasing their cute dogs in protest is phenomenal.

"Let's rage against Yulin, but not about the choice of animal – rather, about the way they’re killed, which, to be sure, is horrific by any standard. They are burned and skinned alive, the belief being that the more they’re tortured, the tastier they will be...If we’re angry about this – and I believe we should be – let’s harness that anger and demand humane treatment of the countless animals killed in the name of food in North America. Let's not forget animals are tortured in our own backyards. If we're demanding Yulin be more compassionate, more humane – then let’s demand the same of our own meat producers. Cruelty should be intolerable –whether it’s a cow, pig or dog suffering."

[vishu244]

Vegetarianism

Would you say that animal product consumption is an issue for the general public? Do you think about the industry that upholds your ability to consume animal products at the rates that you do? Beyond ethical implications, did you know that livestock and their byproducts actually account for at least 32.6 billion tons of carbon dioxide per year, or 51 percent of annual worldwide greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions?

In case that statistic did not speak for itself, it is a BIG deal.

Very often, people do things out of "habit". Having grown up within certain realities and conditions, they often continue doing things their friends and family did/do with little thought as to WHY. I know - I ate meat until I was 19 years old just because it was the only option ever presented to me. It was not an easy transition to vegetarianism, mostly due to social influences (my family eats meat), but with time they came to see that there was no changing my mind.

Now, I haven't marched around with "VEGETARIAN" plastered on my forehead for the past several years, nor have I tried to shove my beliefs down anybody's throat (although people have been more than happy, on numerous occasions to question my motives, offer me chicken wings, ask me whether I "miss meat", what "tempts" me, whether I have low iron levels, how I can possibly survive, etc.). What I find curious is that the question is always why I don't consume animal products - so to all those willing to entertain the idea, let's turn the question around and ask why you DO.

I have heard many things, from "it tastes good", to "it is necessary", "it is natural" and "it is normal". Some people even think the industry that allows all of this to happen is sustainable. While this is all swell, it all seems rather short-sighted. The evidence to support LESSER animal consumption is all around you. You don't have to be a vegetarian or vegan to make a positive impact.

The fact of the matter is this: meat production at current levels is unsustainable, and it is only going to get worse if we don't do something about it. Yes, indeed, beyond the ethical implications of the mass killings and consumption of animals just because we can, there are OTHER reasons to eat less meat, as well.

[vishu244]

Never Again

There is a reason i said i’d be happy alone. It wasn't ‘cause i thought i’d be happy alone. It was because i thought if i loved someone and then it fell apart, i might not make it. Its easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love, and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage, its like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? This could go on forever. 

[kardashy]

its impossible to watch this and be sad

[d0gbl0g]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[greetings-deactivated2015-01-23]

OMG IM MELTING

[vishu244]

If you dont want me, I will not let myself want you.

Im a lover...and i love to love...but most importantly i love to love when im loved in return! Ill be dammed if i spend any more of my time and energy pondering the many wacked out intricacies of why you dont want me. I think something must be wrong with you. I dont think anybody told you about everything that i have to offer, because my mental, emotional, and physical goodies are on reserve for a guy who knows how to treat a lady, and YOU sir are just the poor little fella who is just blindly passing up on the best he never really even had. IM so sad for you, because i heard you dont want me....Well then...i will not let myself want the likes of you. 

[roseistheanswer]

[vishu244]

Gratitude.

You know that saying, if everyone put their problems in a pile, you would pick yours back up? Maybe this statement is hitting me more at 4am then it would normally. I watched a documentary the other day about labour workers in 3rd world countries who provide vegetables and fruits for muliti million dollar corporations in North America. Their wages are so low that they go on strikes for days just to add pennies to their pay check. Pennies..I remember i had this epiphany earlier this year as well. I saw a picture of a man who had lost both his legs in a electrical accident, and now begs for money everyday, yet he has a smile on his face. And that very morning, all i could do was complain about how much i hated mornings. I keep forgetting that i am so lucky i even woke up that morning. There are so many blessings in my life that i just forget. The problem is that even though my problems are not as big as others, they are still problems and i still have feelings. I think it all just comes down to gratitude. Lets list a couple things i am grateful for today: 

