I am the one who's honored you like it! I love your story and your ideas. It was such a pleasure to draw beautiful Calanthe. I just hope I was able to do her at least a little justice đ„°
I've said it before but for newcomers, I will say it again. I fully stand with Palestine and Palestinians. If you're neutral, or you don't care, or you support Israel or you're "free everyone", unfollow me right now. This is not a political topic. Tons of innocent people dying is not a political topic.
Everyone's always saying that they're for making a change but I don't see any change in an account that doesn't stand for humanitarian crisis. Swifties, I'm sorry but y'all post millions of things about Taylor Swift's albums and various tours but can't be bothered to reblog posts about people dying.
1000 is a big number and we know that. Now imagine, 36050+ people dead, 15000+ are children, 80,643 injured, and 10,000 missing.
We all know what to do when genocides happen, it's in the history books. This is going to make it in history books. Stop being ignorant.
Growing up I always watched movies, documentaries, tv shows and read books about atrocities committed by people in history and thought.. how did this happen and why did no one do anything? Why did governments not intervene? Why did public figures not speak out? How did they get away with it? it? Most importantly how did human treat other humans like that? Where was the compassion?
I'm ashamed to say that in 2024 I now have the answers. The government's gas lighting and complicity, the media dehumanising, ignoring and bias reporting, the huge companies funding and supporting, the public figures choosing to stay silent, the ordinary person pretending "they don't know enough" this is how we've allowed this to happen time and time again..
In the past we could forgive people for not having enough information, not having access to it, not being able to hear the stories of the horrors, to be able to see it with their own eyes..
In 2024 you can't pretend you "don't know enough" you can't pretend you don't see innocent children, men, and women being brutally killed by sadistic, genocidal leaders and their war crimes.. you can't ignore the 100's and 1000's of videos, images, stories and people who are telling you what is happening.. the sheer horror of images we are seeing.. you can't ignore the countless protests, discourse, conversations, posts, live feeds etc.. history will judge your inaction, your silence, your ignorance..
This is not a war.. this is a genocide.. this is massacre.. there are no sides..
Also please don't forget the innocent people suffering in Sudan and Congo they need our voices too!
The International Court of Justice told Israel to immediately halt its attack on Rafah. So Israel decided to bomb a UN tent camp.
We are witnessing beheaded children being pulled out of a a sea of burning tents. We are witnessing the bombing of displaced people in a humanitarian area.
I didnât think we could see anything more brutal than the things weâve seen in the last eight months. But tonightâs massacre in Rafah is unspeakable. There are truly no words left.
If you cannot stop the injustice, please, at least speak up about it.
you never thought this day might come, sat down with the Radio Demon's head in your lap, his gaze lazy and half-lidded as he allows you, generously, so generously, to touch the pronged antlers that extend from the top of his head. His lips pass soft white noise as you run a finger from the base to the tip of his antlers, the vibration that you can feel beneath the hard exterior somewhere between the hum of a domestic appliance and the throb, throb, throb of a heartbeat
You can feel Alastor's shoulders tense up whenever you put too much pressure on them, his calm breathing briefly interrupted every time you push his sensitivity past his tolerance. Each time you find yourself being too exploratory, you correct yourself back to the safety of gentle strokes, letting your fingertips soak in the unique texture. They are somewhere between the firm smoothness of exposed bone, like his teeth when they drag across the topmost layer of your skin, leaving perfect streaks too shallow to bleed, too pronounced to refute their creator, and the spongy give of delicate flesh. You know the trust he's imparted to you to be given this kind of access; not only does he so limit incoming touch, but resents any reminder of his reincarnation as a prey animal.
"I'm surprised you're okay with this," you murmur to him, so unwilling to compromise the sanctity of this moment.
"Only because it is you," Alastor assures you, his tone just as hushed.
You continue, relishing in this opportunity. You explore every hook and divot of the black extensions, marveling at the current of demonic energy that pulses through them. It was your impression that they only grew when Alastor was angry, but not quite: any overwhelming passion, be it joy, theoretically speaking, or fear, or sadness, and they will billow out. You wonder if you can elicit such a response. Your opening gambit is strong: you lean into his ear, whispering "If anyone else were to do this, you'd tear them apart, wouldn't you?"
"For even less than this, dearest. I'd assumed that was obvious."
"But not me?"
"But not you."
"Maybe I want you to tear me apart, love."
The first sign; you feel a shift through the skeletal system they're connected to, a tremor of recognition, of sudden awoken desire.
"I'm sure you just aren't aware of what you're asking for."
"No, I'm all too aware. You want something deeper, too, don't you? It can't be enough just to meet in such a temporary union, only to separate. I want you to bring a little piece of me along with you, knowing you've claimed more than just one part of me, but any you desire."
