Unlocking Us with Brené Brown: Brené on Anxiety, Calm + Over/Under-Functioning
“The idea that there are authentic people and not-authentic people does not bear out in the research.
There are people who choose authenticity and practice it every day and every hour, and there are people who don’t choose it.
[Similarly,] calm is a practice that you do or don’t practice.
Maybe some personalities lend themselves to it in a more supportive way, but we all have the ability to practice calm:
1) Try to be slow to respond and quick to think: do I have all the information I need to make a decision or form a response?
A lot of times, a panic- or anxiety-driven response is due to a lack of data.
2) Stay mindful of the effect that calm has on anxious situations. A panicked response produces more panic and fear.
Harriet Lerner says that anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
Do we want to infect people with more anxiety? Or heal ourselves and the people around us with calm?
If we choose to heal with calm, we have to commit to practicing it. (…)
I guess it comes down to mirror neurons. We mirror what we see, we match levels of intensity, of tone, of cadence of speech.
So if we have someone who reports to us with: ‘Oh my god, did you hear?!” And our response is: ‘No way, oh my god!’
We’re matching the cadence and tone of anxiety.
Really calm practitioners have a tendency to ratchet down the tone, the cadence, and the volume.”
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