1. Staring with the morning...i am thankful for waking up in a warm bed in a house.

2. I am thankful for seeing my mom first thing in the morning. 

3. I am thankful for hearing my happy, healthy, and safe birds screaming and chirping in the morning. 

4. I am thankful for being able to go downstairs and easily finding food to eat.

5. I am thankful that i have homework to do, because i am getting an education to better my life.

6. I am thankful for this laptop i am currently typing on, i have access to the entire world.

7. I am thankful for the job interview i got today

8. I paid off my Visa, and i am thankful that i have money in my bank account.

9. I am thankful for my best friends for being there when i need them the most, i am so thankful to have a group of people who have seen me grow up and i love them

10. I am grateful for my kind professor who tried to make the rest of the school schedule as easy as possible for us due to the strike

11. I am thankful for my father for picking me up in the rain 

12. i am thankful for the dinner my mom cooked me today 

13, I am thankful i can crawl into my warm bed at night and fall asleep in peace...if i want.   

[vishu244]

We Fall In Love Till It Hurts, Or Bleeds, Or Fades In Time...

Ive come to the conclusion that love does not last forever. It happens, people even get married and have kids, but at the end of the day, it will fade. Every one in two marriages end in a divorce, and thats because love has no meaning anymore in this world. You may think this is such a cynical way to think, but after what i have seen, and been through its the only reality i know. That goes for all relationships. When it comes to blood relationships, you are sort of stuck with each other...well because you are blood. No matter what you will be bonded. But when it comes to a relationship, I feel like i have seen the same cycle over and over. Meet someone, get butterflies, he falls for you, tells you a whole bunch of sweet nothings and you believe them. Now he promises you a million things, and you get together, and you’re on top of the world. A couple months pass, and someone is over it. Suddenly its just a routine to be with each other and someone looses interest. Eventually ONE person is going to just stop trying because why should they? They got you already...whats the point of trying with you, unless they want to keep you. Someone will only stop trying if they decided they dont care for a relationship, and they dont care if you’re in their life anymore. When a man wants you, he will figure out a way to be with you no matter what. I do not mean going on dates and presents. I mean someone who truly will try for you. Someone who will go out of their way to talk to you. Communicate and find ways to keep the romance and relationship alive. Someone who will NOT give up. I think i only know one couple in my entire life who is still in love after 5 kids, and i truly believe its a miracle. You know what? It because its just easier to say “goodbye”, then to be vulnerable and try. People just want the easy way out, and love just does not have the same meaning anymore. I think thats why all my relationships fail, because im looking for an extraordinary love with just ordinary people. Someone who decides i am the one and work out every single problem and issue with me no matter what because we decided to commit to each other. Not someone who promises me the world, and then leaves when things get slightly rocky. I dont think its that difficult unless someone is unfaithful. In my opinion, its more rare to come across true love, then god. I honestly believe i would find god before i find someone who will love me forever, and that is the most unfortunate thing in the world. So next time someone says “i love you” to me i wont say it back...i will just ask “for how long?” Because love fades, and people leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody. 

[vishu244]

Next Chapter

When it comes to men its true what they say, keep it light, and dont get too involved, if you're not someones girlfriend, you could never be someones ex-girlfriend, am i right? I have decided something, i am going to spend as much time mourning this relationship as he did ending it. People say everything happens for a reason...these people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break up, or some form of heart ache. It seems that men could get out if a relationship without even a goodbye. But apparently, women have to either get married, or LEARN something in the end. Why are we in such a rush to move from confused, to Confucius (thats my Buddhist reference of the day). Do we search for lessons to lessen the pain? 

[vishu244]

Anxiety of the day

“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”— The Winter of the Air  

[vishu244]

Broken.