He shudders, deeper this time, and you feel growth. Sharp edges and deeper curves sprout like curling ivy where there had once been certain ends, like a blossoming tree bursting into life. Your loving strokes down the length of his antlers grow deeper, more pronounced, almost incessant.
"What game are you playing at?" Alastor pants, his breathing hitching every time you push against them with any kind of firmness.
"I love seeing what you do."
His body has seized, but doesn't do anything else. You can feel the efforts of the sinew across his back against your lap. Best of all are his facial expressions; his initial contentment has evolved, firstly into surprised, the edges of his bladed grin peeking out from his thin lips, his eyes squinted and playful. Now it's become a look of desire, his mouth open slightly, droning a steady song with no melody but a captivating refrain, nonetheless. His eyes plead with you; so uncharacteristic, for him to be putty in your hands. To think you could hold the high ground in any situation, much less as a result of this.
"Don't toy with me," he warns, but his voice doesn't sound assured. It sounds needy, like a request for more.
"I would never, love."
"Then end this teasing," he begs.
You do as he asks, taking your hands away from his antlers. With some strain, he manages to get his breathing back under control, his antlers receding like the retreating tide, back to their typical size. "Did you enjoy yourself?" you wonder, after he's calmed himself.
He looks at you with mischief etched in his features. "Not as much as I'm sure I will soon enough."
~~~
You were, in simple terms, nervous. Not so much due to the act of sex, but because it was your wedding night, and you, along with Alastor, were inexperienced in such intimate acts. It didnât help how your insecurities on the subject only heightened your fears.
But the way he kissed you as you laid beneath him, seeping his tongue in between your lips, tasting every part of your mouth as his hands gripped and gnawed at the skin of your hips and the under cup of your breast had your head spinning.Â
Your face flushed as your newly wed husband pulled away from you, his eyes swirling with lust and admiration- love, in fact. His lips brushed against the skin of your cheek before he straightened his back, gazing at the sight of you beneath him. You could feel his hardened cock grind against your clothed core as he let out controlled huffs of air; his eyes glazing over your almost naked form as you only attired what was left after he had removed your wedding dress long ago.
It was so strange seeing him this way; being so used to him presenting himself as a composed and calculated gentleman, it was baffling how undone and eager he looked. But then again, he was always inclined to show the deeper parts of his soul to you like his soft, caring and protective nature. No one else had that privilege. And this was just a new part he was permitting you to appreciate.
âMy darling wife,â His fingers fondled the strap of your brassiere as he spoke in a whispered tone that was lower than usual. His breath, hot and heavy, surging pleasant convulsions through your body. âI want to ravish you.â Allowing his hips to roll into yours, you moaned.Â
Placing your hands along the toned flesh of his stomach as he slipped the fabric off your shoulder, you bit your lip. You wanted this so much; you craved it. But you felt so anxious about the events that were to unfold. âIâm nervous, Alastor.â Your voice trembled, causing him to halt all movements instantly.
Fearing you had ruined the moment, you tried to backtrack, only to have Alastor caress your face, ceasing you from speaking. âWe can stop, if that is what you wish, darling.â He gave you an out, a very gracious one considering you could feel how much he wanted to continue.
You shook your head before furrowing your eyebrows. Lifting your arms, you slowly placed your hands on his shoulders. It was a privilege you relished in, being able to approach and physically touch the man that was Alastor. You were his love, afterall; someone who attained the entirety of his heart.
He would give you everything he had to offer.
Staring into his eyes, your lips pursed. âI want you, more than anything. Iâm just nervous.â Your fingers twitched against his shoulders as you confessed in a whisper.Â
You watched as he groaned from your words. Getting the green light to continue, he leaned in as he kissed you with a gentleness that was breathtaking. Sighing abstractedly, you deepened the kiss, moving your hands to cup your husband's face as you opened your lips ever so slightly, permitting Alastor to creep his tongue into your mouth once again.
The way his tongue lavished the innards of your mouth had you grinding your slicked core against his. He could feel it; the lubrication of your cunt soaking his pants, and the touch of his hand squeezing the fat of your hip only made your arousal peak. You felt consumed by him; by Alastor. Your husband.
As your tongues intertwined, you jumped ever so slightly as his fingers pressed against your opening. You hadnât even felt him snake his hand underneath your lingerie. Letting out soft moans as Alastor began to pet your clit; kneading it in circles, his heavy kisses became messier.
It was a sensation you werenât expecting, but felt so good. You could feel your clit throbbing in unison as he massaged your sex. And as soon as his fingers entered inside of you, you began to moan heavily against Alastors mouth. How did it feel so electrifying? He hadnât even started; hadnât even pulled out his own erection yet.
Your heart felt as if it were beating out of your chest as your husband consumed you; giving you a pleasure you had never experienced. His long fingers reached places you couldnât believe could be reached. And as he repeatedly plunged his fingers in and out of you, splattering your slick along your pelvis, his thumb petted your clit in a mind numbing fashion, causing your thighs to shake. A sensation of pleasure began to electrify every nerve within your system. âAl-â You gasped in between the heated kiss. âI feel-â you moaned louder as he began you fuck his fingers into you harder and harder. â-Weird.â
âJust let yourself go, darling.â He whispered into your ear, his breath reverberating within the canal of your ear. âMy perfect little wife, cum on my fingers.â His lips kissed the skin of your neck as you felt the pressure of something explode within the covers of your clit. A build up of pleasure coursing through you as Alastor kept his hard pace until you felt every part of your sex snap. Grabbing onto him; you clenched around him tightly. Screaming in pleasure as your husband rode you through your high, not relenting in his pace, making it feel as though the sensation would never end. Until it did.
Your moans of pleasure became silenced into breathy groans as your high ended. Alastor removed his hand from your cunt, only to lick the natural lubricant that your sex produced off of his fingers; drinking the essence your body offered. It made you wetter than the sensations of cumming made you; watching him digest a part of you off his talented fingers. âMy pretty little wife, you taste better than anything that can be consumed.âÂ
Oh, my. You couldnât deal with that kind of talk; it was making you dizzy.
After cleaning his fingers, he placed his fingertips against your lips, urging you to suck them. Parting your lips, you let your tongue swirl over his fingers; you could taste an essence of yourself along with your husbandâs spit. Alastor couldnât seem to stop grinding his hard sex into your cunt that was covered with the now overly damp lingerie as he watched you greedily suck his fingers.
Suddenly, Alastor pulled his fingers from your mouth, only to rush his hands onto the rest of the clothing that covered you from him; ripping the majority into bits in the process. His lips crashed into yours; near enough devouring you like a desperate man that was parched for water. Reciprocating the kiss with as much force, you flung your arms around him. Feeling him taking his cock out, resting the thick and veiny phallic organ heavily on your cunt, you couldnât prevent the sharp gasp that left your larynx as he rubbed his cock against the folds of your sex.Â
You werenât expecting him to be hiding such a big cock behind that thinned waistline, but Alastor never failed to surprise you. Pulling away slightly, you shuddered against your lover. âWill you be gentle, Alastor?â You whispered.
Looking into your eyes, you could only see pure love and devotion in your husband's lustful gaze. You felt safe. âMy sweet wife, I will always be gentle with you. I could never hurt you.â He whispered against your lips. âNot unless you begged me to.â He bit your bottom lip; but not hard enough to pierce before moving to kiss the corner of your lip.
âTell me if you need me to stop, darling.â Alastor mumbled against your skin. You nodded before the tip of his cock began penetrating your walls. Gripping your nails into the skin of his shoulders, grounding yourself as he continued to push himself further and further within your gummed walls. It hurt- ever so slightly as he slowly pushed his way in, but the pleasure that derived from his heavy sex massaging your inner walls outweighed the pain it inflicted.
Feeling him bottom out, you moaned. âYouâre so perfect,â Alastor groaned, flushing his hips back slowly before bottoming out again. âMy perfect wife. My wife. All mine.â Hearing him grunt those words of possession made your toes curl and your moans grow louder. His pace gradually increasing, the slapping of your skin as he fucked into you echoed against the walls along with your cries of your husbandâs name.Â
âTell your husband how much you want him.â Alastor groaned as his thrusts opted for fucking you harder than faster; making you jolt with every press. You mumbled, trying to coherent a sentence; trying to make your husband's wish come true. But he was fucking you dumb, fucking a pleasure that was tenfold what his fingers were able to achieve. âCome on, my beautiful little wife. Tell me.â
How was he able to talk so organised whilst he panted, whilst the sweat from his forehead began to drip onto you as he fucked you? You were almost dizzy from his thrusts; almost comatose. âI want you-â You let out a wanton moan. âI want-â Another moan. âMy husband-â You cried out as his cock seemed to drive into you even further.
His teeth bared, and you swore you could see him fucking blushing. His groans croaked out of his throat; his Adam's apple moving along with his song of sex. âFuck.â He grunted as his pace became faster, causing that electrifying sensation you experienced earlier to build up again.Â
He became relentless, pushing his whole body against you as his arms wrapped around your back, lifting you up slightly as he rutted himself further and further inside you. All you could hear was him mumbling words of possession into your ear. âMy wife, mine.â On repeat. It made you convulse, forcing your cunt to spasm from another peak. Screaming his name, Alastor pushed himself so far you could feel his tip press against your cervix before he stilled. His breaths uneven as he groaned in your ear, you could feel his ejaculation as his cum splattered the walls of your sex.