I am truly broken. I honestly dont even know what to type ...its currently 2:23 on a Sunday night. Im typing right now because every time i type here it makes me feel better..i feel like i let some load off. I started this blog about a year ago, and im right back at the same place i started. Broken hearted. Once again, i was thrown away like day old pasta. Let me tell you the whole story...me and Tinder guy are born on the same day remember? We decided to go to Montreal for our birthdays, which was turning into quite a difficult planning process, since no one is ever sure about their schedules. I am naturally a very anxious person, but this week life was really kicking my ass. I had an assignment due almost every single day this week, and i hadn't seen Tinder guy since valentines day. So basically half a month. One evening him and i decided to face time since we didnt see each other. I was trying to suggest some plans that me and my friends discussed earlier about Montreal, but for some reason he was not having it. I felt like with every word he said i was getting more and more angry. He suggested ideas such as lets just cancel the trip, which just infuriated me since that is not helping my situation. I understand we are having a conversation, but i have so much anxiety built up in me, i cant hear this right now. Imagine your dog died, and someone is telling you about their new puppy...sometimes you just need space. I was getting so anxious and frustrated i started crying, and to be honest i didn't even know what i was crying about. I just needed to get tears out that were bottled up inside me from stress. Tinder guy simply watched me cry. I remained quiet since i was so emotionally drained, and Tinder guy just left face time. The next day i decided not to speak with him because i needed space. The stress and anxiety would make our little fight something huge, which i did not want to do. I left it alone so we both could calm down, and finally the next evening i messaged him. Right off the bat he was hostile and told me he will not apologize for anything. To be honest, i didnt want him to, but i did not appreciate the tone. It was like walking into a cat fight, and hes just asking to start. I was going to continue and say im sorry i needed time to cool off, but he started the conversation so hostile, it fully demotivated me to come to any terms. I was back where i started with a hot head. He then went on to tell me that me not talking to him didnt hurt him if that was my intension, which it wasn't. He told me i cried for no reason. Basically when i gave him the benefit of the doubt a million times, he could not give it to me ONCE. Again these hostile fighting words were NOT helping the situation. The conversation lasted less then 2 minutes when he decided he didn't have time for this. So much for communication right? I left it alone for two days, and then i yet again called him again. I knew he was not going to call or message me. Another two minutes into the conversation and he breaks up with me...Yes you read that right, he broke up with me. The same person who looked me in the eye and said he will not leave, the same person who promised to communicate and solve all our problems together, the same person who told me he loved me. He told me he thought about it for the days we weren't talking and decided that we will not work. So basically he made the decision that OUR relationship will be determined by HIS solo decision to break up after this fight. Apparently he tried to justify it by saying how "this has always been an issue" and "i always apologize". So basically, every single time we communicated through a problem, it was only him right? He was the only person putting in the work, and i stood on the side lines and i watched. As if i never let any of his behaviours that bothered me slide before? I have NEVER put effort to make him happy right? I never considered his happiness ever? Is this the premise of this break up right now? This is the most ironic thing since i called to work things out. He told me i didnt say the word "sorry"....I almost forgot we are 5 years old.  I was SO confused, all i could do was just cry and cry and cry. He then said i didn't want to hurt you...of course...typical. You cant fix a broken mirror with tape. What i dont understand is, if apparently he had an issue with me from the beginning, tell me why it was never vocalized? is this not the same person who apparently valued communication? This is the shit you evaluate BEFORE you get into a relationship. ESPECIALLY an apparently committed relationship. This is the shit that you figure out BEFORE i let you in my heart, before i trust you, before i open my house doors to you. When you decide after that, this is the girl i want to work out my issues with, and fight with, and communicate with, and have a real fucking relationship with, THAT is when you commit. When you make a promise to be with someone, its suppose to mean ride or die, not i will leave when things getting slightly rocky.Commitment has honestly lost all its meaning. That is just empty fucking words. I honestly dont even understand what this break up is over...the week before we were talking about being in the honey moon stage, and now apparently hes had enough? Enough of what? NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED! When youre having relationship issues, you take a walk, you take some time to yourself, you watch a movie and read a book, you give each other space...NOT BREAK UP. So once again, i am the fool. I am the girl that was used as a freaking trail run for yet another confused man who has no idea what he wants. The funniest part is that he believes he is being mature. He TRULEY believes that he is mature to a point where he could make a decision like this by himself, when clearly i have never seen someone more bipolar in my life. I dont know why i always attract the people who just flip switches, and turn out to be completely bipolar. How could someone just do that? Flip the switch...decide you're just not wanted anymore. After all the promises, effort, and memories, its just going to fade away like it never even happened. I always thought we would break up after countless attempts at communication, and i didnt even get that. I dont know how to feel right now, i just know my heart is broken and there is no reason behind it. No justification, just ignorance. I would officially consider myself damaged goods. Its 3am, and im crying in a dark room.