You relaxed as he refused to leave the warmth of your cunt, your vision blurred as all you could see was your loving husband.
I will try to update regularly, but not have an exact schedule.
I have adhd and whenever I actually do set a schedule for anything I enjoy doing, it feels like a responsibility again and my mind just- blocks out idk đđ I also want it to come out the way I want it to and not in a fast or forced way, so sorry in case some chapters take a little longer.
But don't worry, not only do I have sm motivation for it, but I also have sm already written already but its like... very chaotic and has many of my personal notes lol, so I mostly just need to clean that up and think of some more things in between and it'll be ready!
Anyways! I don't think many ppl care that much but still: I'm quite literally writing things from: meeting parents, proposal, wedding, in between stuff. I'm trying to not make it too fast paced or get too much into it. I wrote a lot for this story but in most of this they're already in hell and bc this is chronological I need to write the other things first.
So this is just me saying: this story will definitely finish, and it won't take too long for that. Just rn it's probably the slowest time. Since I want things to match up and come out the way I want them to.
I haven't planned for the story to take long anyway. Right now the plan is ch. 1 to 3 or 4 in the living world and another 5 or potentially more in hell.
I will try to update regularly, but not have an exact schedule.
I have adhd and whenever I actually do set a schedule for anything I enjoy doing, it feels like a responsibility again and my mind just- blocks out idk đđ I also want it to come out the way I want it to and not in a fast or forced way, so sorry in case some chapters take a little longer.
But don't worry, not only do I have sm motivation for it, but I also have sm already written already but its like... very chaotic and has many of my personal notes lol, so I mostly just need to clean that up and think of some more things in between and it'll be ready!
Okay so on Astarion, I was reading this fic about him not knowing Tavs true intentions with him and it bothering Astarion a lot, so what if he goes to some mage or magic user and asks them to show Tavs true intentions to him, when he does the vision he sees is just... being snuggled. It's Tav on top of him and the both of you are falling asleep, his hands are under your shirt softly petting your skin as your sleepy self is contently snuggled up to him. I just start crying about him finding out that Tavs DASTARDLY and EVIL plan with him, their greatest desire from him... is to simply be held. đ„ș
Hi @goblin-creatcher! Thank you so much for this BEAUTIFUL prompt. I, uhh, kind of took it and went a million miles an hour with it. This is honestly one of my favorite things I've ever written. I hope you enjoy it as well! xoxoxo
Something Imagined / Something Real
Word Count: 3.9K
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Astarion x f!Tav
Warnings/Tags: Brief but detailed description of rough consensual sex, descriptions and references to Astarion's trauma/trauma responses, minor Act 1 and Act 2 spoilers, FLUFF, angst
Suggested Song Pairing: Slow Dancing in A Burning Room (Stripped) - cover by ST LUNA
Summary: Astarion has been suspicious of Tavâs true intentions toward him. He persuades Gale to cast a spell and reveal her motivations. ANGST and FLUFF ensue. A rewriting of Astarionâs confession scene from Act 2.
The sun had just begun to set on the campsite when Astarion decided to put his plan into action. He had waited until Tav departed with some of the other party members before making his way over to the wizard. Gale was too busy reassembling the bookshelf inside his tent to notice Astarionâs approach. It wasnât until he gave a polite cough that Gale jumped and whirled to face him.Â
âNo, no, no,â he began all at once, hands raised in a sort of shooing motion. Astarion stared at him in confusion. âI can respect Tavâs indulging in your need for blood, but as Iâve said before: I taste terrible.âÂ
Astarion scoffed. âCharming. Actually, wizard, I was coming to request your aid in a different, though somewhat related, matter.â
âReally? Care to elaborate?â Gale responded, still somewhat wary. It wasnât often he found himself alone with the vampire.Â
âTesty, I see,â Astarion crooned teasingly. His knee-jerk response to people treating him like a monster, to behave in the most false saccharine sort of way.Â
But he drew up short, censoring himself before saying anything else he might regret. He knew he needed to get on the wizardâs good side if he had any chance of getting the answers he sought.Â
âI was hoping you knew a spell to reveal someoneâs true intentions. Their⊠motivations for behaving in a certain way, so to speak,â he finished more seriously.Â
Gale pondered the question for a moment before answering.Â
âHmm⊠yes, there is magic to determine that sort of thing⊠Although itâs been some time since I practiced itâŠâ He trailed off, rubbing his chin in thought.Â
âWhy are you asking for such a thing?â he asked suddenly.Â
Astarion had been prepared for this question, of course. No one did anything for free, no questions asked. He delivered his explanation perfectly, as heâd been rehearsing in his mind.
âOne might say our dear sweet Tav and I have been growing a bit⊠closer these days, but I can sense a master manipulator when I see one. I just simply want to ensure their intentions toward me - toward the party - are true,â he replied with mock innocence.Â
âAh, yes,â Gale nodded. âI gathered as much when the two of you slipped away from the tieflingâs party a few nights ago.âÂ
âBut,â he continued on,âI neednât think you should worry when it comes to Tav. She seems about as transparent as they come. Iâm sure any intentions she has toward you are true.â
Yes, but the best actors always mask their motivations behind innocence and transparency, Astarion thought to himself. I should know. Iâve been doing it for centuries.
After the partyâs unfortunate meeting with that Gur in the Sunlit Wetlands, Astarion realized he would have to take potential threats from Cazador even more seriously. He wasnât about to lose his freedom, not now that he finally had some small taste of it.Â
It didnât hurt to be more suspicious of everyone he encountered, even the sweetling Tav. Anyone could be an operative sent by Cazador, and the best ones would be as skilled as he was in the art of manipulation. It was well-known at this point that the person heâd grown the closest to on their journey was their brave party leader, Tav. Unlikely as it may be that she was scheming for his master, Astarionâs paranoia wouldnât let him indulge in interactions with her a second longer unless he knew how she truly felt.Â
Given Galeâs hesitation, Astarion knew he would have to kick his acting up a notch. Press on that wizardâs heartstrings. Touch the one nerve he knew he was sensitive to.
âGale, darling, from one literally damaged soul to another, indulge me just this once,â Astarion beseeched him.Â
The wizard glared at him a moment, before finally relenting with a heavy sigh. âFine. Fine. But I want it known that I donât agree with this so-called solution one whit,â he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.Â
âYes, yes, noted and formally documented, on my word as a former Baldurian magistrate,â Astarion replied cheerily. âSo, letâs hop to it then, shall we?â
âWhat, right now?â Gale asked, shocked. âShouldnât we be, I donât know, a little less conspicuous?âÂ
âWhat better time than now?â Astarion responded. âTavâs out gathering firewood with Wyll and Karlach. They wonât be back for some time. As for Laeâzel and Shadowheart, wellâŠâ he paused, gesturing over his shoulder.Â
Said two were engaged in a heated sparring session on the outskirts of the camp. Snarls and curses could be heard emanating from both warriors as they tried, and failed, to gain the upper hand against their opponent.
âThat loversâ dance could go on until morning,â Astarion finished.Â
âFair point,â Gale admitted begrudgingly, grimacing at the sound of swords clashing violently. âVery well. Letâs get started.âÂ
Clearing his throat, Gale began to utter a series of phrases completely foreign to Astarion. He watched as the wizard began moving his hands in a wavelike pattern, forming a circle before them. Suddenly, a mist began to form from seemingly thin air, taking shape according to the boundaries Galeâs hands were creating. The mist grew more and more opaque until it appeared before them like a clouded mirror.Â
As the fogginess of the ethereal magic began to clear, the âmirrorâ became a confusing blur of scenes whipping by, too fast for Astarion or Gale to really comprehend. There were flashes of Tav and Astarion, together and separate, but they disappeared too quickly to ascertain their context. It was as though the spell was shuffling through the entirety of Tavâs thoughts, assessing each one at breakneck speed.Â
Finally, the spell slowed to a halt, stopping on one scene in particular. Astarion was struck speechless by what began playing out in the foggy portal before them. So distracted, he didnât even notice Galeâs tight cough, or how the wizard suddenly became intensely interested in a copse of trees nearby, rather than the revelation the spell was revealing.
Not that the scene was especially profound, objectively speaking. In fact, to anyone else, it might be viewed as the least revelatory thing possible that the spell could have shown. Boring. Inconsequential, even. But to Astarion, it was almost earth shattering.Â
He saw himself - he could see his face! - with Tav, lying tangled together in some immaculate four-poster bed.Â
That was the first shock that coursed through him, nearly causing his knees to buckle. He was seeing himself for the first time in over 200 years. Or at least, he was seeing himself as Tav saw him. And⊠the person he saw⊠Well, he was gorgeous. White blonde locks, curled and tousled in a devil-may-care sort of way. A strong, patrician nose that suggested good breeding. High, sharp cheekbones. Full lips, upturned in a thoughtless grin. Red eyes bordered by long, sweeping lashes. Delicately pointed elven ears. Smooth alabaster skin, without blemish or spot.Â
Astarion could scarcely believe his own eyes.Â
The second shock to his system was the nature of their activities. He would have been less surprised had the vision shown them fucking. Him taking her roughly from behind perhaps. His name a cry of ecstasy from her lips as he pistoned in and out of her with a feral sort of determination.Â
Fantasies of lust, of total domination, now those were things he was familiar with inspiring in the minds of the victims he had taken as lovers. It was what he strove for, in all honesty. Desire like that all but ensured he would capture his prey and live to serve another day for his master.Â
But nothing of the sort was occurring between vision-Tav and himself. Instead, they were just⊠embracing? What in sweet hells was this?
She lay halfway on top of him. Her hair was mussed, perhaps from sleep or perhaps from previous lovemaking. One hand was drawing absentminded shapes across his chest, her lips trailing behind, leaving kisses in their wake. He watched as vision-Astarion chuckled softly, as his hands slipped beneath her sleepshirt to caress her waist, as he placed an innocent kiss on the top of Tavâs head. Eventually, she reached for his hand. They both watched their fingers intertwine, blissfully content.
It was the purest, unadulterated expression of affection that Astarion had ever seen. Something in his heart quaked at the sight of it. He wanted that moment. He envied, he hated, vision-Astarion for enjoying such apparent happiness.
So absorbed in the vision and its implications, Astarion failed to notice the soft padding of feet that indicated someoneâs re-entry into the camp.Â
âIf the two of you are quite finished poking around in my head,â an angry voice suddenly spat from behind them, âIâd appreciate you preserving what little privacy I have left and shutting that damn spell off.â
Mortified, Astarion and Gale turned to see Tav, arms crossed and visibly seething with rage. Gale quickly dispelled the magic with a flick of his wrist. A blush was slowly but surely rising up Tavâs neck to reach her cheeks. Whether from rage or embarrassment, Astarion couldnât be certain.Â
âTav, let us explain-â Astarion started.
âIt was his idea-â Gale blurted at the same time, pointing at Astarion.Â
Both paused, glaring at one another. But Tav would have none of their feeble attempts at backpedaling.Â
âThe explanation doesnât matter. Whose idea it was doesnât matter. The fact is that both of you violated the privacy of my mind, which Iâll remind you, has ALREADY been violated by having a bloody tadpole forced inside of it!â Tav shouted. At their words, the camp became enveloped in a heavy silence. Even the crickets ceased their chirping.
Astarion cringed inwardly, knowing the other party members could plainly hear this altercation and had likely stopped whatever it was that they had been doing to listen in. He noted the sounds of swords clanging together had ceased. He was certain Laeâzel and Shadowheart at least were aware of what was happening. Nosy bastards, all of them.
But what disturbed him even more was the realization that Tavâs eyes were welling with tears. She was too proud to acknowledge them or wipe them away. Such was her nature. But they were there nonetheless, and the knowledge that Astarion had brought her to the point of tears was enough to spur a rush of utter self-loathing inside him.
Without another word, Tav turned on her heel and marched stiffly out of camp, toward the direction of a nearby creek theyâd identified as a water source earlier in the day.
âI canât believe I let you convince me to perform that spell,â Gale said as she disappeared between the trees. He dragged his hands down his face.Â
âHow could we have been so doltish, forgetting that all of our privacies have already been violated with this tadpole business?â
Astarion didnât have an answer to that. At least, not one the wizard could possibly understand.Â
The thought hadnât occurred to Astarion, he realized, because violations of privacy had been something so intrinsic to his being for over 200 years. He didnât even recognize it as something abnormal. Like a fish unaware that the water surrounding it is, in fact, water.Â
Violations of privacy were a part of life, at least for him. So much so that his request for Gale to perform that magic hadnât even occurred to him as an overstepping of boundaries. To Astarion, it had simply been a matter of survival. He had needed to know another potentially manipulative personâs true intentions, and so he had found a means to uncover it and maintain the upper hand.Â
Belatedly, he also realized that Galeâs hesitation to cast the spell had had nothing to do with being inconvenienced for the evening, but because the wizard had known that it was improper to do to another person. If he had misread that, Astarion wondered, then what other truly benevolent behaviors had he mistaken as pragmatic manipulation?
âI need to go find her,â Astarion murmured, clenching and unclenching his fists in an uncharacteristic fit of uncertainty.Â
âYes, you do,â Gale asserted. âWe both owe her a sincere apology⊠if sheâll even accept it.â
âIâll see if I can convince her to come back to camp,â Astarion replied, making to leave in the direction Tav had stormed off.Â
âWait,â Gale said, a hand on his shoulder. Astarion turned to meet his gaze.Â
âLook, well, Iâm obviously not an expert in healthy demonstrations of affection. But I do think itâs obvious from what you saw in that spell that Tav well and truly cares about you. In perhaps the purest way possible. Treat that carefully.â
Part of Astarion wanted to laugh aloud in utter hopelessness at the wizardâs advice. Someone cared for him? Truly and purely? No hidden games, no strings attached? Oh certainly, that wouldnât be a problem for Astarion at all. Obviously, his 200-year existence as a master-manipulator-fetch-hound for a power-hungry vampire lord had perfectly prepared him to respond to this situation in a healthy manner. Obviously.
But all that was too much to reveal to someone he barely knew and too heavy to say aloud. Rather than giving some smarmy retort, Astarion opted instead to give a stiff nod and continue walking toward the edge of camp. He had no idea how he could make things right with Tav, but at the very least he could try.Â
***
He found Tav sitting on a fallen tree near the edge of the creek bed. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them as she rested a cheek to her knees. In the waning twilight, she reminded Astarion of some misbegotten gargoyle perched on the roof of a temple, solitary and so very sad.Â
Her ears twitched as she noted his arrival. Astarion wasnât trying to be stealthy. On top of everything else, the last thing he needed to do was scare her.Â
âCan I join you?â he asked softly, wincing to himself at the awkwardness of the question.Â
The reality was that there was no way to broach this conversation without some stilted beginning, and he hated it. Navigating tricky conversations was normally something he excelled at. But as he was quickly finding, when it related to Tav, nothing in his past life had prepared him to respond to her well.Â
âIf youâd like,â Tav answered tonelessly.Â
Knowing it was probably the best response he was going to get, Astarion swallowed thickly and moved to sit down on the log next to her.Â
âI⊠wanted to⊠apologize for what you saw, back at camp,â he began.
âApologize for doing it, or apologize for getting caught?â Tav asked as she turned her head to look at him, resting her other cheek on her knees.Â
Astarion balked at the question. Her piercing gaze unnerved him. He hadnât really thought that far.Â
âBoth, I suppose?â he answered honestly, although it sounded more like a question to Tav. She huffed a laugh.
âYou know, part of me really wants to yell at you. Scream in your face. Tell you off proper,â she mused.
Tav didnât respond at first, just sat there studying him. As if by staring at him long enough, she could project the answer into his mind.Â
Astarion didnât interrupt her, much as he would have liked to. Part of him always bristled when people gazed at him for too long. It was unfair that they could study him, when he hadnât been able to so much as glance at his reflection in over 200 years.Â
Finally, Tav released a heavy sigh, her body curling further in on itself. She closed her eyes as she spoke.
âBecause then I would be just like every other bastard in your life whoâs mistreated you.â
Astarion flinched in surprise. Those had not been the sort of words heâd been expecting. The truth of them cut deeper than had she raged at him like she wanted to. It left him feeling even more vulnerable, and that in turn made him want to retreat into the comfort of viciousness.
âI donât need you to pull any punches,â he scoffed, glaring at her. âGo ahead and say what you will.â
She straightened up at his tone, opening her eyes and returning his glare.Â
âNo. I donât want to,â she said testily.
âI donât need your pity,â he hissed. âItâs insulting.â
âGods damn it all, Astarion!â Tav exclaimed suddenly, causing him to jump in surprise. She threw her hands up in defeat. âIâm not doing anything out of pity! I donât want to rage at you, because I know that whatever I say right now, I wonât mean it come the morning!â
Astarion blinked. Once again he was left feeling flat footed by the turn of the conversation. Sensing his surprise, Tav continued on with her deluge of words.
âYou hurt me tonight, and Iâm angry at you - and at Gale, for that matter - for what you did. But youâve shared enough of your⊠history⊠with me, that I realize your behavior is just⊠just a byproduct of centuries of abuse and manipulation youâve endured! And I wonât be another abuser in your life. I wonât,â she asserted.Â
Astarion continued staring at her, as if she were some otherworldly creature that had just wandered across his path. He watched as Tav inhaled a deep breath, releasing it shakily. She turned away from him to peer out into the forest, uncertain. She opened and closed her mouth several times before actually speaking. As if whatever she was about to say was more intimidating to her than anything else sheâd said tonight.Â
âI⊠care deeply for you, Astarion,â she said quietly. âYou obviously saw that in the vision. Iâm not playing any games. Thereâs no hidden motive. Iâm not trying to manipulate you.â
She turned to look at him again before continuing, her breathing a bit unsteady.Â
âI didnât sleep with you that night of the tiefling party as some sort of maneuver to gain your trust. Although I understand if that was your motivation for doing so.âÂ
Astarionâs expression morphed into one of guilt. But Tav nodded soberly, as if she had already expected it, before continuing on.Â
âItâs okay. Iâm not angry. But Iâm putting all my cards on the table now, so to speak. Actually, your decision tonight forced my hand, but I had been planning on telling you soon anyway. So, there you have it. The truth of my intentions. What you do with that information is up to you.â
She turned back to gaze out at their surroundings. Like she was giving him the opportunity to bolt away without her watching him. As if she expected him to flee from her confession.Â
But Astarion didnât flee. He remained seated, staring at her in complete wonderment.Â
âWhy?â he asked quietly.
She looked back at him again, confusion evident on her face.Â
âWhy what?â
âWhy do you care for me? Youâre so⊠well-adjusted. And Iâm well⊠this,â he finished lamely, placing a hand on his chest.Â
Tav pursed her lips. âIt would be a mistake to misconstrue my empathy for you as me being well-adjusted. Everyone has their own demons, Astarion,â she murmured. âMine just look different from yours.â
Astarion mulled her words over in his mind, considering them. He leaned forward to brace his forearms on his knees, his head drooping slightly.Â
âIâŠ,â he started, unsure. âThat vision⊠what it implied⊠You deserve something real, Tav. Youâre incredible⊠truly.âÂ
Tav closed her eyes, bracing for the fallout. Even though she would accept his decision, whatever it was, she didnât think she could bear to watch him deny her. It would hurt too much.Â
âLook. When we met, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan,â he blurted all at once. Rising swiftly to his feet, Tav watched as he began to pace before her, near to bursting with frenetic energy.Â
âSeduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so youâd never turn on me,â he counted off, laughing half-heartedly. âIt was⊠easy - instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it. And all I had to do⊠was not fall for you⊠which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart,â he finished, stopping to stand before her.Â
She held his gaze, speechless.Â
âI want you,â he whispered fervently. âI want what was in that vision⊠I want us to be something real.â
Never in a million years had she thought he would respond to her like this. She opened her mouth to speak, but Astarion cut her off with another sudden exclamation.Â
âI just donât know what real is,â he confessed, his tone a touch hysterical. Tav knew from his body language that being this transparent was completely out of Astarionâs comfort zone.Â
âBeing⊠close to someone - any kind of intimacy - was something I performed to lure people back. For him. Even though I know things between us are different, being with someone still feels⊠tainted. Still brings up those feelings of disgust, and loathing. I⊠I donât know how else to be with someone. No matter how much Iâd like to,â he finished, staring at her with beseeching eyes, willing her to understand.
Tav rose to her feet, coming to stand before him.Â
âI donât want you for your body,â she whispered. âOr to perform any acts of intimacy. We can be together, without sleeping together, for as long as you need.â
âReally,â he asked softly, his voice pitched low, rough with emotion.
âReally,â Tav asserted, giving him a small smile. âWould it be all right ifâŠâ she paused, conflicted. He eyed her curiously.
âCould I hug you?â she whispered.
The fact that she asked before doing so caused a well of emotion to spring up inside him. Eyes watering, Astarion nodded.Â
Slowly, Tav moved forward to wrap her arms around his waist. Her head nestled into the crook of his neck and shoulder. A perfect fit. He felt her exhale a deep sigh.
Tav hugging him was a sensation unlike any he had ever felt. At least, any he could remember feeling. The act of being touched, embraced, without any desire for something more. She just wanted to hold him, feel him close to her. It was incomprehensible to him, but utterly enjoyable, at the same time.Â
Slowly, ever so slowly, Astarion raised his arms to return Tavâs embrace. Drawing her even closer, he bowed his head to rest his cheek against her hair. It was soft, like the finest silk. He closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, appreciating her sweet, floral scent.  Â
She made to pull away after a moment, not wishing to overwhelm him. But Astarion gripped her more firmly, a silent urge for them to stay that way a little longer.Â
âThis⊠this is nice,â he whispered.Â
He both felt and heard Tav hum contentedly in response.Â
It wasnât identical to the vision from Tavâs mind that he had seen, but Astarion reveled in their embrace nonetheless. It felt like the beginning of something new. And for the first time in his very, very long life, Astarion felt excited at the prospects of what would come next.Â
thinking about love and romance and adoration and courting and caring and being with your favorite person and happiness and joy and the endless possibilities of what could be
Then thinking about how you have social anxiety in real life and how everyone has actual faults and isn't picture perfect the way I imagine them in my head
I binged your 'A dream we'll never wake up from' fanfic a few days ago, and my brain is still thinking about it. đ
You've managed to capture Nagito and all his complex character layers so well. And the relationship dynamic he has with the mc? It felt so incredibly tender, lovely and just perfectly depicted. I love them both so dearly!
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I wished to express my gratitude not only for all the work you've clearly put in this fic, but also for the careful way you wrote the mc. She's a wonderful, solid original character that matches very well with Komaeda!
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So here's a quick and plain sketch of her with the rabbit plushy Ko gifted her in earlier chapters :') while I mentally and emotionally prepare myself for whatever heartache future chapters have in store for us.
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